Make Me a Supermodel: Fashion Weak

Tonight we eschew a photoshoot to try to put the last nail in Katy’s coffin. But all signs point to Beautiful Frankie’s departure on Make Me a Supermodel!

I hope they at least let him keep the flat iron.

We open to Beautiful Frankie making breakfast for Jay and Casey. He says he wants to do something nice for them. I’ve got an idea – how about buying Casey some pajamas so he doesn’t have to sleep in that crop top a la the less-famous half of Wyld Stallyns?

“All we are, is dust in the wind, dude.”

Katy ruminates that Casey will be leaving, since she and Jay have both survived the bottom two before, and therefore have an established fan base. She is clearly underestimating Casey’s lips and overestimating her charm.

Everyone hugs goodbye, and the three head out. Casey’s choice in wardrobe is confounding me yet again, as he’s dressed half lumberjack, half high school marching band, complete with epaulets. Isn’t the goal to impress the panel, not to make them think that you are still homeless and digging your outfits out of dumpsters?

Then again, Katy is so comfortable being in the bottom three, she barely made an effort. That dumpy tunic and glasses aren’t going to impress anyone, especially her “fan base” and Tyson’s new beard.

Well, as usual, America has voted on the Alltell wireless phone lines, which I didn’t think have existed since about 2002. You learn something new every day. The results are…Katy’s safe, Casey’s safe, and Jay is gone. Ever the sweetheart, he thanks the panel for the opportunity. This really is too bad. He seems like such a nice person, but he really is a shitty model. He and I both hope he doesn’t have to go back to being a mechanic. Can you imagine taking your car to him? Might be fun to give him a Jennifer Starr-type criticism. “Look, mechanic-Jay, I can tell you’re trying really hard, but some people just aren’t meant to change oil.” Poor kid.

Corey twists the knife in Jay’s back and tells us that America absolutely made the right decision sending him home. I agree that Casey has the talent to continue, but Katy? She’s been up for the vote every week but one. She’s like the supermodel version of According to Jim. Someone must like it, but I don’t know a single person that would ever admit to it.

Back at the house Feministephanie says one of the boys will be leaving. She lets us know that Casey isn’t working out, and is getting pudgy. Ronnie counters with the fact that Katy’s a sweet girl, but there is never a time when he doesn’t see food in her hand. And when she’s not eating, she’s sleeping. Well, Ronnie, we can’t all be working around the clock to try to get our roommates to go gay.

After getting trash talked by pretty much everyone, Katy comes back in the house, and everyone’s shocked. The congratulations ring as hollow as a Ted Haggard sermon. On the other hand, Casey’s return puts a smile on everyone’s face – he says not one person didn’t hug him.

They probably just wanted a closer look at his choice in outfit.

Beautiful Frankie says there are four down, and nine to go, and starts a spastic little dance while singing a selection from Jock Jams Volume 1. Frankie, please don’t ever leave.

Ben tells us that from a competitive standpoint, he’s glad Jay is gone. Seriously? I guess if Ben doesn’t know that he could trounce Jay in any vote, based on Ronnie’s crush on him and the ensuing drama, then he has just about the right amount of intelligence to be a supermodel.

Back in the He-Man Woman Haters Club, aka Perry’s room, Perry says that a lot of the girls in the house have personalities that are on milk cartons – they’re just missing. This is the most hilarious thing Beautiful Frankie has ever heard, and he cackles to wake the dead.

He hasn’t laughed this hard since the last time he caught an episode of According to Jim.

Perry says stars are made by being free spirits, and he can’t see any of the girls as having the personality to sustain a career. His criterion is he can’t see any of them replacing Niki on the panel. Come on, Perry, it’s not like Niki is particularly effervescent, or even mildly amusing. Plus she talks like she’s reading off a teleprompter, and you just know she shakes hands like a dead fish. I will concede that none of the female contestants have the joie de vive of Janice Dickinson, but if they did, they’d be voted off before they could shoot a single photo. Cause that bitch is crazy.

