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Hooray! We’re back with JF. He took Grandma Edith’s advice and decided to list the property in Rancho Santa Fe. I love that he points that out that “there are one or two Jews that live there.” I’m not sure why that made me laugh as hard as it did. JF then meets up with Brenda and Stewart. So, I lied earlier. This is the new TVgasm house. There are his and hers televisions. That is a dream come true for me! Also, this:
Let’s all start getting some money together and buy this house. I would totally move all the way across the country to live here. There is a ten person movie theater! Instead of chairs, they have couches in that theater!
It’s time to sit down and talk price. Get your drinks ready. I have a feeling this is going to be a multiple shot meeting. I was right! Stewart argues with every comp that JF gives him. JF tells Stewart and Brenda that he thinks the house is worth something in the low $6 million range. We just see Brenda shake her head. Everyone drink! Stewart wants to price the house around $7 million. Drink! Brenda is worried that they’ll price the house so low that they’ll get low ball offers. JF explains that if the house is priced to high, there won’t be any offers. They agree to price the house at $6.995 million.
We’re back with JA (take a drink to get through it!) and Mikey at the brokers open for Deb’s house. Mikey got them some walkie talkies to communicate between the two houses. Why don’t they just use their cell phones? They probably should have because Mikey can’t figure out how to use the walkie talkies. Maybe JA’s stupid is rubbing off on Mikey. I need them to both stop singing. Mikey keeps forgetting the price and square footage of the three story house. JA explains that facts and figures tend to confuse Mikey. I don’t think that you can call remembering two numbers “facts and figures.” It’s remembering two numbers. Apparently, both of them have trouble with pens and paper because neither thought to just write down the information.
Really? Mikey has to ask if the builder has built anything else in the area. Are you fucking kidding me?
Madison is back at Camilo’s house. Camilo is a little disappointed in Madison. I’m a little disappointed that Madison hasn’t pointed out how much Camilo looks like Oliver Platt.
Camilo is annoyed that they still haven’t found a house that meets his specifications. He thinks that this is out of Madison’s league. Madison has a good point. If it were so easy to find a house to flip and get a 20% return, then everyone would be doing it. It’s not really Madison’s fault that Camilo has found fault with every single property that they’ve looked at. Camilo gives Madison two more weeks to find something.
Motherfucker! Heather and JA are going shopping for ties. Why the hell do we have to see this? We actually get to see JA buy the fucking purple tie with a pink gun on it.
While shopping, JA gets an offer for the one story house. It’s a bit low, but JA leaves to go call Deb.
JF is meeting with Rick who sells luxury cars. He wants to feature a few cars in the listing photos for the house in Rancho Santa Fe. When I move out of my current apartment, I think I’m going to take a picture of the building with my car in front of it. Nothing says luxury like a midrise apartment building with a VW Jetta out front!
We meet up with Madison again as he arrives home. I’m not even going to pretend I didn’t tear up a little bit at this part. He comes home to find cookies and flowers from his mom. Madison’s dog Rex passed away at the age of fourteen. I’m a total sap, but I was able to find his email address and sent him a pretty great screenshot I got of him with Rex. I know what it’s like to lose a pet, so I truly feel for him. Yes, I make fun of him weekly, but the death of a pet/family member/friend is where I draw the line.
OK, that was enough sap. Now let’s get back to the snark! And snark I shall because we’re back with JA and Heather. Heather is working on an email to Madison. She wants to reach out to Madison about Rex’s death. Heather, don’t listen to JA. Reach out to Madison. I know you guys had a pretty bad falling out. However, I’m sure he will be glad to hear that you’re thinking of him right now! I wish we saw Heather act more like this. I don’t hate her as much when she’s being caring and mature and rational.
JF is back in Rancho Santa Fe. He had decided to co-list the property with Linda who is a local agent. This will save JF a lot of travel time. He decides to change the position of the cars because “who wants to look at the ass?” Apparently, most men want to look at the tits of a car. It makes me laugh that it took a gay man to get me thinking about cars in terms of ass and tits. This is just another reason I love JF.
Speaking of ass, we’re back with JA! He’s meeting with Danelle whose client put in an offer on the one story house at $3.45 million. JA came back with a counteroffer at $3.75 million. Danelle goes to call her client to see if he’ll come up a little more on price. She comes back with $3.65 million and that is best and final. JA then calls Deb.
We’re in Rancho Santa Fe again with JF and his adorable shoes.
He and Linda are having a brokers open at Brenda and Stewart’s house. The turn out is really great. Most of the brokers think that the price seems a bit high (drink!). Linda and JF agree that they need to reduce the price. Although he doesn’t think that Stewart and Brenda will reduce the price, JF offers to try.
We come back to JA on the phone with Deb letting her know about the new offer. She thinks that $3.65 is just too low. They’re only $100,000 off, so Deb offers to split the difference. Danelle refuses to even call her client about it. Maybe he doesn’t want to come up because he knows that JA is wearing the fucking gun tie. Deb doesn’t think that the offer is good enough. Suddenly, JA’s phone rings. It’s Deb. She has reconsidered. She agrees to sell the house for $3.65 million. He stops Danelle as she’s driving away and then close the deal.
JF is meeting with Stewart and Brenda. He hates disappointing his clients – especially since these clients do business with his parents. As predicted, Stewart is not happy with the need for a price reductions. This is where we end the episode.
It looks like next week JF is going to get yelled at, Madison is going to to have a memorial for Rex and Heather will show up, and JA and Heather talk about “taking the next step.” I really hope their next step is breaking up and never being on TV again.