Hola, ‘Gasmii! Did you get your ombre extensions installed in time for this week’s Millionaire Matchmaker? I lost all my extra weight using Sensa and bought a Kelly bag. Let’s go talk about it!
No super-random intro this week, just a regular random intro, with Patti strolling in wearing a bra-tap kind of bustier. Like, black satin long-line bra. Like what I wore under my wedding dress, only in white. Yep, that’s her top, under a fitted blazer. So sex-ay. She mentions how she started reading 50 Shades of Gray, which would have been a relevant topic at least a year ago. I just feel bad for her now, trying to talk about it. (She wants to know where the sex is. I agree!)
So who are we matching up this week? First up is Mitch something, an NFL player from Vancouver. He’s got an easygoing personality, it seems, and he also seems pretty hunky. So why the hell does he need Patti? By the way, my husband makes sure I note that he’s “only a punter.” Any NFL player who’s ONLY worth $6 million and who was playing for 16 years or however long it was is probably not a big-time on-the-field-all-the-time player. I think there’s a term for that, but Mr. SexyP is downstairs watching Big Bang Theory, so I’m on my own here. Oh, later, when he mentions his satellite radio show, I realize why he’s on the show.
Patti makes some quip about Mitch being 6’4” and hot with a big cock. Rachel’s like, “How do you know he’s got a big cock?” Someone jokes that Patti has cock-dar. She’s like, “I just know, when they’re size 10 or above. Destin, what size are you?” “10.” He’s on the cusp! By the way, folks, shoe size has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with cock size. Nothing. Not one thing.
“Boop….Boop….tune in, Tokyo! Wait, wrong reference…”
Oh wait, Mitch’s intro video is still going. He’s talking about a lot of women are takers, and while he’s a giver, it’s nice to be given something sometimes too. See, level-headed and attractive, he really is only on the show for publicity. Oh, and his celebrity crush is Jessica Biel. And he wants to settle down and have a family. Okay, okay, got it, Mitch. Jeez.
Patti’s take on Mitch is that he’s a Peter Pan, a man-child who’s only growing up now. He was in a non-monogamous profession, and now he wants to settle down. So she’s got to find him his Wendy.
Did Wendy and Peter Pan have sex? I never really liked the movie or paid attention to the story that closely.
I’m guessing no.
Then there’s Joe. Oh, Joe. Back last week when we first saw his ugly mug on the previews, I said to myself, “Panda? You know that guy. You know him somehow. You may even know him personally. It’s that eerie of a feeling. You KNOW this guy.” But I couldn’t place him. (Don’t you hate that?)
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10