He’s Just Not That Into You

Laguna Beach

By B-Side | Thursday, October 12, 2006 | 12:52 am | 41 Comments

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OMG! Valentine’s Day may have been last week, but tonight’s episode of Laguna Beach was like totally all about love! New relationships were formed, old ones crumbled, and like Cupid’s arrows were totally flying all over the place. First Derek asked Tessa out on a date, and he was like “Have you ever been to Mosun?” and she was like “No,” and he was all, “You have to go to Mosun.” And then later, Cameron was like “Why are you flirty fighting?” and Jessica was like “You have no argument,” and Kyndra was like “I’m bored,” and Cami was like “Ew! Eat and conquer!” and Rocky was like “They’re jealous!” and the saleswoman was like “That’ll be $4,000″ and Emily was totally, “I’m spilling everywhere!” OMG! Drama!This week’s show began with Tessa telling Chase about her upcoming date with Derek, whose previous claim to fame had been announcing his intent to develop his abs, let alone a decent tan. Tessa revealed that she really liked Derek and was all excited for dinner and everything, but I couldn’t help wondering if she had broken the news to Rocky’s parents. Looks like they’d be watching Silkwood alone tonight.

Of course, since this was a first date, Tessa was feeling nervous about the situation, but Chase calmed her down with some sage advice. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Just be yourself. Be mellow.” And BORING (what? He said she should be herself).

Chase then told Tessa that he approved of Derek, as opposed to some of the other guys she’d dated. He said her previous beaus had been “duds,” but honestly, it’s not like she has a plethora of non-duds to choose from. She’s in Laguna Beach, home of ugly t-shirts, dumb hair, and monosyllabic males. And that includes you, Chase.

We then cut to the opening credits, and afterwards, we learned the title of this episode: “First Date, Last Date.” Ouch. That didn’t sound promising for Tessa’s burgeoning romance. We then headed over to the Koffee Klatch where Jessica was grabbing a Koffee with her old friend Emily, a pleasant girl from last season who was probably most famous for trying to mitigate a fight down in Mexico. Anyway, Emily made her auspicious, long-haired season three debut by spilling her coffee everywhere throughout the Klatch. I mean, we didn’t actually see the spillage, but as she made her way to the table, she complained that she was making a mess. DRAMA!

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“Sometimes I wish I could be like Jessica and never spill my coffee…”

But enough about Emily and her inability to efficiently transport coffee. She’s a sidekick, and in that role, it was her duty to ask questions. First up, she wanted to know how Europe was. Jessica said it was okay, but then she came home to nothing but drama. Shocking. Jessica immediately complained about Kyndra and how she had hooked up with Cameron during winter formal. She then ranted, “She’s so stupid. She’s SO stupid. She hooks up with Cameron while she’s going out with Tyler, trying to pursue Cameron. It’s like why? So you can have drama in your life and have something to talk about? Like, is your life that like boring that you need to find something to talk about?” Wait, I’m confused. Was she talking about Kyndra or herself? Or any other girl in Laguna?

Ultimately though, Jessica managed to state one thing that I heartily agreed with: “She’s [Kyndra] just a fake, stupid, two-faced bitch who’s ugly and uses that to raise her self-esteem.” Preach it, sista!

It was Emily, however, who spoke the most searing truth: “All these little girls are like — dumb.” Indeed they are. That’s why we tune in every week.

We then traveled over to Nick W.’s house where he and Cameron were playing ping-pong… outside… in the middle of what looked like the road. Kind of dangerous, but I guess that’s how the ‘Guna kids roll. I also noticed what seemed to be parking spots marked in front of NIck’s house. It had me wondering if maybe Nick lived in a condo, which then had me wondering if Nick was — dare I say it? — less wealthy than his buddies. No way. That could never happen. However, it might explain his eagerness to be the world’s greatest sidekick.

Anyway, as the guys hit the ball back and forth, Cameron complained about Jessica. “She’s fun to hang out with,” Cam said, “But she always thinks that I’m hooking up with a bunch of girls.” Um, that’s because you are. Nick tried to put a positive spin on it by calling Cameron a Mack Daddy, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. Eventually, conversation merely returned to the action of the game, with Cam saying, “I’m moving you around the court like Agassi.” Last time I checked, Agassi wasn’t playing so hot anymore (and he retired), but that’s neither here nor there. I think it’s a great little facet of their sidekick/Master relationship that Nick sucks so royally at every sport he and Cameron play together (ie. basketball from a week or two ago).

At one point, Cameron joked, “C’mon Kournikova!” To which Nick replied, “Hey, she’s a hottie, man!” Of course, his inner-monologue probably went something like this: “Does that mean that Cameron thinks I’m a hottie? I think it does! Wait ’til I tell my diary!”

