Hey there, ‘Gasmii! It’s another week, which means another new episode of Millionaire Matchmaker! Yay! Let’s get to it!
It’s been a hell of a week—I’m absolutely pooped. And this episode was a bit of a snoozer, except for the whole Dating Game mixer. So please be kind if I’m a little short this week. I’m plumb tuckered out!
Random intro of the week? Patti doing a love seminar at Millionaire’s Club HQ. I love most of her brass knuckles necklace (though what’s underneath it? Oh, a razor blade? With a heart in it? I don’t like that). A girl asks what you do when you’re dating someone and you fall for them, but they’re seeing other people too. “You keep dating other men. Cock will smell cock.” And stop giving him Saturday night. I can see that the girl who wanted to get with Rachel is sitting there too, so this is just more material from that same seminar. Don’t know why I need to mention that, because it’s probably pretty obvious, but I’m a naïve little flower sometimes. By the way, this is all to sell Patti’s DVD or book or something, “Get Married in a Year.”
No shenanigans between Rachel and Destin this time, we just have Patti plopped on a couch and start talking about the millionaires. “Men or women?” Men. “Gay or straight?” One of each. “Mine’s famous,” says Rachel. Who? Some guy from Top Chef Desserts. Okay, that’s barely famous. I didn’t know who he is, and I watch TV regularly AND read gossip magazines.
Yigit is our gay millionaire of the day, and he’s pretty cute even though he has dopey hair and sad/tired eyes. Like, he’s got a gay-hawk or something that starts after a row of very shortly trimmed bangs. I don’t understand. Anyway, Yigit’s opening his pastry shop and writing a book and starring on reality TV shows, so he needs help finding love. Patti reminds herself that he’s a “MIT”—Millionaire in Training. Money is new to him, and he needs to learn new ways around the relationship battlefield.
Then there’s Johnny something. Why is a grown man going by “Johnny”? Anyway, he lives on a yacht with his “best friend”—a dog. He’s got an awkward face and an awkward body and seems very robotic. I wish I could say this episode is exciting because of him, but it’s not. It’s really not. He’s a snoozer. His mouth moves funny. His head doesn’t match his body. He’s weird.
His yacht’s kinda small, even though it’s reportedly got two bedrooms and two bathrooms. He has his own limo, which is at least ten years old and kinda basic (i.e. lame). His dog is the best thing he’s got, a sweet German Shepherd named Claus. They make fun of his limo, like he thinks it’s an extension of his own schlong. “Does he have a driver, or does he drive it himself?”