Making the Band: Nobody Puts Brian in the Corner!

Have you noticed that this season of Making the Band is following the EXACT same pattern as last season??? In both seasons, we started off with a confrontation between Diddy and Orangebrey over Orange’s “problem child” behavior. And then there was a lot of bitchassness, and it was revealed that Brian had anger management issues. In this episode, we discover that his anger still rages, and he’s not really good at, well, anything.

So maybe there’s ONE thing he’s good at! Dirty minds, are ya with me!?We open the show again to a very excited Diddy. He actually explodes into fireworks and then rematerializes, just as excited as ever. It’s funny when he combusts because it’s red and gold fireworks. So it looks like sparkles mixed with blood and guts. Either that or I am just far too imaginative. But it really solidified my irrational fears of spontaneous combustion.

Uh oh! Looks like someone put their hand in a blender!

Today is the big day for Brillo Klang because his album, “Like a Rolling Stone,” is finally in stores. Very clever title, Brillo. You’ll pick up business from confused customers who are in the market for music by the Rolling Stones. Way to prey on absent-mindedness and confusion. Diddy orders us to buy this and then reminds us one more time how hard it is to prepare for tour as though we’ve forgotten all about the trials and tribulations of last week. Oh wait. We have.

Day26 is headed to Central Park to work with their vocal coach, Ankh Ra, who will help them build vocal stamina. I don’t understand if “Ankh” is his first name and “Ra” is his last name or if it’s all just one first name kinda like Mary Jane. But everyone always says his name really fast and slurred together like “Ankhra.” Kinda sounds like Mothra. Well anyway. If anyone understands this one or two word first name, then give me a call.

His AWESOME shirt offers no clarity.

Ankh Ra greets the guys and then takes off his track jacket, revealing a shirt that says, “Ankh Ra: The Vocal Guru.” HAHHAHAHA Really? For whatever reason Ankh Ra has the guys run up some stairs Rocky-style and then do jumping jacks. This is resembling less like a vocal lesson and more like the Wednesday morning aerobics class for seniors that I attended all summer at a health club. (Yes, I said seniors. And, no, don’t ask.) Then they do weird little crunch thingies and instead of counting with numbers, they count them off by saying “Wee Ahhh” over and over again. If this tells me anything, it’s that the boys can’t even count. They never cease to amaze.

The problem with the guys doing all these crazy exercises in Central Park is that it’s a very public and very crowded space, and they can’t stay unnoticed for long because as we know, they have MANY ADORING FANS who like totally aren’t paid or ANYTHING LIKE THAT. A growing audience gathers to watch and take pictures. Ankh tells the guys to say hi to the fans, so they approach the gathering and then get totally mobbed. It’s funny because it starts with a group of girls hugging one of the guys and then the mob starts to move, collecting more of the guys in it like a giant snowballing mass of humans. One girl gets so excited that she slams Big Mike in the knee, reaggravating an old injury. He stumbles off to the side, and don’t worry, we’ll hear more about this later.

But Ankh Ra hasn’t humiliated the boys enough yet. Now he wants them to perform “Got Me Goin’” totally out of the blue. And so the guys actually do it, but Ankh keeps demanding things like, “Be Louder!” “Go All Out!” “Worship your Vocal Guru!” Will and Que get embarrassed because they are having to perform with no beat and in the middle of Central Park. So in typical Day26 fashion, they just leave. Ankh Ra and Mike try to find them, but Will and Que keep evading them with their wit and speed. Why would Ankh Ra take a knee-injured Mike with him on a hot pursuit? He should have taken someone at the top of his manhunting game, ready to sniff out awol Day26ers with passion and physical prowess! Okay, I don’t know who fits that description either. But if you say the word “lazy,” then a few names come to mind. Mike tries to laugh but Ankh informs him that it’s not funny, and I can’t decide if I think it’s funny or not. Lightly amusing, sure. Mostly annoying, you betcha.

