Make Me a Supermodel: Donkey Den

Holy crap! Tonight we get our most action-packed episode yet! We lose the house douchebag but discover the house victim. When God closes a door, he opens a window on Make Me a Supermodel!

Tonight was the first episode that doesn’t make me do this.

After last week’s panel, Katy, Ben, and Dominic are up for potential elimination. Katy tries to sneak in a little stress eating, but Casey chides her about not eating sausage right before bed. Oddly, Ronnie gave Ben the opposite advice.

Dominic comes busting into the kitchen, demanding to know who’s been talking shit. Beautiful Frankie takes the opportunity to say that he thinks a lot of the girls are backstabbers. They talk about each other behind their backs, but are friendly to their faces. Frankie, that’s how female friendships work! Probably upwards of 80% of conversations I have with any of my girlfriends are about the girls that aren’t there. That’s just what women do.

Dominic counters by saying that he’d rather have people talk to his face than behind his back. He needs one of those “I am the best person to discuss me with” rule lists that made ANTM Cycle 7 contestant Furonda infamous. Because no one is going to remember him for his beak nose and constant whining. Yeah, I know, I know, the first couple episodes I was all about him, but as Feministephanie loves to remind us, beauty is more than skin deep. He’s like the boy you’re smitten with in 8th grade that maybe just transferred to your school and dresses kinda different and is a little mysterious but then you find out his favorite band is Def Leppard and suddenly he’s not so cute anymore. True story.

The next morning, Ronnie gently wakes his roommate Ben and offers to hold his hand during elimination. They share the gentlest and tenderest of hugs, and Ben is off.

Dominic says he doesn’t know if he’ll be leaving or not. I do. Then he pulls out my #1 personal pet peeve and says this week it’s “a whole nother” ballgame. Really? It isn’t another whole ballgame? No? A whole nother ball game. I see.

Then he whips out pet peeve #2 – “everything happens for a reason,” which he reads off an embroidered baseball hat. If you say so, Dom, but I can’t figure out for WHAT reason someone would have ever written that hackneyed piece of crap on a cap.

Katy says the point is to make her a supermodel, not to pick a supermodel off the street ready to go. She’s got a point.

It’s more hugs, kisses, goodbyes, and out the door. Beautiful Frankie says he’s sick of all these people around the house, and they need to do two eliminations at a time. BF is making a whole lot of sense lately, and its weirding me out.

Back at panel, the judges reiterate the models’ weaknesses. Dominic can’t walk, Ben needs to let down his guard (another prison guard pun?), and Katy isn’t evolving as much as they’d like.

The results are in – and Dominic is eliminated! See ya, douche bag! In his exit interview, he says he feels cheated (of course) because he got faulty advice and coaching on how to walk and that didn’t go over well with panel. As long as it wasn’t your fault, Dominic. He goes on to say that the biggest bummer would be him going home and getting recognized as the guy who can’t walk and I instantly want to track him down so I can do just that in the aisle at Walgreen’s. He closes by bitching that they didn’t “give me some shoes that fit.” I’d rather give you a mouth that shuts.

Back at the house, the models are speculating the results. Feministephanie says everyone wants Dominic gone. But Beautiful Frankie counters by saying there’s a difference between who they want to go home and who deserves to go home. See what I mean? He’s the new Voice of Reason. Beautiful Frankie, if you keep it up, you’re going to get re-nicknamed.

Everyone is happy to welcome Katy and Ben back to the house. But there’s no time to celebrate, because they’re going to a photo shoot! They go to some clothing store and are modeling in small groups. Before I can even pause the DVR, the whole thing is over, so it must not be that significant to judging. I mean, when you think about it, this show is going on in real time – these people are living a whole week in between episodes, so for Bravo to boil it down to a single hour of footage means there’s a ton that we don’t see. Here’s hoping for a Make Me a Supermodel: Uncut DVD to come out in a couple months! I want more footage of Beautiful Frankie flipping his hair around and Shannon finding inventive ways to hide her wang!

Back home, Aryn, Ronnie, Jay, and Ben are hanging out in Ronnie and Ben’s room, goofing off on their beds. Ronnie reminds us that Ben’s married, but reveals he’s mentioned that if Ronnie got him drunk, he’d be open to being with a dude. Ronnie has genuine feelings for Ben, and suspects Ben may be toying with him. Ben, if you break Ronnie’s heart, I will personally text my fingers off voting for your opponents and making sure you get kicked out.

Ronnie and Ben pose for Aryn, and Ronnie rips Ben’s shirt off. Then Aryn gets between them, lies on top and joins the slutfest. She and Ronnie get on either sides of Ben, and Aryn says to Ronnie, “you take a nipple and I’ll take one.” He’s married! Stop it! Then she kisses his face and his ear and makes an enemy out of ol’ Sparkles.

