Why hello, ‘Gasmic friends! So glad to see you back for another round of Millionaire Matchmaker! This one was pretty good, so I’ll stop introducing and start recapping!
Random intro of the week greets Rachel and Destin playing with some Ugly Meter app on the iPad. Rachel makes Destin do it, and he looks good and angry in the photo it takes, which makes me laugh. He scored a 20 out of 100, which ain’t bad (100 is totally ugly, right? Or is zero ugly? Shit, I need to know!). Anyway, the app says Destin’s face is “borderline offensive.” I like that insult, I’m going to use it soon. My giggles turn to all out laughter when Patti arrives at work, asking what’s going on. “I’m ugly,” Destin grumps. LOL.
Okay, so who are we hooking up this week? Right away, we meet Rachel’s guy first, who is a wrestler guy named Matt. (I saved my recap under the file name “wrestler guy ep,” by the way.) He’s a 28 year old sand and gravel magnate in Arkansas whose motto is “24/7/365.” Oh, so he’s a convenience store? Awesome. Let’s watch the intro video.
First of all, this guy reminds me of a douchebag I work with, the former football star who’s washed up and drinking by 3PM on the daily. He’s walked around our parking garage at work in just a windbreaker with no shirt. He routinely wears button-down shirts with no undershirt, half-unbuttoned. His pants are too short. He once changed from flip-flops into his work shoes and his flops sat undisturbed in the parking garage for a week. Like, I parked next to them for a week. He does the bro-nod to everyone, calls people “chief” and “buddy,” or approaches groups of women with “What’s up, girls?” The girls he’s talking to are usually 50+. Wow, that was a lot about this quasi-Vince Vaughn guy I work with, but his tale had to be told.
So Millionaire Matt is wearing some black-camo blazer with a purple t-shirt. He’s got a cute accent, though, I’ll give him that. He refers to his hometown as Russ-Vegas (I think it’s actually Russelville or something?), then calls himself “the prize bass, stud stallion of the natural state.” Okay. Destin cackles at this declaration. When he tells us about his wrestling stuff, a pic of him in a white bathing suit thing comes up, and Patti says, “He looks like a big baby in a diaper.” And he does! Apparently, he’s a well-enough ranked wrestler. I’m newly into wrestling (what else is there to watch on Friday nights? We flip between that and Wipeout), so I’m interested. Tell us more.
Then he rambles about being a small-town country boy, but believes he can find love in LA. Sure, no sweat, it’s not a land of fakery and deceit at all. His celebrity crush is Anna Kendrick, whom I have to Google since I don’t immediately know who that is. And he loves when women fight over him (and they do?). Huh. Patti gives him the side-eye. She thinks he’s going to have to tone down the hack wrestler bit and grow some sophistication if he’s going to be successful with love in LA.