The Telltale Heart

OK, now that we’ve tied up our second season loose ends It’s time for Lost to stop dillydallying with polar bears and 10 minute dream sequences. We need to get things going. It’s go time. After all, we only have 3 episodes until the show goes into hibernation until friggin February, so we have no time to lose.

Did this weeks episode accomplish that goal? Eh, honestly it was not bad, but with things coming down to the wire, it wasn’t as good as it could have been. I never thought I’d miss the damn button so much. Still, it had some more brutality and torture form the “good guy” Others and Kate took her top off. That’s nothing to sneeze at. And of course we got another last second “wow” moment. It was more of a lower case wow moment, but they save the big ones for cliffhangers. The show starts on the beach where Desmond is sitting stroking his manly Scottish beard. Or as the Scot’s would call it , his “bearrrrrrrrrrd” (the whole rolling Scottish R thing doesn’t really translate well to a bunch of typed out r’s does it?). He looks over at Claire and her island baby. He walks over and starts to talk to her; the battle of the funny accents begins! He tells her that she has a problem with her roof. She is confused as she doesn’t see a problem with the roof. Desmond is insistent upon helping her “fix” it however and tells her she would be better off down the beach for a while. While he is talking Charlie comes up, jealous that Desmond a man with more character, ethics and height is talking to his property girlfriend. He puffs up his tiny hest and tells him that he can fix the roof himself. Hobbits are quite handy. Desmond just nods and walks off. Not a good idea since Desmond is now a superhero with special powers of seeing into the future. And retractable adamantium claws.

Then we cut to Jack, and let me say after a week of lame Locke filled dream sequences and cryptic speeches, I’m glad to see him. He is still in his cell/shark examination room, only this time he gets to watch cartoons. The Others have left the TV on behind the glass in the adjacent room. And not lame cartoons like Darkwing Duck, but good old Warner Brothers cartoons from the 40′s and fifties. But if you think they aren’t torturing them you are mistaken. Jack you see is a big Red Sox fan, and after Ben told him about how they achieved the greatest comeback in sports history against the hated Yankees and went on to win the World Series, the least they could have done is let him watch the games. The cartoons in question involve a buzzard hunting a swan and her babies. Why am I mentioning this? Well, since this is Lost there could be some hidden meaning involved. Rest assured, the intent geeks are on the case as we speak.

As he’s watching Juliet comes in with his dinner. Jack asks her if he is still going to be stuck here watching cartoons or will someone tell him why he is there. When she doesn’t answer jack says “Should I talk to Ben? Because I’m starting to think you’re just the person who brings me my food.” Juliet insists that he won’t tell him anything to which Jack then asks “Is he your boss?” She persists in saying that he isn’t and “things don’t work that way around here”. Jack responds by reminding her that he had no problem letting her die when he had the broken plate to her neck. Ben then comes barging in ordering Juliet to come with him right now. He needs her. “The sub is back. We have a situation.” As Juliet leaves Jack gives her a great “I told you so” look. Nice way to manipulate Jack. God job. He’s proactive, as opposed to Locke who locks himself in a tent and mentally masturbates until he sees visions of polar bears. And a sub? The Others have a sub? When they cut to the jungle we see the “situation” is the Other Sun shot from two episodes ago.

In the pens where Sawyer and Kate are kept the Others come to take them out for another day of moving rocks around for no reason. When Sawyer sees the Other whose nose he broke come in he goads him by saying “sounding a little stuffy there Chinatown”. God, Sawyer is so much cooler when he is directing his annoying sarcasm at the Others as opposed to the good guys. The Other responds by saying “give me an excuse” to which Sawyer says “I thought I just did. What do I have to do, talk about your mother?” Sawyer really is growing on me.

Then the Other is interrupted by a call on his radio. After some brief panicked talk the formerly bearded other comes from and the corner with the wounded other in tow. When Sawyer and Kate see this Kate says “What happened?” to which Sawyer says with a smile “We happened”. Kate asks why he is smiling (and to be honest, I’m smiling too, since I hate the filthy fraking Others) he says that that’s their ticket out of there.

After the commercial break Sawyer is fiddling in his cell with the food dispenser. And no that is not a euphemism for his nut cannon. When Kate asks what he is doing he says he has devised a plan. The dispenser gives a shock when they don’t do the sequence right so he has made a big puddle in front of the door so when the guards come in he makes the shock happen, grabs the guard and shocks him as well. When Kate says he will get shocked too, Sawyer says he felt it before and can take it. Kate is impressed and gives him goo goo eyes. And no, goo goo isn’t a euphemism for her flapjacks. God, you people need to climb out of the gutter.

