Get ready America, because youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re lives are about to change. From now on colors will seem brighter and smells will smell sweeter. Why you ask? Because from this point on we have the next great super girl group in our midst. After all the waiting, all the drama, all the Diddy ego trips, we have finally reached the end. This is the final episode of Making the Band 3 and Diddy will make his dream of having a crappy girl band come true. And what a final episode. We get lots of crying, drama and even a cameo from a washed up supermodel. Who will make the band? Is Dominique up to the challenge? Will Aubrey and Aundrea be split up? Will DenoshÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s attitude finally ruin her chances or get her into the band? Find out after the jump…. You know this is a big episode when Diddy takes the stage front and center right from the beginning. He brings the girls together to tell them something. In order to prepare for the next phase of the competition he is sending the girls home. For 3 months. And thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s just the opening of the show! Diddy so is fired up when he is introducing the episode he drops the F bomb twice in two sentences. Does that make you feel like a big man Diddy? Feel like a hotshot? Swearing to all the 12 year old girls who watch the show? For shame. For mother fÃ¢â‚¬â„¢in shame.
We flash forward 3 months and see all the girls greeting each other outside the loft. Part of me was hoping that Aubrey would gain like 30 pounds in the three months that they were all off (ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what girls normally do after I break up with them). But no, she kept herself together. Other girls however went through quite a transformation. Taquita, the funny one, went from Sideshow Bob to Mariah Carey (sans insanity) with a major makeover. As the girls are going through a big reunion photo shoot we see Taquita working it like thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s no tomorrow with her new look.
Aubrey and Aundrea on the other hand are getting a little emotional. Since their 2 year career of trying out for a reality show is now coming to a close, they are getting teary eyed at the prospect of not being picked together. Aww. DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t worry Aundrea, thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s always Making the Band/Road Rules Challenge The Gauntlet 4 to look forward to.
Once Dawn is up to get her pictures taken the entire room is suddenly abuzz. It seems washed up aging coked out model Naomi Cambell has entered the room. Diddy has invited her to help with the girls photo shoot. This truly is a surprise. And if this was 1996 it would be quite an event. But since this is 2005, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s really quite sad. Makes you wonder how truly cool Diddys party actually are if this is his guest list. Imagine going to the Hamptons for one of his shin digs and once you walk in the door you see Naomi Campbell. Then you turn the corner and see the band Right Said Fred. And over there itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the guy who played Wilson from Home Improvement. From there you saunter up to the bar and notice that the only thing they have is Zima and Popov Vodka. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not a pretty site.
Of course since the girls want to be in the band when Naomi walks in they all act like Jesus himself was reincarnated and walked into the room. Well, more like if Jesus was reincarnated, walked into the room, did a line of coke, and berated an intern because his half caf soy latte wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t hot enough. Diddy puts it best when he says that sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s here to help. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Up til now itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s been a lot of cutting asses. Cuttin asses. This week itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s about nurturing yÃ¢â‚¬â„¢all.Ã¢â‚¬? CouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have said it better myself.
NaomiÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s advice boils down to something like Ã¢â‚¬Å“Look at the camera. Stick your leg outÃ¢â‚¬?. Things of that nature. They are so lucky she’s there for the girls. Otherwise they wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know to look at the camera, or stick there legs out. I think we can safely say Naomi has averted a major disaster. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Diddy could not have given us a better gift.Ã¢â‚¬? SayÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Denosh. She is so right. When my mom asked me what I want for Christmas I said a coked out washed up model to give me picture taking advice. But knowing my moms sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll probably screw it up and get me a washed up actress like Fay Dunaway to give me acting advice instead.
After the photo shoot Diddy tells them that they are all going to meet up later on with some on one meetings later so he can start to make his decision. Get the chapstick ready its time for another Diddy asskissathon. The big question he asks most of the girls is what they have been doing in the last 3 months. We get a range of answers from Ã¢â‚¬Å“taking dance lessons, singing lessonsÃ¢â‚¬? to Dawn going for the sympathy vote with her Ã¢â‚¬Å“part time job. Six dollars an hour scrubbing floorsÃ¢â‚¬? to Wanita’s weird Ã¢â‚¬Å“I overdosed on vocal lessonsÃ¢â‚¬?. From there we see Kelli, who looks like she actually overdosed on something. The girl looks like crap. When Diddy asks what she has been doing for the last 3 months, she says she has been dancing 2 or 3 times a day, she worked out sometimes at 9 in the morning after only 2 hours sleep, and she radically changed her diet. Damn woman, relax. And from the look of her, her diet must now consist of coffee and cigarettes.
When DiddyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s done he tells them its all in gods hands (meaning him I can assume) and sends the girls off until tomorrow. The next morning Diddy tells them that this week he is going to be working with them a lot and first up is an interview with the Ã¢â‚¬Å“number one radio show in New York with the number one radio personalityÃ¢â‚¬?. At this point I, like most of the girls, were thinking Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh cool , they are going on the Howard Stern Show.Ã¢â‚¬? But apparently Diddy must be high on something because he says they are going to meet someone named Ã¢â‚¬Å“Miss JonesÃ¢â‚¬?. At this point I call bullshit. As an avid Stern Fan I remember him talking about this recently when they started advertising Miss Jones as the Ã¢â‚¬Å“#1 show in NYÃ¢â‚¬?. After a bit of research they found out that they really meant she was the #1 Hip Hop radio show in New York. Fantastic. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d also like to announce that my radio show that I do in my boxers every night before I go to bed is the # 1 radio show in my apartment.
The interview of course sucks, with Miss Jones and her crew basically equating good radio with bad insults. And I mean bad insults in the Ã¢â‚¬Å“not funnyÃ¢â‚¬? category. But the jokes on them when halfway into insulting Dawn she reveals that she and her family, who are from New Orleans, lost everything in Hurricane Katrina. With that the whole insult vibe leaves and Miss Jones gets all emotional. Suck on that Miss Jones!
Once that is over the girls are then taken in front of Laurie Ann who has spent the last 3 month practicing her boom cats. And then it hits me. This will be the last time we will hear the boom cats. A moment of silence please. Once the girls are into their routine Diddy shows up in one of his ill fitting thousand dollar suits. The entire room gets quiet as Diddy basks in his huge ego while the girls hang on his every word.
With that Laurie Ann says they are all going through every routine from the entire season. As they are dancing Diddy asks Laurie Ann who she thinks her top 5 is. She whispers it in his ear. Damn you Diddy! Stop toying with me! But he isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t just toying with me; heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s toying with the girls. He says nothing and just leaves, while one of his entourage members opens the door for him. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s right, Diddy does not waste time with things like door knobs. That is for the little people. I heard the same guy is in charge of wiping his ass, and judging from the size of DiddyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s waistline lately, that must be a rough job.
Later, Diddy has all the girls assemble and picks out Dawn, Wanita, Shannon, Aubrey and Jasmine and has them sing one of the 3 crappy songs form this show that has plagued my dreams for the last month. Diddy then starts mixing and matching with different girls looking for the right mix for his new super group. This is the main reason Diddy decided to even do this show in my opinion. Doing that whole cold as ice Ã¢â‚¬Å“stop the musicÃ¢â‚¬? bit when he doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t like what he hears. Making the girls come and go on his whim. You can literally see his head expand before our eyes. It’s good the be the king.
The 14,349th reason to hate the Yankees
After he does this for a while he gets together with his posse and goes over the girls. Diddy thinks Denosh is stepping up but detects her attitude. He thinks she is like oil and water with the other girls and she is constantly doing her own thing. Shannon he is very impressed with, and so am I. I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t remember her being as hot as she looks this episode. Dawn is a Ã¢â‚¬Å“leadoff hitterÃ¢â‚¬?. And Jasmine. Well Jasmine has Ã¢â‚¬Å“popÃ¢â‚¬? according to Diddy. He also says she makes it Ã¢â‚¬Å“Like BETÃ¢â‚¬?. I guess you could say that Jasmine is like the Tavis Smalley of the group. Aundrea on the other hand is questionable. He cut her of mid song and told her to go outside. While we see her in the hallway on the verge of tears, we see Diddy saying that Ã¢â‚¬Å“Aundrea is not doing her thing at allÃ¢â‚¬?.
The next day the girls get a call saying Diddy wants to meet with Shannon, Jasmine and Melissa one on one. When they get there the whole crew is assembled and they are grilling each girl about wanting to be in the band. He meets with Shannon and Diddy questions her shyness, then with Jasmine who can’t keep a harmony.
