Millionaire Matchmaker Recap: Alpha Beta Shonda

The British guy asks where she’d like to travel out of the country, and she says London. He barely registers a reaction except to say, “My hometown.” And right about here, she lets the guys know her hatred for interviewing. She admits that in any other scenario, she’d be mad and forcing them to talk about themselves instead. Overall, this is a much better group than Douche Scarf’s. Well, the other two aren’t THAT bad, DS is just that bad.

Patti and Rachel pull Angela aside to get her tips on love, since she’s a dating guru. Oh, WAIT A MINUTE. But seriously, they want to know her thoughts, and her thoughts are mainly that the nasty guy is too domineering. She picks the Unfortunate Face/Big Wang guy. Shonda chooses British John as her date. (The guys will plan the dates, of course!)

In the “We’re Back! No, We’re Not!” segment this week, British John is holding court for the other guys. He does have an authoritative air about him, but I can also tell that he’s a man who thinks he’s hot shit (clever, smart) when he’s only regular temperature shit like the rest of us. The guys don’t seem to mind his bullshit for now, though. He’s probably distracting them from the whole matchmaking at hand. Anyway, he talks about the Five S’s you should look for in a woman: sexy, single, solvent, sober, and sane. Well, he’s right. I’m sure there are others, but that’s a good start. Good job, John.

Master dates, master dates!

Unfortunate Face (okay, we’ll call him Jeff) sent a limo to retrieve Angela for their date, which is at a shooting range. She seems to think this is a weird idea. I guess it is, but I give the guy points for not just doing the ol’ drinks and dinner thing. Besides, this makes better TV. She’s wearing daisy dukes with a button-down. They tell them ahead of time how to dress, right? Or they even style the people for the dates? If I were to be left to my devices, I’d probably have shown up in yoga pants and ratty $1 Old Navy flops.

I LOL when Jeff explains why he chose shooting as a date – to show that he’s not easily rattled, but his inflection is very Valley Girly AND he frantically itches his ear at the end of the declaration, which totally negates its strength. Love it.

So, some guy is going to help them do the whole skeet shooting thing. (And I can never, ever talk about skeet—the clay discs—without thinking of the OTHER skeet. THAT skeet shooting is a total rulebreaker for Patti, unless they’ve talked about monogamy first.) Angela goes first and seems to have some natural skill. She’s authoritative in her “PULL!” and hits most of the pigeons.

Jeff goes next, and he’s not so good. He’s also totally weak when he calls “pull.” Funny, because he chose this to see how SHE reacts to the competition. She’s fine, he’s the one being a little baby. (Well, she’s not “fine,” she’s kinda taunting him too much, but whatever. His bed, he’s lying in it.)