Live to Dance: The End. Literally. Thankfully.

I heard some great news the other day; no second season for Live to Dance.  I wish I could feel sorry for Paula, but I don’t; she should have just taken Nigel up on his offer to be a judge on SYTYCD.  She probably would have done great there.  Oh well, too late now!

Anyway, we’ve got a final round and finale to get through, so I guess I’d better get a move on.  Sorry for the tardiness here, Gasmi, life has been a little loony lately and in all honesty?  My brain kept going all twitchy every time I thought about watching this show again.  But it can’t be put off forever, so here we go!

Oh Andrew, I wish I could say I’ll miss you; but I won’t, so I can’t.

Andrew is still trying to make us believe that the talent here is SOOOOO phenomenal.  Andrew obviously doesn’t know what the fuck he is talking about.  Really though, if they had started with the level of talent they have in this final six it might have made for a more interesting show.  Instead, they padded it with so much mediocrity that it was really nothing more than annoying.

Yes, I’m still bitter about this.

Let’s say hello to the judges!

Poor Kim.  Her hair’s so over processed, the bottom broke right off.

Travis is still learning how to put on a necklace.

She’s smiling ‘cause she hasn’t heard about the cancellation yet.

Andrew wonders how on earth America is going to pick a winner tonight.  Paula thinks they have their work cut out for them.  She wants people to vote for the dancers that inspire them.  I would, but they’re on another show, Paula.

There’s some unfinished business before we get to the final round of dancing; namely which of the acts from the final semi-final round did America vote through?  Well, I’m not going to keep you in suspense; just as I predicted, competition kid, Kendall Glover makes it through.  Shocking, I know.

Let’s get to the performances.  So as with any final show they’re going to show us clips of each act and then they’ll all talk about how much they want to win.  Blah, blah, blahblah.  I’m not recapping their filler sections, so let’s REALLY get right down to the performances.

Up first is Twitch.

It was a good performance, but at this point I feel like I’ve seen this same dance from them over and over and over.  So I’m a little bored by them at this point.

Let’s see what the judges think.

Travis liked it so much he decided to give them nightmares for months to come.

He thinks they’ve set the bar and it’s going to be so hard for everyone else; gold star.  Kim was afraid that they weren’t going to show anything different, but then Paula conked her on the head and she forgot everything she’d seen from them before.  Gold star.

I don’t know who you people are, but I loves ya!

Paula thinks they’re edginess really compliments their technique and gives them a gold star.  That’s so surprising because Paula is usually so tough on everyone.

Next up, WTFA.

Eh.  I love ballet, but I just wish they were better than they are.  At least this time there was no aerial ribbon dancing thrown in there, but it didn’t blow me away.

Of course Kimberly loves them; she’s blind to anything but the ballet shoes.  Gold star.  Paula thinks the show is privileged to celebrate ballet on a national level.  Because ballet has never been celebrated on a national program before she came along.  Hey, Paula!  Shut it.

Never!

Gold star from Paula.  Travis tells them that America loves them, the audience in the studio loves them, and even though they got off to a rocky start, he now loves them too.  Gold star.  Oh, I get it; it’s going to be a gold star evening, right?  Pleh.

Next is The Vibe; all five thousand of them.

I remain unimpressed with this group; just because you have fifty people on stage doesn’t mean you’re impressive.  Especially when you’re not even together.  They are the weakest of the final bunch in my opinion.

Paula has never seen such a large group of youngsters that manage to have such great technique.

She needs to get out more.

Gold star.  Travis thinks a lot of that was really beautiful, except for the parts that weren’t.  He thought it started wonderfully, but throughout the number it felt busy to him; there was too much going on.  Red star.  Yeah, Travis!  Kimberly disagrees; she thought they were clean and solid.  She’s a dumbass.  Gold star.

It’s Kendall Glover’s turn.

This kid really does have talent.  I just wish she’d slow down and breathe within her dancing.  Take the time to really reach out through her fingertips and toes.  Then she’ll really shine.

Kimberly thinks she is a powerhouse performer and has an incredible career ahead of her.  Gold star.  Paula also loves her and says this is one of her favorite routines.  Gold star.  Travis cannot wait to see what her career will bring.  Gold star from him as well.

Time for Dance Town Chaos.

These guys fucking killed it.  LOVE them.

They get a standing ovation from the judges, so I’m fairly certain they’re going to end up with three gold stars.  I’m right.

Are any of you over eighteen?

Oh Paula, keep it in your panties, will ya?

You must be this tall to ride Paula.

Oh, for crying out loud woman!  Enough!

Travis has a mini seizure just thinking about their performance and thinks they should have their own stage show.  Kimberly is in love.

