Pageant mentors are as important to pageants as big red noses are to clowns. You just have to have one. And this pageant has a big one and he knows who he is.
I am the big red nose on this clown of a pageant.
This week we are treated to more of Michael Galanes’ words of wisdom. He is a self-proclaimed Queen of the Whole World and a pageant mentor. He believes that his vision and talent can turn any little dirty faced kid into a pageant winner.
With his vision and the hard work of the child and parents, he can turn any little child into a pageant champion.
But perhaps nothing is more telling of Michael’s talent than his words of wisdom which go down like shots of tequila at a bachelor party. Just listen and brace yourself for this week’s words of wisdom.
“I can lead a girl to the crown, but I can’t make them wear it.”
Doesn’t it just give you shivers? What a mentor, what a genius, what a guy.
Gasmii, it’s time to settle in with a good stiff drink, or light up your smoking materials and grab a candy bar or pop a valium, it’s time to watch the master at work.
This week’s featured competitors are Jayne and Katelyn.
Jayne appeared briefly in episode 1. She was receiving training from Michael Galanes the pageant director, more about him later. Jayne and her Mom Irina are new to pageants.
Irina is an attorney and appears to be a single Mom. Jayne is a cute little kid with very long red hair. Jayne is five years old and I’m totally jealous of her hair. This kid does not need a wiglet or fall or any other kind of clip on hair piece she has a lot of her own hair and hopefully Irina won’t succumb to pressure from any other pageant vendors.
Jayne smiles for the TV crew at her Mom’s office.
Our other featured girl is Katelyn. She is 6 years old. Her Mom is Kristin and her Dad is Robert. They share custody of their little girl. Robert wants Katelyn to be a model and has decided they are OK with putting her in pageants. Kristin and Robert have learned to get along for the sake of Katelyn because it will reflect on her performance in pageants if they do not get along. I have a feeling that Rob and possibly Kristin, view pageant success as necessary to recoup their investment in Katelyn’s pageant clothes, lessons and entrance fees.
Katelyn looks like a normal cute little girl. Wait til you see what they do to her.
Katelyn has long brown hair and brown eyes. She’s very cute, which means of course that the makeup and clothes will mask her natural beauty and cost a lot of money.
Jayne is with her Mom Irina, at her Mom’s office. Irina is an attorney and I can imagine having an energetic five year old running round is a little distracting. Jayne has a very active imagination. She sticks her head in the office where Irina is talking to the camera and says “I’m now playing the haunted house” then runs away as fast as she said it. She comes back and says “We can’t get out of here, we’re trapped!!!” and she runs away again. Jayne has lots of energy.
Irina says “If Jayne wants something, she wants to do something, she wants to participate; it’s easier to just let her do it, than say no Jayne you can’t do it.” I have a feeling that no one says no to Jayne. Irina tries to get Jayne’s attention she says “Is that a pageant girl?” I think Irina might want to reel in her little pageant girl a little sooner than later. Never saying no to a child, is not a good thing. Believe me when she is 13, you’ll be sorry.
No one says no to Jayne. Wait until she’s a teenager.
Jayne looks down at the floor and says “oh no, you fainted” and runs away again. When she comes back Irina says “Are you going to be a pageant girl?” Jayne says ” yes, but I’m just doing a movie. Hello” I guess Jayne set her Mom straight.
Jayne stars in her own disaster movie.
Once the movie is over, she’ll be happy to be a pageant girl. Perhaps Irina should have checked Jayne’s busy schedule. I know that Jayne is kind of being bad, but I love a little kid with an imagination. I can’t fault Irina for allowing the playacting. You don’t see kids playing pretend stuff very often today.
Irina says that for Jayne to go up to the next level it requires much more effort, work and resources. Jayne pops in and runs away down the hall again.
Finally Irina calls out to her “Jayne, I’m not part of this movie anymore.” But Jayne is not phased, she was probably going to have all of Irina’s scenes cut from the final version of her movie anyway.
Irina is an attorney. Irina probably thinks if she and Jayne work hard, the end result will be success in the “pageant world”. Sorry Irina, pageants defy logic.