From there we go right to our flashback. Sawyer is in a boxing ring pummeling some guy. When they pull back we see that they are in Fox River Prison. As they are being led back to their cells, they see a middle aged pudgy guy getting beaten on in the hall. When Sawyer asks the guy he’s standing next to what’s up, eh says that he’s a white collar criminal who stole 10 million that was never recovered. It could be anywhere, under a silo in Utah, underneath a big W. Maybe its buried with a thousand snakes in the Well of Souls. Who knows? Then they look up at the warden overlooking the fight as its breaking up. The warden is played by the one and only Bill Duke, one of the best bad guy actors around. My personal favorite is Commando with Schwarzenegger.

Later they are in the sewing shop. It’s like Project Runway only with more gay sex! Wait, actually, it’s just like Project Runway. Sawyer comes by and grumbles to Munson that he got on sewing duty after only being here for a few weeks whereas he has been there for 9 months and is still on garbage duty. It’s especially galling because Sawyer has an idea for a low cut chiffon evening gown that is to die for. Sawyer tells him that the warden is trying to get at his money. First he’ll give him easy jobs, and then he’ll go after his wife. While they are talking the warden walks up behind them eating an apple. Because wardens always wander around the inside of their prisons during snack time. The warden asserts his alpha maleness by dropping his apple mid bite and telling Sawyer to “pick up the trash”. Then he grabs Sawyer’s hands and makes him slap himself in the face saying over and over again “Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Stop hitting yourself!”. Man, I hate wardens!

Back in the cages Ben stops by and asks Sawyer some pointed questions. “How much do you weigh?” “How old are you?” “Does this look infected?”. After Sawyer answers the questions, Ben goes to open the cage door. When he does, Sawyer strikes. He grabs Ben by the arm as he steps in the puddle and then hits the button with his bare foot. Nothing happens. Ben just looks at him and says “we turned it off” and then proceeds to beat the crap out of him with a retractable nightstick. Between pipsqueak Ben beating him up here and with him getting shot before he can pull his gun on the Others at the end of season one, I’m starting to think that Sawyer is like A-Rod. He’s got all the talent but when its clutch time, he folds like a cheap suit.

Sawyer wakes up strapped to a table. We hear the beardless other talking to Ben about how ever since the sky turned purple they lost their comm. signals. Interesting. Looks like they have lost contact with the outside world. When they see Sawyer awake they stop talking (See, he should’ve faked it to listen for more info. A-Rod!). One of the Others goes over and has him bite down on a piece of wood. Ben says it’s “for the pain”. Then they pull out a huge needle and hold it over his chest. The two Others with the needle start to talk about where to stick it, including a reference to the scene in Pulp Fiction. This tells us the Others even get to see our movies, although knowing them they probably downloaded them illegally. Goddamn others have no respect for copyright laws. Who knows what they do with the mattress tags.

As they are holding the needle over him and Sawyer is screaming we see Jack in his cell hearing it over the communications box that Juliet told him was broken. In the first episode viewers like me chalked it up to a hallucination when he heard his father’s voice on the intercom, but now Jack is hearing what is actually happening to Sawyer. So does the intercom actually work? What does this mean about Jacks father? Remember his body disappeared from its coffin after it crash landed on the island. Was he actually hearing him through the intercom in the opening episode or was it his imagination?

Back on the beach Desmond walks up to the “new” castaway that was introduced last episode. He is hitting fruit into the sea with golf clubs. Desmond wants to borrow one of his golf clubs. The new Castaway is a surly guy who makes some snide comments about how he doesn’t want to go off saving people. Think Han Solo in the first half of Star Wars. Now imagine Han Solo not bathing for a month. Bingo.

In the underground hatch Sawyer wakes up after being knocked out with the giant needle. There is a bandage on his chest. Ben walks in with a bunny in a cage. He holds it over sawyer and starts to shake it violently. He screams “C’mon! C’mon!” over and over until the bunny falls over dead. Which sucks for Sawyer since whenever an animal dies it loses control of its bowels. Ben asks Sawyer if he knows what a pacemaker is. The bunny had one that delivered a shock if it ever got anxious or frightened “… or should it ever try toe escape” Then Sawyer looks down at his bandage. Ben tells him he put one inside him and if his heart rate hits 140, his heart will explode. And as for what they did to his penis, man you don’t want to know. Then he attaches a heart monitor watch to his wrist. It will beep every time his heart gets in the danger zone. When Sawyer asks him “Why don’t you just shoot me and get it over with” Ben looks at him and says “because were not killers James”. Of course not. That would be barbaric. They are torturers and kidnappers, and will install devices that will kill you, but they’re not killers. Except of course for Goodwin who killed one of the Losties in cold blood in season 2.