Tramps like us, baby we were born to run.

Back at the studio, a formally clad Diddy is unexpectedly dropping in on Danity’s rehearsal. They are practicing moves to their new song, and Diddy is seeming to like it. Has anyone noticed that Orangebrey always rehearses their routines in a green bra? So either this season has just been one really long day, or girl never stops to do some laundry. When they finish, Diddy says that it was very sexy and that he liked everything that he saw. He says that he feels like a proud papa. But not in a weird gross incestuous kind of way. Or so we hope.

Flash forward to that night, D.Woods and Orangebrey are hitting the streets again. They inform us that they are ebony and ivory AND salt and pepper. But these metaphors are so complex. Whatever are you ladies implying? D tells us that Orangebrey is the one to go out with because Aundrea is a homebody, Shannon’s married and Dawn is practically married. And when you are married you relinquish all friends and officially become a hermit. Everyone knows that! So all that’s left is Orangie Poo. Basically D doesn’t hang out with Orangebrey by choice, but more by process of elimination. See, social lives are very scientific that way. We see footage of them hanging all over guys, doing shots and wearing loads of make-up. Now why does Diddy always call Orangebrey the problem child again? Because I see no evidence of this party girl lifestyle he speaks of.

“I can’t go out because I like totally have to update my Facebook status.”

The guys are also out to party. Brian says that one of the benefits of being famous is that they get invited to great parties. (Famous=Associated with Diddy.) Will tells us that if he wants to shop, he cannot go to the mall by himself. He needs security with him. Just picturing Will at a mall cracks me up. I’m sure he’s a big customer at Claire’s Boutique! He loves those Buy Three Get One Free specials on cheap non-allergenic earrings for sensitive ears.

This shot was actually in the show. Can we say FILLER?

The next morning, Robert and Mike have a weird under-the-covers convo. Robert, from underneath his comforter, asks Mike what time they have dance practice. Mike, who of course does not understand the question because he’s also under a comforter and Robert’s voice is all muffled, asks him to repeat the question. Robert asks again. Mike says 9:30. Robert asks what time it is now. Mike says to look at the clock. Wow this is riveting television! Anyway, it’s 9:19. Quelle horreur! So they hurry right? Maybe even skip the shower for that day, right? Wrong. They move around like sloths and show up late. Quelle surprise! Of course Boomcat is pissed.

p.s. Look at this person’s BED! Since when do sleeping spots double as extra storage areas???

Oh time for Diddy’s Fit Club! Diddy weighs himself in, and he’s lost two pounds. He does a funny little laugh and says he’s happy. Good deal. *Yawn*

So the guys are nearly two and a half hours late or so the studio clock would have us believe. The guys walk in sheepishly, and Boomcat starts right in. She says that if they want to be a part of a band that isn’t original, then she respects that. But they would never be late to the studio with Babyface or Quincy Jones, and they should have the same standards for her. Now time to work. They have one week left and their show isn’t close to being finished. Because Mike’s knee got hurt again, he has to watch from the side and chair dance. Again, I am reminded of my aerobics for seniors class as we did a lot of sitting.

Brian is pretty slow to pick up the dance moves and keeps getting singled out. And so the tension begins to build. Boomcat keeps correcting Brian, and then he tells us that he’s a very nice young man until he gets pushed. We see a flashback from last year when he got into a screaming fight with Robert in the house. And in the van. And in the studio. Brian tells us that he’s been working on his temper, and then screams at us, “I’VE BEEN WORKIN’ ON IT!” Well, at least, he seems to kind of have a sense of humor as far as that’s concerned. Brian decides that he needs some fresh air to calm down. And, apparently, fresh air exists in Brillo’s studio because that’s where he goes. I wonder if Brillo minds that he has a little temperamental voyeur in the room?

Boomcat isn’t happy that Brian disappears, so she wants to have a word with him when he gets back. She says that he needs more discipline. And then tensions continue to rise…Where’s the edge of your seat? Can you find it? Are you on it?!

