Make Me a Supermodel: Oh My Goth!

Tonight someone totally undeserving gets a free pass into the final four, Shannon gets her first negative feedback EVER, Perry gets the deets on his cheating girlfriend, and they go through about 15 sticks of kohl on Make Me a Supermodel!

“I’m gonna f*ck you up, Adnan! You’re gonna look like this by the time I’m done!”

We open with Ben, Casey, and Ronnie up for elimination. I’m thinking that this is a no-brainer (just like Casey! Zing!) to send Ben home on account of his one facial expression and horrible attitude, but the strength of Bonnie may pull him through once again.

Perry wakes up Casey, who is apparently as much of a gossipmonger as Sparkles, because the very first thing he says when he wakes up is he wants to know what happened with Amanda. Perry says he’s not going to call her back – he’s over it. If you recall, Amanda is allegedly dating Adnan Ghalib, which is disgusting enough in and of itself, but is denying the whole thing to Perry, and just keeping him around to get herself more publicity. I’m not Perry’s biggest fan, but that’s ice cold. HE HAS YOUR NAME TATTOOED ON HIM! If anyone ever tattooed Sparkles on themselves, I would try my very best not to cheat on them with Britney’s on-again, off-again papparazzo fuckbuddy. I’m just a little classier than that.

Perry says that if he loses Casey, he’ll have no one in the house to joke with, make up skits with, or get surreptitious handjobs from. Aww.

As Bonnie are both up for elimination, Ben remarks that their bedroom could have only one person in it in the next few hours. He says he learned (was shamed into accepting) a lot this week (like how to horribly insult a client and make an ass of himself). Ronnie thinks that he and Ben are their own worst obstacles. That’s very Tony Robbins of him, but I don’t think he needs to worry about it, being as how he’s probably the most adorable reality TV contestant to ever grace the small screen.

At the elimination, Casey is rocking his lucky epaulets yet AGAIN. I’m so disappointed. He might have been in the high school band last year, but this show is about modeling. He should at least be taking a passing interested in clothing. But in the end, it doesn’t matter, as Casey can’t be made into a supermodel. Who is voting for Ben? He basically flat-out said that he doesn’t understand how to model, he hates selling things, and no matter what he does, the judges (who, for all I make fun of them, are industry experts) loathe him. This is bullshit. And Corey agrees with me. He says right to Ben’s face that it should have been him that left. Go Corey! A true friend stabs you in the front.

Back at the house, Holly reiterates that she wants Casey or Ronnie to go. She says that Casey is only mediocre, and she wants to compete against the best. Shannon agrees, saying that she wants to do better than the best; that way she’ll feel like she really earned it. But earned what, exactly? A giant popularity contest amongst Bravo viewers? She needs to set her sights a little higher.

Ben and Ronnie get back to the house, and there’s more boys vs. girls talk. Holly thinks that Ronnie is getting an attitude, and starting to be mean to people. Either its getting edited out, or Holly’s crazy, because I’ve never seen him be anything but darling.

But there’s no time for gossip – Tyson and Niki drop by the house to tell the models that in a supermodel’s lifestyle, they have to be ready for anything at a moment’s notice. The kids are going to New Orleans! However, this is not a vacation; they’ll have to work hard. *Hopes Clay comes along to make the models do dumb challenges involving making penis sculptures out of Mardi Gras beads* Niki announces that only two models will be up for the vote this week. And then she sends them upstairs to pack.

Then Tyson pulls Perry aside. He explains that they usually keep the models completely sequestered from the outside world, but man to man, he deserves to know what’s going on. Tyson hands Perry the issue of The Inquirer with the photo of Amanda and Ghalib, and Perry looks totally crestfallen. He thinks that it’s his house that they’re standing in front of, and the article says Adnan’s spent the last five consecutive nights there. Ouch.

Now WHAT exactly do I have to get tested for?

Tyson tells Perry that it’s just a tabloid, and asks if he trusts Amanda, and if he loves her. Perry doesn’t really answer, and Tyson tells him not to let it affect him or knock him off his game. Tyson reiterates that in addition to abs of steel, supermodels also have hearts of steel. He says this ain’t nothing, get your focus on. If it IS true, success is the best revenge.

Perry says if this is true, it will be some of the worst news he’s ever heard. He goes to Bonnie’s room to talk it out. Ronnie is totally incredulous, and stifles a guffaw when Perry says his girlfriend is seeing Britney’s ex. As anyone would. Perry can’t understand how she could do this to him while he’s doing the supermodel thing for her. Then he yells “FUCKING WHORE” and poof! It’s out of his system.

The models get on their plane, and arrive in the Big Easy around 2:00AM. They get to their swank hotel and Holly says this is what real supermodels do; it’s nothing to them. Other things that are nothing to real supermodels: coke habits and throwing phones at their assistants.

