K&K Take Miami: Man in the Mirror

PREVIOUSLY ON KOURTNEY AND KHLOE TAKE MIAMI…

Krimace (Kim) stayed in Miami to continue to help out Fry Girl (Kourtney) while Khlo-ho (Khloe) remained in L.A. with Lamar.

Scott continued to use his job as an excuse to stay out partying. At first, Fry Girl defended him but eventually wised up to what Krimace had been saying all along “Scott has a drinking problem.”

Previews for this episode show Scott smashing his hand into the mirror so looks like we’re in store for some excitement.

Let’s get started shall we.

ABOARD A YACHT…

Fry Girl tells us their friend Lauren invited her and Krimace to spend the day on Lauren’s amazing yacht. Scott was supposed to come but didn’t because he didn’t get in until 6 a.m.

Lauren is shocked by how late Scott got in. Fry Girl says he should have just admitted he was out having fun, she wasn’t born yesterday.

As Mason frequently tells me. Yesterday Mason attempted to give me a fruit chemical peel with some Gerber Hawaiian Delight. Said it would remove signs of aging.

Fry Girl tells the camera Scott really needs to get a handle on his drinking. Meanwhile Krimace is looking at her Blackberry and sighing. Lauren asks what’s wrong?

Krimace says she is trying to deal with this privately, but tells Lauren “Reggie and I just broke up.” Yeah real private, Krimace. Lauren is like awwww and attempts to make a sad face as best she can with all that Botox.

This is my sad pursing trout lips face. Wanna see my Billy the Bass filet o’ fish impression? “What if it were you hanging up on this wall, If it were you in a sandwich, you wouldn’t be laughing at all!”

Krimace isn’t paying attention as she flashes back to happier times with Reggie. She tells us that their biggest relationship problem was Reggie’s hatred of the paparazzi.

Lauren tells her she’s sorry but let’s have a good time which is code for quit your bitching and let’s get wasted on this yacht.

Cue opening credits.

AT THE CONDO…

Fry Girl and Krimace arrive home. As they enter the door, Fry Girls says to Mason “let’s get you to bed.”

Mason – “Yes, and this time make sure to check for monsters under the bed. I swear Joy Behar was under my crib last night.”

Krimace says “it smells like weed in here.” Hmm did she stop by?

I decided to toke up for bit before heading back to France. Btw Krimace, your ass still looks like a trashbag filled with cottage cheese. Laters.

Krimace is positive it smells like weed. Fry Girl isn’t so sure. Krimace wonders who is here?

Mason – “I bet it was Hot Tub Time Machine. It listens to Bob Marley and has a hippie tie-dyed cover. It also mentioned something about Mary Jane…”

Krimace peers out the door and says “Hello???”

Mason – “Krimace, a stoned person or hot tub isn’t going to answer. I should know. Peter in my daycare class ate some of his dad’s pot brownies. Kid was out all day. We dressed him up like Macauley Culkin in ‘Party Monster.”

It’s the perfect look for any 9-month-old.

Fry Girl tells Krimace to take Mason. She’s going to try and find out what’s going on. Naturally Mason’s face scrunches up and his feet flail.

Mason – “Well, Krimace, it’s your job now to make sure Joy Behar isn’t under my crib.”

Fry Girl peers into Scott’s bedroom and asks him if his friends were here smoking weed. Scott is like huh? Uhhhh. Fry Girl demands to know who was here.

Meanwhile Krimace and Mason are in the bathroom. Krimace is checking her Blackberry while holding Mason.

Krimace – “Yes!!! Got approval for a new perfume.” Mason – “Yess!!! Scott got me a face mask.”

Krimace then starts to hear Fry Girl and Scott yelling. Fry Girl, “What are you, an American Psycho?” Scott – “Maybe I am”. She attempts to shield Mason’s ears. Then Krimace gets concerned and goes looking for Fry Girl. Fry Girl enters the bedroom and locks the door.

Krimace is like what happened? Fry Girl says, “he’s soo crazy.” While Mason gets this scared expression on his little face.

Mason – “Guys, guys look behind you!!! It’s Joy Behar!!!”

Fry Girl says let’s just get out of here. Krimace and Fry Girl grab their bags. As they head to the door, they hear a sound.

Mason – “I told you it’s Joy Behar! Let’s get the fuck out of here!”

Krimace and Fry Girl leave the condo as the sound of glass breaking continues. The camera pans back to Scott’s bedroom. Scott walks into the bathroom and promptly punches the mirror.

Scott – “How dare you, Man in the Mirror, refuse to tell me if I’m black or white! How will I know what box to check off on the census survey?”

Scott – “I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust.”

Scott – “You”ll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable at the Four Seasons in 20 minutes.”

Blood everywhere. Oops forgot to put down newspaper.

IN THE CAR…

Krimace, Fry Girl and Mason hit the road. Fry Girl tells Krimace she doesn’t know how someone could be that crazy. She says Scott jumped out of bed, grabbed her arm and she slapped him across the face.