Elsewhere in Laguna, Tessa was getting her makeup done by none other than Raquel, who simultaneously chirped about Derek and how he was a gentleman and a sweetheart. Still, just in case the date went sour, she recommended that Tessa pretend that she had cramps as an escape route. Guys won’t want to talk about it, she reasoned. What Rocky doesn’t know is that Derek LOVES discussing cramps. He’s even a member of the Yahoo Group “Cramp Discussion: A forum for cramp-related stories.” I think he might be a moderator.

Okay, I’m just kidding. Who knows what groups Derek’s a member of. All I knew was that he showed up at Rocky’s house to pick Tessa up (no one ever deigns to visit Tessa’s house), and lo and behold, he really dressed up for the occasion. I mean, he actually tucked in his t-shirt! Who said that the Laguna kids had no class? Feh!

With romantic music playing on the soundtrack, the two lovebirds headed to a sushi restaurant called Mosun, which apparently had Derek’s “most favorite” sushi ever. Yay! I just hoped there wasn’t any of that dreaded foie gras on the menu. That would be a travesty!

Well, once they were seated at their table, Tessa told Derek to order for her, and I hoped the first thing he asked for was a napkin so she could spit out that damn gum she was chewing. Wrigley’s + california roll = bad Mosun experience. Nevertheless, Derek asked Tessa what she liked, and she answered, “crunchy roll things.” Yes, crunchy roll things. Or as I like to call them, “Crunchy rolls.”

After ordering, Derek then began probing Tessa with various questions, including what the hell this sickness was that she always alludes to. Turns out the internet rumors were true. Tessa revealed that she had an allergic reaction to medicine, and while she didn’t go into the specifics, the reaction apparently made her skin look pretty gnarly, as the Laguna kids are wont to say. After the hospital, some of Tessa’s old friends (Kyndra, Cami, etc.) saw her, but then they stopped calling her, the implication being that they were so appalled by her appearance that they couldn’t bear to be seen with her. This brings up an interesting tidbit which I may or may not have already shared: someone that I know has a son who went to Laguna high school. He said that Kyndra and Cami used to both be really fat. So we can only imagine how excited they were when one of their pals finally wound up uglier than them. By the way, Tessa neglected to mention the other obvious reasons why Kyndra & Co. stopped calling: they were jealous on account of Tessa being a “model” and having dated Cameron.

Nevertheless, Derek applauded Tessa’s bravery in the face of such bitchiness. “You’re a strong girl, Tess,” he said woodenly. Meanwhile, over at Ti Amo Ristorante, Jessica and Cameron were having a significantly less enjoyable time. Cam asked her if she wanted to “hang out” (ie. have sex) after dinner, but Jessica then joke-attacked that he’d then go to a rager and hook up with other girls. When he tried to deny this charge, Jessica said that he had no argument, and of course, this then turned into an argument over whether or not he had an argument. It was very meta.

Soon, we got to the heart and soul of what was bothering Cameron as he complained, “You’re never home. You’re off doing God knows what in Europe.” Wow. How very Edward Albie all of a sudden! Shockingly, Jessica actually served as the voice of reason in this conversation as she stated, “You don’t say the things that you say to me and then go and hook up with someone right afterwards. You just don’t. It’s not right.” Well, confronted with her logic, Cameron had no choice but to bare his giant teeth and attack back.

“You’re totally flirty-fighting with me right now, and I’m like over it,” he said. He wasn’t necessarily wrong on that point, but he was conveniently avoiding the issue. By the way, ‘flirt-fight’ is my new favorite term. I’m totally gonna try to use it as soon as I can.

Back at Mosun, Tessa’s date was continuing to hit new highs at every corner. She gushed that the sushi was the best she’d ever had — a crunchy roll like none other! Afterwards, as the two exited the restaurant, Derek announced, “We’re gonna go and hang out.” I love when people say they’re gonna hang out when they’re already hanging out. Just say that you’re gonna go make out now. We all know that’s what you’re planning on doing.

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“So… are you going to mention my tan?”

After the commercial break, we were treated to a trio of dumb scenes. First, Cam talked to Nick W. about Jessica and how he wasn’t that into her anymore. Then Jessica talked with her friend Dianni about meeting Cameron in the park to talk about their relationship (last time they met at the part, it was cute. Now, not so much, she explained). And then completing our triad of idiocy were Tessa and Rocky, who walked along the beach and talked about the magical night at Mosun. Blah blah blah. Moving on…

We then headed over to a boutique called Meeschka, and before we even saw who was shopping, we just heard a voice say, “Ugh! That’s super cute!” Hmmm… Could it be Kyndra and Cami? Yes indeed! The two were browsing for clothes, as usual, and at one point, Cami tried on a hoodie sweatshirt because “I’m getting a little hefty these days.” She then paused for a reaction — you know, probably hoping that Kyndra would say “No, you look fine,” but of course, since Kyndra is a self-obsessed earwig, she ignored her friend completely.