Given the number of beds in the room, it’s clear that some models are going to have to share. Perry tells the camera that Ben was adamant about sleeping in the same bed as Ronnie. Ben tells us Perry’s lying, and pops him in the junk. He’s had that coming for a long time. All the models are given gift baskets full of Louisiana kitsch. Ronnie pokes his voodoo doll and says Ben and Perry will be going home. Maybe this is the attitude Holly was referirng to.

The next morning, the models arrive at the Lafayette Cemetary, and meet Niki and photographer Christopher Micaud. Niki tells them that their assignment is to be drop dead gorgeous in a gothic scene. Christopher adds that they should look back at their lives to things that made them feel sad for inspiration. Perry’s got this one in the bag!

The models go off to be styled by Tim Burton. When the come back, they’ve got black rimming their eyes, big cotton candy hair for the girls, and they all listen to Morrissey and The Cure now.

Niki introduces their costar, Dennis the crow. Seriously, Dennis? Dennis is a name for a basset hound. You’d think they could think of something slightly more badass, such as, I don’t know, ANYTHING BUT DENNIS.

The first shoot is Holly, Ben, and Perry. The story is that Holly’s husband just died, and Ben and Perry are her brothers, comforting her. They pipe in some fog, and the shoot begins. It looks very eerie and cool, and the makeup really looks great on these three. Then they shoot Ben by himself with Dennis. Dennis doesn’t think Ben’s putting enough effort into the shoot, so he pecks Ben in the eye, and then takes a crap on his jacket. Huzzah for negative reinforcement, Dennis!

Christopher thinks that Ben is too “male model.” Huh? Isn’t that what he is, or at least is aspiring to be? UGH, that THINKING!

Ronnie and Shannon go next. Shannon is lying across a tomb, and is either supposed to be dead or dying. She says it was easy to play the part, and she looks pretty comfortable. She does not, however, looks like a model. She looks like she’s taking a nap. Ronnie looks a little weird with his blonde hair against all that black makeup. He’s no Evan Rachel Wood, you know.

Christopher keeps repositioning Ronnie and Shannon, and the whole thing looks awkward. Ronnie says its frustrating working with Shannon today; he felt like they didn’t connect at all. They’re both getting tons of feedback, but just not improving. The KnockShannon train continues along its tracks, as Perry chimes in that he wasn’t impressed either. He reminds us that she’s never been in the bottom three, so hopefully its her time.

I can’t say for sure, but I think part of the reason that Shannon looks like such a poop sandwich is her makeup in this shoot. She has the kind of face that makeup makes or breaks – I’m 100% sure that most of the reason we thought she was a tranny in the beginning (besides her infamous comment about being a man trapped in a woman’s body) is her headshot on the Bravo site. Totally looks like a dude. She can be gorgeous when styled correctly (such as the shoot she had with Stephanie and Casey), but today she looks like she’s not only dead, but has been decomposing for a few decades.

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who’s the fugliest one of all?”

The next shoot features Shannon, Holly and Perry. Perry is supposed to be a man that always has a bunch of women around, but just lost one of his faves. Again, Shannon just isn’t bringing it. And Bonnie make catty remarks about it off to the side. Shut, up, Ben, or Dennis might have another present for you.

When the models get home from the shoot, they decide to go out to eat in the French Quarter, then hang out on Bourbon Street. But first, there’s a weird product placement montage for cell phones in different colors. It isn’t really clear if it’s part of the show, or a commercial, and I actually fast forwarded through it the first time because I wasn’t sure. And I did my master’s thesis on product placement, so I should be able to spot them. But they never name the product, and the models aren’t talking (for once), just playing with the phones. Either way, I’d say the company should ask for a refund. Ben doesn’t like selling things!

The models sit down for dinner, and the first course is turtle soup. Perry is totally bewildered, but Holly acts like its the most normal thing in the world. She tries to give him the airplane to make him try it, but he refuses, as he has a pet turtle at home. Then Holly interviews the most redneck thing ever uttered on cable TV: “We kill squirrels at my house. We make squirrel gravy.” DIS. GUST. ING.

The next day at 11:00AM, the models arrive on a construction site to meet Niki. She tells them that modeling affords them a great opportunity to lend a face and voice to a cause. They meet Cherie, who has lost her home to Hurricane Katrina, and Catherine, Habitat for Humanity worker. Ronnie starts crying, and so does Sparkles. My heart isn’t made of stone, guys. The models are going to build Cherie a new home today. Ben says this is an important project, some of his family members have had this happen to them. Because things are only important if they affect Ben and his family.

Ronnie picks up a drill and adds a little levity, saying, “Ronnie with power tools, and not the ones I have in my bedroom.”

But the mood isn’t brightened for long. Holly starts crying too, and writes some words of down-home Christian wisdom on the house frame. Something about walking roads by faith, and the recipe for squirrel gravy.

