Growing up, one of my favorite shows was Patrick McGoohanÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s The Prisoner. It was an allegorical sixties show where a Bond-like secret agent is captured and sent to a resort-like internment camp called the Village. He is given a number and interrogated by his captors about what he knows, all the time not knowing who they are or what they want. The show was originally designed with a seven episode story arc, but when the networks asked for more episodes so they could market it overseas, they threw together ten more Ã¢â‚¬Å“filler episodes.Ã¢â‚¬? Why am I blathering about a 30-year-old British TV show in a Lost recap?
1. Any Lost fan would love The Prisoner (rent the DVD’s. You won’t be disappointed.)
2. This week’s Lost is a perfect example of one of those filler episodes where we spend an hour learning about Charlie’s drug addiction, his brother and his freaky obsession with Claire’s island baby, and not much else.
But first lets hit the net and see whats brewing.
For those who think they know everything there is the daily Lost quiz here.
Some guy cobbled together a complete Lost timeline starting with the birth of Locke’s mother all the way up through last weeks episode here. In his spare time, of which there is apprently an abundance of, he paints Dungeons and Dragons miniatures.
The official website of the creative team behind Lost is called The Fuselage and can be found here.
Not much else going on, but if you hear anyhting drop me a line here and I’ll see if it warrants a mention in my next recap.
The show opens with Charlie dreaming of Christmas Day in England back in that wonderful decade known as the eighties, where Mr. T wandered the land pitying the fools and respecting his momma. Charlie, our lovable Hobbit/heroin junkie is a small child racing downstairs to open his presents. While his brother gets a sweet ass Voltron toy, Charlie canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t find any of his presents. Then his mother tells him that his present is right here, and uncovers a brand new piano just for him. Voltron is still cooler. As he starts to play he turns and looks at his brother who is now the modern day druggie version, who warns him Ã¢â‚¬Å“You can’t save us if you don’t playÃ¢â‚¬?. Then we see a flash forward to Charlie playing the piano being berated by his butcher father telling him that music will never get him anywhere. Then his mother and brother both tell Charlie to Ã¢â‚¬Å“save usÃ¢â‚¬?. From here we see Charlie playing the piano on the island in the surf. He hears a baby crying and stops. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Aaron and heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s stuck inside the piano. Sure, why not. He tries to free him but he can’t and the piano is washed out to sea. Cut to now where Charlie wakes up from his dream. And what a dream it was. It had everything but a backwards speaking midget. Charlie does have more interesting dreams than I do I have to admit. The last dream I had I was chasing Dustin Hoffman for stealing my nachoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s.
Once Charlie wakes up he then runs over to ClaireÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s tent and when he doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t see the baby freaks out screaming at everyone to tell him where the baby is. He then sees that the baby is OK and finally calms down, but not after seeing Locke with her, making Charile irrationally jealous. Charlie is a bit of an odd bird to think that his bizarre dream was actually real. You donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t see me waking up after a dream running down my apartment hallway screaming for Dustin to give me back my nachos. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s because I am smart enough to realize that something that weird is just a dream, and that even if it wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t, I always keep a spare bag of nachos hidden for just such an occasion.
Later Charlie stops by Claire with some fresh Ã¢â‚¬Å“nappiesÃ¢â‚¬? which in non sissified America speak means diapers. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s trying to get back in with Claire but she wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have anything to do with it. He canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t understand why the lying heroin addict isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t allowed around her baby. Go figure. When he tells her that he wants things back to the way they were before she cuts him off saying that there is no before, Ã¢â‚¬Å“We were strangers on a plane and we became friends.Ã¢â‚¬? To that Charlie then says Ã¢â‚¬Å“Now Locke’s your friend, huh?Ã¢â‚¬? Way to go Charlie. Nothing wins back a girl than paranoid jealousy.
In flashback we see Charlie at a maternity ward looking at a baby we soon find out is his brothers. When his sister in law comes up to him wondering where the father is, Charlie says he got delayed. When Charlie goes home to his super hip London apartment he sees his strung out brother sitting in the couch high on heroin. He starts yelling at him telling him that he is a father now and needs to get to the hospital, because he’s acting like a bloody wanker bollocks pisser who done buggered off after being a right gobbin. Bob’s your uncle.