After they bring Sawyer back to his cage he is a neutered puppy. When Kate asks what they did he just says that they asked him some questions. When Kate goes to put on some clothes the Others left for her, Sawyer steals a look at her from behind as she takes her top off. Kate’s got a hot back so his wristband starts beeping and his pants tighten. When Kate asks what’s going on he says nothing and just pours a bucket of water on his head. Oh Sawyer, you obviously don’t know about tantric sex. Sting and I swear by it. (9 hour sessions baby. Just get some Gatorade, pack a lunch and you’re good to go).

My new screensaver

In the flashback Sawyer is in the visiting area looking over at Munroe who is talking to his wife. Munroe looks over at Sawyer with a knowing look. Sawyer was right about the warden going after his wife. Sawyer is then interrupted by Cassidy, the woman he conned in his last flashback. Sawyer asks why she wanted to see him since she is the one responsible for him being in prison. She shows him a picture of a baby girl. Sawyer gets angry and refuses to believe that the daughter is hers. And after all, the woman just showed him a picture and she learned to con from him so it’s a pretty good bet it’s not his. Besides, the baby was smiling. Sawyer’s don’t smile. They grimace. Possibly glower. That’s it. Cassidy is of course played by Kim Dickens, who is also on Deadwood. Those Lost producers must love Deadwood. Also, as an aside, When I went to IMDB to confirm that Kim Dickens was the one from Deadwood that I was thinking about, I noticed in her profile it shows that she will be playing the wife of John Rambo in Rambo IV: In the Serpent’s Eye. Awesome. Especially since Rambo 2 is responsible for one of my favorite movie lines ever. When the Vietnamese woman said in broken English “Rambo… you not expendable.” Sniff. And I proud to be an Americannnn, where at least I know I’m freeeee……. Ahem. Anyways. Sawyer tells her that the kid isn’t his and storms out.

Back in the cages Kate is looking around at the bars above her. She tells Sawyer that she thinks if she climbs to the top she can squeeze through the bars because they are spaced farther apart. Pacemaker Sawyer tells her to relax and that they should sit back and get “the lay of the land”. Heh. He said lay.

In the underground Hatch jack is pacing in his cell when he hears the crackling of the supposed “disabled” intercom. From putting on the closed captioning this is what he hears.

“…under control.”

Yeah? You know what he’s doing to Karl? You know what he’s doing?”

“It was a mistake bringing those two here.”

Before he can hear anything else, Juliet barges in wearing a white surgical coat covered in blood (and with the Dharma insignia on it). Jack demands to know what he has done with Sawyer, he could hear him screaming before and now she is covered in blood. Juliet says it’s not his blood. “It’s the blood of a woman who’s dying. Jack. I need your help.”

We cut to outside the cages with Sawyer and Kate and a giant alarm starts sounding. They look over and see the Others leading Jack across the courtyard with a bag over his head. They scream out to him but he can’t hear them. At least we don’t think he can. At one point he does stop and pause for a brief second before they make him keep going.

Inside Jack is brought to a place designated “Area – OP 04″ according to what is written on the wall. As Jack is scrubbing in he notices some X-rays on the wall and stares at it for a moment. “THose aren’t hers” Juliet says. As he is led into the operating room Ben is angry that Juliet brought him here. Danny, the broken nosed Other whose wife is the one who is shot, is even more upset. They have to drag him out screaming at Jack. When Jack takes a look at the patient he sees that she is still bleeding out. When he takes a look he sees that she has a retrohepatic caval bleed behind her liver. That does not sound good. Well, actually only the bleed part. retrohepatic caval just sounds like a breed of dog or something. While they are working on her she flatlines. When Jack asks for the paddles Juliet says they don’t work. “Noting like this has ever happened” she says. Jack tries to give her CPR but to no avail. Another Other bites the dust.

When Danny, the Other whose wife just died, realizes it he does what any self respecting Other would do. Beat a helpless man senseless. He goes outside and grabs Sawyer and starts beating him mercilessly. Since Sawyer is afraid to get his heart rate up he doesn’t fight back as Danny pummels him. Kate is crying and pleading with him to stop. Danny keeps screaming “Do you love him? Do you love him?” as he punches him. She finally screams “Yes. I love him!” and he stops. Wow, that was…ummm, romantic?

He’s going through the least known stage of grief known as ‘Commit act of senseless violence”

Back in the flashback Sawyer is in his cell reading Of Mice and Men when Munson comes up and says they have to talk. He says that his wife is trying to get at his money. He was right about the warden all along. He asks, any pleads, with Sawyer to help him hide the money for him. Sawyer at first refuses but after hebegs, Sawyer gets a smile on his face. Another successful con.

