Live to Dance: An Act Worth Watching For?

This show is exhausting.  It’s neither good enough to be excited about, nor bad enough to really get into making fun of.  It’s just bleh.  Meh.  Fleh.  Andrew wants us all to be super excited since this is the last of the semi final rounds.  This.  Is Live to Dance.

You and your goofy ass mouth are not doing it for me, Andy.

Andrew is really full of it tonight; he tries to sell to us that this is the most celebrated dance floor in America.  Ha!  He’s so funny.  He goes on, saying that right here is where the nation’s best dancers come to perform.  Are there other performances here that we’re unaware of?

In just two more weeks someone will be walking away with a half a million dollars and the title of best new dance act in America.  I make a weird snortling chuckle sound as I think “Just because you say it, doesn’t make it true.”

In just two weeks I will be Hugh Jackman’s wife.

What? It’s worth a shot, isn’t it?

Don’t rain on my parade, mmkay? I need something to help me make it through the last couple of weeks of this show!  Here come the judges, still holding hands as they walk out on stage.  I am really cranky tonight because that makes me want to start singing kumbaya.  Sarcastically.

Is it just me or does her hair get worse every week?

Poor Andrew.  He knows this show is crap, so he’s trying his damnedest to stir up drama, telling us that last week’s decision was controversial.  Yes, ballet is bringing the controversy to this show.  I guess because the decision wasn’t unanimous?

The only decision that matters.

Sorry Kimberly and Travis, you’re just there to frame Paula.  I’d say you’re there to look pretty, but have you seen yourselves lately?  Yikes!

Time to find out who America picked.  Andrew tells us that the judges may have been torn, but America was not.  In fact, we don’t even see the top two vote getters, so it must have been a landslide.  And the act moving into the finals is……

DUH.

I can’t wait to see what ragged ass tutu costume they come up with next.  Andrew asks Paula if America made the right decision.  They sure did.

And if they didn’t I would have put through the ones I want and said they were America’s choice.  What?

Alright, let’s get into this week’s performances.  As has been the case in the previous semi final rounds, Paula will be mentoring the dancers.  First up will be Dance Town Chaos.  I actually have high hopes for these guys because they looked good from what we saw in their audition.

Thankfully douchey hair shaving doesn’t affect dance ability.

They sit down to talk to Paula who is cradling a teeny tiny dog.  One of the guys tells her that people think he’s cool and all until they find out he’s a dancer.  Then they give him a hard time.  Baloney.

I think “people” like him online until they meet him in person and realize he’s using someone else’s picture. 

These guys can obviously dance and they’ve got great technique.  The one issue I have with them is their timing.  They’re not always together, and honestly?  I think there are a couple of guys they could lose and the group would be stronger for it.  Even with that, they’re one of the strongest acts we’ve seen over the course o this show, so I’m not going to complain too much about them.

On a completely superficial note, I have to tell you guys that as much as I appreciate eye candy I am really sick of all the dudes dancing without shirts on this show.  Especially those that are either twelve or not well toned.  Please put a shirt on.

Paula?  Any thoughts?

And……seal clap.

She says she must have seemed like the biggest dork to them because she was like a little kid in Disneyland for the first time.  Yes, Paula, we all know how much you love the very young man meat.

Good lord, Paula.  Keep it in your panties!

She tells them that what they’re doing is so important, not only to this show but to show all the naysayers who think that athleticism only applies to sports.  She babbles on incoherently for a while before giving them a gold star.

Travis says he was wondering how they were going to top their audition performance but they actually surpassed it; he thinks it was excellent.  There was artistry, attention to detail, it was fun and it was masculine.  Gold star.

Kimberly thinks that as athletes their ability is really top notch and she just loves how they showcase the strength of their group.  Gold star.

Up next, Jill and Jacob.  Their rehearsal package is all about how they don’t want to listen to Paula so I think we can safely assume that the judges won’t be putting these guys through to the finals unless they decided to do it her way after all.

I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed.  What I liked about them during the audition show was the way they played on the juxtaposition of their styles.  In a weird way they sort of reminded me of a younger, less polished version of Phillip and Jeannine (from SYTYCD).

In this routine they got rid of that element, both doing hip hop which is obviously not Jill’s strong suit.  Since Jacob isn’t that strong of a dancer either, it just sort of fell flat.  Dang, I was sort of hoping they would prove Paula wrong.

