Mini-Cap: Most Eligible Dallas

Greetings, Gasmii!  Just like Nads, promised, last night’s finale of Most Eligible Dallas delivered in a HUGE way, across the board!

Make sure you pick that wedgie before you walk off into the sunset!

When we last checked in with our love lorn Texans:  Ken Doll (Matt) broke up with Hot Mama (Neill) at the not so subtle machinations of his best friend/stalker, The Shrew (Courtney) and as a result, he still started looking at her in a different light, inviting her on a weekend getaway.  Baldy McSixPack (Glenn) sent his ex-girlfriend back to California only to realize just how much of a catch she is amid all the hoochies and sluts throwing themselves at his ridiculously cut abs.  Leatherface (Tara) continued to take things to further with Mr. AARP as they exchanged the L word.  And Dick Stick (Drew) hooked up with a random dude at a club with Twinkie Ex witnessing the whole thing (even if we were denied the privilege), and any hope of a happily ever after for the two of them was dashed to smithereens.

The focus for the finale, obviously, was the “will they?”/”won’t they?” dilemma brewing between The Shrew and Ken Doll.  Following the gala, Leatherface and The Shrew go to a spa to get drunk on cheap wine and float in salt water.  There, Leatherface brings up the gossip about The Shrew and Ken Doll going away together, not so subtly suggesting that they should hook up.  Meanwhile, Ken Doll goes to throw a football around with Baldy McSixPack and his punter friend.  Like Leatherface, Baldy has heard the rumors and adds his two cents to the mix, observing that they’re totally into each other and they should bone.

The big weekend getaway arrives, and they drive out to the future site of the Nordgren Lakeside Compound.  They sit by the lake holding hands, and after the sun goes down, they roast s’mores, feed each other sloppily, and lick chocolate and marshmallow off each other’s faces.  Fortunately, no one got burned.  “Coincidentally” (ahem!), a wedding is being celebrated nearby, and an impromptu, romantic fireworks display adds to the ambiance.  Afterwards, they move to the hot tub, where Ken Doll makes his move.  He spouts a bunch of lines, snuggles up to her in the water, puts her hands on his shoulders and goes in for the kiss.  And, ladies and gentlemen, WHAT A FUCKING KISS!!!!  It’s not often you watch two people kiss and actually feel the electricity between them, but my pulse quickened at that moment, and I’m a jaded, cynical mofo!  Later on, Ken Doll walks her back to her room, and when it becomes clear he’s not getting an invite in, he backs the Shrew up against the wall for HOT KISS #2!

In the light of day and free from alcohol lowered inhibitions, they awkwardly return to Dallas, not really sure where things stand.  When the group gathers for Hot Mama’s musical debut, they downplay their obvious newfound attraction, but we get a glimpse of where things are headed with them, as they sneak off to kiss some more in private.

In other news, Hot Mama’s band, Kitty La La, isn’t half bad (although my perception could have been distorted by what just went down with Ken Doll and The Shrew), Baldy Mc SixPack skips town early to pursue things with Lucky Ex, Dick Stick finally professes his love to Twinkie Ex only to be completely shot down and dismissed, and Mr. AARP continues to his lower middle class seduction of Leatherface by taking her to dinner at a gas station (albeit, it’s supposedly a landmark, 5 star restaurant).  And finally, in a random epilogue to the season, Leatherface learns of Mr. AARP’s ultimate betrayal…. that he’s still married!!!  HAHAHAHA!!!!

Join me later for the full recap.  Also, I missed WWHL, so feel free to fill me in on the gossip in the comments.  I’ll try to catch a repeat later on this week.