Minicap: Kourtney and Kim Take Miami

Kourtney and Kim Take New York

By CathodeTube | Monday, January 21, 2013 | 7:50 am | 9 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,

YOLO: You Only Look Older

Greetings, Gasmii! It’s KathodeTube, your escort through this season’s kapers of everyone’s three favorite “businesswomen.” This season promises to teach us many valuable lessons in reproduction and the kare of children and pets.

The sisters three check into their beach hotel and go about their usual business of getting into each other’s business. Kim nags Scott to come down, even though Kourt specifically left him at home to keep him out of trouble. He shows up & schleps through diaper duty for like a week, so Kourt ships his drop-top Rolls Royce to Miami as a reward, because that will totally keep him out of trouble.

Kourtney nags Kim to talk more trash about Humpy, and Kim astutely responds that no one gives a krap. So Kourt stages a plate-breaking on the balcony like some sort of Celebrity Greek Wedding Anger Management session. It helps… something. Also, Dash looks more like Deb these days.

Kanye sends Kim a kitteh! And she’s beautiful, and she’s named Mercy. As in “Mercy, why weren’t you born knowing how to use a litter box?” and “Mercy me, I’ve gotten drunk and misplaced my cat in a bar!” Jonothan Choadan saves the day on that one, bless his heart.

So what did everyone think? Who’s watching with me and who’s reading to avoid watching? Who’s excited to see Kim get the matronly/nurturing edit? How many eps before Scott gets blitzed and stupid? Is Khloe giving up her “favorite sister” status by beating a dead Hump? Will Penelope grow hair soon? I kan’t wait!

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CathodeTube

CathodeTube has wanted to be a recapper ever since she read the MightyBigTV interview with Sars and James Van Der Beek. She lives in Chicago with her husband and baby son, and adores hip-hop, cop shows, competitive reality TV, and all foods involving melted cheese. She used to copyedit made-up blogs for the "reputation management" of people who got themselves on The Dirty or Mugshots.com. Turns out google-bombing doesn't work anymore, so now she writes product copy, is much happier, and still wears stretchy pants at all times.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    Violet
    Posted January 21, 2013 at 10:21 am

    I read your recaps to avoid watching!! As if Scott wasn’t going to be involved in this show. His drunkeness is a staple every season! I should have known that funny line Kourtney had on Jay Leno was written by one of the writers of this show!

  2. 2
    Parisi LaRoe Parisi LaRoe
    Posted January 21, 2013 at 10:23 am

    I also read the recaps so I do not get sucked into watching it. I have been doing it since SwellMel did the recaps and I am very grateful because it means that I do not have to watch. Thank you for the sacrifice of having to watch so I can be entertained!

  3. 3
    CrisB83
    Posted January 21, 2013 at 10:33 am

    I definitely go for the recaps *in place of* watching the show. They are so smug that I can’t watch without wanting to smack them. Also, the little half-grins and awkward tone of voice when they “fight”…. Ugh.

  4. 4
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 21, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    I saw a few minutes unfortunately, but just enough to see how Kim couldn’t cope with a f-ing cat- Good luck with a baby, you selfish self indulgent piece of shit. Just give the baby to Khloe’.

  5. 5
    Considerthis
    Posted January 21, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Annoying must be the new K word – wow they said it in every single sentence.

    Mason get a haircut – that nasty alien pod growing about your left eyebrow was removed thru plastic surgery (family discount applied)so now it’s time to clean it up dude. Let Aunt Kimmy give ya a trim with her special scissors.

    Poor Kourtney SO overwhelmed during that 30 second shot of her “managing” her 2 kids before the 4 nannies & nurses could rush in. I really feel for her.

    It is so odd how she doesn’t want Scott around and how when he is around he has separate quarters and is on a choke chain. Is this even a relationship?

  6. 6
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted January 21, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    I will be reading but refuse to watch this shitshow!! The way they all talk is ridiculous and when they fight they go back to their normal voices? WTF!

    Really if you can’t handle a cat for 2 days, you have no right having a baby! Shit I have 3 cats. They drive me nuts. Our boy is the baby and our crazy orange cat kicks his ass when ever she can. She isn’t even the queen..that is our 17 pound kitty. Whom we gave the nickname BFK

    Anyway I can’t stand the Kardashians and I would rather eat a box of crayons then watch them! so yes Cath, I will read your caps, thanks for watching this shit for me! :)

  7. 7
    Clair Clair
    Posted January 22, 2013 at 11:27 am

    I can’t watch this Krapfest either, but I love to read the awesome recaps.

  8. 8
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    I can’t even handle the promos without reaching for the mute button. But, will gladly read a recap with big heapings of snark.

  9. 9
    Patty
    Posted January 25, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    thisbuggs4u – “I would rather eat a box of crayons than watch them!” LMFAO! That is priceless!

    Considethis – I agree, Mason needs a haircut. And Penelope looks just like Mason when he was a baby, at least there is someone cute to look at!

    I also don’t understand the “relationship” between Kourtney and Scott. It’s almost sad to watch him with his nuts in a vice just so he can make money being on this show. I don’t care how much money I had, I guarantee you my hubby would NOT put up with that crap from me!

    I watch if there is nothing else on. I would even rather watch Honey Boo Boo than this. I just can’t handle rich people getting richer by doing nothing. It makes me bitter.

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