Dancing With the Stars; Oooooo What a Night

Let’s have a little gratuitous cuteness to open tonight’s recap.

Last week DWTS was once again America’s top show. And we said good-bye to Kate. Now that the train wreck of the dance floor has gone home, will people still be watching?
This week, the stars will be doing either the Argentine Tango or the Sexy Samba, plus they’ll be judged side by side in the Swing Dance Marathon. Is anybody besides me sorry that Kate is missing this? You notice that they never gave her a truly sexy dance; ah, I think we missed an epic volcano of anger and drama. Damn.

Tom doesn’t do his usual intro this week and we are only ‘live’ according to the voice over and not ‘LIIIIIIVE’. Bummer.Brooke tells us that the stars are doing a swing dance marathan.

Whoa, WTF, Erin is wearing a feather duster.

Some of the men seem to be baring their chest tonight.

Wow, for a second I didn’t recognize Pamela. She looks kind of exotic and glamorous, very Sophia Lorenish. And not nearly so cheap as usual.

Jake and Chelsie are up first with the Samba. Unfortunately, we are reminded of his pantsless dance last week (say that fast five times). He interviews that he is a distant third and not as good a dancer as Nicole or Evan, which you have to admire his self awareness in spite of his douchebaggery. Then again, I would actually rate him fourth behind Erin, no matter how high he scored last week.
This week instead of Zoolander cheeks, he makes weird OOOO’s with his mouth to signify sexiness. It’s quite distracting.

Please note, that although I cropped the photo to avoid offending anyone with its anatomical correctness, this will still serve as my penis reference for the week.

Jake’s timing is all off, like he isn’t even dancing to the music. And my skin is all creepy crawly from the faces.. Eww. He also has a major mishap when he runs into the stairs.

Len says that he showed more confidence, but lacked rhythm. Bruno said it also lacked bounce and he didn’t wiggle correctly. Carrie Ann said that he needed to connect to the music.

BBB (Boring Brooke Burke, Blah, Blah, Blah): We get an explanation of the trip on the stairs. Here is how I watch the show, by the way.

Scores: 7,7,7

Evan and Anna are up next. The two of them seem to really be having fun in rehearsals. At least until Anna dumps him on his head.

He goes to the hospital and gets diagnosed with a concussion and gets a bandage that looks like a third grader wrapped it.

Their dance is good and Evans’s hip shaking is great, but it’s lacking in a carnivale feel somehow. Then again, perhaps Evan is still a bit stunned.

Bruno said he was too lyrical and was pretty to look at, but not correct for the samba. Carrie Ann said he lost the battle, and Len said it was his worst dance and it was a ballet dance instead of a carnival dance.

BBB: Brooke asks how it feels to get harsh criticism. 7,7,7

Niecy and Louis are attempting a funny Argentine Tango. In rehearsals, Louis is looking like he is finding Niecy a bit tiresome. The dance starts with Niecy eating a rose.

And kind of goes downhill from there, as far as I’m concerned. She pretends to kick Louis in the nuts with one of her kicks. Ha, ha, ha. I think I’m finding Niecy a bit tiresome, too. The timing in the dance is good, but there is no power. And the feet stuff is correct, but not sharp. It isn’t one of my favorite dances anyway, but it’s really boring this way. Even with the stupid humor. At the end Louis pulls a cookie out of his jacket and holds it away from Niecy, then stuffs it in his mouth, and chokes on it. Which was funnier than the routine for sure.

Carrie Ann says it was nice to see her really dancing and in the zone. Len liked the comedy and made a snide comment about Niecy obviously being an enthusiastic eater, and Bruno liked the footwork, but it lacked intensity.

BBB: Niecy eats the cookie now and says you can’t go wrong with comedy and food. 7,7,7 In a bit of a rut tonight with the scores, which Tom also notes.

Erin and Maks are up with the samba. Erin interviews that she over thinks everything and then they have some more play fighting. I really hope they are together. I like her so much more than that wench Maks was engaged to.
The dance is actually great, although that freaky skirt makes Erin’s legs look strange. But after all her whining about over thinking, I didn’t expect the hip action that she came up with. Then for some reason Maks started taking off his shirt and I quit watching Erin.

Len says he has given her 7′s every week and she will get another one because Maks is not doing proper dances. Bruno said her arms were spot on and she is a girl who likes to be on top. Carrie Ann said she nailed it. Then Tom calls them lovebirds as he sends them to the back.

BBB: Brooke wonders how they will break out of the pack, and Erin laments her nerves and says she was geeked up before the show. 9, 7, 9. Good scores.

Chad and Cheryl are up next. They go visit Cincinnati so Chad can recharge. They are doing the Argentine Tango. It is all about chest and hips pushed together so Chad says he’s going to like it.
Ochocinco does look quite handsome tonight in the dark suit with a red shirt. Their dance has all the power and intensity that Niecy lacked. Still some posture issues at times. One thing I always enjoy about the athletes is how they make the lifts look effortless.

Bruno says strong, powerful, and demented. Carrie Ann said he nailed it and it was arrogant and sensual. Len says you either grow or go, and Chad grew.

BBB: 8,8,8. Brooke asks them how it feels. Boy, her interviewing skills are really in full force tonight.

Nicole and Derek are doing the samba. Nicole is also over thinking, but she is really annoying about it. She is worried about camera angles and stuff and she is really giving off a neurotic vibe. I know they can edit the stars anyway they want to, so it makes me wonder who the producers want to win.
Their samba is great, although I don’t think her hip action was as good as Erin’s and I saw her miss a step.

Plus she makes the face, too!

And some of the moves are really unattractive.

Carrie Ann yells ‘Opa’ which is something you yell in Greek restaurants when you throw plates so I don’t know why it was part of this song. Then she comments on the face of the night.

Len said the difficulty was great, but there were no voltas or buttafuocos (or something like that because I don’t think that cheating sleazeball has a dance move named after him) and Bruno said the dance was superlative.

BBB: Brooke asks how the pressure feels. 9,7,10

Pam and Damian are last with the Argentine Tango. Damian does the kicks through her legs, but she kicks around his. Maybe they do it different in Australia. Despite a lot of lifts, it was kind of boring.

Len says she got the seduction right, but it was scruffy. Bruno says she played another great character, and Carrie Ann wanted to see more technique in her legs.

BBB: Brooke asks where her fighting spirit comes from and she says she likes to be on top. By the way there are some really sleazy pictures on TMZ of her and Damian partying after the show.
7,7,8 Bruno really likes Pam.

The Swing Dance Marathon is next! Live. But not LIIIIVE, I guess. Tom is bored tonight, too. The longer the couples last in the marathon, the higher the score. The couples start out in pools of light on the dance floor. The camera kind of jumps around so at first it’s hard to figure out who is doing well.

Jake and Chelsie are the first ones out.

Evan and Anna are out next, which in light of the concussion is probably a good thing. Then Chad and Cheryl which is a shame because they were doing some cool lifts.

Pamela and Damien are next, then Erin and Maks which leaves Nicole and Derek still standing and the winners. Big surprise. They are hamming it up so much that Tom has to run across the stage to reel them in because time is getting short and they are ignoring him.

Tom actually seemed to get more frazzled about that than he did when Marie fainted.

All in all, I thought this was a boring week. Maybe I’m just in a crappy mood. Or maybe because Kate is gone. Next week, I’ll have to do a ‘where are they now’ segment just so I can make fun of her some more. See y’all then!