Well it’s time for everyone who spent many a sleepless night worrying about Lamar Odom ever finding work outside of the NBA to breath a collective sigh of relief. Yes, you can stop re-posting Lamar’s resume on craiglist in the “Freelance Basketball” section because the LOCK OUT HAS ENDED AND LAMAR WILL PLAY AGAIN!
Lamar is tells us he is excited that the lock out has ended! As fun as it was coming up with new hobbies, ie baking with Robert, playing hangman with Henry the Giraffe, and trying to gain legal custody of Mason Disick, Lamar missed playing basketball and it’s time to return.
Lamar begins the episode trying to get back into his best physical shape, which means hitting the boxing ring with America’s favorite freeloader his best friend Jamie. Thankfully we get to see Jamie doing what he does best, watching Lamar and dry heaving before he even works out. But wait those dry heaves might just be Jamie’s reaction to knowing that his days in LA are numbered
The phone rings at Casa de Odom and for once it’s not Papa Joe calling with requests for a Chinese food delivery. It’s Jeff who according to the powers that be is Lamar’s agent. Jeff gives Lamar some cryptic words regarding the upcoming season, because yes, there is a chance that Lamar may get traded. Jeff explains that 7 years is a long time with a team, and 72 days is a long time to be married.
Ok he didn’t say the last part. Lamar says to keep him posted but he hopes that he will be able to stay on with his Lakers.
A slightly dejected Lamar pays a visit to his better(?) half Khloe who is shooting pool with her trusty assistant Malikah. Lamar immediatly says I HAVE BEEN TRADED TO MIAMI!!! Khloe does the Kardashian response to every outlandish statement, so everything they utter, SAY BIBLE! This is the Kardashian way to tell if someone is lying. If this is true someone alert Hump’s lawyer, it’s going to take him one question in that cross examination. Lamar admits he is lying which must anger Kris Jenner’s live feed of their house, I’m sure her ears perked up at the thought of another Miami spin off.
NO BRUCE GET OFF THE PHONE WITH THE W HOTEL…HE COULDN’T EVEN SAY BIBLE CORRECTLY. But Lamar does drop the bomb that a trade could be soon, and that they will have pack and leave everything. Ok homeboy, this is a trade to another professional basketball team in a major city, not fleeing the old country in the dark of night.
Khloe worries because she has to go to New York City for the weekend for an appereance, she is scared to leave Lamar. Yea, it’s really nerve racking that your husband might be making millions of dollars in another zip code.
Khloe jets off to NYC and the news HITS. Lamar has been traded, to the New Orleans Hornets. Someone get Khloe her old Hornets Starter Jacket! When her plane arrives in NYC she desperetly tries to get ahold of Lamar, by calling him, twice.
She can’t track him down but turns on the radio for solace, and WHAT A SHOCKER, Lamar is talking about the trade on an AM station! It’s all very Donna Summer “On The Radio”-esque. Lamar tells the host of the program that he is sad to leave LA, he will miss the fans and his family. Lest we forget we are 90% sure Papa Joe can’t LEGALLY leave the state of California, and I don’t even have confirmation on whether the boys trip to Santa Barbara has happened.
I’m freaking out! You’re freaking out! Kris Jenner is scouting filming locations in the French Quarter, andddd the DEAL FALLS THROUGH. Just like that Lamar is back on the Lakers, oh this has more twists and turns than a 3 hour long episode of Celebrity Apprentice.
Back in LA the Odom Entourage is worried to say the least. Jamie the trusty freeloader goes by the Casa despite Lamar’s pleas to leave him alone. Jamie worries that Lamar might do something crazy like bake 30 coffee cakes, or scrapbook more pictures of Mason.
Thankfully the Jenner live feed shows that Lamar is just sitting in his living room trying to decided what coffee table book to read, and what Jamie is really thinking is that he doesn’t want to give up his LA bachelor pad to follow Lamar around some shitty city. I didn’t leave Queens for nothing!
You see Lamar has decided that you can’t simply throw him in the trash and then try and pull him back out. Lamar doesn’t want to be a Laker anymore. It is time for a change for the house of Odom so Lamar meets with the managers and they come to a decision, y’all (FORESHADOWING).
Khloe finally heads home from LA and as she drives home from the airport gets the news from the big L, they are moving, Lamar does his best to throw some hints out to her, ie there are STARS there? Uhh Mann’s Chinese Theater? Give her a real clue Lamar ie Kennedy was shot there!
Actually not that one, something tells me history wasn’t Khloe’s strong suit. Eventually this exciting game of Password ends and we find out we are moving to DALLAS! GIDDY UP!
The entourage esembles to pack up at the compound. Obviously they aren’t actually moving, they are just taking a few broke ass photos and deflating that damn giraffe, because they will have to sleep in Dallas 3 nights a week.
On a personal note, I’m going to Dallas next week for visit a friend, I will be damned if I don’t find a Kardashian, or at least Papa Joe hanging out infront of their apartment building hoping someone drops a bracelet on the sidewalk. Nevertheless Malikah tears up and Rob who is now getting his style tips from Clark Rockfeller and the Brawny man giggles in the background, he’s just hoping he might get his old room back.
So the Laker dream has died, but the Lone Star State is before us, will Jamie become a cowboy? Will Lamar ever get another free throw? Will the concierge be able to accommodate the amount of paper these people need during a rousing game of Hangman? I think it’s a negative on all three counts but surprise me Seacrest!