Million Dollar Listing LA: Dogs Can Have Rock Star Nails Too!

Greetings, Gasmii! First off, I want to apologize for the lack of a minicap this week and for this being up a little late. I was all set to watch the show on Wednesday night. Suddenly there was a stabbing pain in my abdomen and lower back. I spent the night in the ER only to find out that I am passing a kidney stone. I’ve been spending the last few days (since I can’t go to work) writing my recaps between Percocet naps. Thanks for being so patient, everyone.

We pick up this episode just where we left off last week. JA and Heather are at the brokers open for the penthouse they’re co-listing.  Heather has just excused herself from one of the brokers and now she and Madison are staring silently at one another. Madison starts in with the “I haven’t seen you in a while” small talk. Heather immediately shoots back with, “Yeah. I haven’t seen you since you fired me for dating Josh.” 

And that’s all we get of that situation before we go see what JF is up to. I’m always grateful when we get to hang out with JF. So far, he’s the only one that isn’t involved in all the petty drama that has nothing to do with real estate. It’s kind of funny that he’s also the youngest person on the show. He’s checking out another place with Gabby. I want to buy Gabby some new shoes. Every time I’ve seen her, the only thing on her feet has been leopard print stilettos. They’re great shoes. However, they don’t need to be worn all the time. 

I want to buy Gabby some sneakers. 

They meet with Andrew who tells them that the house is listed for $13,000/month. The house is still available, but there is an offer on the table. Andrew would like to know Gabby’s potential offer by tomorrow. The master bedroom of this house is insane. It’s the size of my entire apartment. It’s set up like a suite. Gabby isn’t sure if she loves the furniture or the house. The furniture is not included with the house. 

Suddenly I notice something about JF. He kind of looks like he hasn’t showered in a few days. He’s dressed impeccably. That suit looks awesome on him. It’s cut perfectly. Then we look at what’s going on above his shoulders. JF, you make more closing one deal than I make in an entire year. I think you can afford a razor and some hair gel!

He just kind of looks like he smells bad. 

Gabby explains that it’s a gorgeous house, but it’s a bit too big and the maintenance would be too much just for her. Are you kidding? She specifically asked for a 3-bedroom house with a yard and a pool. What size did she expect it to be? Gabby also mentions that she tends to make rash decisions and she wants a little bit of time to think about it. Sweetie, your lease is up in a week and a half. You don’t have time to think about it! JF assures Andrew that they will get back to him tomorrow because they’re on a pretty tight timeline.

And we’re back with Madison and Heather. Madison explains that Heather co-listing a place with her boyfriend (who happens to be a competitor) and not telling Madison was a mistake. I hate to say this, but I 100% agree with him. Heather should have told him before agreeing to co-list with ANYONE! However, Heather does make a good point when she asks why Madison would have a problem with her getting a listing when he gets 50% of the commission. She also explains that JA is just a co-listing agent just like anyone else. 

Dammit, Madison. I was siding with you. Now you’re just making this all about personal issues. I think he needs to put personal feelings aside in order to do business. I refuse to side with Heather, but now I don’t know how strongly I can stay on Madison’s side. Heather even calls him out on how he made it personal. She thinks he could have handled it a lot better. Instead of making it about business, he made it all about hating Heather’s boyfriend. 

Madison tells us that Heather is many things, but she’s not stupid. Are you sure about that Madison? This is the girl that got “glitter nails” in the last episode and constantly refers to herself as a “rock star.” He still believes that she went into this deal with the intent to co-list with JA. I bet Madison felt like shit watching what actually happened once it aired. It was pretty obvious that a co-listing was not the intent of Heather or JA. In fact, they both pushed for Heather to get her own listing. 

As Madison leaves the penthouse, JA calls out to him. JA wants to know why Madison is there. Madison explains that he was having an honest conversation with Heather. Madison congratulates JA on the listing. JA responds with, “Isn’t it funny? I got the place and I got the girl.” Oh, JA. I don’t think you can throw “getting the girl” back in Madison’s face. I’m pretty sure you weren’t fighting over the girl.

And JA looks longingly after Madison. 

Madison is back at his house talking on the phone with his brother. He’s getting ready to get out of town to go see his family. Aw. He’s leaving his dog for a few days. He should take that dog with him everywhere. It really is the most appealing thing about Madison. 

