Let’s Do Lunch!

Laguna Beach

By B-Side | Thursday, September 7, 2006 | 12:49 pm | 70 Comments

Like OMG! Did you see Laguna Beach last night? I can’t believe that Breanna was such a bitch to Raquel! She was totally like crying at the restaurant, but then she was like “Let’s save our friendship,” and Raquel was all like “That’s none of your business!” but then like Breanna invited her to a pool party anyway, but Lexi was like “Why?” and Cami was like “Random!” and Kyndra was like “Get this lei off of me!” and Tessa was like “I want to watch Cinderella Man with your parents” and Rocky was like “I don’t go to parties to be ignored!” and Tara was like “What’s fois grarr?” OMG. Drama!

Yes, we got into the meat-and-potatoes of Laguna Beach this week as Breanna attempted to salvage her friendship with Raquel, but unfortunately, Bree-Bree forgot that inviting your friend to a pool party and then acting like she’s in desperate need of a delousing doesn’t always help bygones be bygones. This was probably one of the best episodes of the season so far, thanks to the marginalized role of Cami and Kyndra, two girls who seem desperate to make their marks as the next Kristin Cavalleri. Without their made-for-TV antics spewing every two seconds, it felt like we were watching the Laguna we know and love. Might there be hope for this new cast yet?This week’s show started off with Tessa explaining that her semi-sapphic relationship with Raquel was under fire from a jealous interloper yet again. “Now it’s Rocky’s EX best friend, Breanna, who’s trying to come between us!” Tessa announced in her typically clogged-nose voice (we’re probably supposed to think this season is building towards some great kiss between Tessa and Chase, but honestly, I’ll just be happy if the season finale concludes with her taking a Claritin).

For once we didn’t start the show with a boring Tessa/Rocky scene. Instead, we headed up to Conrad Manor where the first lady of Laguna Beach, LC, enjoyed a hot tub with her younger sister and pliant protégé, Breanna. The two talked about Bree-Bree’s friends, taking inventory on who was in and who was like totally random (read: out). Turns out Raquel was “on the line,” serving probation for skipping Breanna’s super sweet sixteenth birthday AND befriending town pariah Tessa. One more strike, and she was out! LC weighed in on the situation by noting, “I like Raquel. She’s nice to me. But she makes you upset more than you guys get along.” She then added, “Unlike all my boyfriends. They treat me wonderfully. I should call Jason right now. We really need to start dating again.”

Lauren then explained, “I had like that core group of friends that like didn’t fight. Me and Lo were together for like the last three years of high school, and we just didn’t fight.” Of course you guys didn’t fight! Lo was the sidekick! What sidekick ever raises her voice to her Master? It would be heresy! And in sidekick law, that’s a crime punishable by death!

Ultimately, the ever sage LC advised, “You should invite her over to your party to talk about it.” And as evidenced by all the other ones ever aired on this show, it’s clear that parties are always such great, open, welcoming forums to heal gaping friendship wounds.

After the opening credits, we found Rocky and her personal James Franco, Alex, sitting on the beach, talking about the splendors of Shore Breaking, an adrenaline-pumping activity Raquel and her friends used to play back in the old days. “You stand in a line of you, kind of like Red Rover Red Rover, and you wait for the wave to just crash on you, and then you’re just like laying on the beach, dead.” Wow. Sounds tsunami-tastic. FYI: this game is not be confused with Truck Breakers, where you stand on a highway with your friends in a line and wait for a truck to crash into you, and then you just lie there on the road, actually dead.

Eventually, Raquel sighed and asked Alex, “Can we just go to the beach every day?” Hmmm… sounds like that might be a tall order, considering they live in Laguna BEACH. Hey Raquel, funny thing about beach communities: they have beaches.

Suddenly, the world’s most annoying ringtone sounded on Rocky’s phone, and who should be on the other line? None other than jilted Countess of the Conrad Court, Breanna. The two exchanged superficial pleasantries, and after Rocky babbled about shore breaking again (which Breanna dismissed with a bored laugh — like the rest of America), Breanna invited her to the big pool party up at the manse. BUT FIRST she wanted to have lunch and talk about that whole “Tessa thing.” What Tessa thing, you ask? Turns out Raquel used to be best besties with Breanna since sixth grade, but when she started hanging out with Tessa, Breanna pushed her away, clearly jealous that Rocky had found such an exciting, lively, and fascinating new friend.

“Why do girls do that?” Alex asked, daring to bring the dangerous world of “logic” into Laguna. Rocky obviously had no answer, but that may have been because she was already fantasizing about shore breaking again. Seriously, getting knocked over violently? It’s the best.

We then headed to Chase’s house, which could only mean great times. Yes, our hairy little band leader sat on a deck with a guitar-strummin’ Kelan, and the two talked about all sorts of important things like the need to expand their musical repertoire. “We need like a good acoustic slow song,” Chase commented. “Like, that’d be kind of sick.” Another thing that might be sick: a song whose lyrics were not merely “Ahhhhhhhh.”

Anyway, the conversation soon turned towards girls as we learned that there might be sparks between Lexie and Kelan. The only way to find out was to orchestrate a double date: Chase and Kelan with Lexie and her sidekick Tara. Chase called up Lexie, who happened to be exercising her inner Fly Girl at a dance studio (while a more stationary Tara sat by a wall), and proposed dinner — or rather, a “pimp dinner,” and honestly, who could turn down a “pimp dinner”? The girls accepted the invitation, thus making it official: THE LEXIE HAS APPROVED THIS SOCIAL UNION.

Meanwhile, over at the sunny Cafe Mezzaluna, Breanna and Raquel greeted each other with big, fake “Hiiii!”s, which soon gave way to general awkward silence. Eventually, Breanna asked why Rocky had shunned her sixteenth birthday party, an event which had drawn luminaries from all across the land. Raquel explained that at the time, since Breanna, Megan (?), and Kiley (??) weren’t talking to her, she didn’t feel comfortable going to the party alone. She wanted to bring Tessa for support in case everyone ganged up on her, but one problem: clearly Raquel didn’t realize that bringing Tessa was tantamount to bringing HITLER.

“I didn’t want someone that wasn’t my friend at my birthday party,” Breanna explained. “It was like I didn’t know her.”

To which Rocky replied, “Breanna, I met her at your house. That’s how her and I became friends.” SLAM!!! And what do you have to say to that, Breanna?

