PREVIOUSLY ON KOURTNEY AND KIM TAKE NEW YORK….
Krimace (Kim) and Fry Girl (Kourtney) along with Scott and Mason relocated to New York to helm their newest DASH boutique. Krimace had a date with a Twilight Jacob reject, Fry Girl and Scott grew closer, we didn’t get any Mason screen time BOO!!! and Kanye West randomly stopped by.
AT SMYTH TRIBECA…
Fry Girl announces that Khlo-ho will be here any second. She tells Krimace “Come on…you don’t need a snack.”
Krimace – “I love fishes cause they’re so delicious! Gone to go fishin’!”
Krimace continues to snack as Fry Girl hounds her to get up and go.
Fry Girl tells us Khlo-ho is in town to help them with DASH. She and Krimace are so excited they decide to hide around the corner in the lobby and jump out and scare Khlo-ho.
Fry Girl – “Count to five and then we pants her!!”
Outside Khlo-ho emerges from her limo and enters the building where Fry Girl pounces on her.
Fry Girl – “Khlo-ho, why are you dressed like Sully from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman?”
Khlo-ho swings Fry Girl around but Fry Girl hangs on tight like a stage 5 clinger.
Khlo-ho – “Ehh you’re crushing me. Mason!!! Help!!!”
Like a monkey, Fry Girl swings around onto Khlo-ho’s back, and they proceed to make their way to the elevator.
Krimace – “Going up.” Khlo-ho – “While you’re up there don’t even think about picking at my hair like a real monkey.” Fry Girl – “Leopard monkeys don’t pick: THEY MAIM!!” Khlo-ho – “Oh shit!” Krimace – “Elevator go up faster!!!”
Khlo-ho says she personally loves New York and its the fashion, but the pace is insane, so she doesn’t think she could ever live in New York. Khlo-ho will still to popping in every once in a while.
OUT ON THE BALCONY…
Khlo-ho tells Krimace and Fry Girl she forgot how annoying it is for Lamar to be out on the road. Krimace responds that they’ll just miss each other like crazy and when they reunite it’ll be fine.
Snap! Check out Khlo-ho’s crazy studded boots.
Mr. Slave Studded Boots: Tearing a new asshole for Lemmiwinks since 2002.
Khl0-ho laughs that she came to New York for something to occupy her time while Lamar is out of town. Khlo-ho asks Krimace “So how do you like hanging out with this little muffin top?” Fry Girl laughs that she is annoying. Krimace wants to go inside because it’s cold. Khlo-ho calls Krimace a party pooper.
Khlo-ho – “Baby Alive shit herself because she’s a party pooper.” Fry Girl – “Mason thinks Baby Alive is the love child of Jennifer Aniston and Kourtney Cox.”
Fry Girl tells Khlo-ho that she likes her the best. Khl0-ho yells “Amen!”
Cue opening credits.
AT THE PENTHOUSE…
Fry Girl is performing a Swahili grooming ritual in the bathroom (don’t ask) when Krimace receives an email. The email says her ‘high fashion magazine photos’ will be running any day now. Krimace is uber excited.
Krimace describes the photos as being naked and covered entirely in silver paint. Sounds like a Warhol Factory project except Warhol would use lead paint and promptly end Krimace’s 15 minutes of fame. Fry Girl is like “I thought you were over naked shoots.” Krimace replies that she is but for this shoot her body parts will be covered by architecture so you’ll only see the outline of her body.
Fry Girl – “Nude is nude. Like Mason says just because you throw a dress on a man, it doesn’t make the man a woman, Eddie Murphy.”
Krimace describes in great detail the amount of work it took to paint her. WARNING: If you are eating you may want to stop. Krimace explains she had to spread her legs so they could get the paint to cover EVERYTHING (SILVER COOCH ALERT!!) and they even had to paint her ass (SILVER ANDROID BROWN EYE ALERT!!).
Krimace – “I literally had a Tin Man asshole and vajayjay.”
Fry Girl asks “How did you get the silver out?”
THE NEXT DAY…
There is a knock at the door. It’s Khlo-ho and she’s brought with her a giant giraffe!!! She announces it’s a present from her ‘Lamb-Lamb’ a.k.a. Lamar.
