Greetings, Gasmii! Welcome back to another episode of “Million Dollar Listing LA.” Someone over at Bravo was listening to me because we start this episode with JF and Grandma Edith! We find out that Grandma Edith is reading her dead neighbor’s newspapers every day. If anyone else in the world had said that, I would be thinking, “My God! What an ass hole.” Instead, because it’s Edith, I’m thinking, “My God! That woman is adorable!”
This woman can do no wrong in my eyes!
JF tells Grandma Edith that his parents want him to sell a property down in Rancho Santa Fe. She thinks it’s a wonderful idea, but JF is a bit hesitant to list the property because it is about three hours away from LA. It would be a lot of driving for him and the market is pretty shitty in Rancho Santa Fe. Grandma Edith tells him that the market is shitty everywhere, so he needs to take what he can get. She really gives JF hell because he doesn’t want to sell this property. From now on, when someone complains about something, I’m just going to say, “Have a cup of coffee!” Thanks, Edith! Then, Grandma Edith gives JF the advice we’ve been trying to give him all season: “Don’t forget to shave!”
You better listen to her, JF.
Madison is meeting with Camilo, a repeat client of his. Camilo is looking for a house to flip. He wants to get at least a 20% return on the property. Madison and Camilo are looking at a house that Madison thinks would involve a lot of work. “It has too much stained glass and too much slate.” Oh, sweetie. I grew up in a town called Slatington. The town next to it was called Slatedale. You have no idea what too much slate looks like.
You try selling this, Madison.
Madison and Camilo both agree that this house would have to be made into something a little more generic in order to find a buyer. Camilo makes a good point when he says that flipping a house is just a numbers game. He needs to be sure that people are going to want the house.
And now we have to go hang out with JF for a little while. Once again, he’s talking on his cell phone while driving. Can we please see an episode where he gets pulled over for this? My head starts to hurt a little bit when he says, “Dogs chase cats. Josh Altman chases listings.” Then he adds, “Ruff ruff, baby.” Can we just replace JA’s segments with dogs chasing cats? That would be way more interesting.
Dogs cuddling with cats would be even better!
JA is meeting with Deb about selling her house. I’m not sure if she is wearing a purple dangly feather earring or if she just has a random purple streak in her hair. If it’s a purple streak, it looks really out of place on her. I’m all for funky colored hair. Back in my college days, I sported many different colors. However, it doesn’t quite look right when you’re dressed as stylishly as Deb is.
She invests in real estate and Manic Panic.
Deb really does have an awesome house. I have to agree with JA when he says that he thinks she’ll get a great crowd of people coming to look at the house. JA then finds out that Deb owns another house down the street. Why is JA hamming it up so much this episode? He’s always been a douchebag, but he seems to be laying it on really thick right now. I want to punch him even more than I usually do. JA eventually talks Deb into letting him list her house down the street.
I think this second house should be the new TVgasm house. The bathroom has heated floors! Deb is concerned about her two properties being in competition with one another. I don’t think it would really be competition. The houses are so vastly different from one another that it will be different types of buyers for each of them. Also, JA’s tie is ridiculous.
Stop letting Heather dress you.
We don’t get to drink yet! When JA gives Deb the prices for her houses, she agrees with them! I’m not sure how to handle that.
Camilo and Madison are looking at another property where they meet with Bobby (the selling agent). The house is pretty great, but there is someone living in a camper on the lot next to it. Bobby says that there are plans to build a home there and that landscaping and/or a wall could be built. Madison is a bit worried that the house is dated and currently has no landscaping. Despite these negatives, Madison knows that they could turn the house around in a short period of time for very little money. The view is incredible, but there is another motor home on the other side of the house.
So far, Camilo has not liked any of the houses that Madison has shown him. Madison is getting worried that Camilo is going to “park his money in another investment” without him.