“We were friends first!”

Hmmm…. sorry. We’re giving this round to Rocky.

“Is this why you guys alienated me?” Raquel then asked, going in for the kill.

“Yeah, it is. Because you didn’t have time for us, it seemed like,” Breanna answered, with the first traces of a quivering lip appearing.

“Now I have a new boyfriend, and a new best friend, and they seem to agree quite nicely how i spend my time,” a snippy Raquel then said.

“Good for you! You found the right situation,” Breanna smirked back passive-aggressively. The poor girl looked like she was about the crumble under Raquel’s icy glare. Luckily, the tension was momentarily broken by the arrival of two giant bowls of salad, but soon things escalated out of control when Breanna asked how often Rocky saw Alex — every day?

“That would be none of your business, first of all, and yeah, I do,” Raquel snapped back. And let’s face it. Nothing says “mending friendships” like saying “that would be none of your business.” Rocky then went on to say, “I also don’t get alienated by Tessa when I say, ‘you know what? I can’t hang out tonight.’” Ouch! Another punch to the gut! They don’t call her Rocky for nuthin’!

With her emotional state hanging on the ropes, Breanna then expressed fear that she was being made out to be a bad person. And with that, Rocky delivered her knockout blow: “I thought you making me to chose between you and Tessa was a really lame thing to do, right?” And with that, Breanna just lost it. She began full-on crying right there at the table, which, by the way, was located outside on the street for all of Laguna to walk by and see.

Raquel arose from her seat and perched by Breanna’s side, now attempting to console her friend after she’d essentially beaten her to a pulp. “I didn’t do anything wrong!” Breanna uttered in between her sniffles of guilt, but Raquel begged to differ. She said that when she tried to call Breanna and her friends, they never answered their phones. “What am I supposed to do?” Rocky asked. Um, hello??? It’s called “carrier pigeons.” Duh! Show some effort, bitch!

“We were expecting you to devote more time to us at least,” Breanna answered, clearly not realizing that when people call to talk, that’s usually their way of devoting more time.

“Okay, ignoring me is not the way to get about that, Breanna,” Raquel then said. Luckily, this confrontation seemed to finally reach some emotional honesty when Breanna explained that she merely felt like Rocky was choosing Tessa over her. Raquel apologized, and just when I thought we’d get an apology in return from Bree-Bree, we cut to commercial! No remorse! Well, we don’t know that for sure. That’s just what we saw. Either way, this looked like the typical high school fight. I wouldn’t be surprised if Breanna used to be Rocky’s Master. This entire confrontation smelled of sidekick independence, always a tough transition for everyone involved (I cite season one of Sorority Life as the best example. Jordan and Amanda’s breakup was legendary).

After the break, we went to Lexie’s house, or Mediterranean palace, really, where Breanna had just arrived to gossip the afternoon away. She announced that she had just lunched with Raquel, causing Lexie to remark, “Really? That’s so random!” THE LEXIE IS CONFUSED!

“I feel perturbed.”

Breanna then recapped the entire meal, making it sound much more combative than it truly appeared to be. She particularly twisted Rocky’s words when she described how she needed “support” to go to Breanna’s sixteenth birthday party (Bree-Bree conveniently left out the reason why Raquel needed support: all the raging bitches). Well, this surely ired The Lexie, who declared, “You’re coming to your best friend’s birthday. Why would you need support???” Yeah, why would she want a friend with her at a party full of girls who refuse to take her phone calls? This Raquel is something else!

Lexie then assessed the entire situation as “That’s kind of mean.” And thus it was spoke across the land: Dame Lexie has found this predicament mildly disagreeable!

The Lexie is appalled!!

When Breanna told her how she began to cry in the restaurant, Lexie then suggested, “You should have thrown your food at her and said, ‘Shut up and listen to me talk!’” I couldn’t help but wonder if this was how Lexie normally resolved situations: by hurling food across a table and demanding silence. I wouldn’t be surprised. She is THE LEXIE after all.

“Off with their heads!”

Sure enough, Breanna began crying again, but this time she was enveloped by the warm embrace of Lexie, who manipulatively said, “You shouldn’t be friends with her if she just wants to bash you.” COME TO THE DARK SIDE, DEAREST BREANNA. COME TO THE DARK SIDE!

Meanwhile, we then cut to Rocky who sat on a giant bed with Tessa eagerly at her side. As Raquel expressed how she’d like to be friends with Breanna again, Tessa emphatically stated that she would NOT be cool with that. Not that it mattered. Rocky flat-out said she didn’t care if Tessa and Breanna didn’t get along because that really wasn’t the point. Hey, Raquel. You’re in high school. Why can’t you be more petty? This whole “mature thinking” is really not cool. Not cool at all.

Still, Tessa was not very pleased about all this, and let’s face it. No one wants to endure the wrath of Tessa. I half expected her to throw down the gauntlet and yell, “If you befriend Breanna, I will watch DVDS WITH HER PARENTS! WE WILL RENT RV AND LIKE IT!!! AND AQUAMARINE TOO!!! Then we will watch Syrianna, and I will force the Conrads to explain it to me for as long as it takes! I don’t care if I’m there all night. THEY WILL EXPLAIN IT TO ME!!! And maybe afterwards, we’ll watch Crash and talk about race relations!!! What do you think about that, RA-KWELL???”

Later, it was time for Pimp Dinner 2006 starring Chase, Kelan, the Dowager Marchioness Lexie and her scullery maid Tara. The good news was that the girls dressed to the nines for this banquet of pimpitude, but leave it to Kelan and Chase to dress like they were heading to McDonald’s. Well, like almost all Laguna dates, this one was a doozy of awkwardness. As fun as it was to watch Chase gnaw on what was either bread or a chew toy, the conversation never seemed to get off the ground. There was some general patter — Lexie talked about how they were going to eat at this restaurant all the time once they were rich — and as we all saw before, Lexie lives like a mere street urchin in her veritable Taj Mahal of Laguna.