Giraffe – “Ride it, my giraffe. My saddle’s waitin’, come and jump on it… but watch it if you’re over 125.057 lbs…”
Fry Girl asks why? Khlo-ho replies it’s a silly gift and Lamar knows she likes silly things.
Giraffe – “Like your face!”
Khlo-ho says she and Lamar are both really silly and playful. Camera cuts to giraffe sandwiched between Fry Girl and Khl0-ho.
Giraffe – “I’m stuck in a Kardashian bang-a-rang, Rufio!!!”
Khlo-ho asks Fry Girl what should they name the giraffe, as she fondles the giraffe.
Giraffe – “No means NO!!!”
Khlo-ho decides to name him Henry just as Scott walks into the room.
Scott – “Mason was right. There’s some interspecies macking going on up in here.”
Khlo-ho – “Mmm Henry!!!” Giraffe – “Bitch, can’t you see my eyes are open. I’m not feeling it. Mmphhh phhh Help me Scott!!!”
Scott walks over and kisses Fry Girl and then mutters “you guys are crazy.”
Scott – “If you’re going to go all interspecies at least keep with your theme and choose a striped animal like a zebra!” Fry Girl – “I know!!”
Scott tells us he and Khlo-ho haven’t always had the best relationship, but he’s cut out a lot of his childish behaviors and even started some anger management classes.
Scott – “Take note the calming purple cardigan and this happy orange hue behind me. Just two components in the ‘Keep Scott from connecting his fist with a face program.”
Scott says it’s probably best if he continues to steer clear of Khlo-ho and just be cordial.
Khlo-ho asks Fry Girl if Scott knew that she was coming. Fry Girl says yeah. Khlo-ho tells us she and Scott used to be close before his actions got out of control. Scott angry pink cardigan flashback.
Scott – “Don’t you ever diss this Bea Arthur inspired cardigan again or so help me I’ll ram an entire plate of cheesecake down your pie hole, you insipid trollop!”
More flashbacks of out-of-control Scott and Khlo-ho bitching about his negative influence.
Khlo-ho tells Fry Girl she is surprised that Scott said hello to her today. Fry Girl responds with “That’s how we roll here.”
Khlo-ho is yelling “You guys are never ready! This is my day!”
Henry – “My hooves can’t turn the door. Please open the door and let me go. I have a family of giraffe pool flotation devices to support.”
Meanwhile Krimace murmurs “OMG my pictures are here.”
Krimace – “So much silver…I look like Alex Mack when she turns into that blob.”
Khlo-ho tells Henry to stay while she walks over to Krimace.
Khlo-ho – “Stay.” Henry – “Like I can fucking go anywhere, Jonny 2×4.”
Krimace gasps “This is just absurd! There is no artwork whatsoever in this thing.” Krimace cries that you can see her nipple and ass crack and that’s she’s more naked here than she was in her Play Boy photo shoot.
Krimace – “I’ve been bamboozled! Someone slap my ass with a silver paint brush and call me Johnny 5.”
Krimace continues to melt down, sobbing they promised she would be covered in artwork, as she dials her phone.
Fry Girl looks at the pics and is like oh. Scott looks at the pics and is like what.
Scott – “Wow… I didn’t know your nipples were silver. Can you open cans like a can-opener with them?”
Krimace cries the pics look like porn. Scott asks are they really allowed to show something like this in a magazine? He says he’s about to start buying this magazine.
Krimace’s rep answers her phone call. She has a copy of the magazine too in front of her and she tells Krimace “THAT’S DEFINITELY NIPPLE…but the pictures are gorgeous.”
Fry Girl, the old voice of reason here, tells us she sees both sides of the story. If Krimace didn’t want to be naked she shouldn’t have taken her clothes off, but she wasn’t told she was doing a nude shoot so she sees Krimace’s point.
Krimace gets on the phone with Goth Ronald (mama Kris Jenner). Uh oh! The Goth is back!!!
She asks if Goth Ronald has seen the pictures and then sobs that she feels so taken advantage of. Krimace vows to never get naked again.
Goth Ronald – “I’m thinking maybe if we add in some black censor bars we can create a flirty silver and black stripe look. What do you think?”
Krimace is majorly pissed and threatens to fire everyone. She yells at Goth Ronald to fucking do something.
Krimace feels like she has gone several steps backwards. She doesn’t want people to think of her as being good for only one thing: naked.