Krimace tells Fry Girl that was seriously scary. Krimace asks does Fry Girl want to go to a hotel or Lauren’s house? Fry Girl says Lauren’s house because there is no place that’s safer. Mason agrees.

Mason – “Yes, a Joy Behar-less crib and a little Nyquil on my binky = good night’s sleep.”

Krimace tells the camera that she has to stay calm and get Fry Girl to Lauren’s as fast as possible.

Also I finally saw Joy Behar too and Mason is right. Behar is one of the monsters out of the movie “Little Monsters.’ ‘shudders’

ON LAUREN’S YACHT…

Fry Girl and Krimace fill Lauren in on Scott flipping out. Lauren is shocked.

Fry Girl – “He’s insane.” Mason (dreaming) – “Yes, Christopher Walken, more cowbell please.”

Krimace is disturbed that Scott would do something like that around a child.

AT THE EMERGENCY ROOM…

Scott is talking to his Tea-bagger Rashid.

I know man!! That mirror was being a bitch again so I broke it. Nah, I’m not worried about 7 years bad luck. I’ll just walk under a ladder, and it’ll even itself out. Wait, walking under a ladder is bad luck too? What about stepping on a crack? OMG that means you break your mother’s back? Fuck! Who made up this shit?

Scott tells Tea-bagger Rashid that he remembers grabbing Fry Girl and her slapping him in the face. He admits he’s not the perfect guy.

AT LAUREN’S YACHT…

Krimace tells Fry Girl that this is a pattern. If Fry Girl takes Scott back he won’t change. Fry Girl says shush because Mason is sleeping. Mason yawns.

Mason ‘yawn’ – “Rainbow Brite, tell the truth. Those star sprinkles are really acid aren’t they?”

Krimace says Scott has a drinking problem and seriously needs to go to rehab.

But not the same one as Lindsay Lohan. She might not be gay this week and could steal your man.

BACK AT THE HOSPITAL…

Scott sits down on a gurney and says “What has my life come to?”

The doctor comes in. Scott asks “Is it going to hurt.” The doctor replies, “It’s going to sting.”

Ouch!!!

Scott’s reaction.

THE NEXT DAY AT THE CONDO…

Krimace, Fry Girl and Mason get in the elevator and head upstairs. Fry Girl asks Krimace to go in first and make sure it’s safe.

Your ass will protect you. Mason and I will wait out here.

Krimace enters the condo and yells “Scott???” No response. She goes from room to room and sees the mess in the bathroom.

Good luck using a Tide pen on that.

Krimace spots the broken mirror.

What are these drawings behind the mirror? OMG The Littles are real!!

Why the fuck did my name have to be Dinky? No one takes a pilot named Dinky seriously.

Krimace says the condo looks like a crime scene, and it’s completely unacceptable for Mason to be around. She doesn’t even want Fry Girl to see Scott until he gets help.

Fry Girl and Mason enter the condo. Krimace takes Fry Girl into the bathroom to show her what Scott did.

Fry Girl also notices blood on the sheets. She explains to Krimace that Scott gets this crazy rage inside of him. Krimace asks do you want that around Mason? Fry Girl says no.

Camera pans to Mason.

Mason – “Please tell me that the blood is from Scott slaying Joy Behar monster.”

Krimace replies, “Sorry Mason. No such luck.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

LATER THAT DAY…

Fry Girl tells Krimace that Scott has been texting her. The text say “Sorry doll blah blah blah.” Krimace says he needs to get help and go to rehab. Fry Girl finally shows some emotion and replies “yeah” and starts to cry. Fry Girl says she need to make sure Mason isn’t around a drunk douchebag. Krimace says “see there’s a reason why we don’t like him.” Fry Girl says she’ll be a friend and be supportive but she can’t be with him anymore.

AN UNDETERMINABLE TIME LATER…

Fry Girl takes a call from Scott. Scott tells Fry Girl he is going to stop drinking and work on himself. Fry Girl tells Scott that he is not to see Mason until he’s fixed himself. Scott wants to say good-bye to Mason. Fry Girl says no. Scott freaks. Fry Girl cries. Finally, Scott agrees to leave Fry Girl and Mason alone until he resolves his problems.

AT THE VICEROY HOTEL…

Scott checks in and check out that hand.

The hand of a killer…mirror killer.

Scott tells us he really feels like a complete and utter failure.

Don’t look at the mirror. Don’t look at the mirror. If you do you will punch it. Don’t look at the mirror.

Ahhhh I looked at the mirror!!!! Man in the Mirror, you look like hell. Where is my face mask?

AT FONTAINEBLEAU HOTEL…

Krimace visits JONATHAN!!!!!! I don’t know why but I just feel like Jonathan needs lots of exclamation points. Anyway…

Jonathan tells Krimace he’s in Miami for six more days, but he’s thinking about extending it to three weeks. Krimace tells Jonathan Miami has saved her life. She goes on to say how hard the split from Reggie has been and that she’s not a good dater.