Katy must have been spying on them, because she tells us that Ben’s not the genuine southern boy she thought he was. The other girls mention that in the photo shoot, Aryn and Ben had pretty convincing chemistry. Shannon says it was a little too convincing. And we’ve pretty clearly got Aryn set up for elimination.

The next morning, the models get to their photoshoot. Their assignment is sexual chemistry. Who would have guessed? Their photographer tells them it’s an intimate shoot, and they should concentrate on acting more than modeling. Tyson tells them to forget about their significant others. They’re way ahead of you, Tyson.

There’s booze on set to ease everyone’s nerves, and we get a shot of Holly taking a furtive drink of champagne. Aryn speculates that she may not still have a boyfriend after this shoot. Wishful thinking?

Ben and Katy are first, and they waste no time being shy and start making out. And it looks pretty believable.

“Don’t worry about it, it happens to lots of guys.”

Poor Katy, getting stuck wtith the married guy. She’s doing a good job, but you can tell by her comments that she’s really uncomfortable. Nevertheless, she goes balls out and even bites a nipple! Take that, Aryn! Their best shot is really great.

Aryn and Jay are up next. Her awful, frizzed out hair is further evidence that Bravo wants her gone. Aryn says she has the least chemistry with Jay of all the guys in the house. She just looks mad, so Jay starts to bite her. LOL! The photographer says Aryn struggles with poses and tries too hard. She goes on to say that Jay was too passive and she wanted him to take more control. Jay tells us he was thinking about his girlfriend. He says had fun, and there was “no humpin’, it was tasteful.” He leaves us with the chestnut, once you go black, you never go back. But something tells me Aryn might be going back. Back HOME! (because this picture sucks, I mean)

At first in their shoot, Feministephanie and Jacki are looking too much like friends, but then with a little coaxing, the shoot heats up. Jacki looks very aggressive and comfortable, as does Feministephanie. Jacki says she hasn’t been in a situation like this before, but its comfortable and she wants to get good pictures. Feministephanie takes her bra off, because she’s a feminist. The photographer offers them a banana to pose with, and Feministephanie puts it right in her mouth. Yep! She’s a feminist and an intellectual! You can spot it a mile away. Regardless of how annoying Feministephanie is, she and Jacki do a great job.

Holly and Frankie go next, and Holly’s got herself a real pickle. She’s a virgin, and she and her fiancee are waiting for marriage to do it. So this is basically her first time rolling around on a bed with a man, and that man is Beautiful Frankie. If she were at all likable, I’d feel bad, but since she and her accent and schoolmarm wardrobe are so obnoxious, it’s hysterical!

“Trust me, baby. I’ll go slow.”

Beautiful Frankie says she’s boring as hell to work with. He felt like she was disgusted by him, and it was like trying to f*ck a blowup doll. Awww. Frankie, honey, even the blowup dolls are disgusted by you? Their best shot is awkward and both their faces look weirdly contorted.

Casey and Perry go next. Like our other same-sex couple, they were shy at first, but soon started to engage the set and each other. They were pretty versatile, using pretty much every whip, rope, and gag offered to them. Perry was clearly the aggressor, whipping Casey, licking Casey, grabbing his hair, pinching his nipples. Casey holds his own and shows us all manner of O-faces. Perry says he’s glad he did this shoot with a guy because he won’t have to explain anything to his girlfriend. Oh really?

Shannon says Ronnie’s never been with a woman and she’s going take his virginity. (Point She-annon??) Neither of them are at all shy with each other, as they immediately start kissing and biting and groping. Ronnie says he was caught by surprise by how much he enjoyed being with Shannon. (Point Mannon??????) The photographer loved their spontaneity and versatility, and so did I.

Ronnie carries her Shannon back in the room where everyone’s waiting. Shannon says Ronnie is straight now, and they’re getting married! Well Shannon, if you and your ambiguous genitals couldn’t do it, no one could.

“Got that right.”

Back at the house Holly is whining about how badly she wants to win. She says some of the people in the house just want to be famous and aren’t really into modeling. Who?! Tell us! Let’s get the dirt! She starts crying and says she was uncomfortable with Frankie and doesn’t want to be eliminated because of it. Christ, Holly, just think about how Maria Bello must have felt while filming The Cooler with William H. Macy. I still shudder to think about it.

In the other room, Beautiful Frankie reveals that Holly got trashed before the shoot, and came in with bloodshot eyes.

She didn’t LOOK drunk.

Holly is shocked that he’s saying she was drinking. She thinks he’s doing a little character assassination to get her eliminated. If he is, it’s pretty smart, actually. They have a quick confrontation and disagree to disagree. He walks away while she’s still talking and she calls him an ass and starts crying again.