At one point, sidekick Tara — who looked pretty much like a deer in the headlights — informed Lexie, “Your dad told me to get the far-quar? Fa– far gois?” Yes, ladies and gentlemen, meet the new star of The Hills 2. If Tara wasn’t related to Heidi, I would be shocked. Nevertheless, Tara and then Lexie attempted nobly to pronounce “foie gras” (at least they didn’t say “foyce grass”), and eventually Tara blurted out with Soylent Green-esque abhorrence: “It’s DUCK LIVER!!!” She then raised her arms to the heavens and yelled, “It’s DUCK LIVER! Foie gras is made out of DUCK LIVER! They’re making our food out of DUCK LIVER!!! You gotta tell them! You’ve gotta tell them!! You tell everybody. Listen to me, Lexie. You’ve gotta tell them! Foie Gras is duck liver! We’ve gotta stop them somehow!” She then ran out of the restaurant screaming bloody murder and was never seen again.

Okay, that didn’t happen. No, the rest of the evening went along much more quietly. Literally. No one talked. That is, except for Kelan who received a call on his cell phone (as per the tradition for a Laguna date). Plucky Tara then read the restaurant policy off the menu: “Please refrain from cell phone use inside our dining rooms.” Wow, she REGULATED! She’s quite the sidekick pitbull!

Finally, at the urging of Lexie (and the sudden appearance of a waiter), Kelan got off his Very Important Phone Call, thus ushering in a fascinating discussion about beef stroganoff. Somehow Kelan had no idea what this elusive cuisine was, and so Chase described it to him, saying, “It’s like a pasta with meat sauce and like strips of fillet mignon.” To which, Kelan scoffed, “Whatever.” Yeah, FUCK YOU, STROGANOFF!!!

Later, Chase leaned over and said, “Kelan, you need to go for Lexie.” Psssst…. she’s right there. She can hear you!

Alas, Kelan did not make any sort of move, and thus, The Lexie and her loyal compatriot Tara declared him too cool for school. A most pimp-like dinner ruined by his callous indifference!

After the commercial break, we headed out to the annoyingly named Madison Square & Garden where Cami, Kyndra and Lexie were all gabbing about the past twenty minutes of the show. Cami immediately complained about her coffee, asking, “Do they put vanilla in here? What’s the deal?” This caused Lexie to emit a hearty chuckle, and deservedly so! That vanilla observation was HI-larious! THE LEXIE IS TICKLED!

Anyway, Lex-a-palooza noted that she had gone on a double date (which Cami quickly anointed as “random”), but what she really wanted to talk about was how Rocky confronted innocent Breanna at Cafe Mezzaluna. Of course, now that this gossip had been filtered through two different mouths, it sounded like Raquel had spent the lunch pulling Breanna’s hair out by the roots, so it was no surprise that the girls all dropped their jaws when they heard that Raquel needed “support” to go to Breanna’s birthday party. “That’s so self-centered and stupid. EW!” huffed Kyndra, never one to be self-centered and stupid herself.

At long last, it was time for Breanna’s much-hyped pool party. We knew this would be an exciting occasion because the last time we had a pool party at Casa De Conrad, Jason and LC began their first flirtations. What glorious developments would this afternoon bash provide?

First to arrive was Lexie, who came running in sans sidekick. She hugged Breanna warmly, and soon more people began flittering in, including none other than resident matriarch, Kathy Conrad! Sadly, big sis Lauren was nowhere to be found (probably flying to NYC to buy a candy bar for Lisa Love). As the party reached full swing (and yes, Bernice was there — with blonder hair no less), girls continually asked if Rocky would be showing up, but Breanna, now totally brainwashed again by Lexie and the other mean girls, brushed it off, saying she didn’t care if Raquel appeared or not.

As for Rocky, she thought her friendship with Breanna was on the road to recovery. “I’m like excited to like give her a hug… that we’re finally not silent. We’re talking again,” she told Alex as they drove to the party. Oh Ra-Kwell. Your misguided optimism is so charming.

Back at the party, the fun times officially began as Queen Bee Kyndra and Princess Dung Beetle Cami (as well as her undulating breasts) arrived on the scene. There were hugs all around, but soon heads began to turn as Rocky entered with Alex.

“That’s so random,” Kyndra scoffed. Actually, it wasn’t random at all. Rocky was invited to the party; so her arrival was a probable, perhaps even expected event. Don’t think the semantics police won’t get you, Kyndra.

Well, Raquel may have been all excited to give Breanna a huge hug, but all she got was a healthy serving of COLD SHOULDER. Or at least, that’s how it was edited. Either way, Breanna looked like she was fairly torn between having to keep up appearances with her friends and wanting to salvage her friendship with Rocky. Or maybe she just really wanted a pair of floaties.

Speaking of floaties…

We then sat through a few minutes of Raquel stewing in anger over by the infinity pool while Breanna paced around her party, carefully avoiding her ex-friend/restaurant tormentor. At one point, we cut to Kyndra who grabbed a lei around her neck and pulled it off violently, saying, “I want this thing off me. That’s what I want!!!” You go, girl! Way to show that 30¢ party favor who’s the boss!

Ultimately, Rocky turned to Alex (who seemed to be enjoying himself quite a bit) and said, “I’m so sick of awkward parties.” Um, you live in the ‘Guna. GET USED TO IT.

Finally, Raquel tried to say goodbye to Breanna, but she was promptly DENIED as Bree-Bree marched off to some other corner of the Conrad Compound. However, our spies tell us that they did in fact say goodbye (as well as hello). A salutary/valedictory scandal!!!

Nevertheless, the show ended with random images of boys frolicking in the pool as Rocky and Alex walked out to their car. By the way, I’d like to say that whoever drove a stupid GEM car to the pool party is really lame. I blame Bernice.

What did you think about this episode? Who was right? Who was wrong?

Comments (70)
More About Author

About B-Side

70 Comments

1

MyJacob1

Posted September 7, 2006 at 1:29 pm

I’m first YAY!!! Anyways The Lexi makes me sick, her and her too-cool-for school stare. Brianna’s chin…WOW
2

MyJacob1

Posted September 7, 2006 at 1:31 pm

Am I first? For once am I first?
3

lovinit

Posted September 7, 2006 at 1:37 pm

I was thinking that this episode was the best so far, but wasn’t quite sure what was different. Cutting down on the Kyndra and Cami screen time made all the difference!!!

Aside from being a little dull, Tessa seems like a nice, harmless girl. Why do these girls hate her so much?? So Bree Bree (I call her Boo Boo–cursed forever to be the ugly Conrad sister) refuses to be friends with Raquel just because she’s friends with Tessa!! Unbelivable.

