So what we shall be doing here is I will try my best to capture the best moments from both shows before my Mom frees herself and this way I can do justice to a show that has turned out to be quite entertaining. And believe me, even though I have low expectations as well as standards, I have been amused. So now I will attempt to relay this amusement to you. By the way, at some point I shall stop speaking this way but my friend from London was just here and I can’t, (pronounced cahnt) seem to stop it. Welcome to Love Games!
Believe me, you do not want to know.
So what we shall be doing here is I will try my best to capture the best moments from both shows before my Mom frees herself and this way I can do justice to a show that has turned out to be quite entertaining. And believe me, even though I have low expectations as well as standards, I have been amused. So now I will attempt to relay this amusement to you. By the way, at some point I shall stop speaking this way but my friend from London was just here and I can’t, (pronounced cahnt) seem to stop it.
In the first episode 3 assholes were eliminated. The scrawny physical trainer dude, the “I ain’t gonna change” dude and the “oops I have a girlfriend dude. Joey and Kyle were the first two and I don’t remember the douche bags name who got kicked for having a “girlfriend/notgirlfriend” so screw him.
Told ya that English shit would wear off. I am back to my ugly American ass. Anywhoodles, this week (for those of you confused that would be episode two) we start off with Sarah, Midget and Kendra inspecting the boys quarters. Some are messy and some are meticulous. Here’s a hint, you find a meticulous dude, RUN! He will expect all the cans in the cabinets to face the same way and if you have one spice that is out of it’s alphabetical order he will choke you. For legal reasons, I will say he will “allegedly” choke you.
So we are down to 10 guys and their challenge for the week is a grill off. seems simple no? NO! Midget it seems is a vegetarian. First of all I had to google the damn word to even spell it. Who the hell doesn’t eat meat???? Girl we are gonna have to talk.
Dante, who looks like a plucked chicken is the cook of the place so you would think he would win easily. Each dude got to choose who they wanted to cook for and at first it seemed to me that the only person that was going to be eating was Kendra. Damn that girl has some men after her! However, this is how it turned out. None of the girls knew who cooked what. They tasted first and then chose who they thought was the winner.
Dudes who cooked for Midget.
Dudes who cooked for Kendra.
Tim who cooked for Sarah.
OMG. That’s right, ONE dude cooked for Sarah. I would die. Or as she said, kill someone. Midget’s plates all had meat on them even though she thought she had expressed her meatlessness. Dante was the only one who seemed to remember she did not eat meat. And she picks his dish as the winner.
Chickenchest is Midget’s choice. Ironic, no?
On to Kendra and she chooses Akoni. I don’t like him and I’m not sure why yet. I’ll make up a reason as soon as I can.
For one, I hate his stupid hat.
On to poor Sarah and her one plate of food. Poorly cooked raw chicken food at that.
That’s just sad.
On the upside it was cooked/not cooked by this dude.
How bad could salmonella be?
Since Sarah has eyes and a cooter she decides she can overlook the bloody chicken, and no I am not being English, that shit was raw and she decides Tim is her dude. So Tim, Dante and Akoni are guaranteed a spot on the next group date. But first, as Ernie tells us, the girls have to decide who out of the three will win the award for Best Cook In The House.
And the winner is………….Akoni and his stupid hat. Dante is pissed. Especially since he is supposed to be a chef. Sarah explains that while Dante’s food was good, Akoni’s had more “personality”. WHAT THE FUCK? See this is where I have a problem with “foodies”. If it tastes good I eat it. I don’t ask it about it’s childhood or whether or not it’s uncle touched it inappropriately. It is FOOD. EAT IT! Speaking of, I need a cookie break. BRB.
Not only do I think his hat is stupid but………shit I’ll think of something later.
Akoni’s prize is to spend some “alone” time with the three girls. Outside they go where they have strawberries, ice cream and shock of all shockers whipped cream! And before long Akoni is half naked and has three girls licking cream off his chest.
I may puke.
Although Aphoni is letting all three girls lick him, he tells us he’s feeling Kendra and it seems she feels the same way. I’m thinking Aphoni will be a whacking tonight.
Jesus dude at least wait until no one is looking!
Later on the staircase of shame, the rest of the guys wait to see if they will be picked for the second group date. Aphoni, Tim and Dante already have spots so now each girl gets to pick one more guy to go out with.
