Launch My Line–The Search is Over, You Were With Me All the While

Will we last forever? Do we fall apart? Sometimes, it’s so confusing, these questions of the heart. You followed me through changes, and patiently, you’d wait. Til I came to my senses through some miracle of faaaaaate. I was living for a dream! Lovin’ for a moment. Taking on the world–that was just my style…

Ahem.

Finally, we’re at the end of this Launch My Line mess. The season started off with confusion and drama, with too many characters. Then as the interesting characters (but poor designers) were dropped, the show itself drooped. Finally, in time for the finale, the show came together into something meaningful and almost engaging! Too bad it drooped again for the last part of the finale! I mentioned it in my mini-cap earlier, that it’s a WHOLE lotta drama about finishing in time, things fitting right, people being in the right order for the show, etc. Yeah, I get it. It’s tense. Hopefully, I can make it interesting for you. And then, the runway show, the final judging, and the winner announcement! Remember, the winning designer gets a boutique site on RueLaLa.com and an editorial feature in Lucky magazine. The winner designer’s expert gets $50,000. (Sounds like the experts really get the win, here!) Anyway, let’s go!

There are eight hours til the final runway show, and the designers show up hungry for the win. DJ Mister Rogers’ team is finishing up the pocket and ruffle dresses. His last concern is the evening gown, which is a time-consuming project due to all the hand-sewn gems. I kind of hate this look, but it suits his vision. I could do without a bunch of costume jewelry all over my business.

Feather Earrings’ team is hard at work but still feels like they’re incredibly behind. Earlier, Feather Earrings was threatening to only send eight pieces down the runway. Yeah, I doubt that’ll happen, but thanks for trying to scare us! Faux Austin reminds them sternly, Austrian-ly, that they need to work double-speed today. He really took leadership over this team, didn’t he? Also, he just can’t get dressed without wearing a scarf, can he? I’d love to see him on the beach, in a Speedo and scarf. Strange man. By the way, Big Head Not Perez Hilton is missing. No one knows where he is. This ain’t good. (The echoing solitary bass drum beats tell me so. Thanks, Bravo!)

Over at the Peggy Bundy station, Wedgehead is asking around to offer her assistance. Coco’s all set, thanks. Peggy’s got hair and makeup on the brain, so Wedgehead is pretty much cool to go have a cup of coffee and ponder her amazing height, large gums, wedge-like hairdo, and strange chalk necklace. Peggy feels prepared and confident about her line. She says that from day one, she wanted “to be fashion forward and hit it at retail.” She is damn sure they’re going to win.

I laugh and even snort a little when DuhSquared show up to the workroom. They’re both wearing white buttondowns and HUGE black bowties. What fuckin’ dorks. Turns out, they were just lunching with a friend who’s all interested in what’s going on with the design show. Who’s the friend? Oh, it’s just Fergie! She met them halfway!

By the way, thanks again to Bravo for not bothering to put up the full episode for me. I can normally get by with the photos from the episode, but hey, those sucked this week, too! I am really sorry, guys. Not even one pic of Fergie.

DuhSquared bring her to meet DJ Mister Rogers first. When DuhSq mention that DJ Mister Rogers is a DJ, she does a double-take and is like, “oh yeah! I know you!” DJ is modest when he says they’ve known about each other before. He shows off his line, and Fergie loves it. She thinks the pocket dress is perfect. As she speaks, I realize she actually seems like a pretty cool girl. She seems very real. She also reminds me a LOT of Feather Earrings. I think my head might explode when those two are introduced.

Well, here we go! *BAM!* Actually, it’s not that close. Nevermind. By the way, Feather Earrings must be REALLY effing short. We know DuhSquared aren’t that big, and Fergie’s the same height as they are, but Feather Earrings is a full head shorter. Anyway, who cares (except me). Fergie loves the Native Rose evening gown and Feather Earrings offers for Fergie to borrow it. DuhSquared are like, “Borrow it?!” “My bad, you can have it!” Feather Earrings stammers. Fergie doesn’t give a shit, she’s just being nice.

Finally, Fergie meets Peggy, who the DuhBoys introduce as “Ms. Convertible.” Fergie’s like, “huh?” Peggy shows off how the evening gown zips off into a cocktail dress, and Fergie’s all gasps and coos, but I think she’s just being polite. (I think she was most genuine with DJ Mister Rogers.) Fergie tries to relate, though, by saying she often needs to do quick costume changes during a performance. I don’t think Peggy’s line would have anything to do with that, but it’s nice to try to make someone feel good about their gimmick. Fergie gets a gold star from me!

DJ is so funny. He’s helping Galina finish up the evening gown. He lists for us all he learned to do over the course of the show. He learned how to use a sewing machine, he learned how to use “sequence”, …all good stuff.