Soon, conversation drifted onto the topic of Derek and Tessa. Cami absolutely couldn’t believe that the two were dating, and furthermore, since “those guys” were always talking shit about all “those girls,” she didn’t understand why they were now all hanging out together. I’ve got an idea. Maybe the guys realized they didn’t want to waste every weekend with obnoxious whores.

Cami then rung up all her purchases, which came to nifty total of $4,285. You know, pocket change. How about she puts some of that money towards a book, preferably one about how to not be a total IDIOT.

Over at the park, Jessica and Cam convened for their special “meeting.” Things started off awkwardly enough as they bantered back and forth about nothing in particular. Once again, Jessica wowed me by showing flashes of maturity, but then again, I guess it’s not so hard to look full of wisdom when you’re interacting with Cameron and his crew. Anyway, it seemed like the two were breaking up, but I couldn’t be positive from the getgo. Cameron tried to put it all on Jess, especially when he said, “I don’t want you to miss out on any opportunities.” THANKS. How thoughtful of him.

Ultimately, however, he mumbled “I just, like, I don’t know. Our relationship doesn’t need to be (mumble).” And just like that, it was over. The two sat wordlessly on the picnic table, a thousand miles between them. It was like Ingmar Bergman himself were directing a reality show.

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After the commercial break, which featured a rather dumb promo for The Real World: Denver, we then found Derek, Cameron, and Nick skateboarding down a street, talking about how excited they were for some upcoming barbecue. “I’m psyched on wieners, dude,” Cameron said, possibly exciting Nick W. for one fleeting moment. The guys then wound up back at the very same park where Cameron had broken up with Jessica, and just like that scene, they all took a seat atop a picnic table. The conversation focused on Derek and his new girlfriend (Tessa). He said said he didn’t like all the gossip and talking that goes on behind your back in a relationship, causing Cameron to endorse the bachelor lifestyle. Amusingly, Cam then announced, “I never went out with Jessica.” Huh? You just broke up with her AT THAT VERY TABLE YOU’RE SITTING ON!

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“Guys, this is the life: sitting on a picnic table. Does it get any better? I think not!”

Nick and Derek ragged on Cameron for his total denial of the situation, and he later observed, “At least I took the initiative and ended something that wasn’t working.” He then added, “Yes, I ended the relationship that I never had. I sure dumped my not-girlfriend!”

Elsewhere in town, Raquel and Tessa hung out and talked about the upcoming barbecue. The girls babbled about Kyndra and Cami and what their reactions would be to them entering “their turf.” Tessa expressed anxiety about the girls trying to sabotage her relationship with Derek, and Rocky marveled at how some people in this world could be so malicious. Kind of makes you want to just stay home and watch Proof with Rocky’s parents.

Later that night at Derek’s barbecue, Kelan once again manned the grill, earning high praise from resident gourmands, Kyndra and Cami. Cameron also flipped burgers on the grill, asking his buddies with a naughty smile, “Can I do you for some meat? Any of you guys?” Poor Nick W. His hand was probably halfway in the air before he realized this may have been just a joke.

At one point, a hoarse Kyndra asked, “What time is Tessa coming?” causing sidekick Cami to scoff, “EW!!” Seriously, I know you don’t like her, but relax. It’s not like she’s a walking tub of lard.

Well, Kyndra and Cami complained about Tessa’s tardiness (since when did they care?), saying that she was not longer fashionably late anymore. Similarly, I guess now would be a good time to mention that Kyndra and her chronic use of leopard skin prints was no longer fashionably, er, fashionable.

Sure enough, Tessa arrived moments later, and as soon as she sat down, Kyndra announced, “This is boring. You want to go?” Wow, looks like somebody was heading out fashionably early. When the guys asked why they were leaving so quickly, Cami answered, “We come, we eat, we conquer.” She then added, “But mostly we eat. A lot. Do you happen to have any marshmallows?”

As the girls left, they snickered about Tessa to each other, with one of them saying, “She literally has the personality of a wet rag.” You know, that may be right, but she’s our wet rag, and you bitches better be quiet about it. And at least she doesn’t have the personality of an anteater with intestinal malaise.

Meanwhile, the guys couldn’t believe that Kyndra, Cami, and Nikki would just eat and run. “It’s like, have a little class, man,” Cameron said. Sorry, Cam, but I’m pretty sure the words “class” and “Kyndra” don’t mix.