Its time to get to know Michael our famous pageant director who creeps out all of the contestants with the weird song he does at the end. Did I mention his forehead doesn’t move? It must be that hot Florida sun paralyzing his facial muscles.
Michael is the Pageant Queen. He has had too much Florida sun and his forehead is paralyzed. He looks amazingly life-like.
Michael wears a lot of foundation. I’ve noticed it every time he is on camera. I can’t decide what is most distracting, the makeup or the paralyzed face.
Michael says that he opens his doors to anyone competing to make certain they’re at the top of their game. Michael goes to Jayne’s house to help her with the pageant. He asks Irina if she has an outfit for the Wow Wear category. Wow wear is the second category in this pageant. It allows the girl to show some of her personality and to Wow the judges. It is part costume, part skit and the little girl is supposed to let her personality shine.
Irina tells Michael they got their outfit yesterday. It is a Yankee Doodle Dandy outfit. You can tell from the look on Michael’s face they got the wrong costume.
Irina tells Michael about the Yankee Doodle costume. Michael does not like it at all.
Michael, the Pageant God tells Irina without even seeing Jayne’s outfit “That bores me. I wish you would have called, that’s very boring.” Michael explains in an aside “God gives us all gifts. What we need to do is find a pageant mentor, which is myself or somebody great. Sometimes the family and the little girl need to be told what the gift is and then hone in on that gift.” I guess he told her. Irina writes down everything Michael says the good and bad. I wonder if she’s thinking about suing him?
This is Michael’s “not wow” look. It’s like the anti-wow.
Michael starts talking about Jayne’s costume. “Wow, wow the judges. A girl comes out in all American outfit wow, not. So why don’t we play it up to be wow. Let me hear it Jayne.” Right on cue, Jayne starts to sing Yankee Doodle. She sings clearly and is on key.
Michael says she can do well in this if the outfit is “glitzy” and fun and we cover it up. Put on a costume that’s glitzy and fun and then cover it up. That makes sense. But Michael isn’t done yet.
Irina cuts in “I always have great respect for such huge talent like he has.” Irina is taking notes as Michael free thinks his way into a tizzy. You can see his eyes beginning to spin around and even though his face is paralyzed, we can see he is just seconds from an epiphany.
Irina listens and watches intently as Michael’s awesomeness begins to percolate right in front of her eyes.
Michael’s advice drops like diamonds from his mouth into the waiting hands of his pageant girls and Moms. Irina is waiting with her pen at the ready to copy down all of Michael’s talented comments. Michael says “You know what would even work? is just those kids ponchos.” A poncho over the Yankee Doodle outfit? I’m having trouble seeing Michael’s vision, but I’m sure he’ll clear it up.
Michael is on a roll now, he creates an award winning “wow” wear experience. Michael explains his vision to Irina and Jayne. “She’s going to come out as a chimney sweep. Sweep, sweep, sweep she’s a chimney sweep. Then she leaves the stage and comes back out as the red, white and blue girl and then she comes down here (the front of the stage). That’s when she’ll do her Yankee Doodle song.”
Michael is percolating like a coffee pot left unattended on high. Soon he’ll be all over the place.
Michael is skipping around the room as he sings “Yankee Doodle”. Then he stops for the grand finale. Michael sings “He stuck a feather in his hat” then Michael twirls around and as he comes back to the front he raises his arm and exclaims “and called it MACARONI I!!”
Michael skips his way into Wow heaven.
Michael has completely wowed himself. He says to Irina “Even in the hour we’ve been chatting it’s starting to create more Wow.” In the background during this whole performance as Michael is skipping around, Jayne is playing with a pair of red ear muffs which she has had over her ears since he started singing.
Is that a subtle, “Shut up” I hear from the little red-haired girl? I thought so. The ear muffs won’t be able to block out the sight of Michael skipping around the room and singing. You poor kid. Don’t worry the mean guy that wants you to be a chimney sweep is just visiting, he doesn’t live with you.
Jayne tries to block out the sight of Michael singing. Why does he want her to sweep?
Michael says maybe she can be a chimney sweep or a hobo. “She’s sweeping the streets then all of a sudden she’s starring on the street in her very own parade, the Yankee Doodle Parade.” Irina is busily taking notes, “chimney sweep definitely”. IRINA – you are an attorney, a smart woman, why are you doing this to your daughter and why are you listening to this big goofy guy skipping around your living room?
