Who’s Your Daddy?

So here we are. The final Lost episode until the big two hour season finale this Wednesday. The question now becomes, how much of this episode will be just a setup to the finale, and how much of it will be new advances in the plot? Well the answer is a little of both, really. We get a nice set up for the big finale, and a great flashback with Michael (I never thought I’d type that) showing what happened to him when he went off to try and find “WAAAALLTT!!!!” What made Michael kill those people in cold blood? Was he hypnotized, threatened, brainwashed? Well the truth is that it was Michael’s idea to kill Ana Lucia and Libby. The Others didn’t tell him to kill anyone. Not really. I guess you could say that he’s one bad mutha -Shut your mouth! – I’m talking ’bout Michael!

Anyways, it was still a good episode; answered some questions and raised even more, and had one humdinger of a cliffhanger ending leading to this week’s big finale. Party is at my place Wednesday night. Bring chips. As to what’s going on on the internet, the Hanso Foundation had yet another commercial last week. It was the same commercial, only with a new link at the end. www.letyourcompassguideyou.com. Figuring out the secret to new page will lead you deeper into the game. To find out more go to the nifty TVgasm forums.

The episode starts with a flashback. “13 days ago” appears on screen. Now if you’re wondering what the heck happened 13 days ago, just remember this is Lost time. Each episode is about 20 minutes of actual time. So when they say “13 days ago” they are basically talking about the episode that aired last January when Michael flipped out and left after talking with Walt on the computer.

We see Locke locking up the guns into the armory when Michael comes up to him looking shifty and sweaty and tells him he needs a gun to “borrow.” Like many people, Locke’s first instinct is to give a crazed-looking sweaty man ready access to firearms. He gives Michael the gun but then when Michael drops some ammo and Locke goes down to pick it up, Michael cold cocks him in the back of the head. This sequence is all stuff we saw 12 episodes ago, but what we didn’t see is what happened next from Michael’s perspective. He runs back to the computer and asks Walt where he is so he can come get him. If you are new to the Lost recaps, Michael really wants to find his son. But don’t worry, if that fact slips your mind, Michael reminds everyone about every ten seconds.

On the computer he types “You okay?” Then a pause.

“No time. Come soon.” Is Walt’s reply.

Michael: “I’m ready, coming NOW. You said north. North WHERE?”

Walt: “When they take me out, there’s huge rocks with a big HOLE in the middle by the beach. You’ll know when you see.”

Michael: “It’s gonna be OK. I’m coming.”

Walt: Click here to get discounts on penis enlarging cream. Guaranteed results!

Another interesting thing to note is that it’s amazing how even though both of them are panicked and under the gun, they still type with perfect grammar. Heck, they even get to capitalize important words. I’m surprised Michael didn’t get to fiddle with his font size before he sent his replies. Maybe even add a little smiley face here and there.

From here we cut back once again to what we’ve already seen; Michael holding a gun to Jack and Locke and locking them both in the armory, because Michael needs to find his son! It’s his right! He’s the FATHER. Of WALT. AND HE NEEDS TO FIND HIS BOY!!

We then jump to today. Michael is looking at a piece of paper. Then he burns it. From what I can make out it looks like names. Four names. Jack then interrupts him and says they have to talk. Back in the hatch they are all planning the attack on the Others’ camp, while Hurley sits there shell shocked, looking down at Libby and Ana Lucia’s corpses.

Jack wants to get a whole group together but Michael insists on it just being the five of them. When Jack argues they need more, Michael snaps back saying they will hear them if there are too many people. When Jack says that he is in no position to make decisions for all of them, Michael snidely says “You gotta son, Jack?” Gee, no he doesn’t Michael. And if he did he wouldn’t ignore him for most of his life, then bring him on a rickety raft in the middle of the ocean for no reason, thus allowing harm to come to him, and then in an attempt to correct his mistakes murder two people in cold blood. Jack doesn’t get a chance to say any of this because Hurley interrupts them. They haven’t even buried Ana Lucia or Libby yet. Jack then decides that they will bury them tonight and then tomorrow they will decide what to do.

From here we go back to the flashback. Michael is running through the jungle. He stumbles onto one of the Others taking a leak in the woods. He tells him to put his hands up. He doesn’t even give him the courtesy of allowing a few shakes. Since Michael is an idiot he doesn’t notice the one behind him who grabs his rifle. It’s the leader with the fake beard. Michael then runs for it firing his pistol at them. When the Others fire back the leader says “What are you doing!? We need him!” and then throws one of those Batman-like entrapment ball things at him. A big “BAM!” fills the screen.

