You know what my absolute favorite thing is about recapping Lost? Catching the last moments of Freddie. Oh, how giddy I become, waiting in anticipation as my Tivo dutifully switches to ABC, where I can delight to Brian Austin Green “playing” a spoiled shit and thrill to the antics of Spanish-speaking mothers.
Just kidding. I was being ironical-like just there. My favorite thing about recapping Lost is the show itself, especially when it’s good. This episode I’d say warrants about a B+, which is a hell of a lot better than last episode’s pseudo-religious theme poo fest. This show should always stick to the business of people dicking each other over!
Jack and Locke are putting the guns away in the manly room o’ guns. Jack notices the Virgin Mary statues, and Locke explains that he took them from Charlie and wanted to keep the heroin in case they need it as medicine at some point. Wow! Did someone just explain something clearly, logically, and without dramatic silences and meaningful looks? It’s a first for Lost!
Jack asks Locke for the combination on the door, and Locke goes into a diatribe about trust and assuming Jack only needs to know in case something happens to Locke. OK, good, back to form, way to be all shady for no reason. Locke gives him the combo once and my mind is blown when Jack doesn’t even need to write it down. Locke also suggests putting the medicine in there as well – and we cut to Sawyer, so he must have been a bad boy again. Man, this guy is really hot, but there’s a thing called playing to your strengths. He does not need to take his shirt off anymore.
Sawyer’s giving Charlie a hard time about trying to kill babies and whatnot. He makes fun of Charlie’s sad little lonely tent, comparing it to a crappy bachelor pad. Sawyer’s funny when he’s not just making up weird nicknames. “Shouldn’t you be more worried about Jack ransacking your tent right now?” is Charlie’s only reply to the Sawyer Show. Oh, naughty hobbit! When Sawyer confronts Jack about stealing from him, Jack says the medicine has to be for the whole group. I think Jack has a point there. Sawyer tries to be all tough and threatening, but Jack is so over this nonsense. He’s out.
Yeah, a flahback with sexy noises. Nice. Hey, it’s Joanie from Deadwood! I love her. There’s getting their funk on when Sawyer jumps out of bed jabbering about a meeting; we’ve seen this act before in another flashback, with another woman. Piles of cash fall out of his suitcase, and he’s all “oh my god, how did that happen,” and she totally, AWESOMELY, calls him on it. She grabs a stack of the money and realizes it’s just newspaper…and outlines his scheme for him, just like we’ve seen before. But, it looks like she wants tutorial. He’s turned on by the naughty girl. She’s probably just bored.
Back on the island, Kate has found a magazine in the hatch, and gives it to Sawyer to read. But Sawyer lost his glasses, so he asks Kate to read it to him. Awwww, Sawyer! That is too cute. Actually, he probably just wants to turn this into a role-playing scenario. But then he starts talking about Jack and Ana starting up an army, and wonders aloud why Kate isn’t in on the plan. Why would he try to make Kate jealous about Jack? That’s rather counterproductive. You know, if the desired result is to play naughty schoolboy with her.
Sayid’s off elsewhere being a rageaholic, pounding coconuts on sharp sticks. Hey, where has he been lately? I wonder if Naveen Andrews has a movie or something. Hurley comes ambling up and tries to make with the fun times, but Sayid is decidedly over it. Over Hurley, over fun times, everything. He just wants to end those fucking coconuts.
Hurley isn’t just messing around, though. He’s found out that Bernard is a dentist (that could come in handy) and that Bernard had kept the radio receiver thingy from when they communicated with Boone in the Nigerian plane. I’d be excited about that, and Hurley is too, but Sayid says that they’ll get the same result earlier: Rousseau’s old message on a loop. Hurley leaves it with Sayid, though, the sneaky monkey.