Well, with all the girls gone, it was just the boys and Derek and Tessa. “Awkward…” Nick said, rather truthfully. Amazingly, he wasn’t referring to Derek and Tessa. Instead, he was talking about the sensation of standing just a heartbeat away from one’s Master. So awkward, so electric.

Soon, Raquel showed up at the party, happily observing, “Oh, it’s a boy-fest.” Please, the proper term is “sausage-fest,” and given what was apparently on the menu, this would have also been a delightful pun. Oh, how you dropped the ball, Rah-kwell. The guys all asked her if she wanted food, but she spurned the offerings, saying that she had just dined at Happy Sushi. What? Not MOSUN? Heathen!

For whatever reason, all the guys then disappeared to the kitchen or something, leaving Rocky and Tessa to chat by themselves. Tessa then revealed that she was kind of sad because she knew Derek’s friends ragged on him for having a girlfriend, but Raquel told her they were just jealous. “This is like the beginning of a huge adventure,” she said. And with that, Guster suddenly came on the soundtrack and the show ended.

What did you think about the episode? Do Derek and Tessa have a future? Is this truly the end of Cameron and Jessica?

About

41 Comments

  1. 1
    stella
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 4:27 am

    “He’s even a member of the Yahoo Group “Cramp Discussion: A forum for cramp-related stories.” I think he might be a moderator.”
    B-Side you are too funny!!

  2. 2
    Goldilocks
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 4:35 am

    B-Side as usual your recap was more interesting than the episode itself!

  3. 3
    Tiffany
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 6:26 am

    Well looks like Rocky and her boyfriend will be breaking up…how sad.

    I can’t get over how mature Rocky is-or maybe it’s just compared to the other laguna chicks.

    Jessica..wow. So pathetic. Get a backbone girl!!! Your a cute girl-what is the problem??

    $4,200….wow. I can’t even imagine.

    I like Tessa and Derek- I hope it works out.

  4. 4
    tvismylife
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 6:43 am

    For some reason I actually thought Jessica was a little more mature this season compared to her flip outs she had with Jason last season. I thought she handled the breakup well. I was sad to see that she didn’t consult with Roz before the breakup though.

    Anyone care to explain to my husband how “Cameron also flipped burgers on the grill, asking his buddies with a naughty smile, “Can I do you for some meat? Any of you guys?” Poor Nick W. His hand was probably halfway in the air before he realized this may have been just a joke.” almost made me lose my job?

  5. 5
    nico-co
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 7:22 am

    Tessa looked really bummed, awkward, and uncomfortable and i felt bad a little but she really shouldn’t let those girls get to her like that. I personally think that Tessa is a lot prettier than Kyndra and Cami, or any of the girls. I doubt her and Derek will last because he’ll probably let all the ridicule get to him. I have to agree with Cameron and say that Jessica’s “flirt-fighting” is annoying because she starts to contradict every good point she tries to get across by giggling and acting like she doesn’t care when she clearly cares A LOT. There’s hardly one respectable character on this show. and where the fuck is Breanna?

  6. 6
    lagunafied
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 7:54 am

    OMG! This show is boring, I’m so over it! Okay maybe I’m not, but doesn’t it seem that the show is dragging as we get to the final episodes? Climax here? None present.

    Can’t wait to see Tessa bragging about her boyfriend to Raquel when she becomes boyfriendless. Hopefully Derek will stick around long enough for that to happen.
    B-Side, the show would be just another “random” show without your high-larious recaps.
    P.S. Nick totally sucks at every sport he tries . . . I’m pretty sure he’s the towel boy for Cameron’s waterpolo team. Maybe that’s the way Nick wants it though . . .um . . . anyway . . .

  7. 7
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 9:06 am

    How boring was this episode¦

    This got touched upon already, but I still couldn’t believe my eyes, and I couldn’t believe you didn’t mention this B-Side. Jessica’s sitting there bitching incessantly about Cameron, even though we all knew full well she wasn’t going to do anything about it. Then as usual, queue up Roz for some unusually sage advice for this show and¦ Wait a second¦ Where the fuck is Roz??? Instead we get some frumpy girl named Danni sitting there trying not to look at the camera and waive to her mother. Awesome. I’m telling you right now, Roz better have had a damn good excuse for not being at that restaurant. Maybe she was getting another barely noticeable tattoo? One can only dream¦

    Also someone mentioned how mature Rocky is. I don’t necessarily disagree, and compared to everyone else she looks pretty good, but mature wouldn’t be the word I would use. I’m not sure the word I would use has even been created yet, but its definition would be “Complete awareness of the presence of MTV cameras, which causes one to actually think before speaking, due to realizing that anything said, will eventually be heard by everybody.” This concept seems to be a pretty tough one to grasp for the Laguna kids, since the only two people I can ever recall doing this in the first three seasons were LC, and now her chunky personality clone Rocky. Doing this though, will sometimes cause awkward silences when you stop yourself from blurting out something that shouldn’t be said. In order to combat this, we’ve been taught by LC to insert a very mundane and corny comment in “babyspeak.” Not only does this prevent you from saying something you might regret, but it makes you feel “cute” and slightly endearing to the people your with and those at home watching. Lauren MASTERED this art in season 1 during her typical frown volleys with Lo. The only problem was her already fairly deep voice, which caused her baby speak to sound slightly ogre-ish. Rocky does a better job with it, in the sense she doesn’t sound like a baby with down syndrome.