Also, in the scenes from the next…looks like your girl Roz has brown hair. I must say…I liked it. You know. Maybe that’s why they all hate Tessa…she’s not blond!!! Doesn’t she know that acceptance by her peers demands that she conform to thier uniform standards, i.e. blond highlights.
4

sarah

Posted September 7, 2006 at 1:37 pm

A. B-Side, I love your recaps, will you marry me?

B. Rocky was all bitchy during the lunch convo. Bree-Bree was simply asking if Rocky saw Alex everyday.

C. Breanna has a giant jaw. We all know who got the looks in that family.
5

Jenny P

Posted September 7, 2006 at 1:38 pm

“At one point, we cut to Kyndra who grabbed a lei around her neck and pulled it off violently, saying, “I want this thing off me. That’s what I want!!!” You go, girl! Way to show that 30Â¢ party favor who’s the boss!”

You didn’t mention that when Kyndra so dramatically took her lei off, Cami IMMEDIATELY followed suit…making some comment about how she wants hers off, too. Total sidekick moment…
6

LagunaBeached

Posted September 7, 2006 at 1:48 pm

God Cami. Im surprised she doesn’t leviate from those two hot air balloons on her chest. Breanna was being a little ridiclous. Sarah gave me a total Heidi vibe who knows maybe its her sister. Isnt Alex or Taylor suppose to have a sister..? I only managaed to see about 60-70% of the episode. ANYONE HAVE A PIC OF LEXIE’S HOUSE? I’d like to see it..
7

LBHead

Posted September 7, 2006 at 1:52 pm

I also liked this episode. It seemed more real than the previous episodes. I think Breanna kind of needs to chill out. When she was talking 2 Lexie she really made it seem like Rocky was evil. Why cant the girls just stop exaggerating so muchh?? It’s annoying. Lexie’s fake concern for Breanna annoyed me too. I think she was just trying to stir up more drama than necessary between Rocky and Breanna. Also i dont think that Breanna asked for her opinion on whether she should be friends with Rocky or not.

I agree Breanna has a huge jaw. It’s kind of annoying. I think she’s the ugliest grl this season besides Jessica. Everyone’s talking about how they liked that Kyndra and Cami werent in this episode too much. I actually like when their in the episodes. It makes it more interesting to me haha. their bitchy conceited superior attitudes intrigue me.

I felt bad for Rocky at the pool party. Breanna really should have called and uninvited her if she was going 2 act like that. What a bitch. I for one would never go to an LB party just based on what i have seen on this show lol. Well Unless Kristin was there cuz she’s AWESOMEEEEEE.
8

LagunaBeached

Posted September 7, 2006 at 1:58 pm

I too like,no love, Krstin but on LAGUNA BEACH. Her being at parties and red carpet events is kind of annoying and pointless. C’mon I can move to Laguna
Beach and pretend to be a man-whore or soemthing. or stir up contrversey I already did that before at my OLD schools >:).
9

sutton925

Posted September 7, 2006 at 2:02 pm

Jenny P-I noticed the same thing. That was actually the second time she had copied Kendra-I refuse to spell it like she does. The first time was while they were drinking coffee and Kendra declared that something was “redunkulous.” Cami quickly seconded that by saying, “It’s so ridiculous it’s redunkuless.”
10

ThereBeNoShelterHere

Posted September 7, 2006 at 2:21 pm

Sarah (#4):

B. Rocky was all bitchy during the lunch convo. Bree-Bree was simply asking if Rocky saw Alex everyday.

Can’t tell if you are being sarcastic or not. Is being honest and mature the new definition of bitch? She was a bit snippy with the none-of-your-business-but-yes comment, but the rest was simply casting a light on Breeana’s immaturity.

At least that was my take.

As for Kendra/Cami, I only like them on screen to demonstrate the fact that they only have 3/4 of a brain between them, and Cami doesn’t have custody.
11

B-Side

Posted September 7, 2006 at 3:02 pm

Jenny P — I noticed that about Cami and the lei also, but I forgot to mention it. Great sidekickery on the part of Cami.
12

Ellen

Posted September 7, 2006 at 3:12 pm

Would it be outlandish for me to say that Rocky is the most genuinely likable LB person ever? As much as I loved the previous cast, I loved them for entertainment purposes only and wouldn’t actually want to know them in real life. Rocky is the only one from this show so far who I’d want to hang out with if I were in high school.

Looks like there’s a bright spot in the season after all. Go Team Rocky!
13

Belinda

Posted September 7, 2006 at 4:00 pm

B-Side – your recaps are SO much better than the real show.

Jenny-P – I caught the Kendra/Cami lei removal – I thought it was so funny. Neither one of them comes close to measuring up to dear Kristin and her sidekick Roz. They will always be THE BEST (well, maybe except for JWahl and Cedric)!
14

Amanda

Posted September 7, 2006 at 4:18 pm

“FYI: this game is not be confused with Truck Breakers, where you stand on a highway with your friends in a line and wait for a truck to crash into you, and then you just lie there on the road, actually dead.”

Hahahahaha. That made me laugh for about 10 minutes.

I don’t understand why Breanna was crying in the first place. Just because Rocky was trying to get the truth out of her doesn’t mean she was being a bitch..
15

tater

Posted September 7, 2006 at 5:14 pm

After reading your posts about the apparent bad looks of Bree (she’s not that bad) I side with her on one thing…it’s tough being the less attractive sibling in the family. But I’ve come to accept it an maybe in time she will too.
16

vividblurry

Posted September 7, 2006 at 5:17 pm

Would it be outlandish for me to say that Rocky is the most genuinely likable LB person ever?

Oh, I absolutely agree! She behaves with so much more tact and maturity than the other girls. She is shockingly lucid and also very confident. Love her.

As for Kyndra and Cami. My god. I can’t stand them. They live such miserable lives, which normally wouldn’t even bother me, except for the fact that they try to make everyone else feel miserable, too.
17

LagunaBeached

Posted September 7, 2006 at 5:30 pm

I’m positive Cami is going to end up in porn. I can see it now.. “A Look INSIDE Laguna Girls..” or something like that. anyone got any better titles?
18

CTVampSlayer

Posted September 7, 2006 at 6:32 pm

Labia Beach? Laguna Bitch?