Sorry, this is too nice of them for me to snark about it.

By the end of the day, they get the house mostly framed (? Sparkles doesn’t know much about construction terminology), and have bought Cherie a loveseat. She is extremely grateful, and everyone, including yours truly, starts tearing up again.

The models get back to NYC around 1:00AM, and it hits Perry that he doesn’t have a roommate anymore. He doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore either, but who’s counting?

Shannon and Holly start the trash talking again in their bedroom. Holly says Ronnie only has one look, and looked like a Ken doll dressed as a vampire in the gothic shoot. Perry talks to himself alone in his room. Bonnie, in their own room, say the girls have got to go. Perry jumps on his bed. It’s kinda sad that Casey isn’t there to have a pillow fight with him.

The next morning at 11:00AM, it’s catwalk time. Niki greets them in a sparkly, stripy tunic that looks like something my ex-stepmom would wear. It’s very “I’ve-found-love-again-at-age-55.” She says that the gothic look is back, so the models will go to their dark sides once again. Their assignment is to choreograph their own dark and dramatic show. All five of them have to work together to make a seamless performance.

They work with the still-nameless runway coach, and Shannon starts throwing out ideas. She is thinking of a funeral procession, naming herself the high priestess and Holly as like a sacrificial lamb. Sounds like someone’s been playing a little too much Magic: The Gathering!

Ben, of course, is pissed that Shannon “wants to be the chief instead of an indian.” He thinks its weird that she wants to be the high priestess that everyone bows down to. It WAS her idea, but whatever.

The nameless runway coach finally gets a title graphic, and we find out his name is David. David says there are too many cooks in the kitchen, and they’re all trying to kill each other. He says that Shannon is arrogant, and doesn’t want to collaborate. He tells the models that it looks too campy and over the top. He reminds them that they still need to show the clothes.

And with that, it’s runway time! Holly comes out, looking anxious. Ben is carrying a candlestick, and apparently searching for her, even though she’s like two feet in front of him. She crouches down and escapes.

Shannon comes out with her arms raised, and Perry and Ronnie behind her. They catch up and she cradles their faces. They go back behind the scenes, and then Perry comes out with Bonnie behind him. Ronnie is carrying a rope, perhaps to hang Holly with? Here’s hoping.

Then finally, Holly comes back out with a skull in her hands. I think it might be supposed to symbolize her soul, but I can’t tell. Shannon grabs Holly’s arm,a nd then Ben strangles her. Ben and Perry take the skull and bask in its power or something. Whatever. Too esoteric for ol’ Sparkles.

Question time! They call out Perry for overacting. He responds that it was a dramatic piece.

They ask Ben how it felt to be in his hometown. He said he needed a slap in the face this week; being in the bottom three, and then Corey’s comment that he blows helped him turn it around. Corey says that this week, Ben’s stiffness worked to his advantage. That’s what she said!

Niki says that Holly’s catwalk was believable and animated, but Jennifer thinks she has bad posture. Tyson tells Ronnie that he’s done better. He didn’t really get Ronnie’s performance. Jennifer thinks that Ronnie can’t really do goth; Ben and Perry looked a lot edgier.

Corey doesn’t get Shannon’s catwalk performance. Niki said she didn’t look comfortable in the shoot. They asked Ronnie what he thought about working with her, and he said it was difficult. Jenn tries to suggest that it was because she was lying down, but Ronnie said she was bad in all positions.

Shannon responds that hearing that from Ronnie bothers her. She thinks that if the judges had praised her, Ronnie is such a kiss-ass that he would have agreed. Ronnie says Shannon thinks she has the competition in the bag. Shannon disagrees. Ronnie says when she gets criticism she seems incredulous. Corey says that if the client doesn’t like your work, they don’t care what you think, which is a good point. On that note, the models are excused for the judges to talk it out.

Perry had strong walk but went a little overboard. Ronnie only has one look. Niki says Shannon brought Ronnie down. Corey agrees with Ronnie that Shannon thinks she’s already won this, and thought it was classless that she has to have the last word. Holly did well in the shoot, but needs to learn confidence and present an illusion that she’s stronger. Jennifer saw versatility in Ben’s face for the first time.

They bring back the models. Niki says that two of them have a supernatural presence. Holly is the winner, and Ben is excused. Shannon lost her sparkle this week in the photoshoot and catwalk. Ronnie couldn’t pull off the shoot, and faded into the background in the catwalk. Perry was uninspiring.

Shannon and Ronnie are up for the vote, and Perry’s safe. Shannon is completely screwed.

What do you guys think? Does Shannon have any kind of prayer against Ronnie? Did the producers make it a bottom two this week instead of three in a plot against Shannon? How in the H-E-double hockey sticks did Ben make it into the final four? How many STDs has Adnan given Perry’s girlfriend so far?