LATER THAT EVENING AT A CLUB….
Krimace, Fry Girl and Khlo-ho get out of their car and are greeted by the flashbulbs of the paparazzi. Fry Girl and Khlo-ho act like dorks and do a dance move where it looks like they’re grabbing their boobs.
Fry Girl – “We call it the Mammary Mambo No. 5.”
Khlo-ho feels bad for Krimace but she just wants to have a good time tonight. She doesn’t even mind that Scott is there. Camera cuts to Scott.
Scott – “Neither do I Khlo-ho because I’m going to drink your face away.”
Fry Girl gets up to go to the bathroom, leaving just Scott, Khlo-ho and Krimace together. Scott yells to Krimace, soundingly eerily just like Patrick Bateman, “So how the hell are ya?”
Scott – “In case you forgot, I’m in murders and acquisitions.”
Then a random guy comes up to Krimace and asks if he can get a picture with her. Krimace replies absolutely.
Cut back to Scott at the table. We learn he has been watching the Jersey Shore. Ooo this should be good.
Scott – “Yo, Mason and I have been watching Jersey Shore.”
Scott – “Now I’m inspired to GTL. Mason says we can incorporate aspects of the GTL into our lifestyle without looking like toxic orange Barbarellas.”
Back to Krimace, turns out the photo guy has a jealous girlfriend. The girlfriend comes over to Krimace and gets in her face yelling “you let guys grab your ass because you’re a whore.” Ouch.
Camera cuts back to Scott who hears the commotion going on between Krimace and photo guy’s girlfriend.
Scott – “Sounds like trouble and the perfect opportunity for Scott to shine. Yes, I am talking in the third person.”
Scott tells us confrontation is the last thing that he wants (hahahaha yeah right), but he thinks that Krimace could use his help so he goes over.
He goes over and at first is polite until Yo Gurl gets in his face then the Bateman in him comes out in full force.
Scott – “Why don’t you not speak to me, plebeian.”
Scott then yells “I don’t talk to people of your nature” as Khlo-ho cringes.
Khlo-ho – “It’s true. If you don’t speak Parseltongue or Saks, he won’t talk to you.”
Scott tells us he thinks of Krimace as a sister. Photo guy asks Scott what is his fucking problem. Yo Gurl calls Scott and fucking clown.
Khlo-ho tells us Krimace is shaking because she’s not a fighter. Scott is literally protecting her right now. Camera cuts back to Scott.
Scott – “Don’t fuck with me if you want to keep your spleen, Paul Allen!!”
Scott – “Don’t fucking touch me or I’ll go ‘Hip to be a Square’ on your ass with an ax!!!”
Then Yo Gurl throws her drink on Krimace melting Krimace’s face and all hell breaks loose.
*splash* Krimace (shrieks) – “I’m melting! I’m melting!!!”
Scott – “Prepare to meet Tyler Durden!!!”
Fry Girl returns from the bathroom just as Scott is being carried out by security guards. Fry Girl laments that she can’t go through this again.
Fry Girl wants to leave without Scott while Khlo-ho tries to turn tell her that Scott was protecting Krimace. Fry Girl is shocked that Khlo-ho is defending Scott.
Krimace gets ahold of Scott on the phone and tells him to catch a cab to the hotel.
BACK AT THE HOTEL…
Fry Girl announces she is going to bed and for no one to bother her.
Fry Girl – “No one bother me. Mason!!!!” Mason – “Hot compresses ready and masseuse is on her way.” Fry Girl – “Mommy loves you, Mason.”
Khlo-ho understands why Fry Girl would assume Scott would be negatively involved, but she is pissed that Fry Girl doesn’t believe her and Krimace.
Scott returns to the penthouse. Khlo-ho asks Scott if he broke his watch. Scott sadly sighs “No, it fell off.” Khlo-ho interjects “My ring fell off too!”
Khlo-ho – “I loved that fucking Ring Pop ring.” Scott – “That watch was a gift from Mason. It had a secret compartment for emergency moisturizer.” Henry Giraffe – “Door is ajar. I’m going make a run for it.”
Scott apologizes if he was out of line. Khlo-ho and Krimace both tell him he wasn’t out of line. Scott attempts to go and talk to Fry Girl, but the door is locked and she tells him to go sleep some place else. Scott asks her “where do you want me to sleep?” Fry Girl replies “Well, it is a hotel.”
