Making the Band has been crying wolf with manufactured drama all season. And although this episode ended with a dramatic cliffhanger, I remain skeptical. Let’s take a looksee, shall we?
I hope he’s channeling the reality tv gods cuz this show needs some SAVIN’!The surprise of the week is that the show opens with Brillo instead of Diddy. And, honestly, color me shocked. I’m surprised that Diddy could give up his spotlight long enough to let a little Brillo shine. Brillo says that the concert tour was outstanding. But now they’re back in New York and going to TRL to let everyone know how much fun they had. The groups are very Brady Bunch at TRL. They laugh and smile and compliment one another. But after the show, they’re told that Diddy wants to speak with them in the back room. They hope that it goes better than after the last TRL, which was the last time Diddy threatened to get rid of Orangebrey. Foreshadowing, mayhaps?
Our Making the Banders park it in front of a television, and Diddy magically appears on the screen to address them. He tells them that he’s proud of them, and they only have one more mission left: To enjoy themselves on an all-expense paid vacation in Cabo. Everyone is ecstatic.
Waiting for their names to be called on “Romper Room.”
Our friends board a private jet and instantly start boozin’ it up. Orangebrey imparts her alcoholic wisdom, saying that one drink is like two on a plane because the elevation doubles everything. And color me surprised, yet again! Ol’ girl can do some math! They step off the plane, and there are CLEARLY some drunks on board. Um, yeah, I’m lookin’ at you, Brian Andrews! He jumps off the plane and screams “MEXICOOOOOO!” What, is he morphing into Vicky from “Real Housewives of Orange County?” Because I think she has the excited “Mexico!” scream trademarked, patented and copyrighted. He’ll have to pay royalties for that one.
Our peeps get to their hotel, and it is gorgeous. The girls have the presidential suite on the top floor with a beautiful view of the ocean. The boys have the governor’s suite on floor lower. Because in the lovely world of “Making the Band,” the girls are always on top. Orangebrey and D. Woods get a room together with their own Jacuzzi. And they get the party started immediately. How, you ask? Well by getting a lapdance from the bell hop, of course. How else? And need I mention that the bell hop isn’t exactly easy on the eyes, and it’s really unclear to me why anyone would want a lapdance from such a frumpy fella.
Oh what some people will do for that extra tip…
Diddy’s Fit Club is early in the show this week, which means that we can get it over with. Diddy is proud to announce that he lost TWO pounds. And then he eats a salad. But Nurse Margaret still runs out and slams a fist onto the table. Diddy jumps up and screams that he’s just eating a salad, and he’s been losing weight. He’s tired of her putting her hands on him, so she needs to step aside. She sulks off the stage. You know, if Diddy REALLY wants to lose some weight, then maybe he should get his ass running around Central Park while the girls follow him — yelling the entire time — in a rickshaw! Anyone remember THAT freakshow from MTB3?!
We go back to New York and discover that Brillo is still there. He’s at TRL promoting his own album. He does a signing at the Virgin MegaStore, and the girls chant “Take it off! Take it off!” So he does his signature t-shirt lift to show a little nipple. Then we see a montage of him leaning across the autograph table and kissing girls on the cheek. One girl comes up and is hysterically crying. He tells us that the whole day, he was fighting tears, and she really brought it out of him. He gives her a cheek, and it turns out that she wasn’t actually crying. Her eyes were just sweaty.
“Maybe if I pretend to cry, then Brillo will touch me on the…tee hee!”
Back in Cabo, it’s time to swim with the dolphins! How could this possibly add any drama/entertainment value to the show? Because Que is terrified of fat, huge, big fish. He’s afraid that the dolphin is going to eat him, and don’t even get me started on how dolphins aren’t actually fish. I feel like my IQ is plummeting just from watching these people today.
Please! He has a higher chance of being suffocated between Orangey’s buoys than being eaten by Flipper.
Dawn tries to convince Que to at least get close enough to the pool that he can watch. And finally he gets up the courage to put on a life jacket and sit at the edge of the pool. After watching everyone kiss and ride the dolphins, Que decides that they are kinda like dogs and not really that bad. Even Big Butter rides a dolphin. And, I have to admit, this scares me a little. If a dolphin is strong enough to pull that guy around the pool, then maybe it is strong enough to wrestle Que into submission and eat his face off. After some coaxing, Que pets the dolphin and tells us that he did it all for Dawn.
“Hey Dolphy. Let’s do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel.”
The sun sets, and we discover that it’s Robert’s birthday. Dawn heads to the bar early, so she can have a shot waiting for Robert when he arrives. And it’s a big shot in a rocks glass. Our gang gives him a card that plays music, and he’s really happy. He tells us that he spends as much time with DK and Day26 as he does with his family, so he feels at home and is glad they are celebrating with him. Because nothing says home like friends who will get you so trashed that you fall into a bush and then puke in your own hand.
And why is Robert dressed like an extra from Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” video?
Out of nowhere, Skeletor arrives:
For Robert’s birthday, they’ve hired some authentic Aztec dancers to come do an exhibition. D. Woods and Robert volunteer to participate, so they have to put on the full garb and dance around. It’s funny because Robert doesn’t mind taking off his pants but refuses to take off his white socks. I went to San Diego for Spring Break one year in college, and my friend Dan refused to take his socks off the entire time that we were on the beach. It turned out that he hadn’t clipped his toenails in a half century, and they were so long that they actually curled under. I hope that Robert isn’t hiding the same, grotesque thing…but my hopes aren’t set very high. Robert’s bday cake comes out, and they smear the frosting all over his face. Why is this a tradition now? If anyone smeared icing on me, then I’d shoot them in the face. Cake is for EATING, not for playing.