Michael wows himself.
As I’m watching this I’m starting to wonder about something. If Jayne is a chimney sweep, you know up on a ROOF, how is she in a parade on a street? Chimney sweeps, sweep the inside of chimneys not streets. How can sweeping out a chimney transport the Yankee Doodle girl to a parade on a street?
Chimney sweeps, are on the roof, not in the street. Surely this fact will not discourage Michael
I know, rule one of this pageant, stop using my brain. Maybe it’s a bigger problem. I think I’ve got it, Michael’s “wow” has not translated to me. I can’t see his vision for wow. I can’t see it because I think that all little girls are special and beautiful and don’t need makeup or coaches or false tans, fake eyelashes and hair pieces. I also don’t think they need to wear dresses with so much crinoline they can stand on their own.
This whole chimney sweep thing is crazy. And Michael is the King of Crazy. I guess I’ll never know the feeling of having my own crown. Unless of course I just buy one.
As Michael and Irina are basking in the glow of Michael’s WOW performance, Jayne says “I’m gonna be a star.” Maybe Jayne, but not this way.
Jayne is going to be a star one day. Even if she isn’t going to be a chimney sweep.
Back to Katelyn.
Katelyn’s Mom is having Katelyn practice her Wow Wear routine. Kristin tells us that Katelyn will be a rock girl. Her cousins will help her by being her fans and cheering for her. They will wear t-shirts with Katelyn’s picture on them. Rob (Katelyn’s Dad) is dyeing a fake fur vest for Katelyn in a bucket in the kitchen. He is using the tongs from a barbecue set to swish the vest around.
For some reason, Rob always wears his sunglasses in the house. I’m going to give him the benefit of doubt and assume it’s because of the bright lights needed by the tv crew. It seems kind of early in the day to be drunk, so I’ll go with the bright lights.
Rob’s Katelyn’s future is so bright he’s gotta wear shades.
Mom is making a poster that says “Katelyn Rocks”. Dad pulls the vest out of the dye and says it looks like a dead animal. I’m guessing that’s an improvement.
Katelyn’s fur vest, dyed by Dad.
Katelyn’s reaction to her vest is not what Rob expects. I agree kid, but you’re gonna have to wear it anyway.
Sometimes you have to suffer for fashion.
Katelyn is dancing around with a fake pink guitar. She is supposed to touch her little cousin on the cheek so he faints as part of her Wow Wear routine. She doesn’t want to do that part and is pouting about it.
So Kristin (Katelyn’s Mom) begins the humiliation and torture that will lead to Katelyn’s inevitable appearance on some future “Rock of Love” bus tour with a very old Bret Michaels. The bullying and insults must start at a young age to achieve the kind of need-for-validation you can only get by vying for the attention of an aging rock star or a pole.
When I grow up, I’ll change my name to Kate-a-licious, and work in very cool clothes and clear plastic platforms.
Kristin calls to Katelyn ” Do you want to win this or not? Why are you being such a brat?” Katelyn doesn’t answer but continues to pout. Keep it up Kristin, in just a few years we can watch you bitch slap someone else and pull out their fake hair if they try to steal Brett’s attentions.
When I grow up, I’ll have an unlisted phone number.
Back to Jayne.
Irina is showing Jayne’s new dress that she bought on EBAY for $100. She shows all the dresses and how she progressed from a fairly simple but tasteful dress to the sequined and ruffled nightmare with beads that she is sure will help Jayne do better in this pageant. Irina thinks this dress is the logical conclusion after hearing all the negative feedback on her other dresses.
This is the logical conclusion when you go from simple, beautiful and tasteful to pageant wear. They are at opposite ends of the clothing spectrum.
This is Irina’s downfall, she is logical. Irina takes notes and she uses logic to try and get the results that she expects after careful planning and performance. There is nothing logical that will guarantee that her darling daughter will win a pageant. Even one that is created for a TV show where she is a featured subject.
Poor Irina, pageants are much more complicated than the legal matters she deals with in her professional career as an attorney.