Ernie, (still don’t know why we need an Ernie) reminds the leftovers that even if they are chosen for that nights date they could still be up for elimination. Midget chooses Joe. Who the hell is Joe? Kendra picks Dan, who has a constantly red face and a pot belly that he waxed, if I am remembering correctly. Sarah chooses to say fuck you and only take Tim. She tells the guys that if they really want to get to know her they are gonna have to step their game up. Uhhh if they had wanted to get to know her they would have COOKED FOR HER.
Off to The Geisha House they go. Tim and Sarah seem to really hit it off and they match. Unlike she and Noah if you recall last season’s Bad Girls. She seems genuinely surprised that she even likes him.
Midget is supposed to be splitting her time between Joe? and Chickenchest. But she seems to be mostly focused on Joe. Who I swear I don’t remember seeing before this episode.
Wait, is that Joe the plumber?
Damn Midget! Rude. While Dante and his chickenchest watch, she flirts with Joe? and tells him she is definitely trying to feel him up more and poor lil Chickenchest is just sitting there trying to get some attention. What does he do? He brings up tattoos and he has 16 of them. Midget starts to talk to him but then he brings up comic books and she enlightens him as to the fact that comic books are nerdy.
Suddenly it becomes very apparent why Dan’s face is always red. He’s a drunk. They are all drinking but Dan is DRUNK. Like “What the fuck did I do?” drunk. And his people are not liking it.
When you start making ugly fart faces, it’s time to put the glass down.
Back at the house the hens they are a pecking. Everyone is talking shit about Tim and how he’s gonna be talking shit about all of them and Nick says when they get home they all better be ready to throw “some game” out there when they get back tonight.
I don’t know who’s more threatening, Prick or Chickenchest.
Back at the club the only thing Tim is doing is Sarah. Well I mean, he’s kissing her.
Just think what she’d do if that chicken had been properly cooked!
More drinking ensues and Aphoni throws himself on the bar, has the bartender pour stuff in his nasty naval, and Kendra sucks it out and then sucks his face. Dan has noticed that he’s being ignored. I guess the tip was when he noticed Kendra’s tongue in Aphoni’s mouth. He’s getting loud and on everyones nerves. Chickenchest wants to head butt him. Dante attempts to talk Dan down.
Dude, you are a drunk fucking mess so chill.
dan thinks Dante is “hating” on him. I thought he said hitting on him and then this recap would have taken a drastic turn but I rewound and no he said hating. Dammit. Dan won’t shut up all the way home. He yacking about having the balls to wear white jeans and some other shit he will seriously regret when he sobers up. White jeans? YOU REBEL!!!
Once back at the house Chickenchest has had enough and Midget tries to stop him but he goes upstairs and heads straight for drunk off his ass Dan.
Chickenchest is pissed!
Aphoni pulls Dan aside as the others do something with Chickenchest. Dan tells us that he thinks Chickenchest was mad about losing the grill off and seeing Dan have the bestest time ever just pushed him over the edge. No I think you are one of those irritating drunks everyone avoids at parties.
Yous wanna rub penis’s together later cause we could do dat.
Meanwhile the testosterone is flying all over the house and this somehow leads to a fight with Tim and Nick the Prick. The producers step in and stop it.
In come the girls wanting to know why everyone is fighting. Midget corners Dante and at first he won’t talk to her.
Man I hope they both had a tic-tac.
Inside the house Tim and Prick shake hands but Prick says some shit about not forgiving and and blah blah blah…Devan tries to calm things down but still there is tension and yammering and zzzzzzzzz.
Just settle it like men and get the ruler out already!
Bottom line is they hate each other but they are acting like they don’t. Outside we go. Everyone is half naked, all drunk and Devan is explaining that the reason no one cooked for Sarah was because they all thought everyone would be doing so. She tells him then they should grow a pair and take the competition. Then Devan makes this mistake.
Insert sound of crickets here. Angry crickets.
Sarah is offended and leaves and she is offended because he made a comment about her chest instead of her personality. Ok, bullshit flag. Sarah, your “personality” isn’t constantly half naked and swinging to and fro, your big titties are. He has a penis. Men notice big titties, little titties, ALL titties. Why the drama?
