This week we start off with Corey and Amber flirting and Lea and Robert flirting. Instead of the usual lets drag this shit out, it’s already time for the HBIC contest! It’s a photo shoot y’all! Is it too much to hope that means the cameras have guns instead of lenses?
That is NOT Tanisha.
Tanisha tells them it’s a photo shoot and this makes Lea want to swallow a grenade. She hates having her photo taken. Really? Oh then I guess that’s why you show up on every show that will allow you to.
The scrawny bitch next to Tanisha is stylist Niki Shadrow. The girls will be given props and crap to make the perfect photo shoot. Hell just hand Chinzilla a feed bag and she’ll be all set.
Niki will be judging these photos and she will decide who becomes the HBIC. Here we go with team picking again.
Since Bruno was the only one not picked Tanisha throws him to Lea.
They don’t have much time to get their shots together and the theme they are going for. Finally everyone is ready to shoot. Especially me.
Here are the shots the girls chose.
Chinzilla is up first.
Amber is next……..
And then Lea..
Niki seems to like all the pics but also has some negative feedback for all.
When Chinzilla sees Lea’s photo she tells us it sells “gangsterness.” So yours sells “LockNessness.”
And the winner is…..
Tanisha announces that Chinzilla is the new HBIC and Lea tells us that last time she put up all her guys so she is not happy.
From now on each girl will only take one date. Chinzilla will choose those dates tomorrow.
Off they go to get drunk and play in the hot tub. Amber is sitting on Corey’s lap but she kisses Ellen on the cheek. Chinzilla tells her if she does it again she will die. But they are laughing and having actual fun.
Lea decides they should play Truth or Dare.
I dare you to hold Chinzilla’s head under water until there are no more bubbles.
Jason chooses dare and the dare is for him to make out with Chinzilla. Chinzilla isn’t really into it but since “I’m a Bad Girl I would never pass on a dare.” Good I dare you to jump off a really high building!
Ellen and his sweater’s gonna be pissed.
And he is and she goes over and smooches and makes nice nice with him.
Benz then calls out Corey and reminds him that Amber hasn’t made out with anybody. And then he double dares them.
First of all she put the champagne bottle in front of them so the “kiss” couldn’t be seen and then she spit champagne in his mouth. That is NOT a kiss. AND, AND then she says “That was my first MINORITY KISS.”
I may be speechless for the first time in my life. So, uh see y’all next time.
I shall try to press on. Corey is not happy, everyone is laughing and Chinzilla tells us Amber’s a racist.
Next Benz and Lea are supposed to make out for 40 seconds.
I’d lick a toilet seat before kissing Lea.
Seriously what kind of dares are these. How about daring one of the guys to make a balloon animal with his dong. Sheesh!
While the kiss that never ends continues Robert is pissed. He doesn’t want to see this shit. Then close your eyes Opie. Later he corners her in the kitchen and lets it be known she should be all about him. Hello? Did he miss a meeting? This is a game. A competition and you have not won it yet! Bottom line, he’s an idiot.
And Lea is overwhelmed.
I get “OVERWHELMED” every time I sit down to recap this shit.
I say drown her.
I don’t kiss on the first 15 dates.
Amber tells Corey that when she kisses someone she wants it to be romantic and not in front of a bunch of people. They look around and there are NO PEOPLE. Does she kiss him? NOPE.
Next we see Corey sounding slightly drunk in confessional talking about how he went toe to toe with Chinzilla for Amber and she disrespected him by covering up their kiss and he thinks she either has a boyfriend or she just ain’t feeling his blackness.
Later Corey comes into Amber’s room to talk to her and she sends Bruno and Nick out. Corey tells her he thinks she has a boyfriend. Amber asks him twice if he’s serious then says she does not have a boyfriend and she is about to walk away. He says no prob he’ll do it and he leaves as she calls after him.
Next we see Amber in bed and Corey and Nick and Bruno come running in asking who her boyfriend is. She is pissed and wants to know who started that shit and even shoves Corey. She then tells us that this boyfriend shit fell out of thin air and at this point they can all go suck Chinzilla’s dick!I’ve never loved her more than right now.
The arguing continues into the hallway but Corey won’t tell her who started the rumor and he walks off. He tells us he feels like he put his heart out there for her and she’s just stomping on it.
Oh gross, Chinzilla drags Ellen into the bathroom to tell him she is mad at him but they end up making out on the toilet.
I bet that toilet feels like it needs to go on Oprah.
