Love Games: Whatever!

Last week on Love Games, Amber became the new HBIC and Chinzilla  was none too pleased. So much so that she took every chance she could get to run her mouth about Amber and when Amber mouthed back, Chinzilla attacked. This made most of the guys lose respect (that’s a gigglefest) for Chinzilla, but not Ellen. He and his sweater are more in love than ever. When Lea had the chance to vote for his ass to go, she caved and sided with Chinzilla and so Ellen lives to irritate me another day. I don’t even remember the 2 dudes who were sent packing, so basically, screw em’.

This week starts off with Benz and Lea being all lovey in the pool and then the hot tub. And then the noise begins. It’s Chinzilla yapping about taking sides and how if anyone pisses her chin off they will be going home!

Chinzilla tells us Corey B. is just rubbing her the wrong way and he’s all about Amber and she’s so MAD! On a side note….WHO GIVES A FUCK?

As Chinzilla keeps yelling DONE!, Corey B. yells, “Shut up.” And this awakens the wrath of the Chin. She yells all up in his face that he can go home first “BITCH!”. Hate to burst your bubble but 3 people have already gone home dumb ass. She tells him he’s not going to tell her to shut up “in my motherfucking house.” Exsqueeeze me? That house is as much yours as it is mine you freak of fucking nature. She then snatches his chain off.

There would be an elbow looking thing covered by a weave floating in the pool.

As Corey B. basically tries to keep from being lacerated by Chinzilla she just keeps yelling and tells him he’s in the Bad Girls Club house. No. Wrong again dipshit. That’s the other show everyone hated you on. He finally walks away but tells us he will get her ass back for ripping his chain.

As everyone gets ready for bed, Corey B. goes and finds Chinzilla’s bed. And does the most amazing thing ever. He gets butt ass nekkid and rolls his balls all over her bed, pillow, hopefully he wiped his ass on there a few times too.

Was the logo really necessary?

As Chinzilla is applying wart cream and brushing her fangs she quietly tells the guys to please sleep in and to cut that light off so she can sleep. She then crawls into her butt, balls and taint smeared bed. Nighty night bitch.

For some reason, the next day Amber decides she needs to talk to Ellen. She doesn’t want to him to hate her and she doesn’t want him to think she was trying to send him home. SHE NOMINATED HIM FOR ELIMINATION.

They flashback to Ellen and his Sweater calling Amber a dumb ass. Then we see this.

I’m sure all is forgiven now. Idiot.

Amber apologizes and tells Ellen she’ll never do that to him again. He feels he is now set. Then he tells us he has smoother moves than Patrick Swayze on Dirty Dancing. Patrick just made a move, he rolled over in his grave you freak.

Off they go to the kitchen to get something to eat. Guess who’s cooking and cleaning?

Hey Alice, don’t forget to pick up the rack of lamb from Sam the butcher.

Lea thinks he’s acting like Cinderella on Adderal. Nick, thinks that Alice isn’t impressing anyone and that everyone thinks he’s a bitch in this house.

Bet ya still eat what he cooks though don’t ya?

Later some guys are talking to Chinzilla when this one rats out Corey B. about getting all nekkid in her bed.

Rat Bastard.

Off stomps Chinzilla to find Corey B. She tells him she was coming to apologize (liar) but then found out he tea bagged her pillow and so he needs to leave her house. Again with the “her” house. She blithers on about disrespect and how he’s leaving the house immediately because this is “The Natalie Show.”

Just go ahead and punch her, we won’t tell.

She follows him around while brushing her fangs and he finally goes outside where Amber takes advantage of the situation. She’s starting to look smart.

Meanwhile as Chinzilla is still bitching, this dude lies his ass off and tells her nothing happened in her bed and she needs to chill and look at the bigger picture.

He’s a miracle worker.

Chinzilla decides to let it go and be the bigger person. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Off to the HBIC Challenge.

Tanisha explains this challenge is all about communication. They are in a warehouse with all the guys on one end and the 3 twits on the other. Each girl will pick four guys for her team. Once the teams are set the girls have pictures of clothes that the guys can’t see. They have to describe the clothes to them and  then one guy at a time  has to find the item,  run it over to the girl who then she  has to dress herself. Then the next guy is up until all items are found and the bitch has clothes on. One rule, DO NOT STEP OVER THE LINE.

Maybe it’s my bronchitis meds but I’m a little confused.

Time to pick teams. Ok Chinzilla starts the picking and her first pick is….Corey B.