Gah, Ana Lucia is so tiresome. Get that smirk off my TV screen! I don’t even know what she’s saying, but I am filled with righteous fury. Quick, let’s get to Sun, working in her garden. Now, if the previews are to be believed, I’m about to get really upset. Nobody touch her! Here comes the foreboding music…Oh, it’s just Vincent. Yay happy puppy! Oh wait, here it comes. A rain storm comes out of nowhere, and someone comes from behind and puts a bag over Sun’s head and ties her hands up. Simmer down, Edhill.
Kate and Sawyer hear some feminine shrieking from far away. “That’s Sun,” says Kate, and they take off running. My roommate and I had a good laugh about that – I would argue that the idea that Kate knew that was Sun required the biggest suspension of disbelief of anything in this episode.
Kate and Sawyer find an unconscious Sun in the jungle, and Sawyer orders Kate to go find Jack, which I thought was weird. On the beach, they tell Jack what happened as a crowd gathers, and upon hearing that Sun’s hands were tied, Ana announces, “they’re back.” Don’t give Ana the dramatic lines! I’m gonna puke. Did anyone else notice how Michelle Rodriguez took a big, dramatic, probably-hungover breath before she delivered that Emmy-reel line?
The ass-kickers of the group, Jack, Locke, Kate, Ana, and Sawyer, are having a conference on the beach. Locke is completely flummoxed by this – the Others said they’d leave them alone! Oh, Locke. Ana tries to get her hands on some weaponry, but Locke says that if they all head off into the jungle, they’ll probably just end up shooting each other. Oh, snap, Ana.
Kate and Sawyer decided to go back to the garden to investigate. Sawyer pretty much convinces Kate that one of their group did this to freak everyone out. So, what sort of mean-spirited, army-raising person would do that? I’m not too proud to say that I totally bought Sawyer’s theory at this point.
Back on the mainland, Sawyer is convincing his new partner in crime that selling fake gold necklaces will be a breeze. She’s nervous, but they go through with the con anyway, and manage to sell some to a couple of frat boys at a gas station. So romantic!
On the island, Jack is reassuring Jin that Sun will be fine; then he goes off to get in a tiff with Kate. “Jack, how well do you know Ana Lucia?” asks Kate. Oh my gosh, so. Well. They go way back, actually. Kate’s trying to convince Jack that Ana set up the attack on Sun, and at this point, Jack just looks tired of all the womens fighting over his fine self. Later, Ana tells Jack that more people want to join her army, including, apparently, Hurley, and Scott. “No, you mean Steve; Scott’s dead,” says Jack. Oh, that old chestnut from the first season. Good callback. But you’re not Arrested Development. Jack also asks Ana where she was during the rain storm. Ana’s pissed, but then what else is new?
Jin’s ready to kick some ass…hmm, it would appear as though, if it was the Others, that they’re antagonizing the people who care about someone, because Jin is all up in Jack’s business demanding a gun. Kate watches from afar, and the producers make a really odd decision regarding slow motion. Ana and Kate look at each other, and it goes all slo-mo and cheesy. Kate figures that Ana set all this up so that she could get access to the guns, so Kate orders Sawyer to go warn Locke that they’ll all be coming.
Flashback again, where Sawyer’s lady is saying that she wants to do a big con. Sawyer corrects her and says it’s called a “long con,” but they don’t have any money so they can’t anyway. Now I think he’s been conning her the whole time. He says the trick is to make the victim think it was their idea all along…which is what he’s in the process of doing to her right now. She says she actually has $600,000 from her divorce, and I’m not really surprised. I don’t think Sawyer is, either.
Locke’s in the hatch looking through all the books, and while he claims to be alphabetizing them, I kind of think he’s lying. Sawyer tells Locke about the approaching would-be gun-wielding maniacs, and says he’s just there to mess with Jack, which is his favorite hobby. Locke figures that just locking the cabinet won’t be very effective, so he asks Sawyer for help moving the guns to a different place.