Back on the island Hurley is asking Sawyer questions about the tailies. Libby in particular. Hurley you see has a burning in his loins for Libby. Sawyer picks up on this and starts teasing him. Then he notices that Jack and Ana Lucia are getting all pally wally in the jungle. He tells Kate trying to get a rise out of her but it doesnt get him anywhere.
Charlie meanwhile is on the beach strumming his guitar when he hears the baby crying again. He looks out and sees that the baby is in its crib being washed out to sea. When he saves the baby and comes back to shore he looks up and sees Claire and his mother dressed and posed like the angels in the Verrocchio painting from his childhood home. They keep telling him that the baby is in danger and he has to save them, then a dove flies from the sky. Hurley comes into frame dressed as a fat John the Baptist asking Charlie what heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s doing. Cut to Charlie and we see its nighttime and heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s on the beach holding the baby. Hurley is asking him what heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s doing with the baby in the middle of the night. Then we hear screaming from the camp as Claire realizes the baby is gone. When she rushes out to grab him from Charlie she slaps him over the face.
The next day on the beach Sawyer and Hurley are playing 21 when Libby comes by getting ready to do laundry. Sawyer tells him to join her saying Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m sure you’ve got a load you need to drop in.Ã¢â‚¬? Ejaculation euphamisms on network TV. Nice. When Hurley doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t want to, Sawyer then pulls a Cyrano De Bergerac and yells out LibbyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s name and makes her think its Hurley. Awww, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not just a sarcastic murdering con man, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s also a good wingman.
Charlie is confronting Locke in the jungle where Locke is no doubt tracking something or methodeically cutting an apple with his bowie knife with one hand or whatever it is LockeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s do. He wants Locke to help him get back in with Claire but Locke just asks him if heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s using again. Charlie insists he isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t and even tells him that he and Eko destroyed the plane full of drugs. Yet another lie by Charlie, leaving out the part where he has a huge stash of drug filled Mary statues hidden in the jungle. The man is digging quite a grave for himself here. Locke initially believes him and in answer to his question tells him Ã¢â‚¬Å“Trust is a hard thing to win back. Claire needs time. You should leave her and the baby alone for awhile.Ã¢â‚¬?
In flashback we see Charlie with the other members of his kick ass band Driveshaft sitting in robes on a set. His Brother Liam is purple and obviously strung out. When they take off their robes we see they are in diapers and dressed as babies to do a commercial for Ã¢â‚¬Å“BubbiesÃ¢â‚¬? diapers. I gotta meet the marketing genius who thought this one up. Nothing makes women want to buy diapers more than a strung out has been rock band. It’s probably from the same guy who made Keith Richards the national spokesman for Monistat 7.
The commercial shoot doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t go well with Liam so high on heroin that he starts falling over. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not sure if he actually shat himself but let us hope he did because itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the only time he can do it and not worry becuase Bubbies have twice the strength of a normal diaper. When the director calls cut he warns Charlie that he needs to ditch his druggie brother. Charlie refuses and the director fires all of them.
In the hatch Hurley and Libby are washing clothes and Libby asks a question IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve been wondering for months now. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is this washer and dryer newer than everything else in here?Ã¢â‚¬? Hurley doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t care much, unlike me. Libby then starts trying on a shirt and asking him how she looks. Hurley just asks her Ã¢â‚¬Å“Do I know you from somewhere?Ã¢â‚¬? Libby says that Hurley stepped on her foot in the plane, but we know that this means in a future Hurley or Libby flashback we will see that they indeed know each other from before. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s how this show works.
In the woods Eko is marking XÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s on a tree, as priests are wont to do. Charlie comes up to him and asks him why. Eko just tells him that Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because these are the ones I like.Ã¢â‚¬? Perhaps this has something to do with his big Jesus stick? Charlie asks him if he told Locke about the statue he gave him at the plane. Eko says he doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t and then asks if everythingÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s all right. Charlie then explains his dreams to him and when he does Eko becomes very interested. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Have you ever considered that these dreams mean something?Ã¢â‚¬? Eko asks him. What if he really does need to save the baby, he wonders. This is not the smartest thing to tell Charlie because he then goes mental and chases down Claire demanding to see the baby telling them that his dreams mean that he has to baptize Aaron. Charlie truly is a stinkin gobshite nutter. Kate grabs him and tells him to take a hike, and in the background we see Locke watching it all.