Back to Katelyn. Katelyn is at a store trying on clothes for “Wow Wear”. Rob and Kristin are both there helping her. Katelyn loves trying on clothes and looking at herself. It’s kind of cute. Katelyn “I look good in everything, when I go shopping I feel like a movie star.” I don’t remember doing a lot of this as a kid. Basically, clothes were in a box from Gramma or another generous relative, or they came in the mail from the Sears catalog.
Katelyn does look cute in everything. She finally settles on a pair of gray camo shorts (not too short or tight), a white tank top that says I (heart) rock and a pair of pink glitter high top tennies. This is a cute outfit and if I was a little kid I would totally have wanted those shoes. Heck, I’d probably wear them now if I could find a pair my size.
Katelyn poses in her “Wow Wear” outfit.
I love her shoes.
Katelyn’s shoes are made to rock out!
Now that Katelyn has her outfit, it’s time to go to see her coach. Tiffany is her dance instructor. She gets $65 per lesson and Kristin feels that Katelyn can’t win without Tiffany’s help. Kristin says that she noticed that girls that work with Tiffany usually make it to the top ten, or top five or they win. So Kristin watches as Katelyn pretty much walks through her routine.
Katelyn’s Mom Kristen and the dance coach Tiffany watch Katelyn do her “wow wear” routine.
It’s weird how she puts her hand over her head like she is a top or something. It’s just weird. Kristin is laughing as she takes notes during the rehearsal. Laughing at your daughter is not the kind of support that will result in a good performance. But, it is step 2 on the path to that tour bus on “Rock of Love”.
I’m a little teapot, sorry sexpot….”
Back to Irina. She thinks that Michael’s plan was too complicated and that Jayne will not do anything she doesn’t want to do. Irina has created a bit of a monster in never saying no to Jayne. Jayne does not want to be a chimney sweep. I don’t blame her.
Jayne is being coached by a woman named Jessica who utters my favorite line of the whole show. As Jayne and Irina come into the studio she says ” I hope she brought her baton.” Seriously, I hope we get to see some twirling during this series. Some really whacky twirling with a whole red, white and blue ruffled explosion.
Jayne dances for Jessica, she can’t stop moving.
As Jayne begins working with Jessica, Irina’s phone rings and she takes a call. Jessica says that Irina has to get someone else to take the calls because Jayne needs her to reinforcing the routine.
Jayne rehearses with Jessica.
What Jessica fails to understand of course, is that Irina is an attorney, she can’t stop taking calls to take her daughter to dance class. I’m guessing that any other time, Jayne would be at the dance studio with her Gramma or maybe an Aunt or a nanny.
Jessica tells Irina she needs to get off the phone to help reinforce the routine and help Jayne. Irina is very interested and involved as a parent.
After Jayne’s dance lesson, Irina is at home and decides it’s time to call Michael and confess about the routine. She tells Michael that she put the poncho over Jayne’s red, white and blue dress but that Jayne got really upset.
Michael reprimands her and says “I’m not for negotiating with a five year old. Jayne does not get to make the decisions. When her coach and mentor is telling her otherwise. This is a staged performance and Jayne is not in charge of costumes.”
Irina receives a verbal beat down from Michael regarding Jayne’s wow wear routine.
With his best prissy put down Michael finishes with “If you are willing to sacrifice getting a lower score so Jayne feels good, then I say go for it.”
Michael’s tone of voice with Irina reminds me of someone, if I could just put my finger on it. Hmmm, oh yes, he’s had a Nellie moment. Good job Michael, recalling an iconic image like Nellie to put your words in the correct tone.
Let’s see do we make the kid miserable and make her appear as a chimney sweep and then a red, white and blue girl who sings. Or do we let Jayne appear in her outfit, sing her song and take a bow? I think it’s an easy choice. Besides, no little girl is ever going to grasp the nuances that Michael expects in the Wow Wear category. No one except Michael, of course. I’m wondering how long it will be before Michael participates in a pageant and wins the title of Little Miss Pefect?
Then in an aside to the camera Michael says “I think Irina lacks vision and doesn’t push it like I think it needs to be pushed if you want to win the title, that of Little Miss Perfect”. Geez, Michael your talents are being wasted. Maybe it’s time for you to get a couple of kids of your own and ruin their lives. Then you can live with the results of your heavy handed comments. I bet he could make a 3 year old cry if he tried.