More dramatic drums–Not Perez still hasn’t shown up. There are five hours left, and he’s still not here. VolcanoRoberto and Faux Austin are optimistic, but Feather Earrings looks like she might barf a bit. (I would, too!)

The models arrive earlier than usual today for their fitting. I guess because there are, ya know, THIRTY of them to fit. We see a montage of them all being fitted. Who’s in what order, who’s in what dress, who’s wearing what shoes. Peggy’s models have the extra burden of having to learn how to convert their dresses onstage.

Back to Feather Earrings, for more worrying about the long red dress. She feels it in her soul that it needs to be LONG. But they just don’t have enough fabric for the look she wants. She eventually clenches her asshole and says, “Fine, do it, cut it.” Faux Austin has hated the long dress all along and happily chops it. He does quick work, and I guess it does look better after he’s done. We’ll see! Not Perez is still missing, and Peggy’s delivering commentary from afar. It’s actually not snarky, either. I guess she figures she has the win in the bag and can be charitable.

Well, not so fast, Pegs. You’ve got shoe duty to worry about. It’s a drama-free situation, but this is all we’ve got to watch, I guess. Some models haven’t tried on their shoes! And maybe they won’t fit! Uh oh! Yeah, it’s that exciting.

Oh, here’s Not Perez. There’s a little more than two hours to launch–apparently, he had car trouble. Wow. I want to hear more about this! Feather Earrings is in About-To-Pass-Out mode, so she just says a quiet “hi” and gets him to help Faux Austin fit the zebra pocket dress on their model. Ya know, the dress that Not Perez basically designed. Phew.

Time for the Fekkai hair salon experience. In honor of the finale, Frederic Fekkai himself is here to help out. Supposedly, by telling Fred their wishes and desires, he’ll make sure they win. Awesome. The conversations between Fred and each designer don’t seem to be all that inspirational, but what do I know? I’m wearing an Old Navy sweater dress and $6 leggings from Target, with my hair in a bun. I’m going for Snowed In Chic. (Two feet of snow, y’all!)

Well, nevermind my wardrobe. It’s time for FASHION. It’s the big runway show, and all the hottest celebrities are there. Well, not quite. We’ve got some Bravo stars, like Jonathon Antin and Kara Saun. Jaime Pressly is there, and I’m not sure why until I Google it. Oh, she’s the baby momma of his kid! The kid that his line is named after! OH! Why’d it take me til today to learn this? Angelina Jolie’s Asian ex-girlfriend is there, too. Anyway, all of our former friends are back, too. Hi, Flamebrow! Love you!

Pegs goes first. The intro to her line makes me choke on my tea. She explains that Inside Out (complete with brown-eye yin-yang logo) was always meant to highlight the fashion that’s within all of us, to bring it out so we’re not hiding, etc. Barf. Peggy? Your line is about zippers and pouches and things that tie in different ways. Let’s not try to sugar-coat that.

Anyway, here comes her line. Her first look is one of the new ones, the unusual pocket. This is Coco’s baby, the skirt with a detachable purse sewn into the hemline. The purse can become a fanny pack. I think it’s all pretty damn strange. The fanny pack makes her look like a carnie, makin’ change for the ferris wheel. Next is another new design, the ruffle dress. The bottom piece pulls off, just like all of her other stuff. A few of her older looks come out and they’re fine. I mean, that one-piece jumpsuit still isn’t doing anyone any favors, especially not the model who’s probably got a lovely figure but looks lumpy and chunky under all that silk. Oh, and I think there’s a stain on the front of her jumpsuit.

Remember how they were allowed to change former designs to fix them for this show? Peggy did a good job with that. The three-piece reversible look from a week or two ago got a pretty big (and successful) overhaul, as did the look with the ruffley jacket with the little rosette made of Lady Gaga’s red vinyl fabric. Don’t remember it? Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter. She had Wedgehead make pants for the look, and it works.

Finally, the evening gown comes out. It’s really nice. At first, it’s a black ruffled design with a hint of shimmer underneath. Then the model takes off the long, sheer, black train to reveal a slinky sequined gown. It’s stunning. The judges all say “wow” to each other. Oh, then she zips off the hem to make it a cocktail dress. Eh, I could have done without that.

Now it’s DJ’s turn. He tells us that his line is for “age 18 to ageless” and that “sexy is as sexy feels.” With no further ado, his show begins.

First up is the hideous butterfly beach look. It’s been cleaned up a little, but it’s still trashy. His model stops at the midway point to show off her boob. I guess she was revealing the swimsuit underneath, but it was done a little awkwardly. Next is the new design, the ruffle dress. It’s pretty–a short teal cocktail dress, ruffled in satin. Cute. The unusual pocket dress comes out, and the model puts on lipstick to highlight the little lipstick pocket. I’m a hot and sweaty gal, and I can guarantee you that keeping a lipstick holstered to my ass would result in a puddle of pigment by the end of the night. But it’s a cute idea.

