Well folks. I thought it was over. I thought I’d escaped. But just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in! Ok so maybe that was a tad dramatic. Welcome to Love Games y’all!
Anyhoo, this show is about 3 beautiful, sexy, single ladies looking for love. There will be 13 slobs doing God knows what kind of tortures to win the hearts of these girls. The girls, by the way are Amber M. aka Midget, from season 3, Sarah from season 3 and also Kendra from this past season.
Before we meet the guys I must post a disclaimer. I am very particular about my men. They must have teeth, large dongs and be taller than me. Oh and have a pulse at least long enough to sign a will leaving me all his money.
As they herd all the guys into a group, some dude named Bret Ernst has announced he will be their host. I shall call him Ernie. Why? Because he looks like one.
He’s going solo now since Bert was killed in that tragic dry cleaning incident.
Ernie explains how this is all gonna work. They will be put through a bunch of shit, go on some dates and then some will be eliminated until all three girls have found their one and only forever true love. (Insert sarcastic snort here)
Lets meet the dudes!
Looks like a dick to me.
Not even on his birthday.
Has that serial killer look.
“Cougar” Trainer? What does he train them to do? Floss?
Hopeless sounds about right.
Not bad in a scary sort of way.
Uh he’s smart. He’s a goner.
Instead of showing us all 13 guys at once, they like to mix it up. So after hearing from all three girls about how they will fight to the death over whichever guy they want, we are off to the first challenge. The girls instruct these suckers to strip down so they can see the goods. Before that happens we meet this guy.
Means he gets drunk and then goes tail gate surfing on dirt roads in the middle of the night.
As the stripping begins, we cut to the next guy.
The girls keep screaming “Take it all off and we meet this dude.
He better hope he can cook.
I hope they mean his heart and not his pee-pee.
Man it takes these dudes a long time to get naked.
Yes but what does he play with?
Finally the stripping is done and the ladies come down to take a closer look.
I hope it’s not chilly outside.
First they call over the little skinny guy. When he tells them he’s a personal trainer, they giggle. Not a good sign. Next they call down Devan. Sara asks him if he has a BBC.
Get your mind out of the gutter Midget! I’m sure BBC stands for…Big Black Cock…oh so…never mind.
They go one by one grilling these guys until they get to hairy Dan with his slight pot belly. Sara is not fond of hairy men.
Ernie leans over and asks the girls who they think has won the Hot Bod Contest. Not only have they picked a winner but one of the guys will be eliminated right away.
They call Dan, Joey and Devan down.
Man that’s a tough choice right there!
After some useless chit chat they finally announce that the Hot Bod winner is….Devan!
I’m am just shocked! Shocked I say!
Down to two. Sara tells Joey that he’s sweet but reminds her of his little brother. Ouch. Kendra tells Dan his chest hair has to go. Dan is told he gets to stay and he makes a Tickle Me Elmo giggle and runs back to the group. Poor little Joey isn’t even given a chance to dress before he makes that long lonely walk down the hill. And to add insult to injury, Midget tells him it’s just because, since he’s supposed to be a personal trainer, he just seems a “little weenie.” Double ouch.
Sheesh, couldn’t they have at least called a car for his scrawny little ass?
Devan gets to spend some one on three time with the girls while the rest are sent out back to chill
As the party begins outside, the girls show Devan the inside, of the house. After getting to know each other a little, Devan is sent outside and the girls hang his picture above a shelf where they will place his trophy. Each time a guy wins one of their challenges this is what will happen.
I’d hate to see what they hang there when someone loses.
Back outside the guys are drinking and getting loose. Kyle tells us that getting girls is not about being competitive it’s about being laid back and blah blah blah. Has he ever seen Bad Girls Club? He’s a goner.
The girls interrupt so they can get their drink on and ask questions. Things like, what do you think a bad girls is, are you religious. Oh sheesh, Kyle announces that he doesn’t curse because he’s very religious and conservative.
Midget by the way is talking to the other guys about…shoes! Then the talk turns to cheating. Has any of them ever cheated. Justin says no and Sara calls him on it and everyone laughs.
Meanwhile Sara is talking to Dathan about what he wants in a girl. His answer made her a bit suspicious and she asks him if he has a girlfriend now. He denies it and says some smarmy shit about how his girlfriend is always his best friend and how much he misses that now. Uh huh. Methinks me smells a rat.
And now for some actual fun. Matt decides to get naked and do a flip into the pool.
I like this side better.
Sara and Midget were beside the pool and cracking up and then Midget says “I saw his balls!” So did most folks on the West Coast.
Now it’s time for the guys to move into the new house. Screams abound! And Sara explains they will be also meeting them for date night so get your asses in gear.
After the initial screams of seeing the house, the guys start getting all perty for the night. Akoni spritzes himself down with who the hell knows what and then tells us he is different because he plays the ukulele and he has Polynesian tatts.
All the guys line up on the stairs waiting for their big date night adventures. One problem. Each girl will pick 2 guys each and the other six will sit at home and cry.
Seriously, what is Ernie’s purpose?
Oh yeah, he’s there to tell the other guys who get left behind that they will still be up for elimination tomorrow night. Oh and there are cameras there!
Sara goes first and she chooses Justin and Dathan.
Good luck dudes, you’ll need it.
