Making the Band: The City Slickers Ride Again

This week’s episode of Making the Band is full of gag-inducing lovey dovey Dawn and Que moments. So before you start this recap, this is your warning to go ahead and take some Pepto to protect yourself from all the syrupy saccharine. Also in this episode, the girls straddle horses and another girl straddles Brillo! Glory!

Westward Hoes.Diddy opens the show by telling us how well the tour is going so far. With their forces combined Captain Planet-style, they’ve ripped apart Chicago, Baltimore and New York. But now they are being split up for the girls to go to Park City, Utah for a solo show. The guys are going to Las Vegas to prepare for the next show there, and Brillo is going to LA to shoot his video.

Before the show in Park City, the girls decide to have a little rejuvenating quiet time and go horseback riding. They meet with their trail guide, Roger, to get started. But first, let’s examine Orangebrey’s horse-riding outfit, shall we? She’s wearing jeans so tight that I have no idea how she’ll be getting a horse between them (although I trust she has practice when it comes to things of this nature) and five-inch heel ankle boots that she can barely even walk in let alone be active in. The also has a very large purse that is the size of a mini van. What is WITH this trend, btdubs?! Girls carry such large purses these days. Back in the ’80s, these were called DIAPER BAGS.

Orangey saunters over to her horse, Bandit, and even it freaks out when it sees her coming. It’s probably scared of the extra weight she’s carrying with her that’s made of hairspray and make-up. Roger helps Orangey up onto her horse, and it promptly starts wandering in the wrong direction. Anyone hear the theory about Catherine the Great’s death? And how she was crushed by a horse that was being lowered for, uh, certain purposes? Well, I’m pretty sure that’s all historical rumor, but I’m looking at Orangebrey and am seeing possibilities of a reenactment.

First time Orangebrey’s ever needed help mounting anything, I’m sure.

The girls gallop through the woods for awhile, and then Dawn’s horse takes a giant shit right in front of Orangebrey’s horse. And all the girls freak out. Aundrea is surprised that the horses just poop as they walk. Apparently, she’s never been to ANY sort of small town parade before. The smell burns Orangey’s nostrils, and she starts sneezing uncontrollably. Well, at least it didn’t poo on the bus. So as far as the horse is concerned, it’s broken no rules. And, again, here we are watching MTB and talking about poop! How is this show not an Emmy contender? Riveting television:

I blame Big Mike.

Dawn says she feels bad because the boys are missing all the beautiful scenery… And that makes a perfect segway into the boys assaulting a go-go dancer at a Vegas nightclub. They are having some really good “fella time” until a Danity Kane song comes on at the club. Robert dances and sings along, in a taunting fashion toward Brian. Will joins in, and it’s pretty funny. Sometimes these guys drive me nuts, and sometimes I find them infinitely adorable. This is one of those latter moments, but I’m sure these fuzzy feelings will be destroyed in due time.

Over in Los Angeles, Brillo is getting ready to shoot his first Hollywood music video. It looks like it takes a full army of hair and make-up gurus to make this boy look somewhat presentable. And here we thought he woke up every morning looking naturally brillo-y! Nope. It takes a village of make a Brillo.

All previously established fuzzy feelings just died right here.

Now time for Diddy’s Fit Club. Because Diddy hasn’t been doing well on his diet, he’s hired Nurse Margaret, a very intimidating, cold-looking woman. I always feel bad for people like this when I see them on tv. It’s like there was a casting call in some studio somewhere that placed a listing looking for a “Big, Scary, Woman,” and then this lady gets a call from her agent saying, “We found something perfect for you!” How awful.

Looks like someone’s been putting her hand in the Testosterone Jar.

Back to Brills, the theme of the video is that he and Diddy are leaving the club, so this is the story about what happens after. Oooooo DO TELL! They have a little scene set up with white, modern furniture and zebra print carpet, which is supposed to be the backroom of the club. There are drinks flowing, and a girl is on the floor whose trying to get his attention. She is wearing a skin-tight, leather body suit and kinda looks the way I look whenever I go out to the clubs. (Okay, minus the clothes, skinny-ness, and overall sex appeal. But pretty close otherwise, I promise you.)

Very realistic. Almost autobiographical, if you will.

The problem comes in because Brillo thinks that he’ll just be lip-syncing. WRONG! Looks like SOMEone has been watching too many reruns of the Ashlee Simpson show. Not only will he be singing, but he will be singing loudly. And it’s very hard to do this when you are distracted by some girl writhing around at your feet in a body suit. Diddy reminds everyone that they are not shooting a video; it’s ART! Take two, and Brillo is STILL not singing loud enough to be heard. Diddy starts yelling at him to sing and screams that he’s being upstaged by the girl.

But enough of that. Back in Park City, it’s raining outside. The girls are eating a nice lunch, and they ask Dawn if she’s talked to Que and if he’s gone to strip clubs. Dawn mutters that she doesn’t know but wouldn’t care if he had. Then they want to know about the exchange of the “L” word, but Dawn refuses to divulge any details. So Orangebrey says that as a member of the group and her friend, she thinks it’s lovely. Dawn tells us that she’s questioning whether or not to take it to the next level. Then she says that love is a big word, and it’s very scary.

Dawn then does a performance art piece called “LOVE/FEAR.”