Back to Sawyerland, where’s he’s meeting someone at a diner. I feel like we’ve seen both his associate and the waitress, but at this point I’m probably just making things up. Sawyer tells this guy that he won’t be stealing from Cassidy. I kind of think Sawyer’s lying. You know, from now on it’s a new rule: if Sawyer’s talking, we’re hearing lies. The guy threatens Sawyer, saying that he’ll put one in Sawyer’s ear. One what? Penis? That’s a threat I can respect.
In the hatch, Sawyer takes his sweet ass time setting the timer, just to torture Jin and Jack, who have shown up looking for the guns. “I think he went to the store for a pack of smokes,” says Sawyer. Jack’s all pissy about the missing guns, but Sawyer’s not giving him any info. For some reason in this scene, the camera is seriously making sweet sweet love to Sawyer. What is that, a headshot?! (Actually, I have my Tivo paused on him right now and yowza, he’s a hunk of tasty goodness.)
Jack goes down to the beach, looking for a fight. He wants Locke to give up the guns, but Locke’s argument is basically that he taught Michael how to shoot, and now Michael is missing, and Locke just feels too guilty about it, and doesn’t want it to happen again. You know, I like that argument. It’s real. As Locke and Jack are getting totally up in each other’s grill, there are gunshots from the woods. Sawyer walks out with a gun, and Locke’s flummoxed reaction is hilarious. Sawyer wants everyone to just hear him out for a second. “You took my stuff,” he says. He’s pissed that his stuff was taken while he was missing. Uhhh….seriously? They took his shaving cream, so now he gets the guns?
So, naturally it’s time for a flashback. Sawyer comes storming into Cassidy’s house and tells her they’re about to get killed. He “admits” that he knew about her $600,000 from the start, but that in the past six months he fell in love with her and doesn’t want to take her money anymore. He tells her to leave immediately for Sioux City and that he’ll meet her there later. Hee, Sioux City. What a cowboy, that Sawyer.
On the beach, Sawyer is lovingly cleaning his new prize. Kate has all kinds of questions for him, but Sawyer’s just being weird and withholding, as usual, and I must say that the dialogue is kind of silly but the actors do their best with it. Also, until now I hadn’t actually thought that Sawyer might have something to do with Sun…but then who’s on his team? Who actually attacked her?
Moving onto the the b-story (well, more like the m-story), Sayid has rigged up the “glorified walkie-talkie” Hurley gave him. They hear static, then pass over Rousseau’s recording, and then finally get some reception. This kind of thing on the show always gives me chills. It’s a radio station, and if the signal actually is live, they’re getting reception from a station east of the Mississippi (I believe the call numbers started with a W). Music starts, and Moonlight Serenade has never been so creepy. Sayid explains that it could be coming from anywhere, and Hurley adds “or any time…just kidding, dude.” I dunno, it looks like Sayid is seriously considering that possibility.
Sawyer’s padding around in the dark being a creep, and he’s joined by Charlie. Oh, CHARLIE! I never thought of that! Well done, writers! Round of applause. I can’t believe I didn’t think a Charlie being Sawyer’s secret special friend. Actually, I should have seen it coming, since I had predicted Charlie going all evil island man. But funny thing about that- in a fair fight, Sun would have totally kicked Charlie’s ass.
Sawyer offers Charlie a heroin Mary, but he’s not interested. Charlie was in it just to humiliate Locke. That’s quite the grudge, considering he had to kick a woman’s ass to do it. Charlie asks Sawyer how someone thinks of an idea like that, and we see Sawyer at Cassidy’s house again. There was no one in the waiting car, no one waiting to kill them. Sawyer goes back in the house and gets the bag of real money. He looks at a picture of Cassidy and himself, then turns it upside down. “I’m not a good person, Charlie,” he says, back on the island. “I’ve never done a good thing in my life.”
Aw, that’s so sad! But I’m over it now. I’m excited for next week’s show, but this one moved along nicely, too. What did you think? Do you buy Sawyer being smart enough to get anything he wants? And another thing – was the diner waitress Kate’s mom, now that I think about it?