Last up is the evening gown. It’s very mermaidy and actually pretty nice. Not a whole lot of women could really wear it, but for the line, it works. The judges are cooing–I think they like it.

Finally, we get to see Feather Earrings’ line. Her speech is pretty lame. She just says “Hi everyone. Thank you to the animal kingdom and Mother Nature, which I derived inspiration from. Thank you.” Modest, fine. Get on with it.

The infamous red ruffle dress comes out first, and it’s pretty striking. The model is a good fit for it, too. She prances it and rocks, fluffing up the ruffles as she moves. Some of her older looks come out, unaltered from their original design (since she did good work to begin with). The zebra dress with the unusual pockets is well-received. Her evening gown is next, and it’s very simple from the front but very dramatic in the back. It’s meant to complement the beach kimono from way early in the season. Ya know, the tentacle kimono. Speaking of, that got an update, in losing the tentacles and changing the sash color to bronze. That helps tie in another redesign, the distressed dress, now in bronze. (Was it always in bronze? I can’t remember.)

Time for judgment.

Peggy’s first. Her poop tone brigade arrives and stands in one poopy line. Seriously, I like browns and neutrals (my sweater dress is brown), but this is gross. Lisa Kline says the line is very marketable, “in different colors, too.” HA! No poop! Interestingly, one of the DuhBoys does NOT like the pretty pink top she included in the unusual pocket design. Funny–they want it both ways. “You need new color” “I don’t like your new color” They universally love the evening gown.

DJ’s line is next. The compliments are a little more sparse for DJ. They think his line is marketable, and they appreciate his growth over the course of the show. They love the little ruffle dress, think the pocket dress is clever, and think the serpentine evening gown is a knockout.

And now for Feather Earrings. One of the DuhBoys notes that Feather Earrings is a jewelry designer, and she used a lot of jewel tones. It’s not a compliment or a critique, and after he says it, there’s a very brief uncomfortable pause, where Feather Earrings expects a little more to be said, realizes there won’t be, and quickly nods. Anyway, moving on. The judges think her collection is very smart. They talk about the infamous red ruffle dress first, and it gets a nice compliment on the length. Quick cut to Faux Austin at that! The pocket dress and evening gown are also highly regarded. In what I think is tricky editing, they make it seem like Feather Earrings’ line is getting lukewarm reception.

Time to discuss…and ultimately decide on a winner! Peggy’s collection is well liked, though the judges think about how awful it’d be to have all these pieces of outfits strewn about a fitting room on a busy Saturday at the store. And DuhSquared think Peggy’s clever but hate that she uses the hemline trickery over and over again. I AGREE. But Lisa Kline points out that once a woman takes one of these pieces home, she’s got two or three looks in one.

DJ’s line is discussed again in the terms of his growth as a designer. I don’t think that bodes well for him. They’re affectionate about him, but they don’t actually think he’s a good designer! They think his looks are redundant. But how he’s grown…

Feather Earrings gets complimented as being the most well-designed line, the most sophisticated. The judges still don’t love some of her looks, but they love the overall line. Stefani Greenfield keeps going on and on about the color choices, how the design is quietly sophisticated, how it makes you feel sensual. Wow, she really wants to make love to Feather Earrings’ line!

Well, finally, it’s time to announce the winner! But first, we need to cut off some dead weight. Smell ya later, DJ! Your BJs weren’t good enough for the win, but you grew and learned things and aren’t a bad guy at all. Good luck to ya.

Okay, okay, who won? Feather Earrings!!! YAY! Suck it, Peggy!! I am simultaneously welling up with happiness for Feather Earrings and laughing my ASS off at the look on Peggy’s face. Her jaw literally drops. She just did not even consider that she’d ever lose!! In fact, she later tells us, in a dead flat monotone, “Wow, we didn’t win.. Well, they didn’t say that my line was dropped, so to me, I did win.” Okay, if that helps you sleep at night!

Feather Earrings and Faux Austin hug dearly and then stare at each other in awe. Well, this is sweet. I’m happy with this outcome. Their models come out, bringing forth champagne. Hugs, hugs, hugs. Faux Austin tells us he “needs a minute to integrate what just happened”, and then tells the models that there wouldn’t be beautiful clothes without beautiful women. Cheers!

So, are you happy with who won? Are you happy you stuck it out til the end? Are you going to check out Feather Earrings’ boutique on RueLala.com?

See you in Millionaire Matchmaker land! Kisses!