Back in the present Michael is cleaning up the huge blood-stained floor. Eko comes in and surprises him. He wasn’t able to find Henry. Eko them start to help him clean up the blood. When Michael asks if he is a priest he says he is. Michael then asks him if that means he believes in hell. And since this is Eko, he cant just say yes or no (or speak using contractions for that matter. Like it would kill him to say “can’t” instead of “cannot”?) he goes into a story about a boy who confessed that he beat a dog to death with a shovel because it had bitten his sister on the cheek. The boy wanted to know if he was going to hell. Eko says that he would be forgiven as long as he was sorry. The boy didn’t care about forgiveness. He was just afraid that if he did go to hell that dog would be waiting for him. Isn’t it amazing how Eko just happened to tell Michael a parable that mirrors his situation exactly? Of course since Eko is a fake priest he neglects to mention that Catholics don’t believe pets have souls and therefore don’t go to heaven or hell.

Once Michael realizes that this means he may have to spend eternity with Ana Lucia, he runs outside and throws up. Jack sees him and they soon start talking about their plan. “I have to get my son back!” he tells Jack, for like, the 8 millionth time. Yes, we get it. He’s your son, you want to get him. Message received. Michael is still insisting on only the four people he chooses to go get him. It’s his son, so it’s HIS call. Jack finally relents and goes along with Michael’s plan.

On the beach Claire is tending to her island baby when the psycho Charlie comes up to give her something. It’s a container full of the supposed vaccine. He found it in the pallete that fell from the sky. He said he took it himself to make sure it was safe. Charlie is of course fairly non plussed that there is a vaccine for some mysterious illness. So much so that he easily gives it away without even caring that this might mean everyone might be affected by this mysterious illness. This is what I call a case of the “Losties,” wherein if you are presented with some unexplainable situation, like say, a hatch in the ground, a mysterious vaccine, or a polar bear in a jungle, you present absolutely no curiosity about it whatsoever and go about your business as if everything is fine.

When Charlie tries to ask Claire of it’s OK that they hang out again, she doesn’t even hear him as she sees Michael and calls out his name. Not only does he murder them in cold blood, the ones he leaves alive he cock blocks. Bastard. Everyone gathers around welcoming him back to the the camp. When Sun gives him a hug she looks over and sees two graves being dug. Michael tells her that Ana Lucia and Libby were murdered. He leaves out the “by me” part.

In the flashback we are back to the night that Jack confronted the Others at the point of no return. Only this time we are seeing it from Michael’s perspective. When the bearded other takes his hood off Michael spits in his face. Then another Other shows up with a hooded Kate. When the bearded man goes off to talk to Jack, Locke and Sawyer (with Kate in tow) Michael is left behind. As he is sitting there listening to their conversation one of the Others tells Michael that he is just sending them a message. He doesn’t mean any harm. The woman is the mysterious teenager that helped Claire escape from the medical hatch. The one that we believe is the crazy French woman’s daughter.

After the confrontation plays out (they take their guns, they leave, and he gives Kate back) the bearded man comes back. He looks over at the teenager and she looks at Michael, says she’s sorry, and cold cocks her with her rifle. Is their anyone on this island that can see one of those coming? I mean it’s not like this one came out of the blue.

Back in modern day at the beach, the increasingly overweight (for a dog on a deserted island that is) Labrador Vincent is sitting with Michael. Michael leans down and gently whispers to the dog “I need to get my boy back!!” Over at Sawyer’s tent they are getting the guns together. Sawyer asks what took Kate and Jack so long the other night when they were gone. Jack tells them that they got caught in a net. “Is that what they are calling it these days?” You see Sawyer is mistaking the act of inserting a penis into a woman’s vagina as being called “caught in a net.” A common misconception. The more correct term would be if Jack said he was “riding the hairy bus to taco town.” Or some such other crude euphemism.

Outside the tent they are greeted by the one and only badass of them all, Sayid. He smells some torture in the air and is pissed that he wasn’t invited. He wants to break in his new bamboo fingernail splitters. Sawyer wants to bring Sayid, Jack doesn’t. When Jack says it’s Michael’s call, Sayid says that it is their call. I agree, and so does Sawyer, so he hands him a gun and says “welcome aboard.”

Back in the hatch Eko is working on his new cause. Entering in the numbers. Charlie confronts him because he is mad he gave up on the church. When Eko asks him to bring him his things, Charlie tells him to get his own things, then grabs his marbles and storms off.

In the flashback Michael is being led to the Others’ camp. It has the hole in the rocks just like Walt said. The camp is as Michael described it. Barren and with crude huts, with 2 men guarding a hatch. A hatch with a whole new symbol. After one of the Others takes his blood and then seals it in a Ziploc bag (not exactly selling the whole “we are savages on a beach” storyline they are trying to sell) he is met by a woman who calls herself “Miss Clue.” She is holding a candlestick and on her way to the conservatory (I know, bad joke, but it was right there for the taking). She asks Michael all sorts of questions about Walt. Is he his biological son, has he ever been places he wasn’t supposed to be (Like sopping wet, in the dark and talking backwards while watching Sayid and Shannon do the nasty? Yes.) Michael, being an absent father, can’t answer most of the questions. When Miss Clue tries to ask more questions Michael goes into his usual routine. “Bring me my son! I want to see him right now!” Now remember Michael is tied up and has no way of escaping. Yet he still goes on and on about demanding to see his boy. God he is annoying. Even Miss Clue, a filthy Other, hits the nail on the head: “for someone who wants his son back so badly, you don’t seem to know much about him, Michael.”