Anyway, I missed this episode but from the sounds of this re-cap, Breanna is a dumb bitch. I was actually looking forward to her, too.
19

antebellum

Posted September 7, 2006 at 6:51 pm

Haha, Labia Beach.

This episode was actually rather enjoyable. So much for my swearing it off… that’ll never happen… I’m assuming the reason Breanna started to cry was not because Raquel was being so mean (if she was telling the truth, which I think she was, Breanna and her other friends treated Rocky much more horribly), but because Raquel had caught her in her cruelty and Breanna didn’t know how to work her way out of it except to turn on the waterworks.

I also don’t see what could possibly be so bad about Tessa. Maybe the girls thought whatever illness/condition she had (any info on that?) was contagious. But really, that’s no reason to alienate Rocky. Now Tessa and Rocky are the only two I like on the show, but that’s not bad.
20

lora

Posted September 7, 2006 at 7:08 pm

I don’t think it’s fair to bash Breanna for her looks. She’s got some strong features, but she her face is NOT ugly. But she seems incredibly immature and maybe not very bright. But why does she have such a problem with Tessa? That wasn’t ever addressed.

Cami really should put her bobbling breasts away. We don’t need to see them anymore. Her one-liners are annoying and not even remotely funny.

Raquel! Wow, this girl is truly surprising me with her maturity. I was impressed with the way she was trying to soothe Cami at her Christmas party, despite the fact that Cami was being SO obnoxious. I was impressed that despite her affection for Tessa, she wasn’t going to play that game of “if you don’t like her, I won’t like her either.”
And although she was snippy with Breanna at lunch, she softened when Breanna wept and her apology sounded very genuine.

I thought the only embarrassing (for her) moment was when she was squealing not to be thrown into the pool and it didn’t seem as if the boy even noticed she was there.
21

sg-dub

Posted September 7, 2006 at 7:27 pm

Breanna is indeed quite ugly and yes, we can make fun of her all we want because she agreed to appear on this vapid show.

The scene at the Pimp Dinner was great. Best Laguna scene ever that I’ve seen. Why? Because for ONCE a Laguna teen looked and acted like a stupid teen. The kid in the black t-shirt sheepishly bringing his phone down and being dorky – it was quite refreshing as he had no full beard, Mercedes, or coke habit. He’s a tool, sure, but a genuine one.

And btw, I know B-Side mentioned it but I have to reitterate – What’s up with LA dudes? If I go out there, and plan to eat at nice joints, do I even need to pack anything more than t-shirts? Most nice places in my snooty CT town woulnd’t even let you in looking like those two clowns did.

And that’s not a bad thng.
22

Ms.Ross

Posted September 7, 2006 at 7:56 pm

I agree, Raquel seems to be the most mature person in LB, including the parents! By the way lora, I think Raquel was scared to be dunked in the water because of that 5-foot long hair weave she’s rockin’!
23

annna

Posted September 7, 2006 at 8:25 pm

i just really wish that these kids had been playing truck breakers instead of shore breaking when they were younger.
24

lora

Posted September 7, 2006 at 8:38 pm

Yeah, Ms. Ross, Rocky didn’t want to look like a drowned rat, especially because she said she had to go to work after the party.
(huh?? she has a JOB?)

but the point was, she was making such a big deal out of not getting dunked, maybe thinking the boy was going to do that to get her in the party pool. Instead, she got completely ignored by him. At least that’s how it seemed.

and to sg-dub, when you bash a person’s appearance (especially over something that can’t be changed) it’s as if you’re in the same league as Kyndra. That doesn’t mean you can’t take issue with their behavior!
Based on what I saw, I feel Breanna is very immature and not particularly bright…but I don’t think she’s ugly at all.
25

Amanda

Posted September 7, 2006 at 8:49 pm

“I’m assuming the reason Breanna started to cry was not because Raquel was being so mean (if she was telling the truth, which I think she was, Breanna and her other friends treated Rocky much more horribly), but because Raquel had caught her in her cruelty and Breanna didn’t know how to work her way out of it except to turn on the waterworks.”

That makes sense.
26

patricia

Posted September 7, 2006 at 9:17 pm

omg…the “i feel perturbed” picture of The Lexie had me laughing for awhile. lol
27

emmaV

Posted September 7, 2006 at 9:24 pm

I couldn’t tell what Tessa the Blah’s meant by the comment to Rocky about not being cool with a Rocky/Breanna reconciliation – a) if you guys become friends, you and I would not be cool, i.e. you have to choose, her or me. OR b) if you guys become friends, I’m just letting you know SHE and I would not be cool, i.e. I just don’t like Breanna, never will.
I’d like to think it’s the latter, if only so I have one less person to hate on this show. Then again, hating is what makes it so fun, n’est-ce pas?
28

Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict

Posted September 7, 2006 at 10:12 pm

I’m firmly in Raquel’s camp. I thought Breanna handled lunch, and especially the party, like a spoiled brat.

In general, I can’t believe how these people treat each other at their parties. Kyndra and Cami are completely lacking in any social graces, they are unfailingly rude in every social circumstance, even when they’re hosting. They are the quintessential example of how money cannot buy class.

I agree w/LagunaBeached about Cami ending up in porn – LOL! Here are my suggestions for their screen names:

Cami = Candi Lopes and Kyndra = Ginger Vitus
29

strat1x

Posted September 7, 2006 at 11:03 pm

“I Feel Preturbed” I don’t think lexi would know what that word ment… much less every use it in a sentence, If she could spell it id be amazed. BUT let me tell you when I saw that I burst out in tears, sooo funny man keep up this great recap!
30

TakingBackSunday

Posted September 8, 2006 at 5:31 am

Rocky is definitely my favorite character. I don’t understand why all the girls hate her.. maybe because she actually has brains and they’re intimidated by her? Who knows.. I guess I’ll just blame Bernice too.. that bitch.
31

BonaFide

Posted September 8, 2006 at 6:27 am

Raquel rocks! It’s hard to believe that this girl was born and raised in Laguna. Wise beyond her years, she’s my favorite cast member of the season!
32

netnuh

Posted September 8, 2006 at 6:34 am

Did anyone else notice that Bree-Bree flat out lied about inviting Rocky?? Before the party when everyone was asking her if Rocky was going to come she said she text messaged everyone and Rocky didnt write back. DUH! She called her and invited her!
Maybe someone can let her know thats its not smart to lie when you have cameras following you around!
33

MissKatrina

Posted September 8, 2006 at 6:36 am

B-Side I’m glad I’m not the only one who reminisces fondly about Sorority Life…ahhhh.

