Love Games Recap

It’s that time of year again y’all! Drinking too much. Red noses. Fighting over useless crap. Oh and it’s almost Christmas too. Right now though it’s time for three former Bad Girls to find love on another season of Love Games!

Lets meet this years innocent little cherubs looking for love. First up is Sydney from season six.

Hope she brought enough “herbal remedies” to last the whole show.

The main thing I remember about her is that she looked yellow and kept leaving the show finally never to come back. At least now she looks healthy. We’ll see how long that shit lasts.

Sydney tells us basically she’ll screw anything that moves and she’s  the “realest” bitch there is.  Strike one bitch. Just once I’d like a bitch to come on here and say, “I am the fakest bitch you will ever meet. I don’t run anything and I’m scared of all you bitches.” Then watch her proceed to beat them all to death with their own weaves. Ok back to the show…

Next up is Kori. My memory of her is that her version of fighting was throwing her head at other people with her hands at her sides and getting the shit beat out of her.

I warned your ass about that Botox.

Kori tells us that the girls on BGC thought she was some kind of Barbie but she’s a hard ass and needs a man who can deal with her. That’s code for she needs a bazillionaire old rich dude who can pay for all her plastic surgery.

Last but not least is my Psycho!! This girl makes Britney Spears from her bald days look sane. But I love her. If some of you are unfamiliar with Judi aka Psycho, hold on to your asses.

I got the voodoo for you bitches.

She had a habit of getting drunk, talking to plants, announcing she’s Creole and starting a lot of fights, most she didn’t win. She did manage to get attention no matter what. She tells us she needs a tough dude cause she’s bold. That’s one way of putting it.

Host Tanisha tells us that these three will be fighting for the heart of some poor sucker crazy enough to be involved in this shit. They will then win a luxurious prize to be announced later. Let’s meet these poor fuckers. First up..

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Nick tells us all girls love Prince Charming and that’s who he is. Good luck with that one Doogie.

Back up outta my face with those brows. You’re scaring me.

Mr. In Your Face tells us he’s gonna surprise people. How? By letting your facial hair grow?

It’s nice to see Urkel working again.

He claims he’s aiming for Casanova but he’s not there yet. Oh and he’s freaky y’all. The freakiest thing about him is that he calls himself freaky.

Next up…

Please make it illegal to wear hats that way.

He says he’s known by some name that starts with a D but I am not interested enough to rewind. He’s an artist. Sure. Why do I get the feeling the only rapping he has in his future involves a w in front of rapping and a temp job at Christmas?

I hope the lighting is making him look like a ginger because I can’t handle another Opie.

He plans to win girls with his charm and smile. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

With hair like that you better be funny.

He tells the other guys he doesn’t take himself seriously and neither should they. Done. Then he tells us his next step is law school and getting a girl by making them laugh.

Gentleman? Dude are you in the wrong place.

His plan is to sit back and watch everyone else fuck up. Good luck with that.

Well that explains the facial disfigurement.

Dusty tells us he can handle a Bad Girl. He’s done it before. Yeah dude but these girls only have 2 legs and don’t get stuck in fences. Although I could see that happening to Psycho.

Methinks one of these is not like the others.

The first words out of his mouth are that he’s excited to see the house….and the girls. He also says he goes for confident girls. I have trouble believing he’s ever gone for a girl EVER.

Kori is the first to meet the gathered clan of hormones. She announces she’s a bad bitch and they better step their game up and asks who’s gonna buy her first drink?

I’m a bad bitch y’all!!!

All the guys scream at the sight of her and Farmboy actually says she is “totally fuckable.”

Something you will totally NEVER be.

As Kori goes on and on about how she’s a Barbie with her blonde hair and big boobs, Funnyboy looks like this…..

You have seen a girl before right?

Sydney shows up next and Kori hugs her but tells us she plans on pretending to be friends but hello this is a game.

Urkel is in love on sight.

Dude! Wait until you get back to your room to do that shit!

When Judi arrives a lot of the guys are all gaga for her too. Especial John The Player. That is until she speaks he says.