Orangebrey and D.Woods just happen to be out for a stroll. And they just so happen to end up in a huge sea of gorgeous seamen. Likely. They yell “Heeeeeyyyyy guyyyyyys!” at a long line of men, and it’s funny because these men don’t seem to notice/care. Then Orangebrey goes up to one of the guys and says she really wants to see a rifle. The guy proceeds to look at her as if she has a third eye. They approach another group of guys and ask if they are looking for some action. The guys respond that they are okay on their own. They decide that these men aren’t ready for Orangebrey and D.Woods.

Glamour shots by Deb.

You know, I was in New York City during Fleet Week two years ago. And I look nowhere near as hot as Danity Kane on my BEST day, and yet I practically had to fight those horny seamen off with a stick! So I really have NO clue how they seem to be striking out. And if you are at ALL interested in how my Fleet Week story ended, I can tell you that I went with said seamen from Location A to Location B via subway, where I suddenly got freaked out, ran away and ended up having really bad late night pizza with just a couple of gals. Such a shame.

But enough about me! Back to the guys! They are all in the van when Brillo asks how Boomcat is doing. Brian doesn’t miss a beat and jumps in to say that she keeps picking on him. He says that he doesn’t need anyone breathing down his neck when he’s trying so hard. He says that when other people mess up, she’s nice about it. But she’s mean when he messes up. All the guys kinda listen to his rant but mostly just stare off into space.

We’re in the studio again, and Brian is messing up again. Boomcat says that he needs to dance full out and not look tired. He needs stamina. But now he’s getting mad, so he can’t focus at all. He doesn’t want to go full out because he has a problem with her, and it’s holding them all back. Brian says that there’s certain ways of talking to people, and….He never gets to finish that statement because everyone talks at once. An argument incurs and Brian leaves. Mike tries to talk to Boomcat, but I have no idea what he’s saying. And Boomcat is shocked at Brian’s immaturity.

“Boom! Cat Cat Cat Cat! I’m PISSED! Cat Boom Cat Cat!”

On this week’s Special Report, Diddy tries to hypnotize us. He commands us to go buy the new Brillo Klang album after the show. Well I don’t know about the rest of you, but the ability to brainwash is something that I really enjoy in a reality tv show. I suddenly don’t remember my own name. And why do I feel this strange, undeniable urge to go to the electronics section at Target…?

But now back to the hijinks! Because everything’s better with a mechanical bull! Our crew is out again and is taking turns riding and getting thrown off of a bull. Orangebrey decides to ride it WITH Big Mike. Why ride with the biggest one in the group? Looks a little crowded.

Orangebrey gets her very own three-inch portion of the saddle.

After the bull session, Orangebrey and D.Woods join Robert and Brillo at a table. Orangie comments on how funny it is that she used to have something with Brills and D used to have something with Robert, but now they are all just friends. “HAHAHA isn’t that funny?” She says. “Now you both have to die!” Then they say that the guys moved onto other women, but they’re still SIIIIIIINGGLLLLEEEEEEE!!!!!!! They scream that part. That’s why I wrote it in all caps. And my ears bled. Just a little bit though. Orangebrey asks the guys what’s wrong with them that they can’t find men, and Robert and Brillo just look at each other and laugh. Then they guys exit just as some military men make their entrance.

Orangebrey particularly likes one of the military men with a big tattoo that says “DEATH IS CERTAIN.” Maybe this guy is just the Grimm Reaper, cleverly disguised as a soldier. D.Woods hits it off with a guy in artillery. And the girls fulfill their Fleet Week fantasy. And Orangebrey does her version of a salute, which involves mooning the guys.

“Tee hee smell my perfume! It’s called Eau de Orangelette!”

The next day, the guys meet with Tony Dofat, the music director for their tour. Now it’s time to make the setlist of six songs, which is easy because the guys only have six songs anyway. “Got Me Goin’” will be last so that they go out with a bang. Tony makes sure that the instruments are louder for that one. Good deal. Maybe the loudness will drown out their inability to dance.