They next day (I think), the models go to Bryant Park for Fashion Week, and of course, Frankie has his Benny and Joon outfit on again.

I am pretty excited to see what the models have to do here, because I caught an article on salon.com last week whose author saw the cast there:

“[T]he cast of the reality TV show “Make Me a Supermodel” who… were forced to loop around the lobby en masse and walk into the shows together, wave at the crowd with toothy, overly bright smiles and try to project something from their eyes besides flinty exhaustion. Once enough cameras had surrounded them, these poor kids would be directed to perform an air-punching group shout of purest TV enthusiasm: “Yeah!!!” … I saw a few of the girls hiding next to the Port-O-Lets later in the day, red-eyed and weak from severe human burnout. It was literally the only place their producers weren’t following them around and trying to siphon more TV energy out of them.”

I want to see an air-punching group shouts! What are they shouting for if it doesn’t make it into the episode? Is there some American-Idol style product-placement-laden music video that’s yet to be unveiled? Please let it be true.

Niki tells the models that this week’s assignment is all about Fashion Week and their walk. There will be no photo shoot this week, and Beautiful Frankie/Benny tells us he’s going to rock it for sure. Not in those suspenders, you’re not.

The first thing the models do is attend a show. They are all paying more attention to the real models’ walks than the clothes, and Ronnie starts crying honest-to-god tears over it, effectively buying himself another week few weeks on the show.

America loves a sad sack.

As it turns out, tonight Ben and Ronnie share a birthday! While everyone is getting duded up to go out to dinner, Ben and Ronnie (can I just start calling them Bonnie or something?) work on Ben’s walk. Ronnie wants Bonnie to be the two finalists, so he’s helping Ben as much as he can. They finish up, and Ronnie says he’s ready for dinner, he “needs some meat.” I don’t think Ben caught the double entendre, but as we’ve established earlier in the episode, Mensa isn’t exactly banging down Ben’s door for him to sign up.

The models decide to put the competition aside for tonight, and just have fun. Perry stupidly asks the girls to all share a secret, and Jacki reveals that she can make herself fart on command. Whenever she wants. She doesn’t want to do it in the restaurant, but everyone keeps chanting her name until she goes for it. And it is LOUD. I don’t know if I should be impressed or horrified. It might come in handy sometimes – like if you want the whole row of seats at the airport to yourself so you can stretch out.

The next day, the models meet with their walking coach, Galliano’s muse, Debbie Crazyeyes. She tells them they all still need a lot of work, and none of them are really ready for Fashion Week. Debbie tells us the same old, same old, that Katy has no energy in her face, Ben’s improving, Casey’s really trying, Beautiful Frankie’s face is lacking passion. Debbie tells them to go home and practice like crazy, because they all need it.

And lo and behold, the next morning, the girls will be walking in their first real runway show, for a new label called Form. Shannon calls the walk a huge adrenaline rush, but Holly felt a lot of pressure amongst the professional models. The show goes off, however, without a hitch, and the girls all look really professional. Which may be because half their faces are hidden by hijabs.

The designer, Jerry Tam, tells us that Holly and Feministephanie are his faves, and he would book Holly again. He also says that Shannon is too tall for a lot of women’s clothes, and Katy looked too beachy and girl-next-door, not high fashion. The kiss of death.

The models get home and there’s a huge booze spread laid out for them. Katy’s exhausted from walking back and forth 40 feet three times, so she decides to go to bed, while the other models stay up and play “most likely to…” The people behind this show are so tricky! Every time the drama wanes, they throw a sixth grade sleepover game into the house to liven things up. And it works.

Perry pulls the card “Most likely to date a D-list celebrity,” and hands it right over to Jacki while delivering the zinger that she’s likely to become a D-list celebrity, too. I don’t know why she’s offended, because right now I’d estimate that these kids are around S- or T-list. D-list is a huge step up.

