Khloe and Lamar: Lamar’s Choice

Time for my weekly dose of depression. Why wasn’t I born into a money grubbing family, given a decent personality and the chance to marry a millionaire sweetheart NBA player? It’s my fate to simply observe and write about them.

And pray that I come back in my next life as an ice cream cone.

After one of Lamar’s games, Khloe and Lamar head to Lamar’s apartment that he keeps due to all of the traffic coming back from the Staples Center. Traffic may be slang for cheap sluts but I’m not 100% sure yet. The Odoms decide to go stay at the apartment that night but his BFF Jamie is there with his feet up and smoking in the living room after banging a girl named after a car. I think it was Lexus, Mercedes, Toyota – something like that. Khloe says that Lamar was paying 20 people’s rent and 30 people’s cell phone bill when they first met so I assume that she put an end to that as soon as she verified that he’d be paying her rent and cell phone bill. Khloe is very upset and storms out of the apartment.

It’s either Khloe or Joan Collins.

The episode opens with Kris, Khloe’s mom, making an appearance. Ugh, already this scene screams staged. Kris decides to incorporate Kenneth, a business partner, into the family dinner she planned with Khloe, Lamar and Rob. Kenneth and Kris are managing BG5, a girl group. Khloe feels that Kris has taken on too much and Robert should step in as a co-manager with Kenneth. Kenneth is game but that’s mostly because BG5 will now get endless promotion on E! and Rob will finally contribute to that $65 million Kardashian fortune.

Rob: Mommy, will I have unlimited access to the dressing room?
Kris: Don’t be ridiculous Rob, but you can watch the unedited surveillance footage on E! After Dark.
Rob: Ok. Can you put away your creepy undersized hand now?

At the Odom Estate, Khloe’s assistant and BFF Malika is looking at Lamar’s clothing website and notices that everything is out of stock. Even the extra small! So true! I hate when I go shopping and all of the heiffers that are my size have scooped up everything but left the extra smalls for me to squeeze my ass into.

And you know I will.

Kris sits Rob down to make sure that he’s 100% commited and serious about managing BG5. He starts spouting some nonsense about running trains and having plenty of lube and Kris is baffled.

Why are you bring Kim into this conversation?

Rob assures her that he is ready and will not let the family down – any more than he already has. Meanwhile, Lamar and Khloe talk about the fact that Lamar’s website is sold out of everything. Lamar states that four years ago Jamie had serious stomach surgery and almost died. Lamar isn’t sure if he’s recovered in those FOUR YEARS. Khloe wants  Lamar to confront him because, let’s face it, Khloe isn’t in this marriage so she can end up selling Lamar’s t-shirts at a roadside stand. Lamar says he’ll discuss it with Jamie and while Lamar tries to finish the conversation, Khloe tries to kiss him and then complains that he dissed her kiss. While he tries to exlain that he wasn’t finished talking, she kisses him again. I hate when people don’t et me finish my thought. It’s okay though Lamar; keep it all bottled in and I’ll be there to pick up the pieces of your broken wallet – I mean heart.

Rob has a meeting with girl group BG5 and it goes wrong from the start. He tries to get them to have a cohesive group image but the girls hate his ideas. It does seem like Rob picked words out of a hat and strung them together.

I think you should go for high fashion hipster or Egyptian cowgirls. I’m talking to you Monique.

My name is Do’minique.

Screw you!

The girls feel that he doesn’t have experience and used the family name to get this job. And what’s so wrong about that?

She used Maybelline eyeliner to make this mole.

Rob says that he’s “all into this” and he wants the girls to be honest with him if they don’t like something. He also states that he’s not a bitch and doesn’t care about them. Okay…not the smartest thing for a manager to say about his clients since everything that happens to the group directly affects his ability to make money. Then again, he’s been able to survive this long as the little slacker brother so maybe he doesn’t have to care. Or think. Or try. At ANYTHING!!

Khloe, Lamar, Rob, Malika and Jamie go out to eat and Khloe sees this as a good time to ask questions about Lamar’s company.  Jamie claims that it’s going well and it’s bringing in high “prevenue” which I assume is a blend of presumptive revenue. As in, I presume we could make some money if we had anything to sell. Khloe tries to push Lamar into confronting Jamie but he won’t give. This is going to get even more awkward shortly. Wife and best friend feuding. The wife will win the battle but the BFF could win the war.