    And sadly, I actually enjoyed the comment about Tessa having the personality of a wetrag, probably since its damn true. I never thought I would actually enjoy something that came out of Cami’s piggy little snout, but this is what this season has brought me too. At least in the past we almost had someone to root for, but this season I don’t want to root for any of these losers. I’m just hoping we haven’t seen the last of Roz, and that Cameron gets eaten by a shark while Nick helplessly looks on from the shore. That’s not too much to ask, right?

  8. 8
    Ash
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 10:44 am

    I’m done with hearing the “wet rag” comment about Tessa, only because I swear Cami says it every time her name is mentioned. I mean honestly, she’s not hurting you, and it’s not her fault that Cami is overweight and single.
    Moving on, my sister was watching LB season 1 (or 2, I’m not sure), but it showed Kyndra and my sister said she was really fat, so if anyone wants actual proof, just find it on the DVD (I believe it was a prom episode).

  9. 9
    antebellum
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 12:26 pm

    lagunafied, I don’t think we’re anywhere near the final episodes. Probably somewhere in the middle. And I kind of hope you’re right about Tessa bragging to Rocky about her boyfriend; seemed like Rocky always did that to poor Tessa.

    That guys-on-a-picnic-table screencap was awesome because Derek and Cameron really DID look like they were having blissful fun, while poor Nick just pined longingly after Cameron. He really is the best sidekick ever, though.

    I HATE the way Kyndra spells her name. Whenever I read it I want to pronounce it KIN-dra. Damn you. She and Cami really have nothing to be arrogant about.

  10. 10
    superb
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 12:30 pm

    why don’t we ever see tessa’s house?…she’s always at raquel’s. derreck even picked her up at raquel’s when they went to dinner.

  11. 11
    WTFLaguna
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 12:40 pm

    OMG…AGAIN with Jessica and the GIANT drink to go meet Cameron at the park….poor thirsty jessica always gettin’ dumped!
    On to the sushi infatuation…what gives! All they talk about is eating sushi, how they went for sushi or how they’re on their way to get it…I like Derek though…he seem’s kind of normal. I hope it works out for him.
    It is definitely wierd how they are never at Tessa’s house…I don’t get that…or why Tessa uses the same tan Coach signature bag with EVERY OUTFIT SHE WEARS. Maybe Cami or Nikki can lend her some money to get her a new one.
    I know this is supposed to be real or whatever but how do Kyndra and cami seriously not get punched in the face?

  12. 12
    Steve
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 12:58 pm

    Someone has to have the Season 1 (or 2, she’s not sure)DVD and post a shot of a fat Kyndra so we have some fuel.

  13. 13
    OCkwezy
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 1:43 pm

    I used to be an avid Laguna Beach fan back during the season 1 and 2 days…but now I cringe after I watch each episode from this season. ALL of the cast members are NOT AT ALL attractive (besides Tessa) and I can’t believe some of the things that came out of their mouths.

    Despite the crappy cast and nonexistent plot lines, I still will continue watching this season though. I still find their “dating qualms” amusing. I don’t get why Tessa doesn’t just date a random guy at her school (unaffiliated with Kyndra or Cameron) or someone that goes to a different school like Rocky. Derek is already guilty by association since he’s friends with Cameron and the “mean girls.”

    then again, if she did date someone completely random, there probably wouldn’t be as much drama. Anyway I found pics online of Rock-well and Breanna on a little vacation for your viewing pleasure. It looks like they were just kids in the pic with the Mexican guy. You be the judge!

    http://www.glancemag.com/lagunahookup/dw/5.jpg

    http://www.glancemag.com/lagunahookup/dw/6.jpg

  14. 14
    OCkwezy
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 1:51 pm

    Ok, I am wasting away time at work but I came across something else that’s interesting. Not sure if you all already are aware of this or not…Breanna apparently has her own clothing line and modelling website:

    http://www.orangecandies.com/store/index.php?cPath=27

    http://breanna-conrad.com/

    Now don’t everyone start jumping at once to buy her shirts! You know you want it…haha!!

  15. 15
    Taz
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 1:51 pm

    “I know this is supposed to be real or whatever but how do Kyndra and cami seriously not get punched in the face?”

