Making the Band: Bahamian Booze Cruise

This week on Making the Band, Day26 finds out that performing without Que really isn’t all that bad. And whereas, I assumed that Que would be spending his “time out” in rehab, he is actually just bumming around their New York palatial estate. What a crappy punishment!

It’s raining in NYC. Have you ever noticed that when Diddy’s wrath is about to rain down, there conveniently are always thunderstorms? Either this show does an awesome job editing the time line or else Diddy correlates his mood with the local weather forecast. Then there’s the other option, which is that Diddy can control the weather through power plays and mind control. That might even make sense. Maybe nature’s very own PMS isn’t global warming, after all. But, instead, just another manifestation of how Puffy is Poison.

Back in the house, Diddy is still meeting with Dawn and Aundrea. He says he’s finally come up with a decision. He’s releasing Orangebrey, D.Woods, and Shannon from their contracts. Then he turns to little dimpled, muffin-face Aundrea. He tells her that he understands why she periodically dabbled in thoughts of leaving the group. But he’s bothered that she wanted to give up. She’s a great girl, but he doesn’t feel comfortable doing a group with her. So she’s out of her contract too. Okay, I am partly surprised because that only leaves Dawn, and what the hell can he do with just Dawn?! But, I am also not surprised because it seems like he’s had it out for Aundrea for a long time now.

Aundrea doesn’t say a word, but looks down. Then Diddy tells Dawn that he wants to keep her on the label. And if he decides to put back together Danity Kane, then she’ll be the only original member still in the group. He says it wasn’t a decision that he wanted to make, but they made the decision for him. He hugs them both and leaves. Now I see where Que learned all of his blame-shifting techniques. Diddy has systematically destroyed Danity Kane, yet never fails to let us know that it’s THEIR fault. It’s kinda sickening.

Aundrea and her enormous mane of hair slowly leave the room and climb into her bed. Dawn follows her. Aundrea asks Dawn if she’s okay. Dawn says, No but she will be. They hug and fight back tears, and then Dawn says she feels very alone. Aundrea tries to smile and says she’s not. Aundrea then puts on her iPod and dramatic music plays as we pan away.

Aundrea tells us that she and Dawn were clinging onto hope with each other that they could still make it work. But to work so hard for something and to have it squashed is disappointing. We see old footage of Danity Kane from various seasons. And see how Aundrea was chosen first for the band. I am mostly struck but how much skinnier she used to be! DAMN! Not that she looks fat now, but her face looks 100 times rounder than before. She’s practically morphed into Jack Pumpkin Head from “Return to Oz.” What a noggin on that one. Okay, she just got fired, and now I am calling her fat. I am truly soulless. Let’s move on.

Aundrea gets verklempt and tells us that she’s been all over the world and performed at Madison Square Garden and had two #1 albums, so she can’t be sad. She’s scared and excited to see what’s next. And she will always be connected to the other four girls. I’m working on this recap in a Panera. And if the bad muzak in here doesn’t kill me first, then this cheesy montage will. We all know that there is NO WAY they are all friends in real life or even still talk.

In another room, the guys gather to talk about the meeting. Que says that he doesn’t want to go home; he wants to go on the cruise. The guys just look at each other. Brian says that Diddy wants them to see that they need Que. And for Que to see that he’ll miss the group. Que says he already knows he’ll miss them because they figured it all out. Brian says that it won’t be good if they perform like a hot mess. But it also won’t look good if they perform well because Que’s not there. Well, there Brian, this is what we call a “Catch-22.” To Que or not to Que: That is the question.

Que walks into Dawn’s room and finds her crying on the bed. She is reluctant to say what’s wrong. After exactly 2.7 seconds of prodding, she finally says that Diddy fired Aundrea. Dawn says that IF Diddy continues DK, then she’ll be in it, but that’s no guarantee. She’s alone but she can’t start over. She’s still tied to the madness. Ah, yes, it’s true. She is still in the band, but that is almost like the ultimate punishment. Orangebrey is working on Broadway. Shannon is home with her loving hubby. Everyone is moving up and moving on. But Dawn is tethered to Diddy’s falling star. Enjoy!

All right! Enough tears! We’re going on a cruise! The guys are boarding their cruise ship! Of course they are given a ridiculously nice room, with a private balcony and endless champagne. But then an alarm goes off. Because of the false alarm in London, the guys play it much cooler. They all mosey out on deck.

After lazily and half-assedly participating in a safety procedure, our guys go dance by the pool with daiquiris. Will asks if they feel weird without Que. And no one does. They all wish he could be there, but they want to have fun anyway. And let’s face it: Que is against all fun.

The next morning, the guys are waking up in the middle of the ocean and gazing at all the pink houses. Brillo says, “We’re gonna dock the boat and go look around.” I love how he makes it sound like it’s THEIR boat! I would pay to see our little Brillster throw an anchor overboard and bring that cruiseliner to a halt! Because they’ve hit land, it’s time to go bop around Nassau and act like tourists.

