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They’ve been driving sooo long they stop for the night at a roadside inn. Or as Spike refers to it, a cheap motel. There is a difference between a cheap motel and a roadside inn, Spike! Oy. Fabio is making an appearance on Good Morning America. There’s a funny scene of him throwing a hissy fit because he can’t properly iron his shirt. The shirt he promptly covers up with a sweater. You can only see the cuffs and the collar. He says he doesn’t want to look like a “zloppie zusie”. I love his accent. At GMA, he warmly greets all the ladies he sees backstage and says “It’s all about good relationships.” He squirms in the makeup chair and says he doesn’t want to look like a Barbie Doll. Maybe Mattel could design a Fabio doll. Finally, his segment airs and he charms everyone in New York. That’s our Fabio!
Back to Spike and Jen’s Excellent Adventure. They have decided to veer off the beaten path and go sight-seeing. We know where this is leading, don’t we?
God, I hope they find zombies.
They have a GPS, an iPad, a map, plus ask a local for directions and STILL manage to fuck it up. I don’t think that was staged, people. I think they’ve held their heads a little too long over a steaming pot and their brains have wilted.
FINALLY we arrive at Border Springs Farm! Or Rappahanock Farm. OK, each of the guys owns a farm. Spike is very excited. He wants to ride a tractor, feed some cows, and act like a man. That made me laugh.
The Dynamic Duo is then plunked into the middle of a sheep pen for a very pathetic attempt at sorting sheep. Spike compares Jen to Paris Hilton in her reality show, The Simple Life. Who put that idiot on TV? God, I hate Paris Hilton. And she’s ugly, for the record.
Back to NYC, where after a successful GMA appearance, Richard calls Fabio and asks if he wants to hang out. Now, this is filmed with both Richard and Fabio seductively lounging in their respective hotel beds. Fabio decides to call it a man date – a sexy man-date. Richard is relaxed and laughing and he has got a great smile. He wants to look at knives and meet with other Top Chefs for dinner. Fabio says he wants to give Reeshard an Italian makeover. Now THAT would be television.
A leetle too much, maybe?
We see Reeshard (I’m going with the Fabio pronunciation) calling Carla from Top Chef season 8 to invite her to dinner at Talde, which is Dale Talde’s (season 8) restaurant. But in the meantime, he wants to buy a really expensive knife at the Korin Trading Company. Now, my first thought was that the wifey loves guns. Why are you putting another weapon within her reach? But it must be a knife that Richard is purchasing for himself. With that, Richard promptly tells the salesperson that he’s buying it as an anniversary present for his wife!! Are you KIDDING me?? You know that anniversary list found on the back page of a Hallmark pocket calendar? Well it’s his 8th anniversary and he thinks that’s iron and he wants to get his wife a knife. You really do stink when it comes to buying gifts. First of all, according to every list I’ve researched (took me about 10 seconds), iron is for the sixth anniversary. Bronze is the 8th anniversary, so you’ve already screwed up. Secondly, WHY ARE YOU BUYING HER A COOKING UTENSIL????? Get her a diamond necklace or a gold locket with your daughters’ photos in it or a day at the spa – NOT something that reminds her of all the things she does around the house!!! Someone needs a whack with a frying pan. Fabio attempts to warn him of this folly, but Richard purchases a white-handled $500 knife, forged by samurais in Japan. Just kidding.
it better be for that much money