Next morning we get to listen in on the girls version of Dante’s temper. Kendra brings up Devan’s titty comment and Midget is all “I talk about them!” Sarah says so she’s not trying to date her. Cackle cackle, gossip giggle. Then Kendra tells us that Tim concentrating on Sarah so much is annoying her. I smell trouble!
Outside the guys, including Tim are all convinced that there is no way in hell he will be put up. Here come the girls. Sarah grabs Prick and drags him off to chat. He tells her that when he first saw her and saw her “personality” he was sure he would get along with her the best. He tells us he always goes for the party girl.
Midget grabs Tim and he’s honest from the start and basically says he is mainly interested in Sarah. He actually says he is “one minded towards Sarah.”
Just because I’m a vegetarian, doesn’t mean I won’t rip your meat off!
He tells her he is confident he’s not going anywhere and she tells us he just needs to go lol.
Kendra pulls Dante aside to ask him some questions. mainly the titty question. He is shocked that anyone would take that offensively. I gotta say, I don’t see the big floppy deal myself. He didn’t grab them he just commented that they were large and the guys liked them. They were in a hot tub for freaksake.
Downstairs Tim and Prick are yacking like girls and then they hug. Dante goes upstairs and apologizes to the girls for his behavior the night before. He then immediately goes downstairs and starts shit with Dan all over again. Dan expected him to come and apologize and Dante tells him he doesn’t appreciate him right now and to stay the hell away from him.
Does this mean we ain’t gonna shower together no more?
Dante goes from I ain’t gonna touch you to lets take it outside in 2 seconds flat and Dan calls him an ass clown. Dan is correct and I ain’t like Dante anymore. I would give him a nickname but I’m guessing his ass will be leaving very soon so why waste what’s left of my brain cells.
Devan takes the high road, AGAIN and tells them they are there to fight over 3 girls not each other and to shake hands like men. They actually do it. Dante then tells us that Dan’s gimmick is to get attention and the girls are going to see right through it. Dumbass.
Time for elimination! Off to the VIP Room of Doom. To make this short and sweet since I have part two of this to do, lets get right to it. Ernie (Again, why?) explains how this works because apparently he thinks we are all stupid.
First loser to take the walk of shame to the little heart. Tim. He was put up by Kendra.
By the way, this is Sarah’s face when she hears Kendra put Tim up.
I have a feeling Sarah from BGC 3 is about to make an appearance.
Second loser up is…..Dante. Amber put him up.
I was shocked. Were you shocked? I was shocked as hell.
And loser number three…..Devan. Sarah put him up because he made the unforgivable sin of noticing her fun bags.
You know he’s thinking “Man them titties ain’t even all that great!”
All the guys get a chance to respond/beg and Tim makes a comment to Kendra that yes he has made a connection with Sarah put he’s also been upfront about that whereas these other guys will play games with the girls. This did not sit well with the peanut gallery.
Off to the potty to argue. Back from the potty.
Midget, after a lot of blah blah blah announces, “Dante, the party is over.”
On to Episode 3…..Rhythm Method
We start off where else, the pool. Sarah and Midget are talking about the guys and their good and bad points. Then Sarah makes the comment that Kendra seems to have several favs and so when elimination time comes she may claim anyone they put up as hers.
Challenge time. Ernie asks the guys if they are ready for their next challenge. No they have a nail appointment. Waste of space. Anyway there seems to be a pile of cardboard boxes piled up in front of them.
Man I hope that’s not from the dildo store.
The girls explain that there are nine boxes in front of them and in the kitchen there are scissors, wrapping paper and bows and ribbons. They are told it’s all about personality and creativity so get to it!
Off they go. And it’s sad. And a mess. Times up.
Looks a lot better from a distance.
Midget picks a box first.(Matt) Then Sarah.(Prick) Then Kendra.(Justin) Then they repeat the process. Midget picks Tim’s. Sarah picks Dan’s. Kendra picks Akoni’s. And again. Midget picks Joe?. Sarah picks Dante. Kendra picks Micheal.
At this point, pointless Ernie announces that there is more to this challenge than they thought. Sarah explains that this challenge wasn’t so much about wrapping, as it was rapping!
I have to listen to these dudes sing? Kill me now!