Cute animal quota met. 

Madison arrives in Park City, Utah. He tells us that his parents have always done really well for themselves. His dad is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company and his mom has always been an amazing support to her husband. So, his father did really well for himself and mom came along for the ride. That’s pretty much what it sounds like. They’re now retired and living in Park City. How did his mom retire from being supportive of her husband?

Wendy and Phil (Madison’s parents) appear to greet their son. They’ve been married for over 30 years. They seem like really sweet people. Madison really seems to be thankful to have the support and care of his parents. I may not like him that much, but I really do appreciate how much he seem to respect his family. Phil wants to know what Madison thinks of the new house. Madison says that the house is amazing. It really is. I’m in awe!

Phil and Wendy, will you adopt me?

Madison explains that this is the second vacation home that his parents have built in Park City. The first one was great, but this is their dream home. So, wait. If this is just a vacation home, then it must be empty for some decent stretches of time. Any thoughts on making this another Gasmii house? Since we’re spread out all over the place, it only makes sense for us to have multiple houses in different locations.

Back in LA at JA’s house. He tells us that even though Madison crashed it, the brokers open was a success. Well, that’s good that one guy showing up didn’t ruin the whole thing. I’m not sure if why JA would have thought Madison’s appearance would have ruined it all. It’s not like he came in a made a big scene. He talked to Heather for a minute, he exchanged a few words with JA, and then he left. That’s all. On a totally random note, why the hell does JA have a gun embroidered on his tie?

Oh, and it matches the pocket square. 

JA explains that he’s really glad that Heather is co-listing with him because he already has a lot on his plate. He even has a potential new listing in the Melrose District. Also, it must be exciting for JA and Heather to be able to share jewelry.

Does anyone actually look good wearing a pinky ring?

 JA tells us that you don’t need a car to get around the Melrose District in LA. You’re within walking distance of cool bars and great restaurants. No mention of grocery stores, pharmacies, hospitals, etc. I guess if you have bars and restaurants, you don’t need much else. Now, I have to bring this up about JA. If you’re wearing a navy blue suit, please don’t pair it with black shoes. It looks like you got dressed in the dark, tried to match your shoes and your suit, and it didn’t work. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Either wear brown shoes or navy blue shoes. Black just looks stupid. Thanks.

JA meets with Tim Sullivan. Tim and Tom are flippers which are a real estate agents dream. It’s not about one deal, it’s about many deals. They bought the house and over 13 weeks, they gutted it and completely remodeled it. Holy crap! Is JA’s vest black too? Seriously! It looks like he got dressed in the dark and grabbed a vest that goes with another suit! Wait a second. In some lights the suit looks black. Maybe this is the pain killer creeping up on me. 

The group sits down to talk about price. Over all, Tim and Tom have invested about $850,000 in this house (that includes buying the property and all the renovations). They want to sell this house quickly. Tim and Tom don’t want to tell JA what they think the house is worth. 

And we’re back with JF and Gabby who are still looking for a lease. Patrizia, the agent, says that she knows Grandma Edith from Hillcrest Country Club. Hooray for a Grandma Edith mention! Perhaps she’ll make an appearance during this episode. Patrizia tells them that this is a party house and it’s leasing for $11,000/month. 

Patrizia and I have very different definitions of “party house.” 

JF is wondering what is going on with Gabby and Matt. They’re acting like they’re simply shopping for a new pair of shoes. I have to agree with him here. It really doesn’t seem like she’s taking any of this seriously considering she’ll be homeless in a week and a half. Patrizia doesn’t know when her clients would be out of the house because they’re traveling a lot right now. Perhaps that’s something she could have found out when they decided to put the house on the market. Gabby wants to sleep on it and then let JF know her decision the next day. JF seems to really be getting frustrated. Gabby really doesn’t have time to be sleeping on it. 

We’re back with JA, Tim, and Tom. JA explains that if they want to be aggressive about selling, but don’t want to give the house away, they should list it a $1.149 million. Tim says that frightens them because that’s the absolute minimum that they were looking to list for. Why does JA’s tie keep changing each time he’s interviewed separately? I understand that they probably do these parts in multiple takes. However, they could have just stayed a bit consistent. 