    WTFLaguna…I could not agree with you more! And we need to add Tyler to that list.

  16. 16
    cherin
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 1:54 pm

    I agree with the Kyndra being formerly fat comment. It’s season two, the episode when Cami asks Alex for ‘permission’ to go to the prom with Jason. On another note, in the episode it seems as though Kyndra is the loyal sidekick, so perhaps she stopped eating and started focusing her attention on planning a coup against Cami’s leadership before season 3 began.

  17. 17
    joeypotter
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 2:11 pm

    Hilarious re-cap, B-Side! I believe you should trademark the “sidekick” concept. Too bad its the same word as that Blackberry thingy.

    I LIKE Breanna’s clothes! Good for her! And the prices are reasonable. Cami would have to buy 150 tank tops from Breanna’s line to match that one out-of-control shopping event.

    I got emotional about the finale of Two-A-Days, especially watching it after Laguna. You got to see in the last episode that these guys played hard in large part to get a scholarship because their hard-working parents can’t afford the outrageous cost of college. The contrast to the disgusting, self-absorbed wealth we see in Cami and Kyndra and those pathetic siblings Tyler and Nikki was astounding.

  18. 18
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 2:31 pm

    Wow thats crazy about Breana’s website. I’m surprised its taken this long for somebody to cash in with decent Laguna merchandise. I’m not surprised it was the Conrad family who did though, you knew good ol’ Father Conrad the business tycoon would be smart enough to realize there was money to be made here. I’m still convinced that he’s the one who proposed the idea for this show to MTV in the first place. He was always too involved with the production for a nobody on a project, not to mention that sketchy meeting with Kristen’s dad in season one even though their daughters legit hated each other. I’m sure it had something to do with passing the torch off to Kristen the next year. Also MTV knew after the first season that Kristen was the much more marketable entity, yet they give Lauren her own show instead. And don’t say its cuz she had that internship, cuz MTV could have gotten Kristen a 10x more glamorous internship somewhere if they wanted too. I might have heard somewhere that MTV offered Kristen her own show before Lauren and she turned it down, but I’d believe that when I saw it, cuz I don’t see Kristen turning away any publicity.

    I don’t know, thats just my little conspiracy theory, theres a lot of holes in it, but I like to believe it to be true haha

  19. 19
    Lucky11
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 2:51 pm

    JoeyPotter..I totally agree about the kids at Two-A-Days vs some of the kids. Cami spend 4K at a store in when sitting. That could pay for a semester (maybe 2) at a local community college. That’s the problem with these Guna kids…they have never had to work for anything in life and therefore don’t appreciate anything. I also agree with a previous post that the kids from the first two seasons didn’t talk about money a lot. Nikki and Tyler must be noveau riche….cause they defintely act like trash!

  20. 20
    RcerXnTrixie
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 4:15 pm

    B-side recaps are the reason to watch the show!

    These people who are dislike Tessa because she’s nice I don’t get it, but I’m with you on the “she may be a wet rag, but she’s our wet rag” comment. She’s a pretty girl just trying to survive high school

    I can just imagine how you confidence would be shaken to have your friends dump you and then turn against you like rabid dogs in heat because you got sick and looked bad. I think I’d be a bit mousy too, not knowing when I was gonna get a knife in my back. When I heard this whatever good will and believe it was miniscule that I gave to Kyndra (for being as screwed up as Liza Minnelli) and Cami for being descent sans Kynda evaporated, what poor excuses for humans.

    Dereck looks better than the Osmond castaway and actually seemed to have enough backbone that he could lend some to Tessa. I loved how he called Cameron for being a player and the Cami and Kyndra for being mean. However, he is a teenager and peer pressure is a mother and it seems no one in LB wants anyone to be happy, especially Nick, whose so ugly and bitter.

    I know Cami has been described as the “black girl”. Cause the only black girl I’ve seen so far was at Tessa’s party. In LB2 when she foolish enough to go w/ Jason to the prom you see her mom and who’s clearly Latina. I need some confirmation.

    Both hers and Tessa’s homes are treated like secret locations.

    As for Breanna, if our Conrad conspiraist has it right, Pops Conrad may got an advance on the show and saw how poorly his middle kid was fairing and put the kibbosh on her being a “featured” player in order to keep the “brand” positive. Just a theory.

  21. 21
    dsher
    Posted October 12, 2006 at 4:40 pm

    “I’ve got an idea. Maybe the guys realized they didn’t want to waste every weekend with obnoxious whores.”

    So funny B-Side. You always make the show sooo much better.

    I would really like to see Tessa have something good happen to her for a change. I’m sure the girls all left that party just because Tessa showed up. That was pathetic.