I was gonna do her until she opened her mouth.

 

Unless you are as crazy as she is, it’s pretty much downhill from here.

Psycho says most guys expect her to be the girl who sits at the table but she’s the kind of girl that will stand on the table. Haha.

Over in the corner Kori has a winner.

He’s a keeper.

He tells us he doesn’t date. He just fucks around. He tells Kori that too which means she’ll probably fall in love with him. Nope she tells him to get the fuck out and he does.

John corners Sydney and they have a lovely chat.

Hey, ya wanna be one of my bitches?

While Psycho is sitting with some other dudes, this dude beckons her to come hither.

Real stupid.

She explains she will do no such thing because she is JUDI! He comes up to her and things get heated and she actually tears his shirt off and pushes him. His response?

Yep, he’s turned on.

Maybe if she’d kicked him in the balls he’d put a ring on it.

Tanisha has arrived!!!

The GodMother!

Tanisha explains that she is there to guide these idiots through the ride from hell that will culminate in one of them winning one of these….

Ain’t they precious?

Tanisha explains that these bitches will be put through all kinds of tests over the next few weeks and the winner will be crowned HBIC or Head Bitch In Charge. The HBIC has the power to put up three guys for elimination each week. In the end there will be only one guy and one girl left standing and they will be crowned Mr & Mrs Chlamydia, oops my bad, they will be crowned  the winners of Love Games and win a romantic trip for two………..while speaking Psycho and one of the dudes are giggling and making gaga noises and Tanisha stops and has a small fit.

Someones about to POP OFF!!!!

After getting the children to straighten the fuck up she announces it’s time for the first HBIC Challenge! Each girl has to send the guys a sexy text and the guys then vote and which ever girl receives the most votes becomes the first HBIC!

While the girls work on their texts, Tanisha takes the boys to another room and makes them strip so they can then take a pic from the neck down. Seriously.

Remember when Chicken Little was sexy? Me neither!

Tanisha can’t take anymore and we switch over to the girls writing their sexy texts. Psycho is giggling and says she is writing something that you would never dream of writing. I believe her. Kori’s approach is to just be her confident self. Bite me loser. Sydney just wants to be the first HBIC.

Tanisha and the boys return and Tanisha shows Girl A’s text on a screen. It’s not coming out very visible so I’ll just type out what they say.

Girl A

“you want the bad bitch then come n get her I might look like a sweet innocent girl but on the outside I am a rough tough bitch Come and get me:) Im all your if you can handle me”

Girl B

“A Southern broad knows how to treat her man n it includes 3 things

1) Maid in the livingroom

2)Cook in the kitchen

3)Porn star in the bedroom”

Girl C

“Shout out to the hoes that can spread their legs but not spread a smile across ur face haha xox mwuah”

Okie dokie. Bet I can guess who girl C is.

 

Tanisha makes the girls leave so she can ask the guys opinions. Since I still don’t know their names by sight I’ll just say the first 3 all had different answers. Then this guy starts speaking.

Where the hell did he come from?

Seriously did I miss a dude? Any way he tells us that he’s looking for a girl with family values who can be sweet on the street and a freak in the sheets. Yeah and I’m looking for a dude who doesn’t fall back on stupid lines to make himself look cool….anyone???

Tanisha calls the girls back in to reveal the votes. One girl only got 2 votes. That would be girl C. Tanisha asks that Girl C raise her hand and identify herself.

I think we all saw that coming.

Psycho then further endears herself to the guys by calling them lame asses for not wanting a girl that can make them laugh.

And the first HBIC is…………………

Kori and her crooked face! Yay.

Tanisha tells Kori that being the HBIC comes with a lot of power. And she must now pick one guy to go on a date with and one guy to go the hell home right now. To assist her in her decision is this….

Can we get rid of more than one?

Kori tells us that some of these guys bodies are just not cute. Yeah like how your face gets all crooked and shit.

Kori chooses picture number 12 as her first date and that turns out to be Chris, The Boy Next Door. As her bottom three picks she chooses 13, 11 and 7.