And then Michael utters another gem that has rolled down from his lips to the haggard masses of un-coached little urchins who hope to one day be able to wear the crown of “Little Miss Perfect.”
I can lead the young lady to the crown, but I can’t make her wear it.
Bravo, BRAVO Michael, our pageant director, God, Queen of the Whole World. If that phrase isn’t ripe for a movie, I don’t know what is. I would totally copyright that statement if I were him and sell t-shirts and make that the motto for his pageant bullying business, sorry pageant coaching business.
It’s the day before the pageant. It’s time to pack. Irina asks Jayne what she wants to pack, and Jayne shows her a small teddy bear. Irina asks why she wants to pack the bear. Jayne says “because it is very special and I want her to see how much I’m gonna do good.” by all means kid, pack the stuff that makes you feel good.
Jayne packs enough clothes for a month. They will only be gone one night. Irina again indulges Jayne but letting her make choices.
Jayne wants to take her bear for comfort and to show her bear what she can do.
This won’t backfire nearly as much as the never saying “no” thing will. By letting Jayne make these decisions it will reinforce her confidence, so I actually like letting the kid pick the clothes. You can always throw her underwear, socks and pj’s in your own suitcase.
Kristin is packing for Katelyn. They go over to Rob’s to get the t-shirts for Katelyn’s cousins but Rob didn’t finish the shirts and Kristin is mad. She berates Rob “If you weren’t gong to do this you should have said so, then I will do it.”
Rob says he will do it, but it looks like Kristin isn’t going to let this slide. She’s mad but goes to the hotel.
Rob and Kristen argue because Rob doesn’t have Katelyn’s t-shirts for the pageant. What happened to getting along for the sake of Katelyn’s performance?
Jayne is at the hotel and is practicing. She forgets what she is supposed to do. Irina needs to help remind Jayne what she has to do on stage. Remember all those notes she took? Irina actually knows what Jayne is supposed to do.
However, Irina isn’t too crazy about participating in this, but she does and says ” I tried to stay away from step, step, turn thus far in my life, but desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Irina rolls up her slacks and demonstrates for Jayne. Jayne is critiquing her Mom which actually reinforces Jayne’s memory and again, builds her confidence. Good work Irina, by demonstrating the walk, Jayne got to give someone else the do’s and don’ts and that will help her in the long run. Also, she doesn’t get bullied or berated the night before the show. Interesting concept, no late night rehearsals, no yelling.
Jayne watches and critiques her Mom’s walk.
Over in Katelyn’s world. It is 9:56PM and Katelyn is rehearsing in the pageant room on the stage. Kristin is still making the sign and now it is time for all to go to bed. The are all tired and Katelyn is not really doing her routine at all. She is just too tired.
Katelyn rehearses the night before the pageant on the stage.
The next morning all the kids are tired in Katelyn’s room. Jayne got up early because she was very excited. Katelyn’s Dad comes through and shows up with the t-shirts with pictures of Katelyn on them. Mom is very happy. Dad is still wearing the weird backpack and the shades.
Rob shows up with the t-shirts, lucky for him I wouldn’t want to cross his ex-wife.
It’s finally pageant time. For those of you that didn’t watch any of the episodes, there are three parts to each pageant. First is the interview, second is the WOW wear and third is the beauty part where they wear their prettiest dresses.
There are three judges. Same as last time, we have Rob the guy with beard, Deedy the lady with dog named Godiva and Nyesha, the woman who is Miss South Africa USA. I still don’t know what that is.
The judges all seem like fairly nice folks, bad actors, but nice. The acting part comes with their feigned surprise and faces they make at the little girls in this pageant. For example, Nyesha has the habit of nodding, mouthing the word “precious” when she sees a cute kid. All you need to do is smile, clap and write down the scores. All the fake surprise stuff is really bad. If you were being judged, we would take off points for your bad acting.
No one thinks you are really surprised at how cute the girls look, stop trying to look surprised. It makes you look goofy.