Inside each box will be a note that says either, Country, Rap or Opera. Again, KILL ME NOW! If their box is chosen, they will have to compose a song, an original song with the assigned music style specifically with that girl in mind. Their song should tell each girl why they want to date them. If I answer that can I go watch tv now? No? Blech!
Midget’s first choice of box belongs to Joe?. And he has to sing….Rap. He seems relieved. Sarah’s box is next and it was wrapped by Devan and he has to sing….Country. Kendra chooses Micheals’s box and he also has to sing Country. Midget’s next box was wrapped by Tim and he has to sing….Country. Sarah opens Dan’s next and it is …Rap. Excuse me…..ahahahahhahahahahahaaha! OMG poor Justin. Kendra opens his box and his says Opera. Just kick yourself in the nuts and squeal some unintelligible shit and you’ll be fine. Midget opens Matt’s and he also has Opera. Sarah opens Pricks and he gets Rap. And FINALLY Kendra opens Aphoni’s and he gets….Opera!!!! Hahahahahahahahaa!!!!!!!!
I think he might cry.
Ernie holds up a card that he calls a Date and Switch card which can be used to switch out one of the girls choices for their own. But first they have to win. Ernie calls them The Beastie Boys, Three Tenors and The Dixie Dudes, and tells them they have 30 minutes to make beautiful music.
Oh hell, they show the guys in various stages of hell trying to work this shit out. I’m sorry. My ass would leave. My husband caught me singing in the shower one time (when he was supposed to have left for work) and I hit my head so hard into the tile wall I saw stars for three days and couldn’t remember why. I ain’t singing for NOBODY.
OK Prick just mumbled something about hoping he can get “Lord let me get her” panties wet. I hope Sarah hears that part and then maybe the whole “big tittied” thing won’t sound so bad. Then again that might actually be a turn on. Over and over we hear the guys practicing their songs. Now it’s time.
Midget calls Joe? up first. It was supposed to be a rap song but I know as much about rap as I do weight loss and Michael said it sucked so there ya go. Dan goes next also Rap. Also sounded like crap. Michael sang Country for Kendra and at least she was smiling. Tim came next for Midget and all I can say is, as we say in the south, Bless His Heart. Then Justin sings Opera for Kendra and even though I hate Opera it made me as well as others laugh and clap because he put everything into it.
I just love him. That means he’s a goner.
Prick is next with a Rap song for Sarah. Who by the way acts like he stole a car for her. I am seriously starting to remember Sarah of season 3. And I ain’t liking it.
She tells us she loved his song because he just wouldn’t stop looking at her. So all it takes is for someone to stare at you? People stare at me all the time. Of course it’s usually because I am trying to snatch the last bag of Hershey’s Miniatures but still.
Aphoni is next and he’s singing for Kendra. It’s supposed to be Opera but it sounds more like Regis.
Devan is next singing Country to Sarah and it’s funny but acceptable.
Then comes Matt. With his Opera to Midget. And the whole place cracks up.
I thought they said I was gonna be on Oprah!
Pretty much self explanatory ain’t it?
When all is said and done, Midget picks Matt, (for effort I am assuming) Sarah picks Prick because his Rap was so”well written”. Kendra chooses Justin. Then they have to choose who gets the trophy and the date & switch card. Sarah announces that will go to Prick.
As the guys are sent off to get ready for their dates tonight, Sarah tells us she’s a little nervous because she knows Tim and Prick don’t get along and she kinda wanted to hang with Tim tonight. No you want two guys fighting over you and you saw your chance and took it. At least own it. In the next breath she says “It’s kinda hot that two guys are fighting over me.” No shit.
As night falls we go to the staircase of doom. You know, I started calling it that before I even saw the picture of K-Fed and Brit hanging up there. This is how the girls come downstairs.
Matt has already won his date with Midget and she also chooses from the stairs of doom, Joe? Since Prick won the Date and Switch card he gets to approve or veto each date. He approves. Next up is Kendra and since Justin was her winner earlier she gets to choose another. Her choice is Michael. Prick approves this also.
Next up is Sarah and her winner was Prick. She chooses as her second date…..wait for it…….Tim.
Dude why did you even walk down the stairs?
