Dancing In The Streets

The girls of Making The Band 3 kicked their musical journey into overdrive this week as they travelled from New York City all the way to sunny California, all in the hopes of doing some press, naming their group, and filming their very first video. It was all so exciting and intense that Laurie Ann didn’t even have to utter one “BOOM! CAT! BOOM CAT CAT!!!” That’s too bad because quite honestly, the only thing that truly gets me through these episodes are her cryptic choreography lessons. Still, this was a fast-paced and enjoyable installment, and for once, we didn’t have to deal with a girl struggling in the booth while she tried to overcome some personal obstacle in her life. It was just pure Hollywood. And hey, any show that ends with a group Diddy hug is fine by me! We heart you, Diddy!This week’s show started with footage of a plane taking off from New York and arriving in Los Angeles, all to the throbbing tunes of Goldfrapp. Yes, excitement was heavy in the air, and the girls could hardly contain themselves as they passed such landmarks as The Body Shop strip bar or the Off Broadway Shoe Outlet. If that doesn’t say “Making It,” I don’t know what does.

Turns out the girls were in town to shoot their first video, and in typical Diddy fashion, he set them up with a ssssaawwweeeet mansion in the hills. It was so sweet, the producers made sure every single light was on at all times. So that’s why we’ve been having rolling blackouts. The dumb Making The Band girls have been in town. Anyway, the group waltzed into their new digs, with Aundrea repeatedly and annoyingly saying, “She’s purdy!” Stop talking to the house. It can’t hear you. Just drop it.

Well, it seemed like this trip was off to a good start, and the girls weren’t the only ones excited. The producers seemed so happy to have a change of scenery that they became trigger happy with their signature sound effects. At one point, Dawn literally bumped lightly into box, and apparently that was enough to warrant a loud BOOM-BOOM-BOOM. I couldn’t even imagine what they would have done if she had coughed. They probably would have shaken the screen and acted like she had just died.

Anyway, we also finally learned the name of the group: Danity Kane (and yes, I know it’s been floating around the internet for months, but this was the first official moment when the show acknowledged it). As you can imagine, the name is a bit, uh, puzzling. Okay, it’s downright awful. Danity Kane? Really?

Nevertheless, the girls all headed downtown where they participated in one giant radio press junket. This meant that they went from one radio station to another, getting interviewed by all sorts of people, including one douchebag from Wild 98.7 wearing a “wacky” green shag-type coat. Sadly, we didn’t stay with him long enough to see his slide whistle or bicycle horn bit. Anyway, as the girls trudged through this press tour, it became obvious that no one was really impressed with their name. Maybe that’s because “Danity Kane” doesn’t seem to really make sense. And it sounds awful. One DJ deigned to ask how they came up with the name, and Dawn replied, “We were looking for a name that WE could define. Something that we could define. Not that it could define US.” That would explain why the two runner-up names were “Bloooblooblah Blah” and “Goopy Gop Glop.”

Dawn then came on screen and explained to us how they came up with Danity Kane in the first place. Apparently, she was doodling some superhero woman or whatever, and Diddy noticed and asked what the character’s name was. Put on the spot, Dawn came up with “Danity Kane” and from there, history was made. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this band’s name is based on a doodle.

After hearing this story, one DJ still wasn’t content. “So what does Danity Kane mean?” she asked.

“It’s us,” Aubrey replied with solemn haughtiness. WELL. That clarifies things!

A defiant Shannon then asked us, “Do you know what Coldplay means? Do you know what Linkin Park means? Do you know what Hoobastank means?” Point well taken, but your name still sucks.

Well, silly name be damned. These girls were going to win over the DJs by singing their first single, “Show Stopping,” (which was prominently featured in this Clipgasm). Sure enough, their a cappella stylings blew everyone away, and the press tour wound up being a resounding success. Yay!

The good times were quickly brought to a loud, cacophonous end when the girls were then sent off to the She-Dragon of MTB: the one and only Laurie Ann. Yes, it was time to practice the choreography for the next day’s video shoot, and we all knew that if these girls didn’t hit all their marks, Laurie Ann was gonna boomcat them to the next town over.

Well, guess what? The girls were rusty. No matter how hard they writhed or undulated, Laurie Ann was not pleased, especially when they didn’t even know what version of the song would be used in the video. “So you guys know I’m mad at you, right?” she asked. Uh oh. This could only mean one thing: forty lashes with the boomcat o’ nine tails!

“You guys danced without a boom cat!”

Okay, maybe that wasn’t the punishment, but Laurie Ann did start yelling at them with one of her inspirational speeches. Once again, the producers went nuts, highlighting every few words with a loud and commanding church bell BONG (the sound, not the smoking device). “When you go to that video set tomorrow,” Laurie Ann said, “and I know it’s your first video, but that’s a bunch of bull crap!”