    $4K in one shopping trip is unbelieveable!

    I would really like to see a reality show where they take the Guna kids and make them really work and live on minimum wage. How fun would that be to watch??

  22. 22
    newtrino
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 12:26 am

    “I know Cami has been described as the “black girl”. Cause the only black girl, etc….”

    I think her mom is Jewish actually, which would make her dad black and so far elusive.

    Cami still has the fat boobies from when she was fat.

  23. 23
    vividblurry
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 6:06 am

    I loved when Cami was shopping with Kyndra and said, “I think I’m getting a little hefty these days…” and Kyndra looks at Cami as if to say, “Are you done yet?” and Cami says, “As you were saying…” Love it!

  24. 24
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 8:03 am

    You got that right RcerXnTrixie. It also explains why middle Conrad is even on the credits in the first place, because its not like shes ever on camera…

    Speaking of business tyycoons, I just noticed that I have advertising for video games in both of my previous posts. From now on I’m spelling tyycoon with two y’s haha

  25. 25
    joeypotter
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 8:11 am

    Oooo, RcerXnTrixie, when LagunaConsultant brought up the Conrad Conspiracy, I didn’t quite get it. But, the idea that Daddy-O pulled Breanna seeing how awful these girls were (and their influence on his daughter) makes a lot of sense. Is Breanna a junior? Maybe Dad is just positioning her to be the star of Season 4. And maybe Lexie and Kelan’s families had similar concerns, which is why the LB producers dragged in scum like Tyler and Nikki.

    I love a good conspiracy theory. Touche!

  26. 26
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 8:48 am

    Also real quickly, did anyone see that show on E about the two biggest stars to emerge from Orange County, Kristen Cavallari and Mischa Barton? It was amazing. The show had me hooked immediately, because at the very beginning, it showed some fat lady saying that Kristen admitted to screwing Steven just a few days after she met him. You also got to see all Kristen’s old lackeys from Chicago, with almost all of them claiming that they, infact, were Kristen’s childhood best friend. Yet they all stated that Kristen hasn’t spoken to any of them since she moved for some reason. Hmm¦ Did it have something to do with all of them trying to jump on her celebrity bandwagon maybe? Just a guess¦ Plus on top of that, you got too see tons of previously unseen pictures of Kristen when she was younger, as she was setting the Guinness World Record for widest mouth ever on a child. Good times all around. The only thing missing was a drunk Roz talking about the separation with Kristen, and then speaking out against her previous master. I think that would have been asking for too much though.

  27. 27
    dmbislove
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 12:14 pm

    On the episode where they go to San Diego, I believe Chase came over to Tessa’s house while she was packing. Does anyone else remember this?

    LagunaConsultant-You crack me up!

  28. 28
    RcerXnTrixie
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 3:45 pm

    newtrino – “Fat boobies” hee hee Cami can’t loose weight can you imagine the post weight loss hang? If her mom is Jewish, she’s Sephardic, cause she is dark as all get go.

    True dat dmbislove, and they show Cami’s crib after the Winter Formal.
    I’m suspicious about Tessa’s house because the producers seem to like to recylce exteriors. For we know it could’ve been Chase’s house: insert Sears portrait here. Oh the Laguna Mysteries, hopefully prom will clear a few things up.

    And LagunaConsultant, joeypotter add media whore Brodie Jenner and stir.

  29. 29
    anniedawg25
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 5:07 pm

    I watched Laguna Beach extras on Comcast “On Demand” (I think it’s the same as MTV Overdrive) and one of the eps has Tessa giving a tour of her bedroom (not the whole house). She mentions her “favorite Coach purse, and she like takes it everywhere” then it showed a little montage with scenes of her and her purse. Funny. She also sews her own dresses and clothes. She showed off her sewing machine and her closet full of fabric from LA. Cute.

    N-E-Way……this was a very, very boring ep. Poor Tessa looked SOOO freaked out on her date. Count the fake smiles!

    Also, did you notice how Jessica’s hair was noticibly dyed/lighter in the Koffee Klatch scene, but then was very dark in all other scenes of the ep? Looks like MTV did things out of order again…..

  30. 30
    Phil
    Posted October 14, 2006 at 7:44 am

    why didn’t jessica break up with cameron the moment she learned that he ‘hooked up’ with kyndra? i thought girls were like that.

    yeah the show’s boring but i’m always eager to watch the new episodes every week.

  31. 31
    carpe_noctem
    Posted October 15, 2006 at 3:50 am

    I’m so lucky I didn’t grow up on this garbage. Every time I watch this show, I drop an IQ point. Luckily, I watched the Scripps spelling bee this year; I figure that gives me allowance for five Laguna Beach episodes, at least.

