Love Games: Game On

Yes folks we are back for a second installment of Love Games. After seeing which former Bad girls are going to be on here, I suggest you follow my example and have booze and a barf bag ready at all times. The only bright spot for me is that it will be hosted by favorite BG of all time.

Queen Tanisha

Queen T tells us that Bad Girls has always been filled with competition and drama but now they are setting their sights on the opposite sex.  The dingbats are going head to head (giggles) to find love and as you know they will do anything to win.

First former BG up…………

Great, the Bride of Frankenstein is back.

Lea tells us that she screams and yells (don’t forget punches your palm to show how REALLY mad you are) drinks a lot and gets into a lot of fights. That about sums her up.

Next one up is…..

Seems like something’s missing.

Amber tells us that in the past she had jealousy issues and we are shown clips of she and Sarah from season 3 yelling. What I remember is that she had problems dating outside her race among other issues. More on that later.

Next is none other than…..Lord help us all…..

In case you’ve forgotten, she runs L.A.

For those of you who doubt that Satan exists, take a look above. All three tell their sob stories of being wild and outrageous but now they want to settle down and get married and have babies and baaaaaaaaaarf.

As Queen T explains, these girls will put 15 poor suckers through hell and then they get to choose who will be eliminated. In the end only one Bad Girl and her choice of guy will win a grand old prize! Just like last year. If you are new to this, I apologize for the brain cells you are about to kill. Let’s get to it.

Amber is up first and she’s off to meet some of the guys. She’s nervous. Then they show this guy.

Opie doesn’t stand a chance in hell.

While the limo pulls up they show a group shot.

I see at least two of you who should just go ahead and sit this one out.

However this one, after seeing it’s Amber, almost spooges his pants.

Titties titties titties titties titties……………….

Amber invites them into the limo and tells us that they are all hot and if the guys waiting at the mansion or as hot she’s in big trouble and she’s going to be making some really bad decisions. I’m counting on it.

Next we see another group sitting in the sun waiting for a limo.

Gee I never would have known to call him Tatt Boy.

Lea pops out of the limo and Tatt Boy kisses her hand and is already in love. The feeling seems to be mutual. In the limo Lea asks this dude what his preferences are in a girl.

A pulse.

On to the third group and Batshit, I mean Natalie emerging. Her group looks a little….fucked.

It looks like they escaped from the circus. The ugly circus.

Oh hell, this guys claim to fame……………he dated Snooki.

Your Ma must be so proud.

This guy? informs us that Batshit is not the typical guy he would normally date.

Why the hell is Ellen DeGeneres there?

Finally Amber and her load of losers arrive at the mansion. This guy is so impressed he compares it to Romeo and Juliet. Because there is a pool.

I’m guessing Shakespeare wasn’t on his top reading list.

Then Lea and her group arrive and this dude from Amber’s group is way too excited to see her.

Sucking an imaginary dick is always the way to a girls heart.

He thinks she has a Marilyn Monroe quality. I think he meant Marilyn Manson but whateve’s.

Finally Batshit and her group arrive and Amber and Lea both hate her. Join the club.

This dude has never been with a loud chick before so he’s looking forward to dating Batshit.

He won’t last 30 seconds alone with Batshit.

After a lot of mingling and getting to know each other Tanisha appears to explain the rules.

Listen up bitches I don’t repeat myself.

Tanisha puts the guys on one side and the girls on the other. She explains that this season the girls will also have to compete against each other to see who becomes the Head Bitch In Charge. Said HB gets to be the one who nominates three losers for eviction but it will then be up to the other two bitches to vote out one of them. Comprende? In the end, the girl and guy left standing wins an all inclusive vacay to Cancun and some cash to go with it. Now that they understand the rules they are told to move in.

Dudes are running everywhere. Here’s a couple of snapshots of the inside.

Don’t ya just love that whorehouse decor?

The bitches are not pleased with their decor.

Batshit claims she is attracted to Ellen but the others think she’s full of shit. None of them like Snooki Boy but Batshit explains that he’s easily led and they should keep him for a while. Batshit tells us that she will have all the guys wrapped around her finger in the next 24 hours. She’s that good.

More mingling with the poor slobs.

Looks like a peeper to me.

Amber however cuts to the chase and asks Ellen if he’s in to just girls. He/she looks all offended and giggles “Uhhhh yeah.” She then asks if any of them are in to beastiality. Well some of them are there to date Batshit and she looks like a horse so ya know. Ha! Tatt Boy actually calls her a deviant!

Oh great there’s two Roberts. He’s a bartender.

You will be working non stop in this house.

Amber asks this dude how many girls he’s been with and he says under 10.

He means this week.

Cory, the Player, refuses to answer. That means he has herpes.

Lea and Tatt Boy discover they both has a 13 tatt and they got them on a Friday the 13th! No way! Way!

Amber asks this dude what he does and why he’s there. He says he’s there to have fun. And he says if the guys are honest so are they. Way to shoot yourself in the foot dumb ass.

That means he threw a tea party for his niece and her stuffed animals.

The girls decide the food in their room is begining to smell and goes downstairs to see who will offer to clean it up. The shaggy haired dude jumps up immediately and does their bidding. Aha! His name is Mathew and he says it’s the little things in life that count. Good, then come clean my house!

Don’t forget to get under the rim.

Finally we are on to the first challenge. As Tanisha explains, there is a wall with glory holes, oh wait face mask holes in it that covers the eyes but leaves the lips exposed. The 15 dudes will go behind the wall, pucker up and then the 3 girls will take turns smooching the dudes and the dudes then have to vote on said smooches without knowing whose lips they belonged to. Whichever girl gets the most votes becomes the HB. Got it?