Scott is upset but Khlo-ho tells him it’s okay because this incident isn’t one he should to feel guilty for.
Khlo-ho gives Scott the key to her room and tells him to sleep there while she goes and bunks with Krimace.
THE NEXT DAY…
Fry Girl is on her way to work, but she still needs time to think. She is greeted by Scott as she steps off of the elevator. She tells Scott “You’re cool.”
Scott – “I know I’m cool. Mason tells me that everyday. Why so sad my little, Pierrot?”
Fry Girl – “Pierrot?” Scott – “Well, you are dressed like a sad French clown today.”
Fry Girl tells Scott she can’t deal with this right now. She is going to work, and she walks away.
Scott – “Do you know how embarrassing this will be for me and Mason if US Weekly prints a picture of you wearing that outfit?”
Goth Ronald calls Krimace. She tells her the magazine has already gone to print, is published and out on news stands.
Kris – “So Silver Bells, you’re just going to have to suck it up.”
Krimace looks upset. Goth Ronald tells her there is nothing to do now but damage control so Krimace needs to own it and be an inspiration to women everywhere who wish to not only have silver spoons but silver assholes too.
Krimace tells Goth Ronald that she’s definitely learned her lesson and will not pose nude again ever…unless it’s for Vogue.
AT DASH NYC…
Krimace and Khlo-ho meet with architect/designer Gregory while Fry Girl sits on the sidelines eating.
Tiny Pierrot eating in her natural habitat.
Khlo-ho and Krimace walk over and join Fry Girl for lunch. Khlo-ho asks Fry Girl if she has talked to Scott today. Fry Girl replies no.
Khlo-ho doesn’t understand what Fry Girl’s problem is. She knows how Khlo-ho feels about Scott. She wouldn’t say he did something good if he didn’t.
For what I’m guessing is the second lunch of the day and an outfit change, Fry Girl decides to meet Scott for lunch and discuss what happened.
Scott reiterates what happened. Fry Girl asks him how does he want her to react? To be happy when he gets into a fight? Scott assures her that he can control himself but when it’s his family or the people he cares about he will defend them. He admits he was out-of-control but it wasn’t for the wrong reasons.
Scott – “I was like an impeccably dressed Dexter last night. Have you seen Dexter? Mason and I have been Netflixing it.”
Scott has been working on his issues but tells Fry Girl that she hasn’t. Instead she is running away.
Fry Girl admits that maybe she was stubborn. She apologizes and Scott apologizes too. Scott likes Fry Girl when she says she’s sorry. He asks her how are they going to work this out. Fry Girl coyly replies “Well, we can pound it out.”
Scott – “I’m good at pounding.”
AT THE PENTHOUSE…
Khlo-ho sighs that unfortunately she and Henry have to hit the road, despite the weather finally being nice in NYC. Krimace replies “but you’ll be back.” Khlo-ho in a Terminator voice replies “I’ll be back” just as Fry Girl and Scott walk out onto the balcony.
Scott – “We are BACK and completely pounded out!”
Krimace and Khlo-ho are happy to hear that Fry Girl apologized which is a one in a life time event. Suddenly Krimace points out the naked man across the street. Scott yells, “Oh that’s my guy!” Khlo-ho yells “Show me your ball sack!!”
Scott thanks Khlo-ho for helping him mend things with Fry Girl. The two do a celebratory clap dance.
Scott – “Now time for sudden death ‘Mercy’.” Khlo-ho- “Bring it.”
Then Khlo-ho busts out Henry who still hasn’t been able to escape.
Henry – “Oh no, double trouble.”
Henry – “You know testing cosmetics on animals is cruel. PETA!!!”
Khlo-ho tells us her sticking up for Scott is a step in the right direction, but it’s baby steps people. Scott helps Khlo-ho with her bags.
THE NEXT DAY…
Krimace’s copy of ‘The World of Style’ comes in the mail. Scott is like “Whoa I’m afraid if you open the book you’re going to get smacked in the face with one of your boobs.”
Krimace decides to own it and embraces the book.
Next time on Kourtney and Kim Take New York: Krimace gets an email from her former hot bodyguard Shengo, and Scott claims to not be a superficial asshole.