The interview is first. Jayne is the first kid to be interviewed. Michael asks Jayne, who her best friend is and she says “BJ because he gave me a thank you note and plays with me all the time.” Jayne is very cute and speaks pretty well.
Jayne does her interview question with Michael.
Judge Nyesha, smiles and nods and acts surprised as Jayne talks about the thank you note. Nyesha, just clap and nod, no more fake surprise looks, it just looks stupid.
Stop, you are not auditioning. No one thinks you are surprised.
Backstage Jayne is overwhelmed by her own performance. Jayne says “I feel like it was my miracle cause I’ve been in a lot of pageants and now it’s just the right pageant. This is the right stage to not fall off on like the other one. I feel like a princess. A princess on a butterfly wheel.”
Jayne is happy with her interview results. But what about the other pageant?
OK, STOP!! Who wants to see video from the other pageants? I DO. I have a feeling this quirky kid put on quite a few great shows. She is funny and has a great imagination, it’s time to let her talents shine. She is wasting her time in pageants, this kid is a true performer.
Katelyn has her question, she is asked if there is someone she would like to meet. She says yes she wants to meet Selena Gomez because she is on TV. It’s very cute and Katelyn speaks well and seems to have a good performance too, she is not as excited as Jayne but she is happy.
Katelyn’s interview goes well.
The interviews are over and the girls go back to their rooms for a break before Wow Wear. Kristin is still working on Katelyn’s sign and Katelyn wants to help.
How long does it take to make this poster? She’s been working on it for more than two days.
Katelyn starts to color and her Mom yells at her for coloring outside the line on the poster. I thought only really mean Kindergarten teachers yelled at kids for coloring outside the lines, not your own Mom.
Katelyn wants to help make the poster for her “wow wear” performance.
Katelyn goes to the other side of the room and starts to cry. Then her Mom tells her to stop crying or she will ruin her makeup and then they will have to do it all over again. Nice Kristin, way to make your kid feel even worse.
Katelyn goes over to her Mom, still crying she says “I didn’t know I was bad at coloring.” Katelyn’s poor heart is broken and she is crying like she will never stop.
Katelyn is tired, crabby and sad. The “triple crown” of pageant girls.
Kristin tells Katelyn to stop crying and then tells her that “at least you color better than (your cousin).” I guess that’s better than saying nothing. Hey Kristin, you are her Mom and should be her biggest fan, not her biggest critic.
It’s OK Katelyn, childhood doesn’t last forever. You can pay her back by crashing her car and losing her earrings when you are a teenager.
Over in Jayne’s room, Jayne is already to go with her red, white and blue costume. There is no chimney sweep outfit in sight. I agree with Irina on this one, the kid is too little to do the costume change and besides, it makes no sense to be a chimney sweep, sweeping a street before your own parade. Maybe it works in the parade in Michael’s head, but not in this pageant.
Back to the pageant. The judges take their seats and for some unknown reason Godiva (Deedy’s dog) has made a costume change. She is wearing a grass skirt. No one comments on this, but it is a little strange. Maybe Godiva is going on to a Hawaiian vacation after the pageant.
Jayne is up first. Irina is worried “Jayne loves to perform and sometimes she just makes things up as she goes. I just hope that she’ll perform the routine Jessica choreographed for her.” But Irina has nothing to worry about, Jayne does the routine the way she is supposed to, she sings clearly and on key. I think she looked great although the dress was a little big. But she was really cute and has a pleasant voice.
Jayne does her Yankee Doodle song.
Next up they show Abigail Evans. Abigail Evans is another kid in the pageant. Although she is not one of the featured girls, they show her routine. I think this is due to the fact that she probably should have won the pageant, but that’s just my opinion.
Abigail starts her routine called “Too Much Booty In The Pants”. She has 3 kids with her and she does some cheerleading moves and jumps. Poor Katelyn is standing in the back and gets all freaked out because Abigail’s routine is similar to Katelyn’s routine. Plus they both are using extra kids in their routines.
Abigail’s routine ends with her jumping off the stage into the arms of two of her friends who are performing with her. That ending is a lot more theatrical than the one Katelyn is doing in just a few minutes. Kristin says Katelyn only has about ten minutes to get Abigail’s performance out of her mind and concentrate on her own routine.