Things are well! …and then they meet the “Oh My God” girl. Oh my God, she loves them! And oh my God, she wants to hug them! And, oh my God, she is very drunk! And oh my God, she wants on their boat! And, oh my God, she wants to know if Will has a girlfriend! And, oh my God, he DOES?! Oh my God, no way! And, oh my God, she wants to know where Diddy is!? The guys smartly take this as their cue to abandon the area.

Now time for my FAVORITE! part of this episode! Brillo, Robert and Big Butter are going parasailing! And although I would really enjoy seeing Big Butter defy gravity, it turns out that’s not even the comical part. First of all, the captain of the parasailing boat is hilarious! He tells the guys that if they die while parasailing, they will get their money back AND get a free t-shirt. Ba-dum-CHING! And he keeps his hilarious sign on his boat:

So Brillo goes up first, and we get some fun crotch shots, and you know I like that. But then Robert goes up, and the boat driver decides to be funny. He slows down enough to DUNK Robert in the water! The whole time Robert is making his slow descent toward the water, he is FREAKING. THE FUCK. OUT. Is Robert afraid of water, you ask? No. Is he afraid of falling, you ask? No. He’s afraid of getting his new $300 sneakers wet!!! He literally screams bloody murder, but too bad! The boat driver is far too drunk to care and dunks Roberts ass right into the ocean! When he climbs back on board, his feet are soaking, but he’s laughing anyway. And that’s why I think Robert just might be my favorite.

That night, they go to a formal dinner at a nice restaurant. They discuss how it feels without Que. Brian says that he’s enjoying it, but he feels like Que is missing. Robert says he’s not that conscious of it. Will says the fun part is still fun. Then they go back to the room and pass out. But Brian stays up to call Que. Not that Que actually answers or anything. Brian seems to be the only one who really misses him. My theory: He’s covering his ass for when Que watches the show back.

Back in New York, Dawn is bellyaching. It’s snowing, of course. Dawn tells us that she used to feel like Danity Kane could make it work. She still wants what they had in the beginning when it was fresh, and they dreamed big. She’s proud for doing everything she could to make things work, but now she’s looking forward to moving on. Vibe Magazine wants to do a photoshoot with her. Normally, she tells us, she wouldn’t take it, but she’s going to try it out to see what it will be like to be on a set alone. She shows up and looks very excited. The shoot is for Vibe’s “April Vixen Page.” The editor tells her that they will focus on her great legs. (RE: she’ll be wearing a swimsuit.) Dawn’s happy because Que is there and because she is taking her first steps to moving on.

But Que is confused. He says that he’s pretending like he’s happy, but he wants to be on the cruise. He’s worried he’ll never get a “time in.” He feels like he lost his brothers, and he’s realizing that all the fighting wasn’t worth it. Sounds like the barbituates are finally wearing off.

It’s sunset on the cruise, and the guys are headed to rehearsal for their show. Big Butter says it’s hard doing the formations without Que and that the routines don’t look right with four people. Robert says they are just winging it and are messing it up. I think this screencap best sums up this whole scene, so here you are:

Brillo is the opening act. He moves around lacklusterly and just kinda walks around on stage. The crowd isn’t bad. I wonder what happened to all the dance moves he was working on. And, of course, I’m waiting for him to casually remove his shirt at the end, but it never happens. That part always makes me want to climb out of my own skin, so his performances always make me very tense. I love me a shirtless Brillo, but he removes it with a creepy dead-eye stare…it’s just weird.

Finally Day26 takes the stage as four members. They seems ok, I guess. Maybe a little sloppy, but I don’t know if that’s because of a lack of Que. Maybe it’s just because they’re on a moving boat. Anyway, they make it through, but as if they wouldn’t. When they introduce themselves, Will points out that Que couldn’t be there.

The next day, they guys are playing basketball and enjoying the sun. Daiquiri in hand, Big Butter sits on the lounge chair next to Robert. He says he’s glad they’re away from everything. Robert asks how he feels without Que. BB stutters a bit and then says, he’s mad he’s not there, but, basically, whatever. Robert says he doesn’t want to be an ass, but he didn’t think it was that bad. Butter says it wasn’t bad to him either. They both crack up. Robert says that Brian, though, is pretty distracted without Que there. (Right.) They both wonder what Que’s been doing, and hope he’s forming a clean slate.

Next week, it’s a concert live finale with Day26 and Brillo. But there’s going to be a big surprise as we find out what happens with Danity Kane. And, who knows, all of the members of DK just might be there???

So what do you all think? Heard any good rumors lately? I’ve heard that Orangebrey will be appearing for sure, and also that they might have actually never even REALLY broken up! Whaaaa????

love, MandaMo
xoxo