Back in Brillywood, the video crew is eating Kraft Service in what looks like a garage. It turns out that the writhing girl from the video is Mary Kim from Canada. She sits at the table with Brillo and says she’s been a professional writher for 10 years because she started when she was 14. Kinda scary that this is the only life she’s ever known. And is it legal to start writhing at such a young age? Regardless, now that Brillo knows that he’s in the hands of a seasoned professional, he says it helps him to relax.

Well probably not EVERYthing about Brillo is relaxed…

Back on the set, and Brillo says he’s not afraid anymore. So the MK straddles him up, and they get to it. But don’t worry, Diddy yells at them the entire time, dousing any romantic fireworks that may have been ignited otherwise. And the video is finally done.

Back in Park City, Dawn is calling Que. Dawn tells us that what makes Que different is that he knows what a woman needs because he was raised by a mom and two sisters. She says that in the past, she’s always been the one of provide for everything in a relationship, but this time she is able to sit back and let it happen. They talk about her horse and how it was a stubborn farter, and Que seizes this romantic moment to tell her that he’s going to marry her when he sees her. Dawn blushes and giggles. Then they do that “I love you,” “I love you more” thing followed by the “You hang up first” thing. Que gives us his best “Aww shucks” face.

You know the one.

The next day is the Danity Kane concert at a bar/club in Park City. Now here’s the first our weekly obligatory concert montage and/or advertisement for the album. I watch for a minute and then realize that I could really use a manicure. My cuticles are looking gnarly. I look back up, and it’s over and the girls are off to Vegas.

On the bus, we learn that Dawn has a stuffed animal dog named Quebydoobydoo. Orangebrey says that she’s going to barf, and then says they need some prescription meds on the bus. For the first time, I find myself agreeing with Orangebrey. But Dawn jokes that everyone is just jealous. And, yes, perhaps I am jealous that I do not have a boyfriend. But just to set the record straight, I am NOT at all jealous that I don’t have a dog named Quebydoobydoo.

Once in Vegas, Orange wastes no time and seeks out a poolside lounge like a heat-seeking missile. The girls are in their bikinis and the guys show up in sweatshirts and jeans. Except for Will. Who is shirtless. And he even moves his pectoral muscles to the beat of D.Woods’ singing.

I ask God what I did right this week to deserve this!

Dawn and Que cuddle and goof around in the pool. He tells her that he has something planned for her. I’m guessing that it’s a monster hidden in his shorts.

Geez. Diddy’s Fit Club AGAIN this week. Now I’m asking God what I did WRONG to deserve this. Diddy is casually walking by a bench in the studio that has a box of donuts on it. Giggling, he picks one up until Nurse Margaret charges over, slaps it out of his hand and smacks him in the face. The only satisfaction that I derive from this is getting to see Diddy smacked in the face. So if any of you have ever wanted to do that, then live vicariously through Nurse Marge.

Que gets a suite at the Palms and decorates the room as if it were from a cheesy romance novel. He makes a heart of rose petals on the bed and draws a very bubbly bubble bath. The bubbles get so high that he has to beat them off with a towel.

WHEN BUBBLES ATTACK!

Dawn shows up outside, and Que walks her up to the room. The door opens and she practically falls over. She tells us that no one’s ever done anything that thoughtful for her. They feed each other grapes and chat. She tells Que that she couldn’t sleep without him there. We see a flashback scene of them in Miami before their first kiss. She tells him that tonight she wants him to wear his sneakers, boxers and nothing else. So Que goes into a closet to change. We hear a Saran Wrap rustling noise, and then BOOM! Out walks Que! He looks so funny that Dawn cracks up, and then Que goes back to change again.

Seriously, Que? Golden hightops? I mean. Really?

Que tells Dawn that he’d do anything for her, and Dawn says that she’s never been this happy with a man ever. So they share a very large smooch. Que tells her he wants her to be the mother of his kids and says again that he wants to marry her. And she just says “wow.” Then he sings “You Are So Beautiful to Me.” She nuzzles into his neck. OKAY, MTV, WE GET IT! THEY ARE IN LOVE! WE UNDERSTAND! MUST YOU BEAT US OVER THE HEAD WITH THIS STUFF ANYMORE?!!? I feel like the next scene is going to be Dawn and Que riding off on a magical unicorn that takes flight over a rainbow and drops them off on a puffy cloud made of stardust and dreams while little cartoon hearts form and pop over their heads. I mean, sheesh. We need a break.

Sigh.

Now part two of obligatory concert footage at the Palms. Brillo is up first, as usual, followed by Day26 and then Danity Kane. Dawn sings “Sucker for Love,” and Que watches it all on a tv backstage with a proud smile on his face. Dawn tells us that women always try to settle for things, but we all have an opportunity to get everything that we dream of. We can all find someone who appreciates us and can have a fairytale. At the end of the song, Dawn says into her mic, “I’m a sucker, I know that.” And all the guys in the room say “Did Dawn just say that?” And Que says that he’s a sucker too. Aww! (Puke.) I’m glad the show is over because I think I just overdosed on cutesy.

Next week, DK is shooting the “Bad Girl” video with Missy Elliott. And Brillo finally gets naked on stage! Hallelujah!

See ya tomorrow!
love, MandaMo
xoxo