  32. 32
    Kyndra_Mayos_Stalker
    Posted October 15, 2006 at 11:14 am

    Hats are tipped to u again B-Side. Its that time of year again in Laguna, where everyones relationships seem to come to an end at the same time.

    Lets start with Cameron and Jessica. Cameron and Jessica’s breakup at the park…I’m glad Cameron finally got some words through his big ass teeth, but Jessica schooled him…just say you want to hook up with other girls, you big goon, dont turn it around and say “I don’t want you to miss out on opportunities”…come on man….thats lame! At least Nick was happy, hoping to maybe scrore a rebound and tickle Camerons high socks right off. (Best B-Side line of the week: “I’m psyched on wieners, dude,” Cameron said, possibly exciting Nick W. for one fleeting moment)

    And just a note…Kyndra looked damn good in this episode, glad to hear nothing about Tyler…gimmie a shout!

    And now to the wet rag Tessa and her ab machine boyfriend Derek….what a personality-fest that is, huh? These two put together have less personality than a foreign accountant. I fell asleep through their date, but I could only imagine the wildness that Tessa got into that night…..

    Do Derek and Tessa have a future? – Maybe in real-life, but hopefully the producers cut this one off quick time.

    Is this truly the end of Cameron and Jessica? – Well knowing Jessica, she’ll still be around…it doesnt seem shes leavin ‘guna anytime soon.

  33. 33
    KermitGirl22
    Posted October 15, 2006 at 12:24 pm

    I can’t believe I still watch this show. Jessica is such a sucker for punishment.

    For some reason, I get really irritated every time they print “Raquel/Rocky”‘s name… we know she goes by Rocky, so do we really need to see “Raquel/Rocky’s House” followed by “Raquel/Rocky’s Mom” followed immediately by “Raquel/Rocky’s Boyfriend”…

  34. 34
    LagunaGurl
    Posted October 15, 2006 at 8:31 pm

    We totally need more episodes without Cami and Kyndra. They are just tooooooo mean and annoying…

    Poor Tessa!

    Why was that girl’s face soooo freakin’ HUGE????????

  35. 35
    simper1
    Posted October 15, 2006 at 10:57 pm

    Yes, Two-A-Days is much less insulting to the average person than Laguna Beach and their insane spending habits. Click here to read more about it.

  36. 36
    fulfill_the_dream_78
    Posted October 16, 2006 at 7:31 am

    Did anyone else notice the close-up shot of Cameron’s socks?

    As usual he was rockin’ the 80′s tubes and I could be wrong, but I’m guessing that was MTV’s way of laughing at him.

  37. 37
    Kerrina_B
    Posted October 16, 2006 at 12:28 pm

    Has anyone else seen this picture on Nikki that pink is the new blog has on his site? why do people put this scandalous stuff on their myspace? Scroll down to the middle of today’s post and you can fully see Nikki cutting coke, and not -a-Cola.
    http://trent.blogspot.com

  38. 38
    mo_knows
    Posted October 16, 2006 at 8:12 pm

    For some reason, I get really irritated every time they print “Raquel/Rocky”‘s name… we know she goes by Rocky, so do we really need to see “Raquel/Rocky’s House” followed by “Raquel/Rocky’s Mom” followed immediately by “Raquel/Rocky’s Boyfriend”…

    Posted by: KermitGirl22

    Yeah, I totally agree… same as season 1 when they always put Lauren/LC… we get it!! And they really don’t need to identify every one everytime there’s a new scene…
    For someone’s comment about Cami’s dad- I watched the overdrive and she says something about it being just her mom and her, so I guess the dad’s not going to make an appearance…. also, I wouldn’t doubt that the whole $4000 shopping spree was just to play up the “rich kid” thing for the camera, and that she returned all that stuff an hour later… except of course the fat-roll-hiding sweatshirt

  39. 39
    onefortheroad
    Posted October 17, 2006 at 9:45 am

    I’m not sure if anyone watches How I Met You Mother on CBS, but one of the characters said RiDONKulous last night!! Laguna has hit the main stream!!

  40. 40
    nico-co
    Posted October 17, 2006 at 12:52 pm

    this show is a prime example of our degenerating society

  41. 41
    MichyPR
    Posted October 18, 2006 at 2:03 am

    “Can’t wait to see Tessa bragging about her boyfriend to Raquel when she becomes boyfriendless. Hopefully Derek will stick around long enough for that to happen.”

    I totally agree, even though I like Raquel I’d like to see Tessa be the one to brag about having a boyfriend and actually doing something for a change. Although I do feel bad for Raquel cause it looks like her boyfriend is breaking up with her and being kind of weird about it. At least I think she can do better and as for him well whatever. But who knows, maybe it’ll turn out to be one of those on again-off again relationships.
    Great recap as always B-Side :)

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