Kori gets to assign 2 of the guys to Psycho and Sydney. The last one has to go home. Tanisha gives each one a chance to plead their case.

Not even on his birthday.

Who knew he was a black dude under that shirt?

This dude needs to learn when to shut up.

After all the begging and Kori actually having to tell Edson to shut it, she chooses Joey The Funny Guy for Sydney and Edson for Psycho. Edson and Psycho are thrilled but look at Sydney’s face.

Damn Sydney you could at least be glad it wasn’t Farmboy.

Speaking of the poor Lil fella….

Don’t be sad, you still have your sheep!

Let’s go see the Mansion y’all!

D.A.M.N.

Ya know, I think that recappers should be allowed to live in the house while the season is being shot. Just a thought.

Damn Psycho, keep it in your pants!

Edson and Psycho continue to run around and scream and have a ball. Meanwhile Sydney is off chatting up John The Player. She recognized his photo by his tatts. Shocker.

Nick F. goes and tells Psycho that he was one of the two who voted for her and she hugs him. Psycho is thrilled that the same guy whose shirt she ripped off still thinks she’s cool and real. In fact, she says it “toots her horn. Toot toot!”

Sydney is now having deep conversation with Jonathan aka Freaky JP about working out late night and then showering and going to bed. I can’t believe I just typed all that boring shit. The point is she’s playing the game and trying to connect with as many dudes as she can.

Kori goes and cuddles up with Eyebrows aka Pasquale. He tells her she is his ultimate girl but he likes dark hair. Oh so he’s stupid too.

John The Player tells us that Matthew The Gentleman is his buddy from college and he’s a good guy and that Psycho is a bad girl and those don’t mix. He then slaps at her with a rag or something and she is about to go Psycho on his ass.

Instead she and Mathew go up to the confessional and start chatting and continue drinking. Suddenly John comes in and tempers flare. From downstairs you hear glass breaking and screaming and everyone runs upstairs to see Psycho being restrained.

There’s the Psycho we know and love.

Kori is under the impression that someone threw a beer on her. Psycho is still being held back and yelling for John to tell the truth. John tells us she came out of the confessional and attacked him so he poured his drink on her.

Don’t hate the Psycho dude, hate the game.

Freaky JP and the others are talking about how crazy Psycho got but they agree to support her while outside Kori and Sydney are talking about letting Psycho be miserable because no guy is gonna want her.

Meanwhile Psycho is still in her room being restrained as she is on her knees and slamming her hands against the floor.

We don’t call her Psycho for nothing.

The next morning Psycho is in full on damage control and apologizes to the guys. Nick especially understands because he too has done similar drunken retarded ass shit.

Tanisha arrives and lets the twits know they get to pick an additional date to go along with the dates they already have.

Psycho runs and grabs Nick. Sydney grabs Jonathan and Kori grabs Robby.

Tanisha then tells everyone that the pool is off limits to everyone except for the girls and their dates. Kori as HBIC will have a spread of sushi and champagne while Psycho and Sydney and their dates will be dining on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Tanisha also informs them that as HBIC, Kori can pull away the other girls dates at any time and there is nothing they can do about it. She warns her to use this power wisely.

The girls get into bikinis and head to the pool with their dates.

Oops, looks like Chris prematurely popped his cork.

Kori is boring as hell and talking game and Sydney is whining because she hasn’t had a date for 2 years. Psycho seems to be having fun.

In the house the other guys are rating the dates as they see them. They think Sydney’s date is neck and neck but Psycho’s been sitting on one guys lap the whole time. Edson I think. Kori’s date they think is going well.

Oh gross here we go. Robby places a chocolate covered strawberry in Kori’s giant mouth and of course she has to make it look all porno.

Ohhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh it’s sooooooooooooo BIG!

After she bites off a piece she of course has chocolate all over her puffed up lips and has Robby basically chew it off her face. While Chris sits there looking stupid.

Guess whose gonna get sloppy seconds?

