Normally when I write my recaps of Making the Band, I watch it online as I type along. And usually the online running time — sans commercials — is somewhere between 43 and 47 minutes. But this week it registered at a mere 38 minutes. Perhaps MTV heard my plea of shortening the show to a half hour. Or they are just REALLY running out of material.
This week, Draculadiddy bites his own wrist and sucks his own blood.
We open with Brian saying that he doesn’t think things are going to get better with the band even after last week’s little intervention. He says thathe loves his band members, but Que makes him put his guard up. It is full of dramatic pauses, and he even punctuates his speech by hanging his head in sorrow. Later in the episode, Que will accuse Brian of acting for the cameras. Why, Que, whatever do you mean?
Brian!? Acting for the cameras!? Pshaw!
Are the opening sequence, we jump into lots of establishing shots of NYC. There is enough padding in one of these shows to put into Gwenyth Paltrow’s bra and ACTUALLY make it look like she has boobs. The guys are going to the studio, and Que is moving at a snail’s pace. And not that super fast racing snail from “The NeverEnding Story” either. No, just a regular snail. (p.s. I KNOW y’all LOVE “Neverending Story” references!) Dawn is helping him, but not pushing him to hurry up and be on time. What is the point of Dawn anyway? She has started to irritate me in a major way, but we’ll get to that more later.
Brian is sticking around to push Que along. But he is wasting time shining his shoes. No, really. Que is sitting on the bed, ignoring Brian, and shining his shoes. He is obviously trying to be an ass. Or, the drugs are making him be an ass, rather. Brian says that the session is at 8 and it takes 30 minutes to get there. So you can’t leave at 7:55 and make it on time. Seriously these guys need to teach a segment on mathematics. It could be a part of “School House Rock” or something. Maybe the title could be “Day 25 + 1 = Day 26!” Que bitches about Brian making a scene that he’s going to be late. He feels like everyone is trying to make him look like the bad guy. And he is wearing HUGE 1980s rapper eyeglasses, p.s. He looks like Darrel “D.M.C.” McDaniels from Run DMC. Maybe this is his alter ego. Whenever the glasses are on, we get Evil Que.
Yo, D.M.C. called, and he’d like his glasses back.
The guys get to the studio, apologize for being late, and start working. Que just shakes his head. Joe Chuck is there and not happy about the lateness, so he pulls Brian aside to inquire further. I wonder why Brian is always Joe Chuck’s main point of contact? Oh well, who cares. Brian tells Joe Chuck that they are late because Que is a lazy snail.
I don’t know if Que hears the conversation or not, but he lingers around then and then leaves altogether. Then he tells us that Brian betrayed him by making it seem like everything is his fault. No, Que, the only things that have betrayed you are your shoes. Because those are what held you back this morning for not being EXTRA shiny. And who shines their SNEAKERS anyway? Do you really need to see your own reflection in your athletic shoes??
Big Butter tells us that Que gets upset when he feels like someone is running the session, and it causes tension in the studio. And right now Que feels like Brian is taking over. Que tells Joe Chuck that he’s going to leave until Brian stops being shady. It’s true that Brian was mixing some stuff on the laptop or asking people to play stuff, but whatever. Seems like they all take turns doing that. Anyway, Que says he’ll be back as soon as Joe Chuck “fixes it.” Have you ever seen that SNL skit where Keenan Thompson talks about the economy and just yells “FIX IT!” over and over?! That is almost EXACTLY what happens. And Joe Chuck is CONFUZELED! Other people who are confused include ME and my cat.
This is where my computer randomly froze to “buffer.” But, strangely, I think this image accurately captures the feeling of the entire season.
Joe Chuck does not appreciate the way Que is talking. Talk as in the tone. Definitely not the words. Because when strung together, the words don’t even make sense. For proof, here is a direct excerpt: “You axe. You axe ‘em how. I don’t know. It’s not. I don’t know what’s going on. I just feel something in the air, man. Some. Something in me, like. I’m something. And I dropped all. Brian. And it’s the atmosphere.” Right?
Que adds that he knows they were talking about him, but Joe Chuck denies it. Big Butter has been watching the whole exchange and now Will has joined them. Joe Chuck continues to repeat, “What happened? What’s going on?” Que says that if not he’s going to change, then fuck it. He’s done. Now Robert is watching the conversation. Que says “Fix the problem and call me,” and totally walks out, giving two peace signs to the air. Joe Chuck says the only problem is him.
Robert then recaps for us what just happened. Thanks Robert, but I think we just watched it. And next comes a little something that I like to call “Bob’s Manifesto.” Basically, “Bob’s Manifesto” is a little scheme that Robert cooks up to edge out Que. He gathers all the group members (minus Que) into the studio, and he tells them that if Que wants new management, then they should let him get it. They’ll all stay with Joe Chuck, and Que will naturally get divided from the group. That way, it will truly be 4 vs. 1, and all the garbage will fall on Que. Robert explains that Que is like a cancer, and if he’s not cut out, then the cancer will spread. Everyone listens to “Bob’s Manifesto” with bated breath, and then, dramatically, the screen fades to grey.
Gumby Head. No wonder why he always wears a hat.
Robert gets Que from wherever he’s hiding and takes him back into the studio for a meeting. Robert makes an announcement saying that they all respect and support Que, so if he wants to get new management, then go for it. Que asks if that means they want him to leave Day26. Robert says, No, he can get another manager as long as it doesn’t interfere with the group. Que says he doesn’t want a new manager, he just wants honesty. Then he accuses Brian of playing him for the cameras. He says he doesn’t have a problem with anyone but Brian.