Jacki reads “Least likely to improve.” Someone off camera pipes up with “She’s sleeping!” meaning K-dizzle upstairs. That girl can just not catch a break. Ben cracks up, but Jacki and Holly look uncomfortable. Jacki ultimately gives it to Perry, and he retaliates by pinning “Least likely to win” on Jacki, because he thinks this game is ultimately going to come down to a personality contest, which she’s going to lose. Jacki lose a personality contest? No way! Just check out this excerpt from her blog, it’s not at all annoying:

“Basically, I was under the impression that they wanted me to portray the sexy model, after all, the created my look to market me to my potential. This week, being in the bottom four um, sucked really bad.”

The next morning, while everyone’s waking up, and there’s a wide shot of the boy’s bedroom. They’ve fashioned a makeshift chess board. Are we really supposed to believe that anyone in this house is smart enough to play chess? Maybe it isn’t a chess board. Maybe someone was just doodling the pattern from Beautiful Frankie’s suspenders.

But there’s no time for that – the boys are going to walk today, for Scott French. Tyson tells the boys not to embarrass him. Fat chance. Actually, the boys do a pretty good job and I’m duly impressed, especially by Jay, who magically showed up on bravotv.com’s Episode 5 photos. You read that right, Gasmii. There’s some tricky editting going on – the runway show was before Jay’s elimination. What’s more, the girls did a whole bunch of photos with Jerry Tam of Form, sans Katy. She must have had a pretty big target on her back last week/two weeks ago/whenever that runway show was, but in the end, Jay was the one who had to leave.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

You have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool old Sparkles, here, Bravo. Nice try, though.

Anyway, Scott French has some feedback to give. Beautiful Frankie has a great look, Ben is visually the strongest. Perry acts like he knows everything and can’t be bothered to take criticism. (No!) Scott wouldn’t have cast Ronnie, as he’s too pretty and all-American. Casey surprised him, and has a bright future.

Later that day, its back to the gym and the bald-headed Nazi trainer. He tells them some of them aren’t making acceptable progress, and it’s the halfway point of the competition, so it’s time to step up. Yep – he’s actually telling us that half of 14 is 10. This is why this guy is a personal trainer. It’s like the slightly more socially acceptable version of gym teacher.

He spots some cigarettes in Katy’s pocket and calls her out, then pinches Ronnie’s nascent love handles, then it’s workout time! They do some kickboxing and jumping rope and lunges and pull-ups and squats and pushups – it looks like they’re there for hours. At least it keeps them from going back to the house and having to play Mall Madness.

At the end of the workout, the trainer tells them that three models are letting him down, either inside or outside of the gym. Frankie, Casey, and – you guessed it – Katy aren’t exhibiting the results he’d like. Frankie says it doesn’t faze him, and makes him want to work harder. Casey is working hard, but it’s not showing in his measurements. And all Katy ever does is eat and sleep. It’s kind of hard to tone up with that as your workout regimen.

Later that night the models are sitting around eating dinner while Katy is upstairs sleeping, yet again. Beautiful Frankie says that they all hang out but she’s always excluded. Shannon shows a little sympathy and says she’s clearly having problems with her diet. But Ben thinks the pros told her what to do and she refuses, and Feministephanie immediately agrees. Perry says it’s not even a serious issue because most people would not models kill to have her body (and for all I make fun of her, that includes Sparkles. Hey – i’m just doing my job here) Jacki says in the modeling industry, size four is plus. Uh-oh, I’m in worse trouble than I thought. Then, on that note, Katy comes down and wolfs a huge piece of Ben and Ronnie’s birtthday cake. The producers seriously have it in for this girl. With all the tricks they’re playing on us apropos Jay, I don’t even know what to believe anymore.

Nonetheless, it’s elimination time. The models report to the studio for their catwalk assignment. Niki tells them that today, they’re going to rock the downtown New York look, which means they ran out of designers that wanted to work with them.

