Millionaire Matchmaker Recap: Alpha Beta Shonda

Anyway, let’s get to the dinner party, please. Angela’s in a bright yellow dress, while Shonda’s in a softer coral/pink number. Both look very nice for this passel of blokes they’re about to meet. The women are sitting at the bar, having wine and waiting for the dinner thang to start, when Patti brings in Angela’s three guys. That douchey guy with the scarf and heavy overcoat comes in like he’s Russian Mob in NYC in January. Stoopid.

Also, Angela’s false eyelashes are glopping up on her lids and it’s making me nervous.

Shonda’s three dudes arrive. Well, wait, two of them do. Shonda looks excited. (Angela looked tense when her three arrived.) Where’s the third? Oh, Angela, Shonda’s going to wrap her body around your ex. Have a fun night!! (Shonda’s probably not going to even talk to Greg, for fear of Angela’s wrath…though Angela has none. Shonda’s too sweet.)

Anyhoo, each group sits in a round booth to enjoy dinner together. Angela asks the guys why they’re still single. Douche Scarf says it’s because he’s picky. “Hottie” (who actually is pretty cute all of a sudden) says it’s because he’s been so busy growing his business. The unfortunate-faced guy with the big wang says it’s because he keeps meeting women who don’t want to commit. Hmm.

Hot, but he’s got the gel working against him too.

Ryan (Hottie) says he appreciates a woman who knows who she is, knows her strengths. Angela nods. Unfortunate Face/Big Wang asks what Angela’s preference is for the five languages of love. Whoa, buddy. Great question, just way too soon. Douche scarf scoffs at this conversation. He also is selfish about his time (i.e., no thanks on kids!). Angela’s not liking that answer. The other guys are fine about it.

Douche Scarf wants to know racier stuff, so he asks what the wildest thing she’s ever done was. She mentions going to Vegas recently, and then starts to say she writes a blog about sex, but Douche Scarf completely runs her over with trying to be edgy and raw. It’s so annoying. I’m sure weak women think that’s hot, but it’s really just a dick move. Angela admits that he’s coming on super strong. He also asks about her vagina. TOO FUCKING MUCH, BRO.

Over at Shonda’s table, the conversation is a bit milder. And cooperative. Like, one guy asks a question and the next guy bats clean-up. Greg seems to be an interested conversation partner. Not sure he’s interested in her sexually at all, but he’s at least being respectful and trying to get to know her. (And I didn’t mention it before, but Shonda HATES when dates feel like job interviews. I can’t imagine what she’s thinking about this, with THREE guys asking a bazillion questions.) The guy with a two-head instead of a forehead really reminds me of someone. I think it’s Ross from Friends, but I’m not sure. He has an earnest way about him that comes across as very weird.