Yep she then kisses Chris. I hope he realizes he just kissed Robby. Kori decides that since she’s got these two in the bag she is going to steal some other guys. She goes and gets Nick. She realizes she has a gift and it’s new sunglasses. She then informs Nick that Sydney is jealous. She’s jealous because Kori has a great body and Sydney doesn’t. She goes on to say she has ugly boobs with stretch marks on them. Kori says she has a nice ass while Sydney’s is blubber.

Nick tells us that he thinks Sydney’s body is gorgeous and her ass is ridiculous and when he saw it he just knew he needed it in his life.

Don’t hate me because I’m a sanctimonious, self absorbed twat.

Kori kisses Nick goodbye and then goes and gets Joey, who is being completely ignored by Sydney anyway. Kori and Joey seem to get along but I think she’s just playing him, ya know, like all the other dudes she’s fucking with.

Pretty sure she has no clue Joey is even missing.

Kori has now kissed her fourth dude of the day and Chris seems shocked by this. Kori tells us that her dates were amazing and they were definitely all about Team Kori. You keep kissing all those dudes and you will be known as Team Cold Sore.

Once the party breaks up and everyone goes inside, Nick goes straight to Sydney and rats her ass out. Sydney goes charging down the hall and confronts Kori. The shouting starts and everyone comes running and Kori yells out that all these guys want her. I want Sydney to throw her ass out a window. More yelling and screaming and then it’s on.

Ha! Look at Psycho in the corner all scared!

This fight goes on down the hallway and at one point you cannot even see the girls for all the guys who are trying to break this up. In comes Tanisha and in 2 seconds she pulls these bitches apart.

Ha leave it to Tanisha.

Meanwhile the hair pulling bitch is still being held down in the hallway while Tanisha takes Sydney to another room to console her.

Mama Tanisha’s got yo back.

Sydney is crying and telling Tanisha what Kori said about her boobs and Tanisha tells her don’t ever let nobody dictate how you feel about yourself. She tells her she’s big and so is her money lolololol.

Meanwhile Kori is in a room with only Psycho for support and she’s stupid enough to tell Psycho that their are NO FRIENDS in the LG house.

Later Sydney goes outside and she’s crying to the guys and saying she’s embarrassed and they tell her no one feels bad about her, they are pissed at Kori.

Girl you better milk that shit for all it’s worth!

Tanisha next goes to visit Kori and explain that it is Elimination night. She has to put up 3 guys and then her power ends. Sydney and Psycho get to decide who will actually go home.

Kori decides it’s time for payback and heads straight for Jonathan and says she is nominating him because he clicks with Sydney and she needs guys that are there for her. Next she nominates John for the same reason. Nick gets nominated because he ratted her stupid ass out.

She does realize that only one of these dudes is going home right? She’s making hardcore enemies left and right. Dumbass.

To the Elimination room we go.

Each guy gets a chance to plead his case and we start with Jonathan. He tells Psycho that when she had her little incident the other night, he was the first one to say don’t judge her. Also he was the second one who voted for her text message. He tells Sydney that he’s made a friend and she knows what it is and he doesn’t even have to say it.

Damn that was pretty good.

John is next and he uses his flirty eyes and talks about his chemistry with Sydney who blushes. He tells Psycho she’s a little crazy but he likes that. She reminds him that he is crazy too and John agrees not to push her buttons if she doesn’t push his.

Look into my eyes!

Last is Nick who at first says no words are needed then tells Sydney he didn’t even know her and yet he had her back and told her what Kori said about her. With Psycho he too tells her voted for her.

Honesty is the best policy. Pfffft!

Now it is up to the two girls I don’t hate to decide who to save first. That would be Jonathan! Now we are down to John and Nick. Psycho wants to save Nick and Sydney wants to save John. Since they can’t agree, the final vote goes to Kori. After pretending to struggle she sends Nick packing.

And there we have it folks. Do you think Nick deserved to go home? Do you think I can hate Kori any more than I already do?

Until next time,

Love & Smooches,

Cherie