Back in late February, Last Comic Standing held auditions here in Los Angeles, and being the whore I am for any sort of reality event, I gladly trekked on down to the Hollywood Improv to take a gander at the activities. No, I did not audition. Truth was that our old friend Kevan from Amish in the City (a.k.a. the one normal city guy) actually has a standup career going on now, and he invited us to come down and hang with him in line. Sounded like fun. Little did I know an Ice Age would happen to hit Los Angeles that night. Needless to say, it was cold (for L.A. standards, which meant the temperature was hovering near fifty degrees), but weather be damned. There were all sorts of bizarre characters out. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite as proficient with my camera as usual, and so my photos are few and far between. But I’ll share what I did get.
These guys here were the typical auditioning lot. I think they had driven up from San Diego to tryout. They were one of a few hundred who were camping out that night. I don’t remember them being particularly funny. And let me tell you something: there’s nothing quite as depressing as standing amongst hundreds of people who think they’re the world’s greatest comedians. You know when you have a friend who’s always “on”? Yeah, multiply that by about three hundred. The mass undercurrents of bitter self-loathing were a joy.
There were some amusing people there though. I remember one guy who was a midget in a wheel chair. He had muscular dystrophy, I think, and he was hilarious. Okay, that sounded wrong. He wasn’t hilarious because of his handicap. He was hilarious because he was saying hilarious things. I wish I could remember his name, but the whole “I waited three months to post this” really screwed that up.
OH! And there was this total asshole guy named Chris, I believe. I should have taken a picture of him. He was so bitter and unfunny, but you could tell he thought he was being witty and sardonic. Everyone in the line hated him.
This is Kevan sleeping. Not much to say about that. In case you’re wondering, I was not hardcore. I did not spend the night on the streets too. Why? Because I wasn’t auditioning. I got to spend my night in my bed. My warm, cozy, not-on-the-sidewalk bed. Ah, the fringe benefits of being a hanger-on.
The next morning, everyone was spry and chipper. I went back to the line, which had grown significantly. Season one contestant Jay London was hanging around, and he gave Kevan some tips about auditioning and doing standup in general. It was swell. Of course, I took a picture of both of them. Two reality stars in one place is always grounds for taking out my camera.
The highlight of my morning. As I was walking around the line, I suddenly spotted my favorite woman from Flavor of Love: Goldie! I literally yelled out to her, “Goldie!” (I don’t know what possessed me) and from that point on, there was some solid banter for five minutes. She told me her real name, which I have since forgotten (Amber or something like that) and said that she’d been doing standup since the show. Of course, this is old news now because she announced this on the Flavor of Love reunion. I tried to get her to beat-box like she did drunkenly on that first episode, but she politely declined. I was shocked that no one around her even knew who she was. Then again, they may have been distracted by the crazy-ass dominatrix comedienne brandishing a whip just a few feet away. Again, my camera skills were subpar that day.
Finally, at around 10 AM, the auditions began. I was allowed to tag along with Kevan into the Improv. And to prove it, I even took this dorky photo (trust me, the blur was highly welcomed on my part). Anyway, that woman next to Kevin in the leopard print coat — she’s a tranny. She wouldn’t talk to anyone all night, and then she stepped into the audition room and was all “I’M A TRANNY!” It was amusing. Alas, she didn’t make the cut. And neither did Kevan, sadly. Oh well. It was still a fun time — at least for me. But that’s because I didn’t sleep on the sidewalk.