After a small vignette of Ana Lucia flirting with jack asking if he was Ã¢â‚¬Å“hitting thatÃ¢â‚¬? in regards to Kate, we go right to the flashback. Charlie is composing a song on his piano when his brother Liam comes in sobbing. Karen kicked him out because he dropped the baby and his wife was upset acting like a babies skull is somehow magically softer than anyone elses skull. What-ever. When he says they have no money, Charlie tells than that itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s OK because heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s started writing again. Then Charlie sings, or should I say the guy they hired to do CharlieÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s singing voice sings, what can charitably be described as a piece of crap song. It makes PoPozao look like a masterpiece. Since Liam is a strung out junkie he thinks its great, but then again he also thinks shitting in your pants is great. . He then smiles and then asks his brother if Ã¢â‚¬Å“heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s got anyÃ¢â‚¬?.
Cut to present day with Charlie sitting in the woods holding heroin by his heroin filled stump. Locke sneaks up on him and tells him how disappointed he is. He grabs the statues from the tree and tells him that he no longer trusts him. Charlie freaks out and starts ranting again about how he canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t tell Claire or she wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t trust him anymore. That he has to save Aaron.
But heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not done there. In order to really show what a complete nutcase he is, later that night Charlie lights a fire near the camp in order to draw people away and when they arenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t looking he steals Aaron from his crib racing to the beach screaming about how Aaron needs to be baptized. I believe the clinical term for this behavior is Ã¢â‚¬Å“batshit crazyÃ¢â‚¬?.
Cutting to the flashback Charlie comes home to his London flat and sees that his piano is missing. Liam is there packing saying he sold the piano for plane money to Australia so he can be with Megan and the baby. Plane fare from London to Australia from selling a 30 year old crappy piano. Is there anything JetBlue can’t do? Liam leaves Charlie as he asks Ã¢â‚¬Å“What about me?Ã¢â‚¬?. If this whole thing is supposed to make us sympathetic to Charlie becoming an arsonist/kidnapper, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not working.
Back on the beach Claire sees him stealing Aaron and starts screaming. Charlie is still raving about how he has to baptize the baby. Everyone surrounds him telling him to give her back the baby. When Locke finally takes the baby from him Charlie starts to say something But Locke drops him with three big punches. I cheer, spilling my nachos all over the floor and then quickly surveying the room making sure that bastard Hoffman doesn’t pounce.
The next morning Jack is stitching up CharlieÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s face and telling him that he has to promise not to do anything like this again. I say its time for an island jail and stick Charlie in it. If Gilligan can build an entire island car out of bamboo, they can build an island jail. And then get Kate some of those coconut bras. Yeah. Definitely coconut bras.
As the show ends Claire is asking Eko about baptism. Eko asks her if she knows what it is. She says that itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what gets you into heaven. Eko corrects her by saying Ã¢â‚¬Å“It is said that when John the Baptist baptized Jesus the skies opened up and a dove flew down from the sky. This told John something — that he had cleansed this man of all his sins. That he had freed him. Heaven came much later.Ã¢â‚¬? Hmmm. A dove eh? Just like in CharlieÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s dream! That must mean Aaron is a super baby.
Claire then asks Eko that if Aaron is baptized will that mean she canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t see him in heaven? Eko then says he will baptize them both. So basically Eko just told her that yes, she will go to hell if she’s not baptized. But lets ignore the part about Eko not actually being an ordained priest but a murdering Nigerian warlord. Who the hell is he to talk? Just because you have an epiphany and somehow “feel bad” about all the murdering you did for years doesn’t really make you a priest in any church I know. Except maybe Scientology.
Well that was it. I have to admit not much happened, but you get used to that in the world of Lost. I personally am glad that Charlie is an outcast now. Last season when he killed Ethan in cold blood I knew he was insane, yet no one seemed to notice. That and heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s British. You just canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t trust them British. They talk funny.