Millionaire Matchmaker Recap: Touchin’ and Wrasslin’

Recaps

By SexyPanda | Friday, February 22, 2013 | 9:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Millionaire Matchmaker, Recaps

Bell! Matt eliminates Esther, the other sister, because she’s a stand-up comedian. He doesn’t like that. Aimee sacks the younger guy.
Then we get a montage of the bell ringing. The other stand-up girl is gone, then the model/actress chick, then the squinchy-faced little one I didn’t mention from the casting session. Aimee eliminates the carpenter Jesus (who looks like a member of Erasure, if you ask me) because he likes dogs. REALLY? He’s like, “THANK YOU.”

Together we’ll be, my baby, break the chains of love!

So Aimee’s left with Paolo and Ken. Matt will choose between Vanessa and Shelise. Time for mini-dates!

Shelise and Matt meet up first, and it’s not too bad. She seems really sweet, and reading her weird facial cues is interesting. They talk about her goals in life, about her ability to cook, and just about nothing about Matt. But that seems right, if he’s doing the picking.
Ken and Aimee meet first, and he seems like a pretty decent guy. His internet business? It’s something with adding on a charitable contribution when you get your friend a gift card through his site. That’s pretty nice. Aimee converses normally, but you know she doesn’t like Ken and wants to pick Paolo, so moving on.

Vanessa and Matt have a good chat on their mini-date. Like, they seem more natural, and Vanessa’s actually a small-town girl. She’s got lots of tats, but she feels like she’s got good values from going up in the Midwest. Matt asks if she’d cover up the tattoos to meet his mom. She smiles and agrees. If you’re asking me, I think he should pick her.

Aimee and Paolo get to chat. I wonder if Patti coached him to touch Aimee a lot on the mini-date, because he is. He taps her knee to punctuate a joke, and let’s not forget the cheek kiss he offered when he first walked in. He’s only 36? He looks older than that. I think it’s the too-long Andy Garcia in “When a Man Loves a Woman” hair. Sorry, friend.

Anyway, I wonder if Aimee feels better about the touching because she’s not at a bar or officially on a date. Like, Patti set it up so it’s safe? She doesn’t seem to be too disturbed. As she said, “I came here prepared to be touched.” HAHAHAHA Paolo keeps talking in this weird affected voice that’s TOO EXCITED! And it’s weird.

So who’d they choose? Matt picked Shelise! And, of course, Aimee picked Paolo.

In the “We’re Back! No, We’re Not!” segment this week, we get treated to the full Matt Riviera sales pitch. It’s all footage of him wrestling and him talkin’ up his manliness. They cut between him doing his schtick (“a man who knows how to dress…a man who knows how to count money..”) (wait, there are men who don’t know how to count money? This schtick is schtupid.) and Patti going, “bullshit! Bullshit bullshit bullshit.”

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
About

Time for an update! I used to be a tall, athletic editor who lived on the East coast. Oh, I still am, only now I've gained back all the weight I lost, which changes my life-tone quite a bit. Now that I'm married, I have a lot less time to watch Bravo and Food network. We usually end up watching Big Bang Theory reruns ("all of my friends, all of my friends, all of my friends") or Wipeout. Or WWE Raw. Wow. How life has changed!  Join me as we chat about my breast friend Patti Stanger and her love minions. Or maybe we'll talk about art during Work of Art. Whatever we're watching, don't be shy--tell me what you think!

12 Comments

  1. 1
    Wendy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    This episode was cute. I thought Matt should have picked the other girl, but it looks like he got along well with his date.

    Definitely looking forward to next week’s episode. Looks like it’s going to be a train wreck!

  2. 2
    Jaime Sommers
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    Did anyone else get a “in 30 years” tall praying mantis Ann from America’s Next Top Model vibe? Ann was the super tall super awkward deep-voiced model who had zero sexual energy. I got the same thing from Aimee–Some people just give off a neutered stuffed animal feeling to me. Poor lady :(

    Great recap Sexy Panda! Also, I’m a completely straight female, but I think you’re very pretty!

    I can’t wait to see Robin next week. Her sloppy fat date with Luke the Plumber was discomfort GOLD

  3. 3
    L Chienne
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 7:00 am

    lol re Ann. She was surprised every time she won, though. Very humble. Aimee was painful to watch because she thought she was sexy and deserving of hot men. ::shivers::

  4. 4
    Casey
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 8:29 am

    Matt’s line about the jacuzzi, patron, and subway cookies made me laugh out loud.

    I also am soooo excited for next week. just looking at that picture of her huge smile with no lips makes me laugh

  5. 5
    Claire
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    The story about your co worker was hilarious

  6. 6
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    @Sexy Panda ROFL Too bad your co worker’s not a millionaire. It sounds like he’d be a great episode. If Patti didn’t pull a Zolciak and yank her mike off and run out hollering.

    When Aimee 1st started going on about boys touching her I had to go slap my rusted out old gaydar a couple of times in case it was trying to beep.

    But after she talked about it some more I got it. She’s been mostly going on 1st dates with boys she’s not really attracted to. And everybody knows how awkward that is. If somebody that’s been auto-friendzoned from the get go so much as holds your hand.

    The wrestler kind of reminded me of Sean from the Bachelor. Not his looks. But the old ways he keeps. The girl he picked was probably the closest Patti could come up with.

    I can’t wait for the return of Hello Kitty next week!

  7. 7
    TNTlover
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    I CANNOT wait for the return of Hello Kitty. My hubbie and I still quote, \Maserati, Dukati…\.

  8. 8
    NatPatBen
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 6:27 am

    You have beautiful eyes!

    When the bell rang, they were saying any non-physical reason to get rid of who they didn’t want, I think… even if that reason isn’t actually something that’s a negative to them.

    I thought her choice of shoe was odd for a dancing date. Those shoes did not look comfortable for dancing. Also, her style of dress bares too much.

    I find the Hello Kitty woman cringe-worthy.

  9. 9
    SexyPanda
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 7:00 am

    Thanks, everyone!

    I should have added to the coworker tale that he likes to answer, when asked how he’s doing, “Livin’ the dream.” Oh, yeah? Your dream entails driving a broke-ass POS and creeping girls out? Awesome for you! Living the dream. Stupid.

    I hope Aimee got something from this. I remember being paralyzed earlier in my dating days about the first kiss. For a while, it was this great white whale that freaked me the fuck out and made me awful on dates. Then I somehow got over it and dating turned into no big deal. Maybe Aimee’s on her way…

  10. 10
    whorewatcher
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    Such a great recap! And LOVED the co-worker story. Everybody has worked with/met a guy like that at some point. I worked with a guy who would never just say, “I’m going to the gym.” It was always, “Going to LIFT today.” Sheesh.

  11. 11
    Jason
    Posted February 25, 2013 at 11:50 am

    Aimee struck me as a socially awkward dork with the sex appeal of day old chicken mcnuggets. The way she referred to reestyle dancing as if it were some well-known genre was sad and pathetic.

  12. 12
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted February 25, 2013 at 9:25 pm

    @SexyPanda I know what you mean. What I used to do was take refuge in the friendly kiss both cheeks custom. Whether it was a date or not.

    That way if I’d friend zoned the guy, when he moved in, I’d grab him and give him the same double cheeks kiss he’d seen me give girls, boys, Drag Queens and their Auntie MeeMaw.

    But have one foot already back, so right after the kiss you just shift your weight, twirl, wave, smile big and in the door!

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.