Tim and Tom hire JA with the understand that $1.149 million is the absolute lowest they will sell for. It would result in a 30% return on their investment. However, if it goes lower, they both have a problem with that. JA tells them that, at this price, the brokers open is going to be huge. 

We’re back in Park City with Madison and his family. Madison asks his father about the buffalo in his office. Why don’t we get to see it? I want a giant stuffed buffalo in my apartment. It would be a great conversation starter – mainly because it would take up my entire living room.

Phil asks Madison about business in Malibu and, of course, it turns to the drama with Heather. He explains that they all considered Heather family over the last three years that they worked together. Madison tells his family that Heather turned on all of them. No, she didn’t. She started dating a man that you don’t like, Madison. That does not mean she turned on your entire family. John (Madison’s brother) wants Madison to find a new assistant when he gets back – a hot, young, single one. Wendy agrees with him. Wow. 

Don’t encourage the creepiness, Wendy!

Madison then turns the conversation to his parents’ other house. Phil explains that they’ve been leasing it out to make some money, but they’d really like to sell it. Madison offers to help them find an agent to sell this house. Phil protests by saying he thought Madison just came out of here to relax. Shut up, Phil. If you don’t let him do this, Madison won’t do anything actually related to real estate this entire episode. So far, he’s only here for the drama with Heather. 

Phil is looking to list the house around $2.5 million which is what he paid for it. He explains that he’ll keep leasing it until he gets someone willing to pay $2.5 million for it. Madison speculates that his father will be a tough client because he’s a tough businessman and is used to getting exactly what he wants. Madison offers to find someone who can handle working with his father. Phil explains that it’s easy – just write him a check for the right number.

Meanwhile, JA is expecting to have a ton of people at the brokers open for Tim’s and Tom’s house because he priced it so well. Mikey, JA’s assistant, is in the house making lemonade. Hell, I’d pretend to be a broker just to go and get some fresh lemonade! I’m pretty easy to please like that.

Mikey wins over PopePhilly!

Josh points out the amount of lemons that Mikey is using. Mikey responds that it takes a lot of lemons to fill up a whole pitcher. I really hope he knows to add some water and sugar to that. Maybe he hasn’t won me over after all. Oh, good. As JA tells Mikey to hurry up, he adds sugar to the lemonade. I take lemonade very seriously, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. 

Jimmy and Ryan arrive first. JA tells us that this property is a bit smaller than the properties he usually sells. It really annoys me that JA carries his Blackberry in his hand the entire time. Perhaps he’d have an easier time connecting to the brokers and winning over potential buyers if he at least pretended to be focusing solely on them. Then the best part of this entire episode arrives.

Sell him the house based on cuteness alone! 

One of the potential buyers complains that the property does not have a pool. JA explains that putting in a pool would not be a problem at all. It’s kind of cool that Tim and Tom put up pictures of different things that could be done with the yard. I think that’s pretty smart. I really does let the potential buyers know what they’re getting. A few people try to ask Mikey a few questions, but he has no idea how to answer them. He says he’s just there for the lemonade and the good looks. If JA was expecting so many people, why didn’t he give some information to Mikey so that he could help him when when the “tons of people” showed up? JA loves it when this many people show up because it makes potential buyers feel competitive. I wish JA would stop making me hate him less by saying things that make sense. 

Hooray! Back to JF and his lack of petty drama! He’s meeting up with Gabby and Matt. Yay! Gabby is wearing sneakers! Sneakers covered in gold glitter, but at least they’re not 6-inch heels to walk around all day in. Gabby thinks she has a decision about where she wants to live. She’s leaning toward the house on the hill. I think that’s what she said. I rewound it a few times to see if it was something different. Each time I got “the house on the hill.” She feels at home when she walks in there and the size is manageable for her. She also loves that there are poop spots for the dogs. I really love that JF decided to shower today!

So much better! 

JF tries to talk Gabby into the contemporary house because he thinks she’s getting more bang for her buck. I’m sure this has nothing to do with the fact that JF would get a large commission on a house that leases for $13,000/month as opposed to the house on the hill that leases for $11,000. Gabby is set on the house on the hill. Uh-oh! The tenant might not be leaving this house on time! Gabby still wants to go for it. JF calls Patrizia to find out what’s going on. Bad news! The current tenant has extended her lease for an additional three weeks. We go to commercial with Matt telling Gabby to make an offer on the contemporary house.

