Millionaire Matchmaker Recap: Alpha Beta Shonda

I feel bad for John, cuz he’s just trying to get to know the girl a little but remember that she hates the interview questions. Well, volunteer something, then! You don’t have to spew an immediate autobiography, just drop details here and there. Someone interested will pick up on the details and you’ll have a natural conversation. If they don’t pick them up, then move on!

And then they disconnect a bit on religion talk. They advise that you don’t talk about religion on a first date, which is good advice, but it’s also a basic component of compatibility for some people, so it’s not unforgivable. Shonda kinda writes John off after the religion conversation, I think. She keeps up a friendly face for the rest of the date, but there’s no real chemistry. John kisses her hand at the end of dinner. The end.

Okay, let’s wrap this up. Patti calls John to check in (and she does the faux British accent again, so bad!). He says it was fine, but Patti can sense his hesitation. He thinks she’s a fun girl, but he won’t take her out again. No connection.

Shonda comes in to tell her side of things. She enjoyed the date, but she didn’t think they had much in common. But Shonda knows now to pick her dates a little differently, which was her main goal in seeking Patti’s help. That and publicity for Rockstarbikini.com.

Patti calls Jeff to check in, and she’s aghast at the idea of skeet shooting (all versions). It’s not romantic at all. Patti’s, like, angry and pretty much hangs up on him after blaming him for his date not going well. Ha!

Rachel’s skeet impression. (NAUGHTY!!)

Angela arrives to fill everyone in with her big dick. I mean, with her date tale. She loved the skeet shooting date because it let her get all kinds of competitive and dominating, but Jeff wasn’t the right dude for her. Because he turned into a vagina, Patti summarizes. Angela agrees. Patti reminds Angela about Douche Scarf, who wouldn’t have turned into a vagina. But Angela wanted to punch him! Ah, well, as Dr. Pat Allen said to her, “enjoy your spinsterhood” with that approach.

Captions of Truth, what say ye? Shonda and John never saw each other again. Correct. Jeff asked Angela for a second date, and she (skeet) shot him down.

Next week, there’s a mannish woman who doesn’t like PDA at all, and there’s a wrestler guy who might be gay. I don’t know, Patti shakes his hand and tells him to pretend it’s a cock. Whatever. See you next time! (Oh, but remember that next week is some bullshit Bravo Andy special about love. Grrreat.)