Tatt Boy made a good point when he said he was pretty much gonna be kissing 14 dudes as well. Ick. Anyway, behind the wall they go while the girls backs are turned.

Batshit is up first and wipes the dudes lips off but then only rubs noses. What the fuck? Is she an eskimo? Some dudes she doesn’t kiss at all.

Watch the chin Wilbur.

Batshit says she kissed some and let the stragglers wonder. She does realize that she needs these stragglers votes in order to win HB?

Tanisha sprays some breath spray in one dudes mouth and then Amber says he has something in his nose. She then wipes his nose and KISSES HIM ANYWAY. She is kissing along until she comes to this guy who she only kisses on the cheeks.

Well, well, well……………some things haven’t changed.

Next up is Lea and she basically chews, shoves her tongue down and all but face rapes each dude.

I think she swallowed his lip.

The guys vote by sticking a number out of a slot when called upon. When all is said and done, the face raper wins!!!!

And now you’ve won a big case of mono!!!!

LOL notice Batshit only got 3 votes. Now Lea gets to pick who she wants to go on a date with by picking the best kiss. She picks #15 Benz. Then she has to pick the worst 2 kisses for Amber and Batshit to go out with. She picks Ellen and Cory W.

Ellen is shocked as hell.

Lea also gets to choose which dude goes with which girl and since she knows Batshit likes Ellen she sets Ellen up with Amber sending Cory W. with Batshit.

It’s not over yet. The girls still get to mingle a while and then each choose a second dude to date that night. After some primping and face slathering Tanisha tells the girls it’s time to pick their second companions  for the night.

Amber is smart enough to know that she can’t pick who she really wants to go out with because the other girls will get rid of him. So she picks a black guy.

Shocking ain’t it?

Corey B. tells us he saw Season 3 and knows Amber’s against dating outside her race. What he doesn’t know is she is using him as a pawn to keep who she really likes in the house.

Batshit, using the same strategy chooses the dish washing Mathew. Lea makes two dudes do rock,paper,scissors. She knows not to pick Tatt Boy because he will be a target. That makes no sense since she is HB but ok.

Robert A. and Eduardo RPS with Robert A. winning. If you can call it that. Ha! Eduardo says  hasn’t played no,” Rocket,Paper, Say Shoop” in years!! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Off on the dates they go. Lea and her two get to ride in a limo while Amber and Batshit have to ride in a white van. Batshit is PISSSED!

Once at the club, everyone is seated together but then a waitress shows up and escorts Lea and her dates to a special V.I.P. section. More fuel on Batshits fire lol.

Hey guys, yes those are titties but damn, they are small.

There’s lots of drinking and toasting and now dancing. Benz is really “feeling” Lea. Lea feels him right back and Batshit notices and does not like this at all. Suddenly Lea decides since she is HB she can dance with anyone’s date and so she grabs Corey B. who is supposed to be Amber’s date. And even though we all know Amber would never date him in real life, she’s pissed.

Somebody’s gonna get pretend jealous.

Batshit has figured out that Lea is her competition but Lea thinks she’s already won. No one knows what the hell Amber is thinking.

Once back at the house, Amber is sitting with Ellen and Corey B. He tells her she is attractive and she says this.

She just cannot help herself.

He calls her out on it and says he thinks of her as a good looking girl, not a good looking white girl. To change the subject Amber asks the guys if their junk sinks or floats in the pool. My head may just explode.

Meanwhile Batshit is in the hot tub holding court and talking shit about the other girls. Greg, Eduardo and Mathew likes  Batshit but she knows Jason likes Amber and Benz likes Lea so she proclaims she will be getting rid of them. She also boasts about how she can “work” Amber. Problem is, Amber hears her.

It’s Elimination Day y’all and that means the sucking up has begun. Mathew and John make the girls breakfast in bed. Outside Greg is making fun of this and says he ain’t jumping through no hoops. You will be jumping in a cab soon.

Batshit comes up with a brilliant plan. She pulls Lea aside and they decide to get out Amber’s dudes so they can get rid of her first. Only problem is Lea thinks Batshit is more competition and has absolutely no intention of following through.

Batshit even basically promises Greg he is safe. Kiss of death.

After a lot of boring chit chat Tanisha comes and tells Lea it’s time to tell each guy who is up for elimination.

Nomination #1

Shocker.

Lea tells him it’s nothing personal but she has to get rid of Team Batshit.

That’s just wrong. HE CLEANS!!!!

Batshit is gonna blow a vein.

Mathew is pissed because he cooked and cleaned. Greg’s dumbass thinks he’s safe because Batshit runs this shit (hahahahaha) and Eduardo is just praying he stays.

Guess there won’t be any pillow fights tonight.

Lea explains to the poor saps that she is there to win and if they are not on her team they have to go. Although she got to choose the three for nomination, Amber can save one and Batshit can save one. The third one gets sent packing.

Lea and Batshit start arguing about jealousy and being smart. The guys appeal to the girls to save them. More yelling and screaming.

Batshit tells us she promised Eduardo and Greg they would not be going home so she really hopes Amber does not chose Mathew to stay. Amber asks Batshit who she wants to stay and Batshit tells her she doesn’t trust her not to flip it around. Batshit says “You say who you are going to keep, I’ll say who I’m going to keep and I don’t like you bitches.”

Amber chooses Mathew. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Eat it Batshit.

Batshit is pissed and accuses Amber of being manipulative and Tanisha cuts in and says “NO you asked her a question Natalie and she answered you.” Hahahahahaha!

In the end Batshit chooses Eduardo. Batshit screams that she’s done and tells Amber she will not sleep peacefully tonight. Oh and she says she will choke her in her Goddamn sleep. Get over it skank. You got outplayed by LEA not Amber you ignorant putz!

Toodles!

Until next week,

Love and Smooches,

Cherie