The whole thing with Ra-kwell not being able to have both Tessa and Breanna as friends is confusing, but I guess in a land of masters and sidekicks, three’s a crowd. (Unless it’s Ra-kwell’s parents and Tessa.)
34

fulfill_the_dream_78

Posted September 8, 2006 at 6:51 am

I agree that this episode was a little better. Of course, whenever my girl LC is involved I know it is worth my time.

I admit I’m now a Kelan and Chase fan. Their conversation at Chase’s house was hilarious. My guess is they had just smoked a bowl or ten before that seen.

In fact, I’m pretty sure Chase is high all the time when he’s on camera.
35

zoramonkey

Posted September 8, 2006 at 7:45 am

Uggh, I concur that Rocky is swiftly becoming my favorite because of her poise and un-Laguna-ness, but it still doesn’t make me any less uneasy about how freaking Shellacked she is. You just know these are types of girls to house their makeup in tackle-boxes and still don’t know better than to wear all of it at once (ladies, how bout playing up ONE feature–I promise it will still have the dramatic punch you’re going for minus the drag queenish patina).

One thing I’ll say for sub-pirate hookers Cami and Kyndra after watching their interaction with Brianna is that at least they’re savvy enough not to bite the hand that feeds them in the MTV machine. We can see from photo albums and past episodes that Brianna’s relationship with the mean queens and place on the show as a whole is fabricated entirely for the cameras, presumably to instill a sense of continuity from one season to the next and so die hard LB fans can still catch a glimpse of golden girl LC and temporarily forget the suck-fest that is this season.

Cami and Kyndra rag on every girl not in their clique–why under normal circumstances would Brianna be any exception? They were friends with some of last season’s seniors, but not LC. I just found it hilarious that sniveling, mousy Brianna was the only one revered enough to get a bonafide greeting from Cami and Kydra when they arrived at her pool party, even though you knew it had to be killing them to refrain from snarking on her behind her back–”must achieve as much camera time as possible, MUST remain friendly.”

Of course, these aren’t the brightest bulbs in the bunch, so it will be interesting to see if this theory stands up after a few more episodes or if Cami and Kyndra will cave under the pressure of their forced gentility and make Briana cry (again).
36

tigereye

Posted September 8, 2006 at 8:13 am

Queen Bee Kyndra and Princess Dung Beetle Cami (as well as her undulating breasts) arrived on the scene…HAHAHAA priceless, i love it!! I also loved your description of Tara at the pimp date, I would have loved to see her run out of the restaraunt screaming about the fois gras.
I am pleasantly surprised by Rocky and terribly dissapointed w/ Bree Bree. Wow, very much spoiled, selfish teen I’d expect from MTVs LB. Makes me wonder if it’s just Breanna or if LC’s got some of that too….. I hope not, cause I love my LC! and makes me think a little less of Mr. and Mrs Conrad, damn! slap some sense into that girl!
37

kristen2525

Posted September 8, 2006 at 8:18 am

Ok, I am not by nature a commenter, but this begs to be pointed out – Didn’t ANYONE notice that Breanna totally lied to Lexie about what happened at lunch? She said Raquel cried when it was really she who was reduced to a blubbering mess. Either that was blatant Laguna false-editing or the mark on the Conrad family tree is a manipulative bitch.
38

I can't believe I post

Posted September 8, 2006 at 11:10 am

Ms Ross I too am a huge Rocky fan thank you for pointing out her “5-foot long hair weave she’s rockin’!” I was trying to figure out what the deal was with her hair (I’m a dude so I didn’t catch the weave thing, I just knew something was going on there) Weave or not Rocky is the best.

LagunaBeached I have Cami’s porn film title:
“Miss Dirty does the Nasty”… coming soon to the 99 cent bin at a porn shop near you.
39

noballs

Posted September 8, 2006 at 11:44 am

kristen2525 I think Brianna said she was the one crying I don’t think she lied about that, just everything else about the lunch.

Cami just goes to pool parties to take her weekly bath.

If someone says “Random” the way these chicks do, I will slap them upside the head and give them a jaw bigger than Brianna’s.
40

TwinFalls

Posted September 8, 2006 at 12:06 pm

This episode was the closest I’ve seen to real life on this show. It’s amazing how quickly one can forget about all the silly girl drama from high school, and how we all egg each other on.
41

bridgeguy

Posted September 8, 2006 at 12:24 pm

Hey, B-Side. Can you explain this? —

“However, our spies tell us that they did in fact say goodbye (as well as hello).”

You have a deep throat inside the Laguna clan?? Or was this gleaned from the internet somewhere? I have to say the editing was pretty good there, it sure looked like Rocky had been spurned when trying to say goodbye.
42

lagunschick

Posted September 8, 2006 at 12:49 pm

Bree-Bree is really really ugly and immature and spineless. She makes Cami look cute. I’m sorry but she’s hard to watch. Rockwell’s hair extensions are so bad. She was using them as a blanket to cover up her boobs. That just isn’t right. She’s in high school.
43

hollabackboy

Posted September 8, 2006 at 12:53 pm

At first, in this episode, I kind of felt bad for Breanna. At the luncheon, Raquel seemed a little harsh to her. I mean, friends grow apart, it happens sometimes for one reason or another. But, then, I realized how childish Breanna is. She invited her to her party, then completely ignored her. Very stupid and immature. But then again, these people aren’t at the peak of their maturity anyway. Although, it was really funny when she walked away while Rocky was trying to say bye to her. But I still felt for Rocky.

I was kind of indifferent about Kyndra nad Cami having less air time this episode. Their bitchy attitudes may be entertaining, but it’s good to give the other Laguna kids time in the spotlight. Besides, they will never be the new Kristins, so they need to stop trying.

I’m just excited we saw much less of Tessa. Yay!
44

LagunaBeached

Posted September 8, 2006 at 1:24 pm

Candi Lopes starring in the 99 cent film “Miss Dirt Does Nasty” sounds too real.
45

LagunaBeached

Posted September 8, 2006 at 1:25 pm

LOL
46

antebellum

Posted September 8, 2006 at 2:16 pm

Very good observation, netnuh. Breanna did call Rocky and invite her, and Rocky said she would come. I love watching people on reality TV lie like there are no cameras or consequences.