So she shows them her ugly orgasm face.

We’ll take a shirt break so that the drool puddles created by Paula and Kimberly can be mopped up, and then it’s time for the last act of the evening; D’Angelo and Amanda.

I love these kids.  It’s so hard to believe that kids this young could be so polished and poised while performing, but they really are.  That said, I don’t actually think this was their best performance.  Still, their not best performance is still better than most of the other groups.

All three judges give them a standing ovation as well, so it’s not going to be a surprise that they all give them gold stars.

Travis was wondering how they were going to top their last performances, and they did.  Kimberly says they always perform with winner’s mentality and she loves to see that.  Paula thinks they are the best; she loves them, she loves working with them, and loves to see how they’ve improved.  I hope she’s not trying to take any credit for that.

So that’s the end of the performances.  Now it’s over to America for the vote.

I think at this point it’s going to come down to Dance Town Chaos and D’Angelo and Amanda.  Either one of them could win and I’d be very happy.  I will also be very happy to see the end of this show.  So let’s jump right into the finale, okay?

Andrew reminds us that someone’s going to win the biggest prize in dance show history.  Eh.  Just because it’s the biggest, doesn’t mean it’s the best, Andrew.

Awwww….don’t say that!

Oh please, Andrew; you know it’s true.

We’re starting off with one giant group number from all six acts.

So, that was fun, I guess.  It was really more vignettes of each group than a real GROUP number, but I did like a lot of it.  This is a good way to start out the finale.

Andrew tells us that Paula choreographed the number; what was it like for her working with these guys?

Don’t put me on the spot like that, Andrew.

Of course she absolutely loved working with them, they’re sooooooooo talented, blah, blah, Paulablah.

After a quick recap of the final dance round, Andrew is ready to reveal the top three.  In no particular order….

You are fucking kidding me that Dance Town Chaos is not in the top three!  What a fucking crock of shit.  The losers get their own farewell montage and some tough truth from Travis who tells them that this is just like in real life; not everyone can get the job or win the girl competition.

Now get the fuck off the stage.

Enough of the losers, it’s time for another performance from D’Angelo and Amanda!

I really do love these kids and if America didn’t vote for them to win…..well, I’ll make some sort of empty threat about leaving the country and then stay right where I fucking am, that’s what!!!

Paula tells them that they are extraordinary and thanks their parents for birthing such wonderful talent.

I need me some of that sperm, or the eggs, something!

The only thing she wishes now is that Mattel would make them into bobbleheads.  Yes, that’s the dream of dancers everywhere; their very own bobblehead!

Kimberly babbles at them about how awesome she thinks they are, and Travis doesn’t get a chance to say anything.  That’s messed up since he’s pretty much the only one who has a decent opinion half the time.

We get another recap of the season, this time reminiscing about all the different people we’ve met.  Ugh.  Who fucking cares.  Andrew does, that’s who.  He visits the audience and……

Really?  You’re an asshole Andrew.

Why do we have to be subjected to the old people YET afuckinggain?!?!?

The little kid breakers get a brand new car.  Why?  I don’t fucking know.  Oh, I see; it’s a mini commercial for Chrysler.  Barf.  You know what the real travesty here is?  Crying dad didn’t get a lifetime supply of Kleenex.  So wrong.

Now it’s time for WTFA’s encore performance.

The fact that the aerial ribbon shit has made another appearance will now cause me to skip over everything else having to do with them.  That’s right, I’m not even going to listen to what the judges have to say about them.  That’s what you get for bringing the cheese, motherfuckers.

Kendall’s turn.

I really hope that someone teaches her how to slow down and really breathe and stretch through her dancing.  I said before I think she’s really talented, but I honestly do not want her to win.

Paula talk nonsense at her about being every girl’s best friend, every parent’s daughter and every choreographer’s shining star.

That lithium dose can be tricky, huh?

No one else gets to talk because we need more time for yet another flashback through the season.  I wish I could tell you I care but I don’t, so let’s get down to the results.

All three acts are onstage waiting to hear who will be booted off.  It’s WTFA.  Not surprising, and after their ribbon dance I am extremely happy that they did not win.  Bye, bye, WTF.

So now it’s down to Kendall or D’Angelo and Amanda.  And the winner is……..

Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully, America got it right.

And that’s the show, Gasmi.  Are you happy with the results?  Do you think Dance Town Chaos should have been in the top three?  Were you annoyed by the old people reappearance?

Thanks for hanging in there with me through this show.  Luckily we’ve got America’s Best Dance Crew and So You Think You Can Dance right around the corner.  Double luck, this show is NOT getting a second season.  Phew!

See you soon!

SWAK, PottyMouth