Well I for one did not enjoy this installment of Lost, and I’m not afraid to say it. My main complaint is that the show is really starting to insult its fans by replaying the same scenes two episodes in a row. Also, Ana Lucia is starting to make Kate look like a barrel of monkeys in comparison. I mean, at least Kate is kind of slutty, so she’d probably be good times on a Saturday night, going out and flirting with boys. Ana Lucia would just shiv anyone who offered to buy her a drink.
Before I get to the recap, I wanted to give a public shoutout to EdHill. The “Ana Lucia, meet Shannon…” headline from last week’s recap was undoubtedly the best TVgasm headline all year. Ah, pretty beach. Pretty, pretty, serene beach. Aaaand…wham! Here comes the fuselage! The next few minutes are just like the very first episode of Lost, except with slightly fewer people. There’s the screaming and the gasping for air and the dead bodies floating around. The first perspective we get is Ana Lucia’s, and pretty soon we see that she and Eko are doing most of the rescuing. He pulls a little boy and his sister out of the water, and Ana gives the girl CPR and saves her. This right here is maybe the only segment of the whole damn show that I liked, because it set up a few things: The teddy bear we saw when the Others passed Jin and Eko was the little boy’s; Eko is good with people and very sensitive, since he takes the boy away while Ana performs CPR so that the boy won’t have to watch in case his sister dies; and, most importantly, Ana is a dumbass! As the girl comes to, she asks, “where my mom?” The look on Ana’s face is priceless as she realizes that now she has a kid she has to take care of. And naturally, she “promises” to get the kids home soon. Why are people on TV always promising stupid shit to each other?
Anyway, as we fade out to commercials, the Screeching Orchestra of Doom and Agony from the first crash scene plays as we see the aftermath. But compared to last year’s Panorama of Death, this is like a Diorama of Whining.
Eko was such a nice person before he went all intense in the jungle. Looks like he’s the caretaker of the kids, but asks Cindy, the flight attendant, to look after them for a second. Not that they really need it, I think, and Cindy seems to agree with me. She looks like there’s nothing she’d like to do less, actually. First she has to keep these kids in ginger ale on the plane, now she has to watch them off of it, too? Bummer.
Eko needed the alone time to go pull the dead bodies out of the water. See, I like that. He’s getting things done! Time’s a-wasting! Libby is up on shore being equally pragmatic. There’s a guy with a really bad broken leg – the bone is sticking out – and she’s telling him a distracting story while she works on it and resets it. He passes out, which seems like the best thing to do after someone’s twisted your leg back in to place. We find that Libby’s had a year of medical school, and when she asks if Ana is a doctor, Ana gives this looong pause before answering “no” with this big sigh. God. What? What is your point, writers? Does Ana have a mysterious background? Huh? I DON’T CARE.
She bugs me. I like Libby a lot, though. She’s bad-ass, and not a bitch! See, Ana? See how nice Libby is?
Now some guy comes running onto the beach shouting about needing help for someone who’s stuck in a tree. Why, it’s character actor Brett Cullen! He looks exactly how his name sounds. Very dashing gentleman. Now, this is going to be sad. I know he’s not one of the ultimate survivors, which means the Others must get him at some point as they pick off members of the tail group. Yup, that must be it. Cuz he’s just one of the survivors! Totally recognizable Brett Cullen, who tends to play child-molesting gymnastics coaches and Republican senators! Just one of the survivors, confused and innocent as anyone else!
So very hot! And not at all evil!
Ana and fellow survivor Brett Cullen run into the jungle to find Bernard, still in his airplane seat, stuck up a tree. The actor does a good job of acting scared out of his damn mind, but we know Bernard survives, so I can’t get worked up about it, no matter what the screechy death soundtrack is telling me to feel.
A couple of quiet scenes come next, the better to establish characters. Ana and Brett Cullen (OK, OK, the character’s name is Goodwin) have a little banter about him being in the Peace Corps, and we can see that they probably want to take one another’s clothes off. His talk about younger people not knowing what the Peace Corps is made me wonder how long he’d been on the island. How would he be able to say something like that unless A) he’d been on the island less than, say, five years, or B) they have some access to the real world, via radio or email or something.