Katelyn’s routine starts. She goes on stage with her three cousins. She is wearing the fur vest, her new outfit, some fake hair, glitter and she does all the moves they rehearsed.
Katelyn rocks out during her wow wear routine.
She looks very cute and the judges give a very rehearsed clapping and surprised look when the little cousin pretends to faint at the end of the routine. Enough with the feigned surprise judges, it looks bad.
Oh for heavens sake, she didn’t split the atom. Stop over acting, it’s embarrassing.
The first two parts of the pageant are over and the girls have a break before the final part, the evening gowns. Evening gowns ? Not really, just overly decorated dresses on a little girl who is wearing too much makeup, extra hair, eyelashes, spray tans, fake teeth and acrylic nails. It’s the beauty part of the pageant, if you think those things make you beautiful.
During the break, the girls have their hair redone, sprayed again, more makeup and their fancy dresses are put on. It is down to the wire and this final part of the pageant. This is the last chance the participants have to impress the judges and hopefully do whatever they can to win the pageant.
Jayne and Katelyn are waiting backstage. Jayne is like a live wire. She is so excited she starts rapping “oh, yeah, oh yeah, go pageant, go pageant” Jayne is rocking out when the little girl next to her reaches over and puts her little hand in it’s little white glove over Jayne’s mouth to make her shut up. That was really cute, Jayne’s enthusiasm is probably getting to the other kids waiting to go onstage.
Jayne gets edited by a competitor.
Michael is mumbling something about how if a girl’s smile is connected to her heart, generally that will translate to a very high score. He also says something about the little girl needs to “own” her look.
Yup a five year old can “own” her look and her smile is connected to her heart. Isn’t it awful to think these kids smile when they don’t want to, wear clothes and hair and makeup they don’t want to wear and put up with the constant critiquing during every single pageant? I’m starting to see them as victims instead of contestants.
Jayne goes out first. She is stiff on stage, but cute and acts pretty normal. Her dress has beads and ruffles and sparkles. She walks around the stage, turns around, smiles at the judges and then waves goodbye. She is really stiff, but so are the rest of the girls.
Jayne looks pretty in her pink dress.
I’m still jeaous of Jayne’s hair.
Jayne’s natural hair is all she needs, no wiglets or falls.
Next up is Abigail Evans, our little dark horse. Abigail is very pretty, she is not wearing very much makeup, no fake hair, no false eyelashes, no spray tan. She is wearing a very pretty white dress with white lace on it, and some ruffles. She looks like a pretty little girl. Abigail looks normal, not overly coached or painted which means she has no chance at all of winning this pageant.
Abigail is not wearing much makeup, no fake hair, no fake teeth and no false eyelashes. She’ll probably lose.
Finally we have Katelyn. Katelyn is a pretty little girl. Her dress is blue and has a halter with a corset back. She has body glitter on her back and legs. She is also wearing feathers in her hair and blue eye-shadow up to her brow bone.
Katelyn’s closeup for the evening gown competition. A little too much is not a good thing in beauty.
Katelyn’s dress from the back. Too much stuff. Too much feathers, too much corset, halter, glitter on the skin. Too much.
Katelyn is wearing way too much makeup. The blue eye-shadow looks really bad. Between the heavy makeup and the feathers, Katelyn is kind of a mess. She is way too pretty for all this crap.
So the pageant competition is done. The girls go to wait for crowning. The judges go to a room to discuss the pageant while another guy (Michael) totals up the judges scores for each of the little girls. The judges discussion has no bearing on the outcome but it is pretty interesting.
Judge Deedy thinks that Katelyn had too much going on. Feathers in her hair and too much eye makeup. I agree Deedy, Katelyn doesn’t need all that crap on her face and take the feather out of her hair. She is not in the chorus at the Golden Nugget All Nude Review, yet.
Katelyn looks tired and she’s only six years old.
Robert the male judge agrees with Deedy, he didn’t like Katelyn’s makeup or feathers either. Robert thinks Abigail Evans really looks the part of the Little Miss Perfect pageant. She had a good interview, good wow wear and looked great in her dress. Deedy agrees with Robert. However Nyesha disagrees and said Abigail’s dress was boring. By boring she must mean tasteful and pretty.