Don’t forget to rub your balls on her shirt.

Tanisha tells Corey he doesn’t look too excited so get with it or get lost. Don’t make me hide your snack bag! (That was the meds talking)

In the end the teams are as follows…

Chinzilla-Corey B., Corey W, Robert, Nick

Lea-Tatt Boy, Bruno, Benz,Mathew

Amber-Ellen, John, Emilio, Jason the Weasel

The screaming begins. Chinzilla is looking for a purple skirt, Lea a black skirt and Amber just keeps yelling no.

Jesus just put a sack over her.

Mathew finds Lea’s skirt, Bruno finds Chinzillas and Weasel finds Amber’s. On to shirts. Lea is in the lead so far. Corey B. is still looking for Chinzilla’s shirt and if he were moving any slower he’d be asleep. I love him.

Lea now has her third item of clothing and just needs a jacket. Meanwhile..Corey B is still moving in slow motion. When he does find it,  Chinzilla tells him, “That’s ok I just didn’t know you were such a poor sport.” So he walks almost to within reach of Chinzilla and drops it on the floor.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Tanisha however is not amused.

Relax it’s not a taco. (I am so dead)

The stand off keeps going and Tanisha keeps telling him it’s a challenge. The other guys realize they are getting screwed so Robert R. runs up and hands the shirt to Chinzilla.

The first one fully dressed is Lea. Only one problem. As Tanisha explained from the start, there is a line you cannot cross when handing the items over and this dude clearly stepped over it.

Someone’s going home.

As Lea yells at him to step back, Chinzilla and Amber continue the race. Chinzilla finishes second and then after about 2 days Amber finishes. But, Tanisha has some news. Since Lea’s flunky stepped over the line, she is disqualified. And since Corey B. refused to finish his task, he is disqualified. That makes Amber the HBIC again!

The sun even shines on a dog’s ass some days.

As HBIC Amber gets to pick who she wants to go on a date with. She picks Ellen. This pisses off Chinzilla as she has already marked him as her territory. Amber then chooses Jason for Chinzilla and John for Lea. Lea is happy. Who the hell knows what Chinzilla is.

As usual the girls will also get to pick a second date and then the next day the HBIC will nominate 3 guys for elimination and two will go home.

Back at the house Chinzilla and her 47 personalities tells us she has tried everything with Corey B. and they are going to have a sit down and discuss things and she’s going to try very hard to “pretend” to apologize.

She’s trying so hard her snout is bleeding.

She apologizes for him seeing her hit Amber. Not for actually hitting her lol. She tells him she picked him for her team so they could build communication and start over. He groans.

Don’t you dare fall for that shit.

He tells us he’s shocked as hell since he just threw the challenge for her but he doesn’t trust her. Chinzilla apologizes this time for actually hitting Amber but says she felt like he chose sides. HE DID. Oh hell, he apologizes for telling her to shut up and Chinzilla suggests he should sleep in bed with her. He offers to do so naked but she declines that part. I’m gonna be sick.

Later Tanisha pops in to tell the twits that they have an hour to pick their second dudes and get ready for “a very, very unique dining experience.” I hate that already. It usually involves eating off naked people or bugs.

Amber asks Corey W. Lea picks Bruno. Chinzilla picks Opie, or Robert R.

Ellen isn’t happy about Corey W going with them because he’s the one who hit Ellen in the face with an egg. He thinks he’s a meathead and a male slut.

Once they are all at the restaurant it gets creepy really fast. They will be dining completely in the dark. Not happening. EVER.

Stupid stupid people.

They are led in the dark, holding on to each other to another room. Probably the one where they grind people up in and make pies.

I’m sorry but that is RE-tarded.

Back at the house the boys are gonna get drunk but first they tell Mathew to cut out the maid act. He needs to get to know the girls. He is asked questions about them and he has no clue. So we have just learned he can’t do more than one thing at a time. He declares he’s retiring.

Tanisha makes an appearance and tells Corey B. she’s mad at him because he let down his teammates. Then Mathew giggle slurs and she tells him to have fun making love to the toilet tonight. She tells  the others to save some energy because the girls will be back soon.

Back at the restaurant of DEATH, Corey W. is not happy and tells us he doesn’t like to eat things he can’t see just like he doesn’t like to have sex with a girl he can’t see.

I bet your hand and your imagination would beg to differ.

Meanwhile………..

God I hope she means the food.

Chinzilla meanwhile claims she just wants to get drunk all the while shoveling food in her face and molesting whoever that dude is.