Next, Bernard asks Eko if he pulled and African-Americans out of the water when he was moving the dead bodies. He’s asking after Rose, obviously, and I gotta say, he does an amazing job acting in this scene. I’m going to IMDB him to give him a shout-out…Hi, Sam Anderson! Love ya!
Later in the night, the group is woken up by the sounds of people fighting. Ana and Goodwin go dashing into the jungle, and find Eko crouching over two dead bodies, covered in blood and with a rock in his hand. This is the guy who just promised to pray for Rose and some rescue planes.
The next morning the group is figuring out that the men Eko killed have been on the island for awhile, and that they kidnapped three of their group. In the background, Eko is taking off his shirt (in something of a beefcake shot) and messing around with twigs and stuff. I think killing people has messed him up.
So there’s this guy named Nathan who has the audacity to disagree with Ana. She wants to move inland, but he thinks they should stay on the beach, where they have a better chance of being spotted. Now, if you’ve never ever watched television before in your life, you’re probably getting a mite suspicious of ol’ Nathan right now. But you probably have watched TV before, right? Ana thinks they don’t need to be on the beach to be rescued, but Cindy the flight attendant begs to differ. Turns out the plane had been out of communication and heading back to Australia for two hours before the crash. So, no one knows where they are.
We cut to day three, where people are trying to open oysters and Ana is cutting the sleeves off a leather jacket, for better sex appeal. Libby tells her that the guy with the broken leg is dying, and in the one and only time I will ever agree with Ana, she rhetorically asks what they’re supposed to do about that.
And then, it’s day five. This is how they’re playing this episode? This is kind of a cop-out. It’s just a series of vignettes. Broken leg guy dies, it looks like he’s about the fourth to bite it, Eko is still standing around with a big stick, staring at the ocean.
Day seven: The dudes, including Goodwin are chasing a chicken. They catch it, there is dinner. Man, I guess this style of narration makes my job easier, but I don’t think the recap is going to be better for it.
Day 12: More Goodwin/Ana flirting, more yelling at Nathan for not obeying the Law of Ana – Wait a second! A chicken?!? Where did that come from? How is there a chicken on the island? If I were them and found a chicken, I’d be off looking for the farmer who brought it there! There isn’t just one chicken on the island, that’s for damn sure. Mmm, chicken.
It’s night now, and the tail survivors are sleeping peacefully under the watchful eyes of the Others. Oh, wait. The two kids get snatched up, along with most of the other survivors. Chaos all around. Ana manages to kill one of the Others, a girl about her age, I think. Ana pulls a knife and a piece of paper out of the dead woman’s pocket. There’s about five minutes of screechy scary music as Ana takes her time telling the rest that it’s a list of the nine people they just took. Lots of filler posing as dramatic moments on this show.
Ana is still highly suspicious of Nathan, and over the next couple of days they spend a lot of time glaring at each other. There’s trekking through the jungle after deciding to leave the beach, and finally come to a stop at a place with a stream. Ana immediately begins digging the hole that she turns into a prison, and it doesn’t help that Libby starts jabbering about how much Nathan freaks her out. So Ana strides up to Nathan, kicks him in the face, and drags him to the hole. Aw, Bernard is completely taken aback by her behavior. He’s so sweet.
Everyone manages to justify throwing Nathan down the hole by saying he disappeared for two hours the day the Others came back, and no one remembers him from the plane, nor do they buy his story that he was in the can the whole time. Listen, if he’s going to the bathroom for two hours at a time then he’s obviously suffering from severe gastrointestinal distress and they should all just leave him alone.
Ana goes back later to question Nathan some more. He says he was on a company retreat to Australia, but none of his colleagues were on the plane because he decided to stay a few extra days. See, either Nathan is the best liar in the history of the world or he’s telling the truth. Why would he make up such an unlikely story? End of vignette.