Back in BoomcatLand, she is excited because the guys were rehearsing when she arrived. Oh except that Brian was sitting down, and of course Boomy won’t let him forget that. And now Brian is dancing wrong, so they all need to start over. Brian’s hands are positioned wrong. Brian’s arm shouldn’t be up. Now Brian is talking about Tony Dofat! Tony wants to come rehearse with them. But Boomcat says Tony can’t do that on HER time. And why did Brian pick that moment to bring that up!? How DARE he?!

It’s hard to tell if a person is angry when THIS is their normal resting face.

Boomcat freaks out. I understand that Brian interrupted her, but why the need to freak out THAT much, Boomcat? She gets mad at Brian because she doesn’t want Tony Dofat to intrude upon her time with the guys. Brian says they should communicate about that with each other then. So she tells Brian to lower his voice; he says he’s a grown man and she tells him that he’s not acting like one. Brian and Boomy talk over each other, and it’s the most pointless argument ever. Boomcat asks Will to make Brian shut up, so he mutters, “Shut up.” The mumbling doesn’t seem to work so Boomcat tells Robert to control Brian. Robert holds his hand out and mumbles, “Stop” in Brian’s direction. The whole time Brian is still talking, but I’m not even sure what about. He just keeps saying that he’s a grown man. Que seems to get concerned and tries to explain Boomcat’s position to Brian. All the guys get exasperated because they just want to work. Over in his chair, Mike looks like he’s sleeping and shakes his head.

Boomcat tells Brian to apologize. So Brian asks, “Did Diddy do this to you?!” Ohhhh touché! Brian points out that Diddy never humiliated Boomcat by making her stand in front of everyone and apologize. This is corn juice! All the guys groan. So Brian gives a loud and over exaggerated, phony apology. Boomcat takes her sidekicks and leaves. Que gets upset and starts ranting about how they need Boomcat.

Robert tells Brian that whether or not he believes he’s right or wrong, he should just let his pride go and apologize, so they can get back to moving. Brian stands up in front of the guys and gets choked up. He says that they all know him, and they know how hard he tries. And it’s fucked up that they try to make it seem like he’s messed it all up. They’re all supposed to be his brothers and have his back. Robert tenderly goes over to speak to Brian, but Brian brushes him off and leaves. The guys say that Brian needs to bite the bullet and that he’d never talk to Diddy like that. Will says that if Brian can’t see the big picture, then he needs to be gone. Que says that he’s not going back to McDonald’s.

Brian walks back in, so the guys take the opportunity to have a meeting with him. Will asks Brian what his view is, but he can barely talk because he keeps getting interrupted. Robert seems to agree with Brian but still maintains that he needs to bite the bullet. And Que says that it’s not what Brian said, it’s how he says it. Robert tells Brian to toughen up and says he’s been in Brian’s position before, and he’s not against him. But, again, he needs to bite the bullet. Yes, we do remember Robert instigating bitchassness last season.

Brian tells us that at the end of the day, it’s not about him. It’s about Day26. So they all get up and rehearse. And we get an advertisement of another one of their songs. Brian tells us that he will swallow his pride for the group.

Boomcat returns to find the guys practicing. Que runs over and hugs her, and it’s kinda silly. Brian pulls Boomcat in, apologizes and hugs her. She tells him that they’re good and that she loves him. He cries and wipes his eyes. But there’s no time for this mushy stuff. Let’s boom cat cat cat cat cat! Boomcat says that when you are great, you are going to be challenged.

And peace is restored to the Land of Making the Band.

Next week, it’s the first show on the tour. And it looks dramatic!

So what do you all think? Are you on Team Brian or Team Boomcat? And did anyone get Brillo’s cd? I’m curious to see how it is.

See ya Tuesday!
Love, MandaMo
xoxo