Now Benz is pissed at Lea and jealous of Rob. What part of this game is so hard for these dongs to understand. Benz tells us if she can’t be only committed to him then he won’t be only committed to her.
Go for it, I bet Ellen would like a little slap and tickle.
Oh gross more cuddling with Chinzilla and Ellen.
Yeah and when I wear Spanx I look 15 pounds smaller.
As they are putting on their faces, Lea and Amber have a heart to heart about their men problems.
Then we see Amber telling (in confessional) to get over it because she’s a good girl and she doesn’t do stuff like that!
Date picking time. Tanisha also announces that one of the Bad Girls will be leaving…but not tonight. I should hide her snack bag.
Chinzilla chooses Corey for herself, Benz for Lea and Ellen for Amber. Hahahahahahahahahaaha!!!!!
This is what’s known as “The dumb dog look”.
Chinzilla’s strategy is simple, she wants Corey on her side, she knows Lea already has a bond with Benz so this way she can’t recruit anyone new and as for Ellen, she trusts that he wouldn’t betray her with Amber. She probably made him swear on his favorite sweater.
The date will take place in the backyard. We see painting stations set up and like a picnic area. Chinzilla gets the special treatment under a white tent.
A bale of hay would have been just as good for her.
Lea starts sucking Benz face as he keeps bitching about being jealous. Meanwhile Corey and Chinzilla are having a ball. Or two.
Switch over to Ellen and Amber and Amber is telling Ellen that Chinzilla has said she is only there for fame and not for love.
I’m sure he won’t say a word.
Ellen isn’t buying Amber’s act. At all. Over in the tent of lust, Chinzilla puts her plan into action.
You need a bag over your head.
She then tells Corey that Amber has said in the past she doesn’t date outside her race and also that she had to get drunk in order to even be able to kiss him. He’s falling for it hook line and Chinzilla. And tells us he’s done with Amber.
By the way I heard Chinzilla whisper that she needed brown chocolate not white chocolate. Gee I hope Ellen didn’t hear that.
Gagging right now.
Meanwhile, the others are outside slinging paint on each other and having fun.
Y’all should bust into that tent and sling away!
Inside the tent the messy make out is still going on and then Chinzilla whispers,”I am the only Bad Girl for you. So I’m gonna need you to deal with it, or get lost. (kiss kiss)
She tells us she doesn’t really want to be kissing him but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
He’s absolutely loving all this and she’s not through. She tells him,”I got you where I want you.You’re mine. You can have me how ever you want me. I will let you put it anywhere.”
He tells her she would do that anyway.
Looks like Chinzilla’s strategy has worked because inside the house Corey turns on Amber about the having to be drunk to kiss him and they fight and she ends up leaving and saying fuck you.
Corey takes this moment to fuck with Ellen’s little head. He tells them they “had a moment.” Ellen asks him if she went down on him and he said he had taken a shower so you can see the lip stain……and with that Ellen runs outta the room.
That was so evil, and yet I laughed anyway.
Nomination and Elimination time. Due to technical difficulties with my DemonVR again some of my pics got eaten.
Ok so Chinzilla chooses for elimination Bruno,Benz and Robert. And she tells each one of them that they are pawns and Lea will save them.
Once inside the Elimination room we go thru the usual “please keep me” speeches. Then it’s time for Amber and Lea to vote for which dude goes. Lea wants Bruno gone and Amber wants Robert gone. They fight and scream.
Lea tells the guys to leave for a minute and they do and then there’s more crying and screaming. Amber would be the one crying. Lea tells Amber that if Robert goes and Bruno stays she will motherfucking take Bruno away from her in a hot second and then she will be left with no one. More screaming and then Chinzilla says be quiet and brings the guys back in.
When asked to choose again, Lea says Bruno. By this time Amber is defeated and says “You know I can’t win in this game no matter what so, Bruno I’m sorry.”
Suddenly Tanisha loses her shit and tells Amber to stand up for herself and speak for herself and she basically pops off y’all.
POP OFF! POP OFF! POP OFF!
Amber hops up and tries to leave like a scared bunny but Tanisha is in full freaking POP OFF mode.
I’m starting to think Tanisha is gonna have a stroke but she finally convinces Amber to sit her bony ass down and stand up for herself. Lea still wants Bruno gone and Amber refuses to agree. So guess who gets to decide? That would be Chinzilla.
AFTER ALL THAT SHIT SHE SENDS BRUNO HOME!
Dumbest episode ever.
As Tanisha tells Amber she better step up her shit because on the next episode, one of the girls will be sent packing. That episode won’t air for two weeks though.
Love and Smooches,