And in the next scene, Ana is still asking Nathan the same question. He’s not talking to her anymore, but she throws rocks at him and when he stands up, she discovers that someone’s been giving him food. Of course it was Eko, who apparently is the only person not afraid of Ana. By the way, he’s still keeping his self-imposed vow of silence.
Ana tells Goodwin that tomorrow she’s going to cut off Nathan’s finger unless he admits he’s an Other. So, what could possibly happen next? In the middle of the night, Goodwin pretends to rescue Nathan, but instead breaks his neck, just like he did to the chicken. What a shocker.
Ana wakes up the next day with Goodwin lying next to her and staring at her. It’s creepy, but it also occurs to me that crazy or not, Goodwin is probably pretty horny. And I’m not sure Ana’s making it any easier on him with the low-cut pants she’s wearing. I know some people are bothered by how white the castaway’s teeth are, but how about how well-groomed Ana’s bikini line is? I feel very exposed to her mysterious flower.
A few days later, the group finds the bunker the end up staying in. It says quarantine inside the door and has the Dharma logo, but instead of a swan there’s an arrow. They open a trunk and find, among other things, a Bible, a glass eye, and a radio. Eko is especially taken with the Bible, but everyone else wants dibs on the radio. Goodwin offers to take it to the top of the island for better reception. He initially resists when Ana offers to go with him, but changes his mind when she looks at him like she wants to lick him all over.
Goodwin and Ana talk about the Others and what their motivations might be, and naturally Ana starts asking Goodwin some uncomfortable questions. Like, why wasn’t he wet after the crash? Goodwin doesn’t even really put up a fight, instead just telling Ana that he had to kill Nathan before they figured out he wasn’t a spy. There’s a fight to the death. Goodwin loses. You know, I’m sure this scene was meant to be very dramatic, but there was not one second of this episode where I doubted that Goodwin was the bad guy, so any dramatic tension was pretty much lost for me.
When Ana comes back alone, her group quite naturally wonders where Goodwin went. Ana’s only reply? “We’re safe here now.” Seriously? That’s all she’s going to tell them? Oh, why do I even bother getting worked up about her. I really need to start taking it for granted that nothing she does makes any sense. Speaking of not making sense, Ana definitely implied that she knew Goodwin was the bad guy all along. Which means that she caused Nathan’s death, in the name of stringing Goodwin along.
Aw, the next scene breaks my heart a little. Speaking of Ana being lame. Bernard is fidgeting with the radio, and actually makes contact with someone. As we know, it’s Boone, calling from the prop plane with the heroin stash. And now we know the reason transmission was cut was (sigh) Ana took the radio from Bernard and turned it off, insisting it was just the Others messing with them. Later she cries and cries and I don’t feel sorry for her.
And if you thought I was pissed off before, check this out. The rest of this episode is totally bullshit, and I say that as a consumer. First of all, they were promising us an extended episode. This had maybe three extra minutes on it. And anyway, the whole rest of the show is just a sequence of scenes we’ve already seen, from the day Michael, Sawyer and Jin washed ashore to the present. I feel like I’ve been cheated. If I’m not mistaken, this is the second episode this season where they’ve just replayed footage we’ve already watched. What behind-the-scenes shenanigans are afoot that’s causing all the copouts?
There are two things that happened that gave me chills, though; it’s my duty as a recapper to admit that. The last clip we see before “Today” is Cindy, alone, looking over her shoulder. That’s something we haven’t seen before, and it added a spooky element. Then, the group hears the voices that plagued Shannon and Sayid…and after Ana shoots Shannon, the look on Sayid’s face…that we have seen before, but I can’t get enough of it. Boy is ready to kick some ass. Yay Sayid!
Looks like next week the plot will actually move forward, finally. Until then, thoughts, ideas, concerns? I’ve probably set myself up to get flamed by hating this episode so blatantly, so let’s just remember to keep it civil in there! And…GO!