The next day they get to a gym and get a Scared-Straight drill sergeant-type trainer with a bald head and tattoo sleeves. He tells them as supermodels, they need to stay in perfect shape every day and every minute. He separates the models by gender and puts them through some calisthenics. The guys go first and they do sprints, jumps, push-ups, and leg lifts. The trainer yells encouraging remarks such as, “YOU DISGUST ME!” Me too!

The girls start out jumping rope, but Aryn can’t keep up. Are you effing kidding me? Wasn’t she talking last episode about how she runs all the time? She’s the only one who can’t do wha he trainer asks. It’s just another nail in her modeling coffin. But good old Birdface says she’s here to be a supermodel and is going to do whatever it takes. Except jump rope.

Later that night the models get to make a phone call.

Ronnie asks if Ben’s apprehensive about talking to his wife. Ben says he “didn’t catch wood” during the shoot, so he’s in the clear, and I officially have a new favorite phrase.

Aryn calls her boyfriend Landon. He gushes about how much he misses her, but she doesn’t return the sentiment. Instead, she starts crying and says her life will forever be different after this. Landon immediately asks if she met someone. Sounds like this couple may have been down this road once or twice before. He asks if she still wants to be with him. She bitchily replies that he’s all she has to come home to. Landon says he wants to marry her, and Birdface can’t deal. She gets off the phone and runs right into Ronnie’s arms. She says she can’t see herself marrying her boyfriend at home that clearly loves her, and I am more certain than ever that she’s out of here!

The next morning, Niki greets them about their runway show. This week is all about chemistry. So naturally, the catwalk assignment is “equestrian with a fetish twist.” WTF? Yeah, nothing gets me hot like horses. Cowboys, maybe, but “sexy” and “equestrian” should never be in the same sentence. Niki goes on to say that the models will be working with their photo shoot partners, and Beautiful Frankie bites his lip apprehensively.

Niki pulls out some whips to help inspire them. She tells them to think big, take chances, and outshine the other couples.

Shannon and Ronnie go first, and Ronnie is f*cking marching like a horse! Hilarious! Brilliant! They get to the end of the runway and he pulls Shannon’s ponytail and bends her over and Corey can’t believe it.

Jacki Stephanie go next, which prompts Tyson to remark how much he loves his job. They kiss a little and the end of the runway and the judges eat it up.

Holly and Frankie are next, and Holly throws him to the ground and puts her leg up on his back, then turns around and leaves him there as he struggles to get up and walk behind her. Ice cold, Holly!

Ben and Katy go next, and Katy tells us she wants to be on the runway every day. Ben bends her over and whips her a little. She returns the favor at the end of the catwalk.

Aryn and Jay practically ignore each other on the catwalk.. He shoves her a little, and they look bored.

Perry gives the floor an enthusiastic whip, and then leads Casey out by a chain attached to his chest. At the end they pretend to bite at each other, and it works.

It’s Q&A time. The judges ask Aryn about her chemistry with Jay. She says they have none naturally, so the fact that any at all was conveyed was a miracle. Ouch! Jay says he would have rather worked with Jacki. Burn, Aryn!

The judges adore Casey and Perry’s work.

“I’m getting this one blown up and framed!

Perry says that the two of them had an instant connection, share a sense of humor, and even finish each others’…”sentences,” chimes in Casey. It’s kind of adorable.

Holly and Frankie get called out for sucking big time. They both agree. Holly says they have differences and they try to put them aside. But they didn’t. Frankie says he’s a sexual person (that is like the most annoying thing anyone can ever say) but Holly wasn’t giving it up. Tyson recognizes that Holly’s religious, but tells her that holding back is going to hurt her career. The models are excused and the judges say the same thing they’ve been saying all episode.

The bring Ronnie and Shannon, Casey and Perry, Aryn and Jay, and Holly and Frankie back out. Niki says that Shannon, Casey, and Ronnie are safe, which makes Perry the winner! Great, but I’m starting to figure out that winning doesn’t actually get you anything. No prizes, no immunity. Just eye-daggers from your competitors.

The judges reiterate that Aryn and Jay were lifeless. Holly let her personal circumstances get in the way of doing her job, and brought Beautiful Frankie down with her. Frankie couldn’t bridge the gap, but a supermodel should always be able to find a way.

In the end, Beautiful Frankie is safe, leaving Aryn, Holly, and Jay to America’s mercy. Let’s bring Birdface down!!

She-annon – 1
Mannon – 1
Looks like this week is a draw. Without more Shannon footage, this little contest is kinda difficult. Let’s pray for the Shannoniest episode yet this Thursday!