The action shot.
The money shot.
The next morning at breakfast, Dawn eats breakfast alone because all the girls are apparently too hungover to be enticed by the sweet smells of omelets and waffles. And yet somehow all the guys are already awake and seemingly not hurting. That day, Orangebrey and D.Woods go to walk the bottom of the ocean. Orangey tells us that it will be a piece of cake but then freaks out as soon as the nautical helmet is put on her. So D.Woods puts “mind over matter” and goes first. Also worth noting, these two called themselves “Ebony and Ivory” about 449 times in this episode alone.
This totally reminded me of “Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.” Crazy cartoon fish and all.
At night in the hotel room, Shannon tells Aundrea that they’re about to celebrate their third year of DK. They both make disconcerted faces as they wonder what’s next. Obviously they are both ready to grow and move on but to what. We start to see the glimmer that trouble is a’brewin’.
Now it’s time to pack up, head to New York and have a meeting with Diddy. Our groups and Brillo walk into Bad Boy, and everyone’s nervous. Diddy enters and greets every single one of them with a hug and kiss on the cheek. He asks how Cabo was, and Mike says he was scared of the water because he can’t swim. Diddy says that needs to be fixed and that he has a Diddy swimming class. It consists of just being thrown into the deep end. And maybe Nurse Margaret chases them around the pool in a bikini.
Now that the niceties are over, it’s time to recap the year for both the bands and Brillo. The guys are on their second single. They have to keep working hard to get it moving up the charts. Brillo has a harder road to travel. His sales were decent, but he’s on the same path as every other recording artist. Diddy compares him to Rihanna, saying that Rihanna is big now but she’s also on her third album. So Brillo needs to stay focused. Now he wants to see the girls alone. So everyone else should keep doing what they’re doing, and he’ll see them later.
Dramatic music plays, and Diddy recounts their four year long relationship together. He says it’s been great watching them grow, and his proudest moment was watching them on tour. But even with all the awards and record sales, he’s unsure about the future of the group. He says part of their lives are in front of the camera and part of their lives are when the cameras are off. And now they’re at a crossroads. He needs honest, real talk about where the group is going. He says that the reality of the situation has changed with the vision.
What about THIS doesn’t meet his vision?
He starts with Aundrea by saying that a few months ago, he received an email saying that she was thinking about leaving the group. Aundrea gets choked up and says there’s a lot of internal things. He asks her to elaborate. She says that she was going through a lot of personal things on top of issues with the group. Aundrea says that her dream was to be in the group, and she just wants to sing. She doesn’t want to act to do all the other stuff; it feels forced.
Her heart is Damaged…
Diddy calls it out and say, “You and Aubrey don’t get along, right?” Aundrea backtracks and tries to say that’s not it. Diddy turns the focus to Orangebrey and says that he also received an uphappy email from her. She says that she never wanted to quit the group, but she’s fed up with feeling unhappy in different situations. Orangebrey looks around and asks if it’s okay that she brings up things they’ve talked about before. No one says anything, so she carries on. She says that it’s hard enough keeping five women together but what makes it especially hard is the amount of non-support they’ve received from management. She says that they’ve had bad seed after bad seed, and it makes it hard for them to pull their act together. I’m not exactly sure specifically what she is talking about, but I bet it has something to do with Nurse Margaret.
Orangebrey continues, saying that they need parents in the house to keep the five sisters straight. Then Orangey says there’s also a lack of trust. And it’s hard to feel like there’s a future for the group when they have outside ears coming in all the time saying that Diddy wants to move forward solo with different people. She brings up Dawn going solo, and says that nothing can exist without communication.
Diddy changes the subject and says that there’s an obvious click in the group and that’s Orangebrey and D. Woods. He thinks it’s weird how divided it is and that Aundrea and Orangey never talk.
“Click!? Why whatever do you mean!?
Finally Dawn gets real. She says that they are never all together. After the show, they go separate ways. They all have different commitments that seem to come before the group. And all the personal issues get in the way with the business end. She said they talk to each other, but they don’t really TALK to each other.
D.Woods and Orangebrey skirt the “click” issue. D says that she has a special relationship with everyone in the group, but her relationship with Orangebrey is more obvious because they’re together more. Shannon chimes in saying that they have the potential, they just need to refocus. Diddy says that they always blame him, but he’s tired of looking like the bad guy. They were blessed with a once in a life time opportunity, and it could go away right now. Not because of him, but because they are doing it to themselves.
He says that he didn’t want to give away what he was doing with his own project, but he had Dawn do some demos on his album because she has a special voice. He explains that they all have strengths, so there’s no point to having jealousy. Dawn’s strength, for example, is her voice. Orangey, though, is really awesome at riding the mechanical bull. And Aundrea is a champion snowboarder. Orangebrey says she wishes he’d told them because Harve Pierre told them that they were moving forth with a solo project. Diddy says that he’s not doing anything bad, but he’s the head of BadBoy. He doesn’t have to call Orangebrey to tell her anything. (Uh oh.)
Orangebrey is now pursuing plans to complete an independent home study course in TV/VCR repair.
Orangebrey asks if they’re just supposed to sit back and not know what’s going on and wait around for his next move. Diddy says that they don’t have to. The beauty of America is that she can leave. So now Diddy gets to his vision. He says that he didn’t work that many years to have Orangezilla talk the way she talks to him. So he doesn’t want her in the group anymore. She just says, “ok.” He says that she’s not in the group and anyone who wants to go with her can. She looks totally unfazed, and I wonder if this is because she doesn’t take him seriously.
Eeek! So that’s it, guys! What do you think? Is Orangebrey really out of the group?! And is Aundrea going to go with her?
We’ll find out soon!