Ellen on the other hand decides to go in for the kill. He’s gonna test Amber to see if she is faking it or not by getting her to kiss him.

Remember y’all, it pitch BLACK in there.

DENIED!

Ellen says to us “Come on who wouldn’t kiss me?” Uhhh, anyone with sight?

Lea and John are having fun and since Amber is HBIC she gets to have a pair of night vision goggles.  She sees Lea and John and she says it makes her a little jealous because she kinda likes him. As she’s using them, Ellen’s tampon starts pinching him and he gets all pissy because she isn’t paying him enough attention.Ellen wants to leave and Amber wants him to shut up.

Back at the house Mathew is drunk and proclaiming his love for Amber. To impress her he puts on an apron.

At least he has a cock.

Emilio is tickled shitless because he knows Mathew is fucking up his chances with Amber. And it’s about to get worse.

In the limo on the way home Ellen continues his pissy fit and doesn’t want Amber holding his hand or touching his pink pants.

In Chinzilla’s limo she is offering Jason money to take his clothes off. He takes his shirt off and she shoves a couple of dollars into his pants. She then offers him $500 to take his pants off. Robert offers him a lot more to keep them on. Chinzilla then offers him $1500 and with an apology to his parents…………

I really hope he doesn’t have swamp ass.

Back at the house, Mathew has gone from happy to pukey. That boy is puking up things he ate in the first grade.

And he’s doing it in Amber’s bathroom.

Amber comes home and asks wtf and he groans and then says “I like you.” He tries to get up and makes it this far.

Impressive. I’d date him.

Amber is trying to be nice to him and makes him take his apron off and then he cries and says he wants to watch the sunset.

Nothing spells romance like tears,puke breath and sunsets.

They finally send his ass off to bed. Corey B takes Amber aside to find out if she dates outside her race or not. Amber tells him she’s not like that anymore. She’s changed. She has never dated a black dude before but she is attracted to them and she’s attracted to him. They hug it out and Corey B. tells us “Once you go black, you never go back.”

Day of Elimination comes and Ellen takes Amber aside to apologize (suck up). She tells him he has nothing to worry about. He tells us that he looked her in the eyes and said he cared for her but her was lying.

Out at the pool, Chinzilla is daring dudes to hit her with pieces of ice and she will take off her clothes if they hit her.

Gag.

Amber is paying attention at who is doing the titty looking. That would be Corey W.

Tanisha pulls Amber aside and tells her it’s time to be strategic and it’s time to choose who to nominate.

Outside Amber pulls Bruno aside and tells him she will put Mathew up if he promises he’s there for her until the end. He agrees.

For obvious reasons.

Because he’s all over Lea.

Because he was all into Chinzilla’s tits.

Amber tells Benz that Chinzilla and Lea will keep him so don’t worry. He’s worried. Corey W. however acts like a bitch and runs straight to Chinzilla who tells him he has to go outside and proclaim he is Team Chinzilla all the way. He does it and has a few choice words for Amber as well.

Elimination Time!

Chinzilla and Lea have to decide who to keep and which 2 go home. Each dude gets to beg to stay. Mathew is up first. He says the usual I am honored blah blah blah but then whips out something to read to Lea. And I quote…………

“Dear Lea, You’ve seen me laugh. You’ve seen me cry. You’ve seen I’m one hell of a guy. (By the way everyone in the room looks confused as all hell) I’d be flattered (the tears start) to have my face tattooed on your other thigh.”

Girl you are not alone.

He continues…..

“If this is my last chance to impress, I had to say this to get it off my chest.”

Lea is speechless and creeped out. Benz is next and he just says that both Lea and Chinzilla know how he feels. Chinzilla takes this opportunity to say that the only reason he’s there is because Amber doesn’t date outside her race. It’s a racist thing. Amber loses it and back and forth they go until Amber says “Hey horse teeth, shut the fuck up.”

Tanisha brings shit back to order to give Corey W. a chance to whine. And whine he does.

Time for a decision. The first one is easy. They both agree Mathew has got to go. He gets up and hugs Lea and gives her the creepy note he wrote.

Lea seems to be under the impression that she and Chinzilla are on the same page and want to keep Benz. Chinzilla is wanting to keep Corey W. And she announces that her word means more than any other BG to ever step foot in this house. They are at a stalemate. That means Amber has to make the decision. She chooses to keep Benz.

Later asshole.

Until next time if I’m still alive,

Love & Smooches,

Cherie