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Well, we saw Josh get sent home, and that was sad. I’m still kinda sore about the whole thing with the judges switching the teams up, but what can I do. I’ll just tune right back in for the next episode, obviously.
So, our minichefs walk on into the MasterChef kitchen, and lo and behold, there is a GIGANTIC mystery box. Bastage tells our contestants that it’s the fattest biggest mystery box in MasterChef history!
Bastage and Ramsay and Teddy see our minis quizzical looks and tell them they can’t wait to see what’s in the box, either. I mean, you could cut the suspense like butter.
They go on and on and on about how HUGE the box is, and there’s an obvious “your mom” joke in here that I’m too classy to make. The keep talking about it and we’re like “we know it’s the biggest box ever, but you’ve gotta tell us…”
So, since everyone is in such suspense, they lift the box. WHAT COULD IT BE WHAT COULD IT BE?!?!?
Oh, crap, it’s the wicked witch of the ‘beetus!
Man, how I wish my Whitney was here. I’m pretty sure she could beat Paula Deen. Beautiful Rhino tells us he couldn’t be happier. “I love Paula Deen, I love Butter, I love Paula Deen with Butter.” Wait, what? What are trying to say, BR? Because it kinda sounds like…ya know what, I’m not gonna put that mental image in y’all’s minds. It’s not pretty. Not a bit…
Also, WannaHooch is full on choked up because of this.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure I’d love Paula Deen’s cooking, and would enjoy every bite of any recipe of hers that I prepared. However, I have enough pride to not eat a slice of toast that counts as “2 servings.”
And it gets a bit worse. Paula Deen tells them that her family is the most important thing to her, so she has a surprise for them. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking…the families were brought in for support. Silly you, MasterChef + Paula Deen don’t have THAT kind of a budget!!! So instead she arranged for the families to write a letter and send a picture. We get to hear like all of them. These guys are reading their letters and bawling their eyes out like they’re fucking soldiers off at war who haven’t seen their families in 2 years and have spent the last 3 months sleeping in the trenches. How long have they been gone? Honestly. And even if it’s been a few months, do they not have a phone? They’re trying to make us believe these guys are being treated like the jury for the OJ trial.