Has anyone noticed that every episode this season has centered around parties? Kyndra’s BBQ, Tessa’s sweet 17, Christmas parties, pool parties… Were the other seasons like this? I don’t think so.

I’d like to think that most of the childish behavior we see on this show is usually left behind in middle school by most girls. Don’t we usually grow out of it by senior year of high school?
47

PattiJo

Posted September 8, 2006 at 2:38 pm

Did anyone else hear LC say that Rocky upsets Bree sometimes? I think there is more going on there then not liking Tessa. I think Rocky was the sidekick who wanted to be a master and her master Bree wouldn’t let her.

I also wonder if Rocky isn’t as sweet as everyone watching thinks. Maybe she starts shit that we don’t see because of the editing. Or maybe she started shit before they started filming and now we are seeing the others reaction. Why else would so many people dislike her. Or Maybe it’s the fact that most people don’t like Tessa and they are taking it out on Rocky for becoming her friend.

Everytime I watch I wonder why MTV didn’t make Rocky the lead instead of Tessa. To me Rocky seems more like the master in that realationship then the sidekick. I like not having that much Tessa, Cami, and Kyndra in the show last night. I think the show would be way better if we got more Lexie, Bree, Rocky, and Tara and less of the other three. The other Three do need to be on there some though or there would be little DRAMA.
48

dancethefrug

Posted September 8, 2006 at 5:54 pm

you wanna talk about a mediterranian mansion? The “dance studio” that flygirl lexie and tara were in… i’m pretty sure that that’s a part of somebody’s house. (and I think it was Lexie’s)
49

camisfunbags

Posted September 8, 2006 at 6:36 pm

i am sorry but I think Cami and Kyndra are HI-LARIOUS….their stupidity sometimes makes the show….I mean who else would come up with Ri-dunk-ulous…..GENIUS

Tessa annoys me but Rock-well seems like an awesome girl…and did you all notice that she said she had to leave early from the party for her….JOB…OMG she has a JOB!!!! A girl in Guna with a job that’s AMAZING!!!!!
50

camisfunbags

Posted September 8, 2006 at 6:38 pm

i am sorry but I think Cami and Kyndra are HI-LARIOUS….their stupidity sometimes makes the show….I mean who else would come up with Ri-dunk-ulous…..GENIUS

Tessa annoys me but Rock-well seems like an awesome girl…and did you all notice that she said she had to leave early from the party for her….JOB…OMG she has a JOB!!!! A girl in Guna with a job that’s AMAZING!!!!!
51

I can't believe I post

Posted September 8, 2006 at 8:01 pm

Actually camisfunbags (what a great name) Ri-dunk-ulous was said by Kristin last season I only know this because I thought it was so cheesy the first time I heard it, but now that Cami and Kendra are saying it I KNOW its cheesy.
52

Tye

Posted September 9, 2006 at 4:02 am

Am I the only one that thinks Lexi is really hot? damn! I duno just something about her i love! Cami is really hot too..I duno why everyone hates her…just kidding!
53

suebee

Posted September 9, 2006 at 2:46 pm

JOBS: Was it Taylor that had the job in the dress shop? We have seen a few little jobs from the cast. Steven worked in the surf shop, right?

PARTIES: I agree with Antebellum who said that we are just going from party to party. At least next week is the fashion show in San Diego or Francisco or something like that.

SEATBELTS: I just have to vent about last week. Remember that Cameron said to Jessica that she better wear her seatbelt because he didn’t know what he would do if anything happened to her? Well, they both drove off without seatbelts. How can people be so stupid?

JESSICA: Jessica must be a major sl*t (can I say that?). Of course she has big boobs, but also a big butt and she looks like a child. I am not sure why all these guys are so ga-ga over her.
54

suebee

Posted September 9, 2006 at 2:49 pm

One more thing, Breanna’s chin. It looks almost like her lower lip blends right into her chin, making her chin look bigger. Maybe if she wore some lipstick it would make her chin look smaller.
55

the_baddest_bitch

Posted September 9, 2006 at 3:25 pm

I debated with myself about whether or not to comment on Breanna’s looks, but I’m sorry, that is one unattractive girl. I kept looking at her and thinking “Damn! You are not cute!” On the other hand, Rocky looked really pretty. She usually looks a little “old” to me, but she actually looked young and fresh-faced in this episode. As for Hekyll and Jekyll (K&C, duh!) those bitter bitches hate Rocky because they know that she is better than they are. When I was in HS, girls who were confident, self-assured and non-followers were always hated by the “in-crowd” who couldn’t believe that they had the nerve to not want to be one of them. I like Rocky. She’s not a stupid girl so desperate to be liked that she will compromise her integrity. Actually, Rocky is a very non-typical HS girl. Those obnoxious snots are really more representative of how insecure, needy, and accommodating teenage girls really are at that time in their lives. Hopefully, they’ll all grow out of it. Stranger things have happened.
56

newtrino

Posted September 9, 2006 at 6:51 pm

I’m sorry, but Breanna looks so LAUGHABLE crying in that top screencap. Man, what a funny-looking face.
57

prplpxe

Posted September 10, 2006 at 8:21 am

TEAM Ra-Kwell!!

Rocky is Season 3′s Roz!!

The only girl this season with an independent mind, that doesn’t care what the master’s think AND a maturity level that goes beyond h.s…

Breanna has the worst case of “middle-child” bratiness I’ve ever seen! LC was vapid, but at least you could sense some brains and a sense of poise/class from her through the fog… Bree has a long way to grow up to be half of the person her sis was…and that’s saying alot for how I think about her being as how I am/was Team Kristin!
58

maybeimamazed02

Posted September 10, 2006 at 8:44 am

Things I miss about Kristin (and this is coming from a Team LC-until-she-hooked-up-with-Jason girl):

1. Yes, Kristin was bitchy. Guess what: ALL high school girls are bitchy, to some extent. Even the nice girls talk about other girls behind their backs. It’s all the raging hormones.
But Kristin was fun-to-watch bitchy, not oh-my-God-what-a-horrible-person bitchy.

2. When Kristin didn’t like people, such as Taylor, she DIDN’T INVITE THEM to her party. Granted, that’s maybe not the most mature thing to do, but it’s a hell of a lot better than inviting someone just to ignore/loudly dis them.

