Millionaire Matchmaker Recap: Jimmy Hats (but no hats)

Recaps

By SexyPanda | Saturday, January 26, 2013 | 2:34 pm | 7 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Millionaire Matchmaker, Recaps

“What…did I dip…my hair ends in?”

So who’s the other chump of the week? Also Jim, a grizzled guy with greasy-yet-dry blonde hair. His mouth fascinates me from this moment forward. Also his way of speaking. Otherwise, I can’t stand the guy. He’s not so bad at first, but just you wait.

Anyway, Jim2 is from Scotsdale, AZ. He owns what I’m guessing is a high-interest/low-faith auto loan business. You know, the ones that charge you 40% interest on a loan for 14 years so they can suck every penny out of you and make you cry? All because you had some trouble with some other bills a few years ago and just need a stupid car to get to your stupid job? That kinda thing, I bet.

Oops. Wrong. The summary on Google says it’s an auto loan company for classic and exotic cars. So, the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Sorry! It’s financing for rich dudes who don’t want to part with their stocks and bonds but want an old Rolls.

Oh, and what’s this shit Jim2 says about his net worth being anywhere between 7.5 and 15 million dollars? That’s like me saying my new worth is somewhere between two hundred and 3 million dollars. Somewhere in there. I’m sure it’s actually a business-y way of referring to things, but in reality TV land where viewers like me are dumbasses, it doesn’t work.

Patti’s really snarky about this guy as he talks about his 14,000 sq ft house, quipping that he’d never be able to afford something that nice in LA, yadda yadda. She gets the bad vibes from this one, I think.

Jim2 also collects cars (makes sense, given his business), and thus starts the matchmakers in trying to see how alike Jim1 and Jim2 are. They both collect cars, and…oh, they both like Charlize Theron! Well, lucky Charlize! Didn’t she split from her longtime dude not recently? (Look at me pretending to still have an US Weekly subscription.) She’s available, boys!

Anyway, Patti’s all agog at the similarities, as though she has absolutely nothing to do with how this show is set up or put together. “How amazing is it that my producers chose two men with the same name and similar interests to be on the same show? Oh my goodness golly!”

Jim2 is really impressed with himself when it comes to his physique. And honestly, he’s earned that a bit. He’s definitely a butter-face, but I gotta give the body credit. Though I LOL at Destin’s “Whoa!” reaction when he says he’s in the gym five days a week. Five? That’s something to find incredible? I’m in the gym five times a week, bro!

Not Sexypanda. I’m a girl!

Jim2 is also really impressed with his own perfectionism. He seems proud to share that his family refers to his home as a museum. See, he’s a little particular about everything having its own spot. Which is fine. That’s just being a neatnik. But then he brags about how the women he dates often become neater and have “more discipline” because of dating him. Ew. The last thing I want to take away from a romantic relationship is an enhanced sense of discipline.

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About

Time for an update! I used to be a tall, athletic editor who lived on the East coast. Oh, I still am, only now I've gained back all the weight I lost, which changes my life-tone quite a bit. Now that I'm married, I have a lot less time to watch Bravo and Food network. We usually end up watching Big Bang Theory reruns ("all of my friends, all of my friends, all of my friends") or Wipeout. Or WWE Raw. Wow. How life has changed!  Join me as we chat about my breast friend Patti Stanger and her love minions. Or maybe we'll talk about art during Work of Art. Whatever we're watching, don't be shy--tell me what you think!

7 Comments

  1. 1
    Tmurda
    Posted January 26, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    I, too, hate when Patti calls a girl a “spinner”. I don’t neccessarily think it’s rude, it’s just one of those things (much like the penis-getting-off-the-couch with praying hands raising thing, or the “you can’t go in, in, or in” thing pointing to her vag, butt, then mouth) that Patti came up with and started saying cause she thinks it’s REALLY funny and clever….but it’s not.
    What I DO think is really fucking rude is how she comes off all mamma bear to the women, obsessing over the millionares being gentlemenly, and comforting them when they’ve had a traumatizing date with one by saying “awe! Don’t worry, i’ll set you up with a great guy, promise!”, but she completely uses some auditionees as her little “tests”. Granted, the majority of the women are gold-diggers who will pretend any millionare is interesting and NOT hideous , no matter how un-interesting and disgusting they are, for a shot at his cash, BUT it’s still not ok. Patti has no problem using her “tests”, wasting a signifigant amount of time at an evening at an evening mixer, then a day&night date. I guess Patti only requires the men to show them respect, not herself. Way to show a good “women should be treated like gold” example, Patti!
    I also was annoyed by dude’s claiming the chick had awful table manners. I have seen BAD table manners! Hers were not. At all.
    Racheal and Destin’s name is Sin? Maybe cute little Sin will one day get a baby sister named Rape! So cute.
    Awesome recap!!!

  2. 2
    Tmurda
    Posted January 26, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    *I meant racheal and destin’s KID’S name.

  3. 3
    TallGirl
    Posted January 27, 2013 at 11:30 am

    SexyPanda,
    I did a double-take when I saw this show. I actually used to know Jim2 about 30 years ago. We worked out at the same gym. Back then, he was a cute guy with a good bod and a terrific personality. Don’t know what the heck has happened to him in the intervening years to make him so weird. Maybe because it’s his brother, Jay, that was married to Jenna Jameson, and he sued both of them for defrauding him on money he loaned them for a business venture.
    Saw a blog where Jim2 was dating a “stunning” girl at the time of the filming, did the show as a “favor” to one of the producers whom he knows. His gf knew he was doing the show. Maybe that explains why he picked someone who was an obvious “Fail” and also harder for someone who doesn’t speak English well to call him out on his sh*t. He REEKS of insecurity, and if you check out the Bravo site, Patti’s “theta healer” even tells him that his perfectionism has its roots in insecurity. In a Disney movie, he’d have a woman with 5 unruly kids and multiple pets move in with him to cure him of all his perfectionism. Don’t you feel sorry for his cleaning crew????

  4. 4
    Parker
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    That freak from AZ should have known that the German girl was not for him. For crying out loud, he’s a biz man and can’t even seal the deal with the right woman? Also, what’s with the 20K Q about her coming to the US. Can’t he be creative and ask her about her likes & dislikes, what movies she’s seen lately, where’s she traveled to, what’s her favorite food… etc. Patty thinks that 8-pack Jim learned his lesson? Hello? This guy is a total freak-a-zone. Nope, he’s not learning anything but how to stroke his ego. Selma is cute but her boobs are soooo fake. But, then again… I’m not a dude, so I guess I can’t really have an opinion about that, right? Right? Right! The real winner is Patty. Go Patty go…

  5. 5
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 8:38 am

    Hola sexy panda! Glad to have you back, and it was my pleasure filling in! So funny the way you pronounced ay dios mio, but I have to say I mispronounced EVERYTHING in Spanish, but now I have a Spanish husband to set me straight in all things Latino.

    This show is so great in a trainwreck sorta way. Love it!

    Keep up the LOL’s!

  6. 6
    DJ
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 8:22 am

    @Tmurda – The German girl looked like a little kid learning to use a knife and fork for the first time. She held the fork in a weird way and picked up the knife by the blade instead of the handle.

  7. 7
    Parker
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    Yeah, actually I agree she looked a bit awkward holding the knife and fork. Germans use the knife and fork differently than in the US, but she did not hold them in the German manner. I have no idea what she was trying to do. May be she was just insecure or clueless about what to do.

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