When Ernie asks if Prick is OK with Tim , he pulls his card, sends Tim back up and brings down Devan. You have NO idea how much I hope that decision backfires on his ass. Sarah of course is impressed by Prick’s “initiative.” Someone slap her please.
That leaves Dan, Aphoni,and Tim home alone.
Michael, Joe?, and Devan get to go on the date but in a separate limo. RUDE!
In the good limo, Sarah asks Prick about his last relationship. He tells her that’s how he got his scar. He was dating a girl for a few months and her “ex-boyfriend” broke into the sliding glass door and grabbed a knife from the kitchen, and this is where it gets fuzzy, because most people who break into a house, steal a knife, don’t then go outside and come to the door, and when he(Prick) opened the door he slashed him with a knife. Now maybe something got lost in the editing and what he meant was he and his girlfriend were hiding in a room and maybe thought psycho ex was gone and he opened the door and got slashed but that’s not what was said so you make up your own mind.
Sarah finds this story as endearing as Old Yeller. Oh and Prick also says that he told this knife wielding psycho that he better run cause he done fucked up. Methinks there are parts of this story he has left out. Like where he fell off his skateboard onto a sidewalk and that’s where that scar came from.
Oh no, the reason the girls were dressed that way, they are going to a roller skating place. So many people busted ass I couldn’t catch the pictures.
Devan tells us that Prick and Sarah have more chemistry so he doesn’t want to be shoved to the back of the bus. He holds her hand and tells her that when he’s with a woman she is number one. If she calls him at 4am he will be there. He wants to protect her. She sees this as an immediate turn off cause she only likes guys who will beat her and cheat on her and expose her to diseases. She can’t figure out why Devan would be single if what he was saying was true. Then why are you single Miss Sarah????
If either one of you are so damn great why are you BOTH single?
Kendra meanwhile is having an intellectual conversation with Michael which means he’s dead on the spot.
Sarah makes her way back to Prick. She asks him if he is attracted to the other girls and he pretends that he could be if forced to at gun point but mainly it’s all about her. She tells us he has this intense stare. So again, her criteria, STARE AT HER HARD.
Back at the house Tim is pretending that even though it bothered him that Prick stole Sarah from him, it doesn’t bother him because he’s gonna win her fair and square. Good luck that dude. Then Aphoni tells Tim he wouldn’t be surprised if Prick hooks up with Sarah tonight. Yeah me either.
Off to Joe? and Midget. He wants to know why she picked him. She says because he’s cute. He tells her she is the prettiest out of all three. What throws me about Joe? is that he looks like a cross between that dude from Slingblade and some other serial killer. So I’m a little worried for Midget.
Midget explains to the two that they would be a whole lot cooler if they skated without their jeans on. So they do. And the night goes on and all have a great time. Then they go home.
While they were gone the three left behind got sloshed. Dan keeps getting in Midgets face and trying to get her into the hot tub and it’s bothering her. Midget goes to her room and shuts the door.
Prick and Sarah run off to a separate room where he tells her he got her something. He then puts a cheap ass chain around her neck. Granted this would be adorable if I liked this dude but I don’t. So there.
Then they proceed to make out. Cut to Kendra and Matt. And they also are making out.
While you are in the vicinity, could ya grab a pair of hedge clippers and clip that little poof off he’s got going up there?
Finally Tim realizes that he better step in before a child is conceived and he goes over and shoo’s Prick away. Then Tim starts sounding like a dick and saying at the end of the day she won’t find anyone better than him. Damn I am either hard to please or the guys they picked for this show need serious therapy. Probably both. That includes therapy.
So then Sarah says she is impressed by Tim’s boldness and she gets that the other guys might be jealous because Tim’s got the hottest girl on the team.
Are we talking Team Pillsbury? Because after that comment and those rolls I am having serious flashbacks to the Fat Five of season 3.
Out to the hot tub.
This can only lead to
bad good things.
Sarah dares Joe? to take his bottoms off. So, of course he does.
Bet I won’t forget who he is now.
Then Midget tells us “He’s not quite the average Joe, he’s BIGGER.”
Suddenly more dudes are getting naked. Dan claims he’s a grower not a shower. Then we see Midget straddling Joe! in the water. Before my mind went too dirty I realized he had his shorts on but still……….
Obviously Midget had knowledge we were unaware of.