Midget chooses Akoni and Michael. Kendra chooses Kyle and Matt.
And it’s off to the Casino they go while the others sit at home and weep.
Migdet seems to like Michael but she can’t pronounce Akoni and it seems to bother him.
Well don’t shit a brick dude I can’t pronounce a lot of shit!
Matt meanwhile is all touchy feeling with Kendra while Kyle sits like a piece of corn in a turd.
Sarah seems to be having fun with Dathan. She tells us she thinks he’s a good guy and not one of those jackass guys she usually goes for.
Back at the house the boys are consoling themselves by saying they were left behind because they are all jocks. LOL.
Back at the Casino, Midget dares Akoni to yell something sweet about her. And he does. He stands up and yells “I think I am falling for Amber.”
So far all the girls think the dates went well. Akoni didn’t think his date with Midget went well at all.
Back at the house the next day, the men start talking marriage. Dathan assumes that they are all “involved” with girls not in this house. The other dudes look shocked and all deny it. Dathan just keeps looking stupid as he explains he has a girl he’s been involved with for about 6 months and they tell each other they love each other but it’s not serious.
He digs the hole deeper by saying that he is involved but he’s single. And that after being in this house, it makes him want to get back to her. And he also says “I think I might be in love actually.”
Later Midget comes outside to speak to some of the guys and the hairy bellied one shows her that he waxed.
Kendra is chit chatting with Dante who is telling her he has all kinds of culinary skills. And then we go outside where Midget is talking to Dathan. He’s asking what she wants in a man blah blah blah. Midget tells us she thinks he’s sexy.
Next up we have Sara talking to Justin and he’s spilling the beans on Dathan’s Girlfriend/NotGirlfriend. Sara is struggling between being pissed off or trying to figure out if Justin is making this shit up.
Time for girl talk and booze! Kendra is the first to bring up that Dathan told everyone he has someone back home. Sara is all “No way! He told me the same thing!”
Midget makes this face.
Don’t make a bitch shove a flat iron up a fuckers ass!
What do they decide to do? Well, go drag Justin’s ass in there and confirm. Sara goes and gets him and brings him back to the room. He repeats what he said before.
This would be the look of confirmation. And extreme hatred.
When Justin and the girls walk back in, I think Dathan knows his goose is cooked.
I think I hear my Mommy calling me.
When Sara point blank asks if anyone in the house has a girlfriend, all the guys say no, except Dathan who has now turned 14 shades of red and invented new uncomfortable facial expressions. Finally he says “I’m gonna be honest, I am “involved” but I don’t have a girlfriend. Could someone please throw this prick out of a window please?
Sara isn’t finished. She wants him to explain to her why he would come on that show, isn’t that disrespectful of her. His reply? I have my own life to live I can do what I want to do. Sara asks him that if he knew he wasn’t attracted then why did he stay in their house, drink their booze and eat their food. He tells her he can’t make himself feel attracted. And then it happens……….
As Kendra is giving Dathan a nice cool beverage she’s also screaming “Get the fuck out!” All the girls are in agreement and there a lots of bleeps but the bottom line is he packs his shit and hits the road. As he’s walking out the door the other guys are clapping and he just keeps saying “Good riddance.”
I hope your GF/NotGF cuts your pecker off ya bastard.
Upstairs the other guys are celebrating and even dedicate a little song to his dumb ass. While the guys are downstairs celebrating, the three girls interrupt long enough to tell them that there will still be another elimination and they have one hour to get ready.
The way this will work is each girl will nominate one guy for elimination and then they have to unanimously decide who goes. Also, the girls don’t tell each other other who they chose. This little event will take place at The Bad Girls Club VIP Room somewhere in Hollywood.
Let’s see how long Ernie can drag this shit out.
As Ernie explains, tonight will be the end of the party for one. But first there will be three dudes picked as potential losers while the rest go get to party. Let’s begin.
Ernie announces that Midget has put Akoni up for elimination. Kendra has put Kyle up. Sara has put Dan up. As the girls take their seats, the potential losers are escorted to stand on hearts in the blaring lights of the room.
I bet there’s some ass puckering going on right now.
Each girl is asked why the nominated who they did. All answers are basically the same. They just didn’t feel a connection. The only one who stuck out to me was when Kyle answered Kendra and he basically said he is who he is and he ain’t changing. Ha! I bet you are changing addresses tonight.
In order for the girls to make their decision, they have decided they must go where all girls discuss anything of importance, the potty. Once in there it’s the usual. Do you think so and so is cute? I don’t like his personality. On and on until finally Midget turns sideways and asks if this outfits makes her look fat. Sara immediately says yes. LOL.
Back outside they announce that they have made a decision. Then they proceed to torture these poor slobs a little longer. Midget tells Akoni he’s hot but she feels no connection with him. Sara tells Dan they aren’t sure about his intentions. Kendra tells Kyle he’s tough and a team player but she doesn’t think he’s tough enough to handle her.
Then Sara says in a small sad voice, Dan…..you are still on the list! Next they pull the same shit on Akoni making Kyle the loser.
Kyle whines to us about being himself and what the hell ever. Then Akoni tells that even though Midget kept him in the house, she’s done. Sara and Kendra better watch out because he has his eyes on them. And that my lovies does it for this episode.
See ya next time,
Love and Smooches,