Brian jumps up and shrieks like a monkey. He says that everyone was texting him to get to the studio, and they were late. Que says they weren’t late. So Brian poses a question: They were supposed to get there at 8, but what time did they actually make it? (Just another preview of the “Day 25 + 1 = Day26″ math special!) Que changes the subject and says something about calling a spade a spade. Then he takes off his scarf, so we know he means business. Then there is a huge scuffle. Everyone is holding everyone back. I don’t know what’s going on. I guess they actually hit each other, but I couldn’t tell. It just looks like a big mess, and my neuron transmitters are firing rapidly enough for me to be able to keep up.
Then, whatever this is happened.
But now for the strange, random, awkward, bizarre part: Robert screeeeeeams, “WE AIN’T DANITY KANE, YOU BITCHASS MOTHERFUCKERS!” He dramatically takes off his coat and challenges people to fight him. I am super confused because I don’t understand why he just did that or whether or not he’s serious. Everyone suppresses Brian and pushes him into the corner. He almost breaks free a couple times. Then Robert starts yelling that Brian hurt his feelings the most. I continue to be further confused. I look at my cat. My cat is also clueless. Brian gets ushered out, and Robert breaks down into weepy, sobbing tears and leaves. Tearfully, he walks down the street alone.
Just a girl in the world.
In the studio, Que is rehashing the conflict to Joe Chuck. In the parking lot, Brian is rehashing the conflict to Will. They both have similar themes about lacking respect and wanting to kick ass. And bitchassness. Joe Chuck tells Que that if he doesn’t get control of himself, then bad stuff WILL happen! WILL happen? Or already has!? Basically: Get off the dope, motherplucker! If anyone still doesn’t think that Que is on drugs, then I’d like a three-page, five-paragraph persuasive essay explaining why. Because it’s so painfully obvious that it almost hurts to watch.
Crying, Brian leaves the abandoned parking lot. He tells us that he walked the streets for hours, reflecting on the situation. And we get to see clips of it played out as though we hadn’t JUST watched it. Thanks for the filler, MTV. It might actually be helpful if I had short-term memory loss. Brian comes home late, and the only person awake is Big Butter. But then Que and Dawn file past them silently, get on the elevator, and leave. AND I AM LEFT WONDERING: How is Dawn supporting Que’s actions right now!? I mean, seriously!? Talk about having a complete and utterly skewed reality of things. Doesn’t she wonder why Que is so enraged? Or spends so much time in the bathroom? Or sniffs so much? Or has white powder in his hair? And track marks between his toes? HELLO, EARTH TO DAWN!
Well good morning, Brillo Pad! Thanks for providing a safe place for us to rest our eyes!
Early the next day, it’s snowing. And Brillo wants to know what happened. Brian confirms that they swung at each other in the studio. Then Robert, Big Butter and Will gather to talk it out. Will says that no one is able to figure out what just happened. Big Butter says that Que knows how to mess with Brian’s mind to piss him off. But they were both wrong. Will says that when a situation is boiling, it doesn’t take much to make it explode. Yep, someone added a little vinegar to the baking soda-filled volcano inside Brian’s little head.
In a random van that is headed toward Destination Who Knows?, Brian tells Brillo that he handled the situation wrong. But that something has changed with Que, and no one understands. He’s not Que anymore. Brillo says he’s noticed the change, but what is it? Hmm…I dunno…what oh what could it be….? DRUGS, YOU DUMBASS! Brian says part of the problem is that Que won’t let things go. He holds onto stuff forever. It’s out of control. And it hurts. He wipes back a single tear. The camera pans in to his face. We stay here forever….sharing Brian’s pain….
The dramatic art form of American cinema takes our breath away.
The next morning, it’s a new day in New York. The golden sun is shining. People are jogging through the streets to start the day off right. And it’s time for the guys to head back to the studio. But Que is still in bed. Robert says he obviously doesn’t want to come, so they leave without him. Brian tells everyone that Diddy is going to get tired of the crap, and it won’t hurt him at all to let them go. Robert says that it’s always something with Que. The cab driver, men on the street, Will or Brian. Will says that Que isn’t Que. Or even a human being. He’s more like an alien. Almost like E.T. But without the Reese’s Pieces, homesickness, or innate ability to love.
Que relaxes in his alien spawning cocoon.
The guys arrive at the studio and start working. And because Que isn’t there, they don’t know what to do with his parts. So they start divvying them up. Brian says that Day26 isn’t Day26 without all of them there. No one can seem to hit Que’s notes. Brian is trying to fill in Que’s part, but can’t sing that high. This surprises me because Brian speaks in an octave that I can barely hear. I would naturally assume that he could sing as high as Que. But, then again, who can sing notes that are in alien?
By the way, what is going on here?
Later, the guys are back in the apartment eating Doritos and microwaving frozen pizza, and Brian is venting to Robert about Que messing them up. Robert says that if Que needs to separate himself, then whatever. Brian says that he loves Que but doesn’t like him anymore. Brian says it will never ever be the same. They will never be close again. Harsh. Tragic. REAL.
Brian will hide behind a fort of unlabeled soda bottles and lick his tender wounds.
Brian says that at least Danity Kane had a reason for breaking up. But with Day26, they don’t know what’s going on or where Que’s issues are coming from. (Drugs) Robert says he feels like they have no control. (Drugs) Brian says that Que has become separate from Day26. (Drugs)
Next week: Robert calls Que “Orangebrey” and blames him for messing up Day26. Dawn tells Que to fight for his dream. And they all have a big fight in public. And it looks like Diddy might cut Que out of the group. And there is finally a decision about the fate of Danity Kane. Wooo drama!
So can you guys do it? Hang in for one more week? And has anyone heard any gossip about whether or not Que actually gets cut from the group?