3. I don’t know if it’s because she had cameras following her for two years and she forgot they were there, but it usually didn’t seem like Kristin was playing it up for the cameras. Most of the time, she seemed like she was just being herself.

Other thoughts:

I’m not saying Cami’s fat, and hey, I have a big chest too. But MY GOD, woman, COVER UP every once in a while! If I’d worn any of her getups in high school, I can guarantee you’d have heard my Midwestern mother screaming all the way out west in Laguna.

I am a proud member of Team Ra-kwell. She’s sweet, knows how to do things like cook and hold a job, and would rather get along with people (like BigJaw) than start duh-RAH-ma.

My guess is that she wasn’t made the lead this season for a couple of reasons: 1) the producers probably wanted someone less mature to start up trouble, or be the cause of it, 2) the producers wanted a dark haired/ethnic heritage girl for “diversity”, 3) I’m guessing Tessa’s past is going to come up in a big way later on this season.

Rock-y! Rock-y!
59

purplestain

Posted September 11, 2006 at 12:58 am

i don’t like lexie very much. did anyone else notice how she was just like ‘yeah..’ when kyndra asked abt kelan liking her. i guess she just didn’t know what to respond.

but what about all that “i used to eat it [fois gras] all the time when i was little.. i used to love it” lil tidbit? did everybody have to know she was that rich especially after Kelan’s “im gonna have to work for 2 wks for this dinner” comment

she just seemed like a huge showoff
60

dsher

Posted September 11, 2006 at 4:58 am

You said it!

Good re-cap B-side. I loved it.

I just wish they would just explain why Tessa is not liked by anyone except Rocky? Perhaps she hooks up with everyone’s guys like next episode?
61

Cantstandya

Posted September 11, 2006 at 8:26 am

The mention of Lisa Love reminded me that I saw as a guest at a dinner party in the movie Adaptation. Random!
62

livemusicjunkie

Posted September 11, 2006 at 8:38 am

okay, so either my Tivo or MTV is jacked – because my Tivo recorded what was supposed to be LB, but turned out to be 30 minutes of the music awards. So I still haven’t seen this ep, dammit.
63

Kitten

Posted September 11, 2006 at 9:46 am

This is going to make me sound like a horrible person, but am I the only one that has noticed that Kyndra and Cami are disgusting and ugly? Cami needs to stop wearing such tight clothes or loose some weight…if they seemed remotely nice I might think differently but they are so annoying I just can’t beleive that people would consider them popular!
As for Breanna… definately not the attractive one in the family, but sadly her personality isn’t interesting either. She is obviously incredibly immature.
64

dressingT-Girls

Posted September 11, 2006 at 10:45 am

I can’t wait to see Cami on Flavor of Love 4. I doubt anyone would think that was random at all.
65

kristin_d_l

Posted September 11, 2006 at 4:32 pm

“B-Side I’m glad I’m not the only one who reminisces fondly about Sorority Life…ahhhh.”

My cousin is not only in the Sorority Life sorority now, but lives in the house. I haven’t been to visit, but I’m planning to check it out. (The house always looked kind of crappy to me.) I lived there while I was in law school, and I would occasionally run into Jordan and Maura at a bar called Sophia’s. Maura was nice. Jordan was not, and she was way shorter than she looked in the show. It’s lame, but for a hick town like Davis, that’s about as exciting as it got.
66

porcelain

Posted September 11, 2006 at 5:14 pm

Breanna is such a fake. I think she cares too much about what Kyndra and the “in-crowd’ will think of her if she’s nice to Rocky. I though people only acted like that in teen movies.

I was shocked when she completely ignored Rocky after having invited her, so freaking rude and mean and idiotic! I do like Rocky, she seems genuinly nice. When Breanna was like “she’s not nice” I was like look who’s talking.. and did she know who she was talking to? Lexie isn’t exactly nice either. And who does she invite to her party? Kyndra and Cami- the mean queens. Rocky tried to cosole Bre while she cried like a fool, and all Bre could whiningly say- “I didn’t do anything wrong”. We don’t know everything that went on but Rocky was actually trying to ‘save their frienship’ by agreeing to have lunch with her and coming to her little pool party. And Breanna just acts like a bitch. All the girls this season suck, except for Rocky. and Tessa is nice too, but doesn’t seem confident enough.. i don’t know.

I wouldn’t even comment on Breanna’s looks but now that she’s mean I’ll just say it. She’s fugly. There was a pic of Lauren with brown hair on E’s THS ‘Babes of OC’ and I could see the resemblance. They have a similar smile ( minus the big jaw for lauren). Lauren is just the really pretty version and Bre is the really unfortunate looking one. It must suck for Bre having to be compared to her pretty sister… i know that’s really mean. But maybe if she were nicer to people and changed her attitude she wouldn’t looke so ugly. I hope she grows out of it.
67

WOOHOO

Posted September 12, 2006 at 4:41 pm

hey yo BSIDE! you have to be my favorite blogger… ever. okay, so i’m totally confused. who’s the sidekick in the whole “rocky/tessa” relationship. it’s killing me! i’ll look for clues next episode…

oh, and i pretty much peed my pants reading this one
68

whwhwhymustiwatch???

Posted September 12, 2006 at 5:27 pm

I’m glad somebody else noticed the part at the pool party where Rocky started screaming, “No, no, I CAN’T!!!” and jumped up from the edge of the pool…and that dude obviously had no intention of pushing her in, just was trying to go around them- I hit rewind a few times to laugh at how stupid she looked/sounded…funniest part of the episode, IMO.
69

MissKatrina

Posted September 13, 2006 at 8:12 am

After watching this episode again, I too laughed heartily at Naomi Judd when that guy was coming into the pool.

I’m anxious to see what happens tonight w/ Tessa and Chompers McTeeth. He is such a “Cleveland Browns”: I like the jersey, but what’s with the helmet?
70

clickin

Posted September 13, 2006 at 4:09 pm

I kinda feel bad for the “Mystic Chin”. She is clearly an insecure little girl who is influenced by snotty, dumb girls. Had I watched this a year ago, I would have hoped that some of LC’s wiseness would rub off on little sis. After witnessing the trainwreck that was “The Hills” I blame Mama Conrad. Teach your girls some self-respect!