(((BONG)))

“Everybody on the set is gonna buy into the hype!”

(((BONG)))

“You’re gonna hit your mark and then what are you gonna do?”

(((BONG)))

I kid you not, this continued for another thirty seconds or so. Subtlety is not the trademark of this show.

(((BONG)))

Well, Laurie then resumed her grueling rehearsal, which was sadly lacking in any sort of Boom Cat action. On the plus side, we did get to see some of Aundrea’s blossoming paunch. Somebody better keep her away from the snacks. It’s never good when her hair is only the second largest part of her body. (I speak as if she’s gained forty-five pounds, which she hasn’t).

Eventually, the girls perfected their dance moves, which meant Laurie Ann could send them home, but not before a little inspirational speech. “The only thing I’ll need from you guys is to not be distracted when you get on that set,” she said, adding, “Don’t let the gas train kick in.” I didn’t know what the “gas train” was, but if it had anything to do with flatulence, I didn’t want to hear anymore. The last thing I need is the image of Aubrey farting on Dawn’s face. Gross!

The next day, the girls arrived at the video set where they met their director, Jesse Terrero. Yes, THE Jesse Terrero. You don’t know who he is? Whatevs. I’m not gonna tell you. Also in tow for this shoot were various members of the media like Entertainment Tonight and Making The Video. I guess the press invite for TVgasm got lost in the mail. Hey, it’s cool. Same thing happened with our invite to the Emmys.

Anyway, the girls all had a splendid time hamming it up for all the camera crews, and with the production rapidly falling behind schedule, Diddy showed up to film his little cameo in the video. He had a vital role, you see. He was going to kick off the whole video with a little vignette of him and the girls at the studio, recording music. He would then say “That’s what I’m talking about, y’all. That’s a smash right there. It’s gonna be crazy in the clubs!” And with that, the girls would walk out of the studio, pretending to head home for the night, but instead, they’d be hitting the bars and painting the town red. I know what you’re all thinking: And the VMA goes to…

Well, Diddy filmed his scene, despite a few hiccups in the performance department, and then it was time for the girls to hop into a pimped out car and drive down Hollywood Boulevard. Granted, they weren’t really driving. They were actually being towed around, as is often the case with movie productions. Nevertheless, the ladies of Danity Kane attracted the attention of various pedestrians, and soon, the masses were gathering on the sidewalks, snapping photos wherever they could. Kinda like any time I step out in public. Just sayin’…

Later, the girls had to film a scene where D. Woods had to actually drive this Louis Vuitton-outfitted car, but easier said than done. First the vehicle’s battery kept dying, then it wouldn’t go in reverse, and then finally, once everything was working right, D. Woods stopped the car but forgot to put it in park, leading to more chaos on the set. Nothing like the old forgetting-to-put-the-car-in-park drama to get the heart rate up.

With the clock ticking and the sun threatening to rise very soon, the production then moved back to Hollywood Boulevard, which was closed down for one final shot. Didn’t sound too imposing, but would the girls nail the choreography before Mother Nature shone her bright ass on their faces? That was the question we faced as we headed into our second commercial break. When we returned, Aundrea marveled at the entire production, saying that Hollywood Boulevard is a street “that’s never shut down.” Yeah, how about it’s shut down every time some nickel and dime movie premiere or music video takes over the Chinese Theater. You want to talk about traffic? How about you get stuck in that shit when you’re racing to work, Aundrea. Welcome to my world.

Anyway, the director had the street sprayed down with water to create a glossy effect on film, and quite honestly, it looked pretty awesome. The girls danced, danced, and danced their booties off, all with Laurie Ann in the background telling them to get their energy up. There’s only one way to motivate these women, Laurie Ann, and it starts with a B, ends with a T, and has OOMCA in the middle.

Luckily, the girls nailed their choreography and the shots just before the sun came up, which was awesome because I really wasn’t sure how much longer I could hear “Show Stoppin’.” Let’s just say this song makes the Pussycat Dolls’ repertoire sound like The Beatles.

Well, with the sun shining brightly over the wrapped production, Diddy gathered the girls around and told them to soak in this moment, don’t overlook it. He then said that no one had worked as hard as them for that moment. Not even he at the beginning of his career had put in the effort that Danity Kane had. This culminated in a warm group hug, and with that, another successful chapter in the saga of these girls came to an end. This Thursday, we face the season finale, which can mean only one thing: album’s just ’round the corner. TVgasm listening party, perhaps?

What did you think about this episode?