In the cages Kate is asking Sawyer if he’s OK. As they are talking Kate climbs up and out of her cage through the top bars. When Sawyer pleads with her not to she says that the fact that he is so scared of escaping scares her more than anything. She wants to know what they did to him. Sawyer won’t say which just makes her more scared. When she tries to break the lock on his cage he pleads with her to go. “If you love me, you’ll go”. He says. “I only said that so he’d stop hitting you.” Eh, that’s what they all say. She then walks back and climbs inside her cage despite Sawyers pleas. She then looks over at him and says “Live together, die alone.” Ben meanwhile is watching the whole ting on his black and white monitors with the beardless Other (Does he have a name?) . Ben is wearing dorky Harry Potter glasses to boot. When The beardless Other asks if he should bring Shepard back, Ben says no, he wants him to sit with her for a while longer.

In the operating room jack is handcuffed to the gurney with the dead body of the Other on it. Not sure what Ben was getting at as It wasn’t Jacks fault she died and even if it was, she was a filthy Other that was attacking them. Heck if it was me I’d strip the bitch naked and start pissing on her in front of the cameras. F*ck the Others. Juliet then comes in to talk to Jack. She apologizes that he had to be handcuffed and tells her that she is a fertility doctor. She can only treat a bullet wound if it’s lodged in a womans cooter. Fertility doctor eh? Is this why they took the children? Because they can’t have children and want to keep the Other population going? Jack doesn’t ask this of course (that would make sense). He just asks her what her name was. It was Colleen. When a guilt ridden Juliet says she could have come to get him sooner, Jack tells her that it wasn’t her fault that she died. She was dead before she got on the table. Juliet asks him if he’s just saying that to make her feel better. Jack just looks at her and says “I don’t care about making you feel better.” Atta boy Jack!

When Juliet goes to uncuff him to bring him back to her cell, jack puts his hand on her arm. “Who’s X-rays are those? Those are spinal X-rays. Those are X-rays of a man about 40 years old and he has a very large tumor on his L-4 Vertebrae. And I just happen to be a spinal surgeon. So you tell me Juliet. Who am I here to save?” Oooh, snap! Whose X-rays are they? If it’s of a forty year old man it cant be Alvar Hanso. Is it Ben? Someone else we haven’t seen yet?

Back on the beach Desmond is on the beach using his golf club and making a tall tower like structure with it at the top. He places it right next to Claire’s hut. Hurley is next to him making lunch and asks what he’s doing. Desmond just says that it’s “an experiment”. After he says that it starts to rain. A few moments after that a lightning bolt hits the goldf club that was intended for Claire’s hut. When Charlie looks up he has a look fo fear in his face. Desmond can still see the future.

In Sawyers cell he is sleeping when he is awakened by Ben. “Let’s go for a walk.” He says. Then they cut to the flashback. In the Prison Sawyer is being led into a room with the warden and a group of people. After being introduced to a Treasury agent Sawyer then tells them exactly where the money is hidden. Because of that, the rest of his sentence has been commuted and he is going to go free. He also gets a “commission” but when the man asks him how he wants it, he says to set up an account for Clementine Phillips, his “daughter” in Albuquerque. Sawyers gone soft I tell ya!

This is his “overjoyed” look

Back on the island Ben is leading Sawyer up a steep hill. When he hears his wristwatch beeping. HE asks Ben if they brought him up here to make his heart explode. Ben then tells him that there is no pacemaker. They lied about the whole thing. He then pulls out the bunny which is safe and sound. Ben then brings him to the top of the ridge. Oooh, I can feel it. Here’s our wow moment. Sawyer looks over to see…. Another Island. Ben asks him if he’s ever been to Alcatraz. The island they are standing on is about twice the size of Alcatraz, and the island they are looking at across the way is the island the rest of the survivors are on. He’s telling him this so he will know that there is no place for them to run to. And then Ben says that the only thing that really got him in line wasn’t the pacemaker, but when he threatened Kate. Then he quotes something from Of Mice and Men about a man needing a woman. I won’t repeat it here but the gist of it is: “Sawyer and Kate, sittin’ in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes baby in a baby carriage.” Ben looks at him. “C’mon. Lets get you back toy our cage.”.

Sow ath did everyone think? How can the survivors not have seen the island? Have they just not been to that side of the island or is it hidden from them somehow? Whose X-ray is that? Will Jack end up banging Juliet at some point? I say yes. Being stranded on an island will make you do things you never thought possible.