This week on Making the Band, Que obviously has a drug problem, and no one will blatantly say it. But TVgasm will!
I just want to be a dancer!
Back in the studio with Day26, the guys are recording another slow babymaker. Robert tells us that Diddy has branded them with the “Making the Band” curse, but he’s not part of that curse. They are working together on their second album and will defy the curse. They will punch that curse; thus, rendering it a bloody nose. Then they will karate chop that curse in the throat and then drop-kick it Chuck Norris style. The curse will cry like a whiney bitch, but Day26 will not stop until it is destroyed. Will says they are working toward a deadline and need to make sure the album is hot. Then Que leaves. But it’s not what you think. He’s going to dance practice. Get it? “Dance practice.” I don’t know why I put that in quotes either. But he just seems so adamant about all this dancing that I’m starting to wonder if it’s code for something more scandalous. Like heroin addiction. Or Boy Scout camping trips.
Filling in for Que will be Robert’s hat.
Dawn says it’s good that Que is working on his dancing abilities because maybe it will encourage the group to want to become better dancers as well. Dawn is starting to sound more and more like an enabler to me. She keeps encouraging his antics and infusing his mind with all that she learned from Danity Kane. But — must I say it again!? — Danity Kane didn’t work out! Why take advice from a failure? It’s like taking sportsmanship tips from Tonya Harding. Or weight-loss advice from Michael Moore.
When Dawn and Que get home from the dance studio, Will is snoozing on the couch and Brillo is checking his email by electric candlelight. Then wild-eye Que exclaims that the cab almost took off his arm. And then the cab driver got out of the cab, pushed Dawn, breaking her finger, so Que punched him in the face. Brillo looks at the camera, and I can literally see his thought process written on his face. And that thought says, “What?”
“Hold on, I’m sending Mommarillo one of those useless, $1 Facebook icon gifts.”
Smelling drama, screechy Brian materializes out of nowhere. I swear, that man finds drama like a heat-seeking missile. Getting more heated by the second, Que repeats the story of grabbing the cab door as it’s pulling away and almost losing an arm. Dawn interjects saying that the cabbie jumped OUT OF THE WINDOW and knocked her out of the way. Now the cabbie is like a demon or super hero or something because he can leap out of small enclosures and push around several people at once. All the guys are silent, just shaking their heads. Que says they are downstairs with the police now, so Will gets up to check it out.
Downstairs, a faceless cabbie is mumbling about Que grabbing his door. Que says, “you hit my woman, son! My arm is bleeding!” Does anyone else want to see proof of this? I won’t believe Que until I see blood, plasma, and possibly stitches. The cabbie tries to explain himself to Brian, but Que continues to interrupt. Then, the cabbie starts crying! Will says it seems like a misunderstanding, and says he wants to calm it down. The guys walks away, and Brillo asks if Que is exaggerating or if the guy really put his hands on Dawn.
“Man without a Face” starring Smell Gibson
The next day, Que asks Brian if he can record his parts in the studio first, so he can go to dance class. Get it? “Dance class.” (a.k.a. cheap prostitution ring or sperm donation for money.) He is super jumpy and twitchy, and it is getting pretty clear that this man has been injecting something between his toes. Where’s Dr. Drew when you need him? Brian questions Que’s priorities, but Que retorts that the producers should respect his schedule.
Later that night, Brillo is in the apartment with his girlfriend, explaining that he’s not allowed to start on a new album yet because he’s still pushing his first one. So he’s bored and doesn’t know what to do with himself. He hates being held back. He says that everyone who would have bought his album already has it, so he wants to stop promoting. Well, Brills, ya just never know. There still might be some girls at The Mall of America who haven’t yet gotten around to making the trip to Suncoast Video to buy your tunes. It’s hard getting your parents to give you a lift to the mall. It often takes months of campaigning and promising to clean the cat’s litterbox. You know, the cat that they wanted but never took care of? So mom has to take care of it? And mom resents it?
Brillo tells us that he knows his dream is in jeopardy, so he’s biting his tongue and praying for the best. Brillo and Melissa sit on the balcony, and he waxes on about how people are watching tv right now. He says some people may be 50 years old and going to their construction job because they gave up on their dream.
Construction Workers of America: The Dreamless Drones Who Build Our Houses
At some other point in time (I’m assuming after all that philosophical rambling about construction workers), Brillo goes to meet with Diddy to touch base about his career. Diddy asks how everything is going. Brillo says good and busy. He says that at all the shows, his fans sing along with every song, and he doesn’t understand why the radio isn’t playing his music. Diddy asks if his dancing is getting better, and he says he’s working on it, but it doesn’t come as naturally as singing. And, come to think of it, he doesn’t understand why the radio stations don’t play his dancing either. His dancing sounds amazing.