Deedy and Robert agree that Abigail is the total Little Miss Perfect, but Nyesha think’s Abigail’s dress was boring.
Nyesha likes Jayne and said she really felt Jayne’s Wow Wear was good. Rob thought the whole red, white and blue thing was boring and overdone. Michael’s eyes perk up when he hears this. I can just hear him saying “told you so, told you so” to Irina.
Back to the pageant. Since there are not that many girls in this pageant, Michael is going to sing his creepy song then they will announce the Top Five. So he sings to the little girls and he has a little change in the lyrics this week. Although the lyrics are a little different, it’s still just as creepy.
“There are perfect colored rainbows,
on the other side.
Hop on your magic carpet
and take a wild ri-i-i-i-ide!”
Jayne’s face says it all.He’s not exactly one of the Jonas’ brothers is he?
Michael would be a good lounge singer in a piano bar in Atlantic City. Just think of the outfits and the songs he could sing. This guy is freaky. I know the song is really not that bad, but it bothers me. And the more often I see his botoxed face the more often I wonder, how much stuff do you have to get injected before your head goes numb?
Michael’s singing talents are wasted on these little kids.
So now the big event. We get the Top Five. To no one’s surprise, the top five includes Jayne, Katelyn and Abigail Evans. Could this be an upset? Is it possible that neither of the featured girls will win the title “Little Miss Perfect”?
The little girls wait to hear which of them has won the title of Little Miss Perfect.
Jayne gets 3rd runner up and is presented with a trophy.
Jayne gets third runner up and she is so happy.
Abigail and Katelyn are standing in the front of the stage, it’s down to them. The suspense is killing me, they both stand there looking so cute, it’s a shame someone will be going home without the crown.
Katelyn and Abigail wait to find out which of them has won the pageant.
After a little build-up they announce that Abigail is 1st runner up. She happily accepts the trophy and smiles bravely.
Abigail smiles as she receives the 1st runner up trophy.
That means Katelyn wins!! Katelyn’s mouth is literally hanging open, she can’t believe she won. Neither can I considering 2 of the 3 judges said they thought Abigail Evans was perfect.
Katelyn can’t believe she won the pageant.
Abigail accepts her trophy and smiles, but starts to cry on stage. It’s hard to be a good sport when you’re a little kid.
Abigail bravely tries to keep her head held high.
Katelyn is still standing there looking a bit like a carp with her mouth hanging open. Katelyn still can’t believe she won. She doesn’t smile, she just stands there with her mouth hanging open.
Katelyn still has trouble believing she won the pageant.
Down on the floor, Jayne is standing by her mom ” They give me this trophy and I can’t even talk.” She goes on ” I think I’ll go to more pageants. I love pageants.” This was really cute, I think Jayne was almost in tears she was so happy. What a little sweetie.
Jayne is so happy, she can’t even talk.
Irina’s eye’s get big at Jayne’s announcement regarding more pageants. More pageants, means Mom gets to continue to try and win pageants by studying, making changes and improving. Irina, those tactics work well for school work and for projects at work, but not for pageants. The only way to win pageants is to continue to listen to mentors like Michael and dance instructors and spend a lot of money on dresses, makeup and a bunch of fake things to take away Jayne’s natural beauty.
Irina may have many more days like this in her future. Don’t worry, she won’t give up her day job.
As we leave the conference room at the hotel where they held the pageant, they pan back to poor crying Abigail and our “Little Miss Perfect” winner Katelyn who is still standing their with her mouth hanging open. Katelyn says she is so surprised, she normally finishes 4th or 5th.
Katelyn is relishing her win. Or at least she will, once she figures out it’s really true.
Kristin and Rob are very proud of their little girl. Unfortunately, I doubt if the $1000 prize money will even make a dent in the amount of money they spent on lessons, clothing and entrance fees. If they’re hoping Katelyn will develop into a “cash cow” I wish them luck. Not every little girl is a Miley Cirus, thank goodness.
Until next time Gasmii let’s all do our pageant goodbye.
Touch the crown,
wipe a tear,
touch the pearls
hand on heart,
And follow that with your best pageant wave.
Love and luck,