Travis tells them that they are so much better than what they put out there tonight.

Jacob already has his bitchface on.

He tells them that their first performance was like young people falling in love and this one is more like married people getting a divorce.  Yeouch.  But true.  He goes on, telling them that he lost the story, it was disconnected.  The dance was like a classroom dance with a couple of tricks thrown in.  Red star.

How did Travis become my favorite judge?

Kimberly thinks it’s hard because they had so many elements and took so many risks.  Unfortunately they didn’t all pay off.  She praises Jill’s performance, and then tells Jacob she didn’t feel it from him.  She’s teeter tottering on her decision, but finally totters over to a red star.

Paula seems a little flummoxed by the others judges’ scores.  I bet she’s wishing right now that she had got to go first because I think in that circumstance she might have ripped into them a little more.  Instead, she talks about how much she admires Jacob’s confidence as someone starts to vacuum the backstage area.

That’s hilarious!  She’s flustered by the unplanned cleaning and babbles more than she usually does.  It’s throwing her for a loop.  She talks about how they need to stay in their niche before giving them a sympathy gold star.

Andrew wonders of Jacob felt the same disconnect that the judges are talking about, and you can see his eyes screaming a big ole fuck you to the judges.  He says they choreographed the routine for America and he’s sorry the judges weren’t feeling it, but they feel good about what they did out here tonight.

In other words, suck my dick.

I just love it when people can’t take criticism.  You’ll go far in this business, Jacob!

Next up is result Anderson Roosevelt who does some kind of floaty (sky walking) thing combined with bone breaking.  You know, this guy seems like a nice dude and all, but ‘m pretty sure I’ve already seen both the floaty and the bone breaking things on ABDC.  And better.

Yup.  You know, I really need a macro for “it was good, not great” because yet again, that’s how I feel.  One thing that did bug me was the wire work in the beginning.  I don’t think they needed the gimmick of pulling him up off the ground; he could have sold the floating/flying thing better than what they made it.

Kimberly really loves his passion for dance; she can see it when she watches him.  But she wanted more from this performance and so he gets a red star.

Paula disagrees and thinks that he is one of the most delightful people she has ever worked with.  You can tell she’s still annoyed at Jill and Jacob because she adds a little dig in there about how she loves that Roosevelt celebrates his niche.

Unlike OTHER people.

This whole niche thing is giving me déjà vu.  Now I’m having flashbacks of Randy and Paula and Simon trying to keep people in the little boxes they decided they should go into.  Deep breaths.  Anyway, Paula tells him to keep on keeping on.  He gets a seal clap and a gold star.

Travis thinks what he does is so innovative and cool.  He thinks Roosevelt has great control and almost makes it look too easy.  Although he wishes some of the moments had been a bit cleaner, he still thinks it was a great performance.  Gold star.

Now we move no to Tap Sounds Underground.  I’m really hoping these guys are good.  I liked what we were shown of them during the audition process, so I’ve got some high hopes here.  Those of you that read my SYTYCD recaps know I have a special place in my heart for tap and I keep hoping that we can see some really great representation of that genre in these shows.

Kimberly’s wondering if they can breathe new life into an old fashioned form of dance.  Ugh.  That irritates me.  So often when people try to “update” tap we’re left with a weird amalgam of jazz or hip hop and tap that always leaves me cold.  Maybe other people want to see that, I can only speak for myself, and I’d love to see traditional tap done really, really well.

These guys have got incredibly clean sound going on.  Wow.  One thing that this show definitely gets right is the tapping sound.  I don’t know if they’ve miked it or not, but Paula needs to share their approach with Nigel because the way they miked the tappers on SYTYCD drove me up a fucking wall.

I think these guys did a good job; they didn’t blow me away, but they are certainly some of the strongest tapping I’ve seen on a competitive show, and like I said before, their sound was CLEAN.  I’d love to see these guys make it into the finals.

Paula says she wishes they had made it seem easier than it is.  Is she trying to be funny?

Please stop.

She thinks they were also amazing to work with this week, and praises their workmanship, precision, and technique.  She says you can tell they have fun working together, and she loves that they bring a sense of walking with gratitude and paying tribute to their performance.  Gold star.

Travis really likes how they used the space, and even though there were times they weren’t exactly in sync, he still thinks it was a great performance.  He loves that they’re paying homage to a really important part o the dance world.  Gold star.