Diddy says that as long as he’s getting better everyday, then he’s right on track. Then he asks if Brillo has anything to demo. Brillo lights up and says absolutely. Diddy tells him to record a couple songs and pass them along. Brillo is excited but says his ultimate goal is to be able to work on a new album. But he can’t wait to record his new songs “Mr. Love,” “Professor Love,” and “Private First-Class Love.”
“What? Don’t I look like I believe in you?”
Back in the studio with Day26…They are recording that awful “Touched by an Angel” song again. Robert tells us they have so much to do and no time. Robert’s hat nods in agreement. Que approaches Joe Chuck and tells him that he’s not in the song, so he’s going to dance rehearsal. Get it? “Dance rehearsal.” (a.k.a. to watch “Steel Magnolias” and cry.) Will says that only one person can record at a time, but they need everyone there for support and to know what’s going on. Joe Chuck tries to ask the producer, Lo Down, if Que can leave, and he says Que needs to stay. Que argues that being there is wasting his time when he could be dancing. Get it? “Dancing!” Like dancing on a pole for money to go to the Pokonos!
Brian asks Que what’s wrong, and he says nothing. Then he calls his mom and says he doesn’t want to be there. Que tells us that he never wants to waste his time. Watching Que try to rationalize his actions is hilarious. Then he gets up and leaves. Brian says they are flabbergasted because they need to get the album done. And if Brian is flabbergasted, then Big Butter is flubbergasted because he mutters something about how the band is getting on his nerves.
This moment of bitchassness is brought to you by Pepsi!
Across town or later in the week or last year (it’s hard to say), Brillo is in the studio with the Young Boys to record some demos. He wants to do R&B Pop Rock. Brillo is excited that he gets to write songs and get out some of the frustrations he’s feeling. You know what, Brills sounds good. Yeah yeah yeah. Perhaps I’m going soft. But something in me, deep down, is silently and secretly rooting for Brillo to succeed. Okay, now we must never speak of this AGAIN.
Back in the apartment, Big Butter is playing a recorder. Ohhh memories! No matter who you are — black or white; rich or poor — everyone under the age of 30 shares the common experience of having played the recorder in grade school music class. The lyrical musings of “Hot Cross Buns” have been burned into my ear drums ever since. But wasn’t that song always just “Three Blind Mice” anyway? I never understood the difference. But I also had a learning disability.
Whenever Will misses little Kavion, Big Butter busts out his childhood recorder.
Then Will gets a phonecall that Que is at the police station. So BB and Will have to go pick him up. Big Butter, laughing, explains that because Que is filling out a police report, then he probably got his ass whooped. They laugh the entire way there in the van. Like I have never seen them have this much fun before. They are loving every second of it.
Big Butter and Will call Robert and continue laughing about the situation. I can’t even understand what Robert is saying. The guys hope that Que will turn up on an episode of NYPD Blue. They are laughing so hard that I have no idea what is going on. But then Joe Chuck shows up at the precinct. The guys continue to laugh. Big Butter says that Que got jumped on by three people, so they are trying not to laugh anymore. He says there’s something about Que that everyone wants to beat his ass. Ah yes, the Universe’s powerful “Law of Attraction.” If you act like a dick, then you get kicked in the dick. Makes sense. Joe Chuck says, Well it has to stop.
Dawn is cleverly disguised as the saxophone player in the Muppet band.
The next day, Que tells us that he and Dawn were attacked by three guys. One of the guys got away with Dawn’s purse, which had her laptop, wallet, and pretty much everything else. So they have to spend the next day getting all that stuff squared away when they run into Brillo on the street. Nobody told Brillo what happened, so he when Que tells him about it, he says “Really.” And then walks off. Then Que tells Dawn that some prophet lady told his mom about it already. So his mom is going to visit because she’s worried about his safety. I think I’ve figured out why Que and his family is so broke: His mom blows their money on Dionne Warwick’s Psychic Friends. Blam! Case closed!