Khloe decides to change the locks on the apartment door so that she can set boundaries with Jamie. I don’t quite understand why Jamie would use Lamar’s place anyway when he lives a few doors down. Khloe rings Jamie’s bell and tells him that she’s changed the lock. Jamie tells Khloe that she had no place doing that and he’s been around 20 years when she just showed up a year ago. Ouch! That’s a low effin blow! I’m pretty sure that I’d have chosen that exact moment to slam Jamie’s head into the wall all whilst yelling “I suck his dick, do you motherf*&ker?” I’d also be hoping that the answer would be no.

Jamie calls Lamar and he’s pissed! He tells Lamar that Khloe changed the locks and started yelling and screaming at him. Lamar wisely states that Khloe is the boss! Do I need any other reason to want this man? Love him! Jamie says that she may be the boss of Lamar but not of him. Then he tells Lamar to “handle” his wife. Whoa!!!! Lamar’s response to this will determine my entire opinion of him until death do us part. Lamar asks if Jamie’s in a closet. Jamie says no and Lamar replies…

Woo hoooo!! The funny thing is, I read these books about elementary school girls and the leader of the crew always sets people up like this i.e. Are you a thermometer? No. Then why are you all up in my butt? Either Lamar’s been moonlighting in the Young Adult section of Barnes & Noble or that was a secret message to me that we have the same taste in literature. I’m going with the latter.

Lamar calls Khloe and says that they will all meet at the loft and discuss this. Lamar gets to the loft and Khloe is pissed that Lamar’s product is just sitting around and not making money. Khloe goes to town on him and says that he takes care of too many people and he’s afraid that people won’t like him if he doesn’t take care of them. She wants to push Jamie, who’s on the payroll, to work and earn his money. Lamar is clearly getting agitated and Khloe has to tread lightly. It’s good that she wants to guide Lamar because it’d be unfortunate for him to end up broke like some former pro athletes. However, she has to watch her delivery because men have those little things called egos and if she pushes too hard, he may turn on her.

Lamar leaves the loft because he’s starting to get annoyed. He tells Jamie that Khloe is going IN on him. Jamie clearly does not want to work or take responsibility becasue he jumps right into his “I was in the hospital and almost died” story. Okay we get it. But dude, aren’t you the same guy that was banging chicks and smoking at the top of the episode? I think he’s healed.

It’s a miracle bitches!

Lamar tells Jamie that Khloe may be right and he needs to get to work on the website.

Back to Rob, he meets up with Nic Adler who owns the Roxy and he is trying to arrange a gig. Rob sells them by stating that the group is “poppy,” they toured in the UK and don’t believe in him. Oh. Kay. Rob decides to show a video of the girls because their music speaks for itself. And boy does it ever! The song is basically stating that they’ve scratched your back now you need to scratch the collective back of BG5. I don’t know if I want the image of itchy girs in mind when I’m at the club. It seems like some strange mind control chant the Kardashians have snuck into the episode. That’s probably the phrase Ryan Seacrest uttered in the ears of dozens of rich, hairy men to get these shows on the air. Nic agrees to book them ONLY because of his relatonship with him. I’m guessing he means the relationship that just gave The Roxy exposure to 2 million people.

Khloe meets up with Jamie and he basically tells her to stay out of the business side of their relationship. Yikes! She said she would but she wants the company to be successful. Jamie says that that ‘s the plan. Oh boy, the infamous plan. People love to talk about plans but they rarely commit to them and actually get them done. Jamie brings up the fact that he’s known Lamar for 20 years again and Jamie says that he never tried to talk Lamar out of marrying Khloe so quickly. Clearly, Jamie resents the fact that he lost his unlimited access to his lil’ buddy and said lil’ buddy’s wallet. I don’t think Khloe resents their relationship at all but she is incredibly serious about Lamar not being a broke ass. Khloe diffuses the situation and says that having the company do well would make her happy. I could tell she was fuming but she held it together which was amazing. If this were me, I’d have the cloth napkin tied around Jamie’s neck whilst banging his head into the table and proclaiming “I’m the f*%king boss bitch! Not Angela Bower, not Tony Micellii! Me!” In Rob-land, BG5 performs in front of a full house at The Roxy and they do well. Well, that’s the story anyways. I just saw some gyrating, heard a couple of seconds of brainwashy chanting and some piped in audience screams.

Next week, Khloe is pissed beause people keep calling her big & fat. Poor thing, I actually prefer her above all of the sisters but she just can’t catch a break. Oh and there’s also going to be some scenes about how messy her living situation is…obviously this is becoming a pre-requisite for any Kardashian reality show. Then again, they’ve done this on Jersey Shore, Flavor of Love and every season of the Real World so I guess it’s just par for the reality course. S what’d you guys think? Does this show seem real/less scripted? Are they a likeable couple? Are you wishing Jamie would just shave the rest of his hair off?