Jonathan says guys must be lined up around the block for Krimace.

Krimace, your ass is huge. What self-respecting ‘Baby Got Man’ doesn’t want to tap that?

Krimace just wants someone to love her for her and accept her life. Jonathan tells her to stop moping. She is a HUGE SUPASTAR!! and he’ll help her get a man and have kids in a couple of years. Awww. Hugs.

AT THE CONDO…

Phone is ringing. Fry Girl answers. It’s Scott.

Fry Girl asks how Scott’s hand is doing. He says the doctors think some of the tendons are snapped and the joints are broken.

It may make feeding the ATM difficult so I might need you to do me a favor…Huh? Oh that. No worries. I’m good at whacking off with one hand.

Scott says he needs surgery and will need someone there when he goes under the knife. He asks Fry Girl to please consider being there for him. Fry Girl says she doesn’t know if she can go.

AT THE COLLECTION…

Krimace is test-driving a Mazarati. Krimace tells the camera sometimes she forgets how blessed she is and what a fun career she has.

As Krimace takes to the open road, people start screaming her name and saying “I love you.”

Turn around Krimace so we can get an ass shot for TMZ.

People continue screaming as Krimace enters DASH.

AT THE HOSPITAL…

The nurse asks Scott how is the baby? Scott replies, “Mason isn’t talking to him.”

His mother told Mason I didn’t take care of Joy Behar monster. I had no idea she was even under Mason’s crib. I thought that was Binky the Clown.

Scott tells us he is nervous going under the knife. He’s never had surgery before.

This surgical cap is messing up my hair.

Scott tells the surgeons after this he is having sandwiches and starting a new life. Sounds fantastic Scott. Would you like a glass of Sunny Delight as well?

Graphic montage of doctors operating on Scott’s hand. I’ll spare you the pictures.

AT THE CONDO…

Fry Girl enters the room with Mason. Krimace asks her “Where are you going?

Mason – “Hopefully to the store to get me a new outfit. This is the second time I’ve worn black and white stripes in the episode.”

Fry Girl tells Krimace she is going to see Scott at the hospital. Krimace is like “are you serious?”

Btw do you like how my laptop matches my bathrobe perfectly?

Krimace says “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Fry Girl says “You don’t understand because you’re not in the same situation.”

Mason – “Do you hear that? Bad jokes coming from my bedroom. Fuck! She’s back!”

Fry Girl says “End of story so I’m leaving.”

Mason – “AHHHHHH!!!! Look there’s Joy Behar’s head!!! Fucking look Krimace and Fry Girl!!!”

Krimace tells Fry Girl she wants to come too. Fry Girl says sure.

BACK AT THE HOSPITAL..

Scott successfully completed surgery and is now in recovery.

I could go for a Matilda Bay Wine Cooler. Is that a sensor bar on my forehead? Am I robot now?

Scott tells the nurses to pump him full of blood. The nurses start laughing. Scott asks what’s so funny?

Whattt is that Joy Behar at the end of my bed? Mason was right!!! Nurse!!!!

IN THE CAR…

Krimace asks Fry Girl why is she going to see Scott. Fry Girl says she wants to make sure he’s okay.

Fry Girl pulls up to the hospital. Krimace doesn’t think it’s a good idea for Fry Girl to see Scott right now. Fry Girl actually listens to Krimace and decides not to see Scott.

Krimace – “Good choice.” Mason – “What??? You better stop at McDonald’s and get me a Happy Meal. That’ll buy me some time to find Star Jones’ number. I think she’ll be the kryptonite to my Behar problem.”

Fry Girl tells us Scott needs to learn from his mistakes and that this time it’s on him now.

AT THE CONDO…

Fry Girl asks Scott via cell phone how did his surgery go. Scott gives Fry Girl a hard time for not being there during his surgery. He says he needs someone to be with him now to help him out. Fry Girl stands firm and says no.

Fry Girl – “Want to order some Chinese, Mason?” Mason – “Can I get some egg rolls, wontons and a side of GET JOY BEHAR OUT FROM UNDER MY FUCKING CRIB!!!”

THE NEXT DAY…

Krimace tells Fry Girl she’s getting ready to leave and head home. She has called Khlo-ho who is on her way back to Miami so Fry Girl won’t be by herself for very long.

Mason – “What the hell do you have me swaddled in? I’m not some hippie like Treat Williams in “Hair”!!!”

Krimace leaves. The camera shows Scott at his hotel attempting to open a bottle of pills one-handed.

Oh the irony! I can whack off one-handed but I can’t open my bottle of Viagra.

Well that’s all for this week. Previews show in the next episode Goth Ronald comes to Miami. Ooo there’s gonna be trouble. See you guys next week!