Back in the present Michael is even more of a dick, confronting Sayid, the badass former torturer, scratch that, newly reactivated torturer, that he can’t come. It’s his call and he says he can’t go. Michael, the wimpy “WAAAH! Where’s my boy!” pansy ass with the sling is telling Sayid what to do. Sayid does his best not to laugh in his face, and after staring him down for a few moments, agrees and says he won’t go. Waah?

On the beach Charlie is left to build the church by himself, which probably means the door frames will be about 5 feet tall. He looks over and sees Vincent has brought him a Virgin Mary statue. Charlie asks the dog if someone put him up to this. Amazingly, the dog does not answer. When Charlie goes to investigate himself he sees that Vincent got it from Sawye’rs stash. And there are more of them. More scrumptious heroin there for the taking.

Instead of leaving the heroin there for medical emergencies, like with Libby, Charlie takes it upon himself to simply throw the heroin into the ocean. Why? Because he has a problem with drugs. The same way Hurley decided to throw away piles of good food because he was fat. Some of the people on this island are true idiots. Next I would expect someone to take all of Jack’s medication and throw it over a cliff, because the person once had a bad reaction to some allergy medication. Or maybe throw all the guns in the ocean because they don’t like Charlton Heston. That’s how it works on this island. As Charlie is throwing away the medicine Locke sees him from down the beach and they share a momentary glance.

Back in the hatch Eko is all about the computer. Jack comes in and asks where Locke is. When he tells Eko that they are burying Ana Lucia and Libby at sunset, Eko says that he will “mourn them in my own way.” Which means he’s not leaving this computer. I tried the same thing on Sunday mornings with my dad to get out of going to church, but it had no effect on him, but then again I wasn’t a creepy 6’5″ Nigerian warlord.

While Jack and Sawyer are packing up and getting ready to leave, Sawyer tells him that he “screwed” Ana Lucia. That’s how she got the gun. When Jack asks him why he is telling him this, Sawyer says that Jack is the closest thing he has to a friend. And he wants to make sure Ana Lucia didn’t come to Jack earlier with any kind of painful itching in her cooter.

On the beach Kate and Hurley are digging the graves. Michael stops by and tells Kate what their plan is. He is also there to try and convince Hurley to go. Hurley, being a peaceful sor,t says that he is sorry about Walt, but he won’t go. Michael tries to push the issue but Kate stops him. We then cut right back to the flashback.

It’s night in the Others’ camp and Michael is tied up inside a tent. Miss Clue comes in with some dinner. Michael asks when she is going to do it. “Do what?” she asks. “Kill me,” Michael says.

Clue says that she isn’t going to kill him. There has been a “development” since he has come to the camp. One of them has been captured by the Losties. Henry Gale. She needs Michael to get him back. Michael refuses to do anything unless he sees….wait for it…… WAAALLLLLTT!!

Clue brings Walt in, telling him that they have three minutes. When Walt comes in Michael goes into his blubbering idiot mode. Walt says that “they make me take tests” but Clue cuts him off. Then he blurts out that they aren’t who they say they are. “They’re pretending.” Clue then threatens to put him into “the room” again and has him taken outside.

Michael then dissolves into a blubbering mess, the only thing he’s ever really done successfully in his life, and says that he will do whatever they want him to do. Clue says she will be writing down four names on a piece of paper. Michael needs to bring those four people, and only those four people back to her. If he doesn’t, he will never see Walt again.

“Who’s James Ford?” Michael says after looking at the list. “You know him as Sawyer,” Clue answers. If he brings them back they will both go free. Michael then looks at her and says “And I want the boat.”

Back on the each in present day it is time for the funerals. Over in the distance Locke is sitting by himself and looks over. Then he reaches down and cuts off his splints and walks off. The healing power of the island. As Jack and Sayid are walking to the funeral Sayid warns him that Michael is lying. He believes he is compromised. He thinks he freed Henry on purpose and is leading them into a trap. He is of course completely right. When Jack says they should confront him, Sayid says no. They should go along with the plan, and use what they know to create an advantage. This also means the season finale will kick ass.

Jack’s entire eulogy for Ana Lucia is that he didn’t think being on the island was easy for her and that she was a woman of few words. That’s it. Christ what a shitty eulogy. I mean that’s like giving the eulogy for Hitler. “Ummm, Adolf was a snappy dresser. And, aaah, also really liked his dogs. OK. We done here?”

Hurley’s eulogy on the other hand is quite touching. Choking back tears he says Libby helped people. She helped him. And she was his friend. Then he looks over at Michael and says that he will go with them. As they all stand there quietly Sun looks up into the ocean and a look of astonishment comes across her face. “Boat!” she exclaims. They all look up and there it is. A big sailing boat sitting right off the beach. Cut to black.

Who is on the boat? What should we expect in the season finale? Is anyone else as psyched as me?