Kimberly thinks that as tappers there is no doubt that they are on a professional level.  Her challenge to them is that they find a way to breathe new life into tap.  Paula interrupts her to say she thinks they’ve done just that, but Kimberly is not buying it.  Red star.  She annoys the ever loving shit out of me.

Time for the next group, Shore Thing.  You remember these guys, right?  They were the group of kids dressed like zombies that had a cute concept but fell short in their actual dancing.  This time around their concept is about a dream world.  Let’s see if they’ve gotten their sloppy act together.

Nope.  They’ve attempted to solve their lack of togetherness by having a crapload of different stuff all going on at the same time.  I am not fooled by this.  I also am not thrilled with the contortionism input into the dance, nor the addition of tumbling runs and other gymnastics.  I think you guys know by now how much I loathe gymnastics in a dance routine, right?

Kimberly absolutely loves them and thinks their gymnastics were so awesome and incredible which would be fine if this was a gymnastics meets but it’s a FUCKING DANCE COMPETITION and her comments about the tumbling illustrate why I think her opinion is worth shit.  Oh, and she give them a fucking gold star which sends me into a fit of rage considering she just gave the tappers a red star.

If only I could reach out and smack her right now.

Paula is very proud of them and says she likes how they committed to their spacing.  LOL, Paula, way to find something nice to say.  She also gives them a gold star.  Really? Ugh.

Travis thinks that they have excellent theatricality and he loves that they fixed their timing issues.  Are we watching the same routine?  He still thinks they have a ways to go as far as their ability is concerned, but they are getting there, so he gives them a gold star.  I just might have a stroke.  What a crock of shit.

After some calming exercises, I’m ready to move on to the last act of the evening, Kendall Glover.  She was the competition girl that Paula told to wear less make up and the judges picked as their wildcard

My thoughts on her are pretty much the same as they were the first time; I think she’s good and she’s got talent, but she needs to work on finishing her movements.  There’s something very static about the way she dances because of that, but she’s young and has some time to work out some of those kinks.  She also puts gymnastics in her routine and it irritates me here as well although not as much as the last group because there’s less and her actual dancing is much better than the other group.

Travis enjoyed her performance, but he still wants her to work on her lines, to reach all the way through her legs and feet.  Yep, I think we’re on the same page on this one.  But then he gives her a red star and I’m a little annoyed by that, especially considering he gave the last group a gold star.

I think the tightness of your face is cutting off the blood to your brain, Travis.

The crowd is goes nuts booing him and Kimberly says she thinks Kendall was on fire.  She does agree that Kendall needs to work on her lines but thinks that she was incredible tonight.  Gold star.

Paula thinks she’s a gem and effervescent which could explain why she looks like she’s about to let one rip at any moment.  She says that if all the contestants had come to rehearsal as prepared as Kendall was, she would have been able to take a couple of days off.

Unlike certain people, coughJacobcough

She thinks Kendall is a bright star and so she gives her a gold one.

With that, the performances for this show are over.  Now it’s time for the judges to decide which act will make it through to the finals.  They tell us how difficult the decision is going to be while Andrew informs us that their decision is sponsored by Bing.

Are you fucking kidding me?  How fucking cheesy is that?

Enough of cheesy corporate sponsorship, it’s time to find out which act is going through.  And that act is………

Not surprising, after all it looked like all three of the judges went all gooey for these guys.  Also, they can actually dance so that makes me happy.  Hopefully someone will find them some shirts to wear next week.

And there you have it, Gasmi.  We now have to wait and see which act America puts through to the finals.  I’d like to see the tappers make it, but America isn’t always known for its love of tap.  Before tonight I would have said Jill and Jacob were a shoe-in, but I’m not so sure anymore.  I think it’s going to be between them and Kendall (although my fingers will be crossed for the tappers).

Who would you like to see move on?  Are you even watching anymore?  Does anyone know how many days until SYTYCD?  I need a countdown clock for that because after watching this show I am ready for some kick ass dancing on my TV.  Oh!  Gerrit!  Did you ever hear back from Anthony Burrell?

Le sigh.

And so, I’ll leave you with some hope.  Hope that these next two weeks fly by, and hope that we see the hunky man above grace our televisions again come May.  Until then, I’ll be here, drudging through this show counting the seconds until it ends.

SWAK, PottyMouth