Plus, since now we know he has a big wang, ain’t he cuter? Did I type that out loud? I haven’t slept in 2 days.
My only problem was that at the end of the night when Midget kissed Joe!, she told him he tasted like meat. IS IT THAT BIG?????
Sarah tells us she has two guys fighting over her but she’s already used to it. Yeah but it doesn’t count when you wake up in a dumpster with two hobos fighting over the Big Mac stuck to your ass.
Back in the boys room as Tim lays pretending to be asleep, Prick comes in and Devan says something to him about sucking face and Prick claims he was sucking more than just face. Then claims he’s kidding.
Tim doesn’t care what Prick says, in his mind Sarah is already his.
The next day the girls are upstairs talking about the guys. The guys are downstairs talking about the girls. Back and forth we go.
Let’s get to elimination night.
Hold on, before we get there, I just have to show you this. This is Dan. Talking to himself in the mirror. Telling himself he is strong. “You smell nice, and the night should flow just right.”
Because you’re good enough. You’re smart enough. And because doggone it, people like you!
To the VIP Room Of Doom.
Short and sweet.
Midget puts Dan up. Sarah puts up Michael. Kendra puts up Devan.
Midget tells Dan that the reason she put him up was that every time she sees his face she wants to run the opposite direction.
Damn. That was cold. But he does look creepy.
The other girls are acting like she blew the Pope and she tells them she is just trying to be honest. (By the way I know I will get comments about the Pope. I look forward to your letters.)
Dan wants to know if she is calling him ugly or whaaaa???? She tells him she feels like he is just trying too hard and is always in her face. He pulls the victim act and reminds Kendra that they had an awesome night together and tells Midget that he feels it’s unfair for her to come at him like that and it hurts his feelings BAD!(and he hangs his head).
Kendra tells Devan he’s on the block because he’s obviously a “beautiful creature” and God has blessed him with a beautiful body. He says all the right things but, there’s still something she “doesn’t trust about you”. Whaaaaaaa? Ya want he should smack ya in the tater and then you’ll be like oh ok. Something is wrong with that girl and Devan is better off without her. Devan tells her that he has only just now gotten to know each of them and he hasn’t been very aggressive but it is definitely coming. Get ready Tina, Ike’s on the way! Dingbat!
Sarah tells Michael all the things she loves about him but again she hasn’t actually been on a date with him and from what she hears from the other two, it ain’t great. The other two look at her like this.
That’s rude even for Sarah. By the way in the midst of this, Kendra mutters “Jesus Christ”. So now I am ill. Then again I don’t have to date these dudes. So I’ll try and maintain some objectivity. Fuck all that. Micheal and Devan are great. Get rid of Dan.
To the potty we go to argue.
The yelling begins as soon as the ladies room door closes. I don’t even know what the hell they were yelling about at first but I do know that every time they have one of these sessions Midget has to pee. Not a judgment, just an observation. Sarah actually has the nerve to say Midget was being mean. Was what Sarah said NOT MEAN? My heads gonna explode.
Blither blather yammer yammer blah blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhh.
Midget makes a point by saying it makes no sense to put someone like Devan up because he’s too perfect. Then she asks Sarah if she’s ever had anyone just make her skin crawl. Sarah says “Yeah you.” HATE.
Back to the elimination. Midget addresses Dan first. She tells him he makes her skin crawl, and not in a good way, BUT he’s still on the list.
Kendra addresses Devan and says she cannot keep someone here that she’s always questioning and when it comes down to it, she doesn’t trust him.
Sarah tells Michael that in the Bad Girls Creed it clearly states a bad girl seeks a man who is entertaining. “And Michael, there is nothing entertaining about you.”
Wow and Midget was the one who was cruel?
They only need two votes of the three to keep a person, or get rid of of person and in this case, Kendra says “Devan, you are still on the list.”
As he falls to his knees I am thinking why? Dude, you could do SO much better!
Sarah, who never even went out with him, informs him that she’s sorry but the party’s over.
Hahahahaha. Ok I was about to just cut this here but then they showed Michael talking about being eliminated. He said he was cut because Sarah said he was boring and not very interesting and to him, coming from Sarah, that was a compliment. LOL.
Michael I hope you find the girl of your dreams.
Until next time lovies,
Love and smooches,