From there we go to Laurie Ann in the dance studio working with Kelli and Dominique. Since this is the last episode we get a flurry of boom cats. Unfortunately Laurie Ann also starts calling Kelli Ã¢â‚¬Å“Honey bunches of oatsÃ¢â‚¬? and Dominique Ã¢â‚¬Å“DominquetchÃ¢â‚¬?. Ugh. Kelli has showed marked improvement in her dancing, which I can assume is from the massive amounts of amphetamines in her system for the last three months. Dominique on the other hand is still the chubby girl who canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t dance. You just canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t get blood from a stone. When Laurie Ann wishes them luck Dominique starts to cry, and Laurie Ann saysÃ¢â‚¬? Am I losing you? Because itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s OK if IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m losing you.Ã¢â‚¬? Huh? Either she is really bad at clichÃƒÂ© talk, or Dominique just got bitch slapped.
Next up we have Diddy in the studio bringing in the girls to record a track. My ex-girlfriend Aubrey is up first and even in the studio she is banging out that awesome stomach. When Diddy doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t like what he hears and Aubrey, not missing a chance to polish MR. Combs apple, says Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is there any way I can turn this so I can look?Ã¢â‚¬? Meaning look at Diddy. Diddy tells her no, and Aubrey is left to sing without staring into his eyes. So sad. I give her props for throwing a pitch right in Diddy’s wheelhouse though. When in doubt tell him how awesome he is. When its DominiqueÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s turn Diddy is so impressed he tells her that he got goosebumps. Ã¢â‚¬Å“In the music biz we call that the goose bump factor.Ã¢â‚¬? Boy wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t it suck if he doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t pick her after blowing this much smoke up her ass?
Diddy once again gets on AundreaÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s ass (IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d love to get a chance to do that) when itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s her turn. SheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s doing too much of the Ã¢â‚¬Å“sexy voiceÃ¢â‚¬? and Diddy thinks it sounds forced, or Ã¢â‚¬Å“telegraphedÃ¢â‚¬?, which is the word he has been waiting to use all day. But Aundrea being plucky, steps up and on her next go around does a good performance. Well, good enough for Diddy at least.
After that its decision time. While the girls are out to dinner, Diddy assembles his posse and they all decide who will make the band. As far as their comments go, Doc proves to be the most intelligent of the bunch, and Laurie Ann proves to be the biggest idiot of the group. Whereas Doc will give intelligent critiques of each ones singing, Laurie Ann says things like Ã¢â‚¬Å“you might not feel her fireÃ¢â‚¬?. Wow. Maybe IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m just spoiled from the return of Project Runway, the intelligent mans reality show, but man I hate that crappy mindless critiquing. If I have to hear someone be told that they have to Ã¢â‚¬Å“step it upÃ¢â‚¬? one more time IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m going to scream.
Over at the Ã¢â‚¬Å“Last supperÃ¢â‚¬? its time to watch what girls always do when they get together other than hot lesbian orgies (donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know ladies. I know), which is sappy huggy talk. Aundrea tells Aubrey how much he loves her and how she thinks of her as her best friend. Both of them are crying and itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a really touching scene. At least it would be except for the huge herpes on AubreyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s lip, or as I like to call it Ã¢â‚¬Å“EdHillÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s going away presentÃ¢â‚¬?.
Finally, finally, its time to make the band. We cut to later that night on a rooftop overlooking Times Square where Diddy in front of a group of screaming girls, brings the girls out and gets ready to announce who made it.
The first girl he picks is the obvious one. My ex girlfriend and STD infested Aubrey. Next up itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Wanita. Third girl is another obvious one, Shannon. She truly stepped up. Oh Christ now IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m talking like them. I need to watch some Tim Gunn after this to cool down. Then he picks Dawn. He ends each pick with an equally creepy “Come to Daddy”.
Finally its time for the last girl. After a dramatic pause itsÃ¢â‚¬Â¦. Aundrea! Yeah! Hugs all around! Hugs! And now some gentle kissing! What? No? Ok, hugs are fine thenÃ¢â‚¬Â¦.
So thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s our girl group that Diddy is declaring will Ã¢â‚¬Å“take over the worldÃ¢â‚¬?. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s right, the new girl group is like the Nazi war machine! So get ready America. We are about to be blitzkrieged with a really bad song that will barely make the top 40 and then disappear. I canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t wait!
Sadly for the other girls its back to obscurity. Denosh didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t make it. Probably because Diddy wanted an all girl group. She can now go back home and bully her boss at Taco bell. And poor Dominique is forced to pack up her goose bumps and go home. But something tells me weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll see her again. She really was a good singer.
So thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s that. The end. What did you guys think? Do you think the band will be any good? Do you think they can bring the Boom Cats?