We meet up with Madison and John at a coffee shop in Park City. John wants to know what they’re planning to do on this vacation. Madison explains that right now he wants to get started on interviews so their parents can sell their house. With that, Madison is back to being a dick. This whole vacation was about spending time with his family. Now all he’s doing is working. He seriously couldn’t do this after his vacation is over? Finding an agent is probably pretty easy to do via telephone when he’s back in California. Based on this entire interaction, I don’t think John is creepy anymore. In fact, I just want to give him a hug. 

This should be in the dictionary under “sad puppy eyes.”

Back in California, we meet up with JA at some private showings of Tim’s and Tom’s house. Apparently the phone has been ringing off the hook with people who want to see the house. Hillary comes in with her dog Elfie. Elfie is wearing nail polish. Oh, wait, sorry. Paw-lish. I just hit my head multiple times on the keyboard.

Hillary gives pet owners a bad name. 

JA takes Hillary and Aaron (the real estate agent) on a tour of the house. Hillary makes a comment about how much Tim and Tom are charging. Maybe if you didn’t feel it necessary to give your dog a pedicure, you could afford this house. In fact, Hillary just comes across as a total bitch the entire time. 

Back to JF, Gabby, and Matt. Matt urges Gabby to make an offer on the contemporary house. JF says they still could keep looking if Gabby really doesn’t want that house. In a moment of intelligence, Gabby and Matt both agree that they don’t have time to keep looking. JF suggests that Gabby offers six months in cash up front to sweeten the pot a little bit. They get Andrew on the phone. Good news! The other deal is dead. Gabby has a house! She has her house and JF has his larger commission. I want to punch JF in the face when he says that his $15,000+ commission isn’t that much money. If it’s not that much money, please just send it all to me. 

JA is meeting with Tim and Tom again. I really want the two of them to start a business and call it TNT. I don’t know why, but that’s funny in my head. Anyway, JA has two offers for them. The first offer is for $1.01 million. Despite coming in low, this is an all cash offer and JA knows and trusts the agent. The second offer came in at full price. However, JA has seen their bank statements and they maybe just have enough for the house. Tom says that these two offers mean absolutely nothing. One offer is way off price and the other is very weak. 

And we return to Park City with Madison. His parents old house is in an exclusive golf community called Glenwild. This house has a heated driveway in order to melt the snow as well as heated decks. Please remember that this is the house that wasn’t good enough for Wendy and Phil.

This is what “not a dream house” looks like.

Since Madison is not licensed to sell real estate in Utah, he can’t actually sell the house. However, he can hire an agent for his parents and then get a referral fee from the agent. Madison wants to find an agent that knows the neighborhood and has a backbone to put up with Phil. Madison is used to being interviewed for the job. In his words, he’s “used to being the slut, not the pimp.”

Most people aren’t this happy to be the slut. 

Madison appreciates the big responsibility his father has given him. He really wants to do a good job and make his father proud. He explains that letting down his family is unacceptable. Maybe he shouldn’t have ignored John when they were hanging out earlier. Just a thought. 

One more time back to JA with Tim and Tom. He’s explaining that we’re in a tough market and deals aren’t closing like they used to. The most important thing to look at is how solid the deal is. JA explains that with an all cash offer, then tend to come in low. Most buyers feel they should get a lower price for paying in cash up front. Tom thinks that this buyer is just trying to play with them. JA tells him not to take the offer personally. He knows that it isn’t best an final, so he thinks that they can counteroffer with something. Tim tells JA to see what he can do with this cash offer. Tim is kind of an ass. He tells JA that a solid offer needs to come back. If they lose it, Tim will not be a happy man.

And JF is in the LA fashion district. WITH GRANDMA EDITH!!!!!

Hi! I’ve missed you this episode! 

She hasn’t been in the fashion district for 12 years. It’s nothing like she remembers it. They are meeting with Gabby. Matt asks Grandma Edith what she’s wearing. Her best line: “The shoes are made to order. The man is dead.” JF is dropping off the key for Gabby’s new house. And with that, the episode ends.

Once again, I apologize for the lack of a minicap and the lateness of this recap. I promise to have it all up right on time next week. Also, to make it up to you, here is another cute animal picture. It’s my parents’ cat Sam!

Hi, handsome!