Jacki tells us she was up practicing her walk until 1:30AM because even if you’re good, you can always be better. Katy pops her collar and they show it twice, which means someone likes it. In this case for me though, familiarity kinda breeds contempt. Ronnie looks like a complete tool – he’s swaggering like the guy at the bar who buys you a drink and you don’t acknowledge him and he doesn’t take the hint and comes up to talk to you anyway and won’t leave you alone and leans in too close to tell you you smell nice. That guy.

Beautiful Frankie says once the music gets inside him, it takes over and he just has fun. I wonder if he’s thinking of his girlfriend when he’s on the catwalk. His blogs are all about her, and on this last one, I spied a return comment from this mystery woman!

“hi baby!! i miss you too!!!! it’s so lonely at night without you. i miss your body against mine and your sweet kiss. stay strong my love and i know you’ll be the supermodel that you were born to be. I love you too. see you in my dreams baby.”

Say it with me now: ewwwwww!

It’s question time! Corey calls out Jacki on having a swimsuit walk, not a high fashion walk. She’s good, but needs to adapt. The panel feels that Shannon felt nervous. She dares to disagree, saying she felt confident, and Tyson jumps at the chance to call her out – he says she thinks what the panel says doesn’t matter. She denies it, and I feel bad. She didn’t mean any harm.

Panel calls Ronnie very confident and classically good looking, which means he’ll have to work harder to prove himself in the editorial world. And he’ll have to stop swinging his arms like a goddamn ape. Beautiful Frankie did well at Fashion Week, but was too stiff at home. Corey appreciates Frankie owning up to it, but his newfound self-awareness can’t save him.

Niki says that Katy seemed distant this week. She says she’s got a lot going on, and working so hard at home make sure she doesn’t reach for crackers or pizza. Tyson sounds doubtful as he asks if she’s willing to make a sacrifice.

Then, in the singular bitchiest moment ever in Make Me a Supermodel history, Casey pipes up with, “Katy, my opinion is you have a lot of great intentions, and your actions don’t always follow up with those. I see you going to the gym, but then you’ll get a piece of bread, get some carbs in you, or some peanut butter. And then go have a cigarette.” Wow. I knew Casey was a fox, but I never figured him for a rat. Jennifer gangs up on Katy too, saying she knew Katy would be going through this when Jennifer questioned Katy’s motivation on Week 1.

And the models are excused so the judges can talk. Ronnie was too stiff during Fashion Week, and too animated on the catwalk tonight. Holly is a breath of fresh air. Katy looks bigger this week. Casey has a new confidence, which he’s using to be a big jerk. Frankie did the worst he’s ever done tonight. Ben is learning and improving.

When they bring the models back, they congratulate Holly for being the only model that the client would book again. But it’s our boy Ben who won the week, and for the first time ever, winning actually means something! Ben automatically is awarded immunity from being up for the vote next week. And Casey rounds out our top three, for coming back in a big (mean) way. That leaves four models on the catwalk; Katy, Frankie, Ronnie, and Jacki. Which basically means Katy plus three of the best models here. Someone at Bravo is seriously gunning for that poor kid.

We hear the final critiques: Frankie was too stiff and uncomfortable. Ronnie had been improving, but fell back this week. Katy doesn’t have the requisite dedication to be a supermodel. Jacki’s too sexy, and not high fashion. And Jacki is excused, leaving Beautiful Frankie, Ronnie, and Katy. Try as they might, however, I still don’t think Katy will be voted off. Ronnie is a total sweetheard, and will probably garner a good portion of the gay vote. Let’s be honest here – gay men probably comprise at least 40% of all Bravo viewers. And judging by the comments section on the website, Katy has a HUGE following. As much as it pains me to not be able to read creepy messages anymore from his girlfriend about his sweet kisses, I think Beautiful Frankie’s outta here.

One final note – my DVR had the following description for tonight’s episode: “The posers rub elbows with established models while working at new York’s Fashion Week.” Ha! Some of these jokes write themselves.

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