Brillo goes to meet with a management team to find out what to do with his career. Of course, Mommarillo joins him. You know what I love about Mommarillo? She has a track suit for every occasion! Dinner at a diner? How about a nice red track suit? Dinner at a nice restaurant? How about one in pink velour? Meeting with son’s record label? She has just the black track suit for the occasion! She tells everyone at the meeting that Brillo has been sitting at home, just writing music for days. Brillo adds that he doesn’t even pee for hours. Classy! Well, the news is good and, finally, Brillo can take a deep breath: Bad Boy believes in him and is picking up his option for a second album. And he even gets to write songs for it! And they want him to do some modeling, which I guess he used to do when he was a baby. We see a montage of photoshoots, and he’s psyched.
Back at Midtown Precinct South, Que and Dawn are there by themselves in a taxi. They don’t understand why none of the members of Day26 are helping them. And Joe Chuck scheduled a meeting with Day26 and Que’s mom. So Que is confused and thinks something shady is about to happen. Perhaps he should call up Miss Cleo for a premonition!
“My psychic told me that the fastest route to happiness was to fly her to Paris for the week. Do you have your checkbook handy?”
Dawn and Que arrive back at the house and greet his mom. His mom hugs all the guys and seems quite perky. But she is pretty sure that they need to clean the house. Joe Chuck asks if they are ready for the meeting, and Que says he doesn’t understand what’s going on. Que’s mom — Nicole is her name — says that she wasn’t invited there by Joe Chuck, she invited herself because she’s concerned. And she loves Day26 and sees them as her sons.
Day26 doesn’t mind that she’s there. Que flips out because there’s no communication, and he doesn’t understand what’s going on. Will says that would make sense that he doesn’t know what’s going on because he’s been out of the loop. Que says that he’s invited the guys to dance rehearsal, and they don’t go, so that’s their fault that he’s out of the loop. And no one came to jail to help him. Robert says they didn’t go to jail because they thought he was fine. They thought he whooped someone’s ass and thought it was funny.
Nicole senses tension with Que and the group and wants to know why there’s so much animosity. Brian says there’s definitely been a big change in Que, but they’re trying to stick by him. Will says Que’s focus has been thrown off. They have a month to record an album, and he’s been at dance rehearsal. Will and Que argue and Brian tries to jump in as much as he can. Will says he needs to come on board with the team. Que asks if everyone feels the same way, and they do. They don’t understand what’s going on.
Nicole says that Que doesn’t want to be told anything. Que says that she’s not there, so she doesn’t know. Que looks at Brian and says, “Don’t do that to me.” Brian doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I don’t either. Robert says he misses Que. And Will says he’s decent and no one knows why he changed. Que says Will is manipulating him. He says he’s been in the studio, and the dancing embetters him. Then Que drops the J-bomb….”I honestly feel in my heart that you’re JEALOUS.” An argument ensues, then Will walks off. And Que jumps up, causing Joe Chuck to hold him back. Brian hauls Will down the hall.
Another Brian rape hug.
Now Brian is holding Que back. Que repeats that he will not let Will keep disrespecting him. He says he wants to pack and leave. Brian says he can’t throw everything away because his kids are depending on him. This strikes a nerve, causing Que to break down. He bursts into tears and says that just because he wants to get better at dancing while everyone sleeps doesn’t mean that Day26 isn’t his priority. He doesn’t understand why Brian always asks him what’s wrong. Joe Chuck enters, saying that the circus needs to stop. Hey, where’s Brillo’s lion back-up dancer? She’d be great for this circus! Robert tells Will to be a man, and Will says he’s trying, but Que is fucking up their careers.
“Nothing is wrong with meeeee…hey, where am I?”
Everyone collects themselves and sits back down. Que calmly asks what the problem is. Will reiterates that they only have a month to record the album, so he needs to be there. Robert says he never made a big deal about that, he just wants to know what’s up with Que because he loves him. Brian says it’s deeper than studio time.
Big Butter speaks.
He says that everything took a turn for the worse. They spend more time with each other than their families, but no one knows what’s going on. He says they want to get to the bottom of what’s going on because he sees bad things happening in his mind. And he doesn’t want that to happen because Que has a lot to give the world. BB says he never talks because he doesn’t have time for that shit, but now it’s getting real. He doesn’t want Que to feel like it’s four against one because it doesn’t get any lonelier than that. They are here for him and wants to know what the problem is.
A moment of silence.
Giant tears of Crisco
And just when we think we’re getting to the bottom of things, and Que is going to admit his drug problem, THE SHOW IS OVER! Nooo!!! This fight has been stretched out for WEEKS now!
And next week it keeps going! According to the preview, Que and Brian get in such a big fight that punches are thrown. Eek!
So what do y’all think? Drugs?!