Millionaire Matchmaker Recap: 2000 Facebook Friends and Irv

Recaps

By SexyPanda | Wednesday, January 30, 2013 | 8:51 pm | 12 Comments
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Posted in: Millionaire Matchmaker, Recaps

Bienvenidos, ‘Gasmii! Just when I get my schedule used to the ol’ recappin’ routine, Bravo goes and changes it on me. Is it for just this week only or for all time? Who fucking knows! All I know is my DVR has a steaming pile of fresh Millionaire Matchmaker for your asses! Let’s do this thing!

Random intro! This week, we kick things off with a little Patti seminar at the Millionaire’s Club. A Pat-inar. No. A Stanger-inar. Maybe. Well, actually, no again. Whatever, Patti and her yucky extensions are teaching some of the mixer girls how to do the “Five-Second Flirt.” You know, a nonverbal cue to some hottie that you want to get it on. Or talk. Whatever. Patti pulls one of the blondes from a previous episode to have her demonstrate her Five-Second Flirt. She giggles and looks anywhere but at the guy she’s supposed to flirt with. Patti’s like, “No. Watch.” And throws Destin a come hither look that’s almost uncomfortable. Destin’s interested reaction is funny and a little creepy, if we’re being honest. Everyone claps for Patti’s amazing performance, and then the blonde is told to try again. She plays with her hair and looks away again, but it’s less awkward and comes off like a flirt. So, there ya go. A big paragraph about looking at someone for five seconds.

Credits finished, Patti trudges into the office and throws her phone or something on her desk. Rachel’s all, “What’s wrong??” Patti mopes about chivalry being dead. She mentions her broken engagement and how she’s been back in the dating pool, trying to find someone who’s not an asshole. (It’s tough.) Rachel and Destin give her a pep talk, reminding her that she’s got a leg up on lots of people who don’t know what they want—but the trade-off is that it might take a little longer to find it. I know this phenomenon quite well, as I’ve lived and breathed it. It’s worth the wait (though I’m glad I wasn’t out there at Patti’s age, yikes).

Well, enough negativity. (Don’t you agree, it’s rare to see Patti kinda down like that?) Rachel’s got someone for Patti to fix up! And it’s Denise Richards’ father, Irv! Patti humblebrags about having wanted to set him up with someone for forever. And then she mentions how he’s a widower, and Rachel’s like, “Yeah, I already knew that, and I already knew that he lost his wife to cancer.” Not quite in those words, but that’s how I heard it. Weird.

We watch Irv’s brief introduction video. He says he’s 62, and I have to say, he seems like an older 62. Not an unhandsome man by any means, and not a gross old man, just…not as well-preserved as some other 60-somethings I know. But, oh shit, shut up Panda, cuz this guy is a sweetheart. He says he was married to his soulmate for 37 years and lost her, and it took him about three years to heal. Poor guy. But he’s actually doing okay now—he’s got a celebrity crush! Felicity Huffman! (I was cringing, waiting for him to mention some young girl his daughter’s age.) He thinks she looks like a princess but also appreciates that she’s the soul of a sailor and a mouth to match. I tear up a little (no joke) when he says he hopes he can find a second soulmate. Awwww. (Panda, he’s just doing it for publicity. Not love. Remember that. Don’t cry! Ice cold!)

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About

Time for an update! I used to be a tall, athletic editor who lived on the East coast. Oh, I still am, only now I've gained back all the weight I lost, which changes my life-tone quite a bit. Now that I'm married, I have a lot less time to watch Bravo and Food network. We usually end up watching Big Bang Theory reruns ("all of my friends, all of my friends, all of my friends") or Wipeout. Or WWE Raw. Wow. How life has changed!  Join me as we chat about my breast friend Patti Stanger and her love minions. Or maybe we'll talk about art during Work of Art. Whatever we're watching, don't be shy--tell me what you think!

12 Comments

  1. 1
    SquareHead
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 9:59 pm

    I actually loved this episode! I think Sher was on her first date in years and therefore a little stiff. Irv had me from the get go, I teared up too! As for the he/she chef….I think its a she, she was on the first episode of The Taste and I wasn’t paying close attention but I think she said she was a lesbian. Maybe its in the recap of that episode. I don’t have any snark on this one, as I said, I loved it!

  2. 2
    DJ
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    It doesn’t sound like things worked out for Irv. I read this yesterday on utsandiego.com, “Irv says they dated a couple more times and remain friends. Meanwhile, he just sold the house he owns in Encinitas and plans to buy a house in the Carlsbad area and move back here.”

  3. 3
    AliceinPopLand
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    @DJ sorry to hear that, I felt the chemistry but maybe no. Sher seemed very mom next door, I wanted her to make me cookies lol.
    I just couldnt hate Steph. Shes learning what she wants and how to spot it. She knew right away Brad was not it and shes use to being done and moving on the second something loses her interest, hence the rude brush off at the restaurant. I was very confused at the comment of ordering everything on the menu, he was chowing down and I didnt see her eat a bite, so was this part of the date already set up and neither had anything to do with it? Or does is Steph one of those weirdo skinny bitches that loves to order but doesnt eat (movie reference– The Truth About Cats and Dogs)?

  4. 4
    Jaime Sommers
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 7:11 am

    If I had been Steph on the date with Brad, the next shot at the sushi restaurant would have featured me vaguely nodding to Brad’s conversation while I hand-chopsticked nibbles off my plate to the Fennec Fox in my lap that I stole from the zoo. “Yes, I love that movie too!” I would lie, snorgling the fox’s huge ears and fluffy coat.

  5. 5
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 10:55 am

    2013 is the year I finally hire my own personal ninja. And then–oh, I can hardly contain the diabolical laughter!–and then, the monster known as Patti Stanger shall cast her hideous shadow over reality TV dating NO MORE!

    (If anyone knows what kind of cookies ninjas like, give a holler. After slaying Patti Stanger, my ninja is going to deserve a special treat. And I’d hate to disappoint my ninja…)

  6. 6
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:12 am

    @NWMTV, not sure, but I think Ninjas would like Ginger SNAPS or chocolate CHIPS.

    They do, however, like pork CHOPS.

  7. 7
    Jackie
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:14 am

    I thought Steph was awful. She had no sense of humor and that voice! Ugh.

    It must be weird going on a date for the person being picked thru the 360-mirror. Brad didn’t have the opportunity to talk with Steph beforehand and was going into it blind.

  8. 8
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:46 am

    It must be weird going on a date after undergoing enhanced interrogation by a failed Real Housewife of Orange County and her two Mall Goth accomplices.

  9. 9
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 11:00 am

    @Squarehead: I havent seen this episode before, but if this chef is who I think you are speaking of her name is Khristianne and on her website she lists Millionaire Matchmaker. So perhaps it’s the same one? Go to the recap for The Taste Ep 1. her photo may be up, then let me know! I love reality show crossovers!

  10. 10
    DJ
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 10:07 am

    @eyediosmio – You’re right. She goes by Chef K. When Irv introduced her, I thought he said Chef Kay. I recognized her but couldn’t remember where I had seen her before. It was on “Chef Wanted: Venice Beach Icon”.

  11. 11
    robert
    Posted March 14, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    I actually like Steph. I would date her in a heart beat if she would give me the time of day. She needs a real Texas person to treat her like a lady. I wish I could meet her in person. I would totally give her what she is looking for. All she wants is respect and a man with a good heart

  12. 12
    Mari83
    Posted April 17, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    Wasn’t Brad a previous \millionaire\?? I thought she kicked him out??

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